Teacher: I went home crying again today

[Elendel]

...because I got pulled up on using one wrong word (in context, and I am EAL) while a class of youngsters were able to use whatever tone and language they thought was fine with them at the time. I defended my stance, used one wrong word among many spoken in an effort to defuse the situation, and it was me who got pulled into a meeting over my language, not the kid who was in the wrong and ultimately defended by their peers through so many accusations.

Today I, an experienced teacher, am broken. I got told that I, as an adult, should have used a different way of approaching something the student instigated. I am unable to leave. But boy... I saw a car crash on the way home and for a split second I wished that had been me.

I am better now, I do not need help. But if you have children, teach them that other people - teachers - are human, too. Because I am held to such a high standard while displayed violence and verbal abuse are just everyday occurrences for me.

I don't think the mortgage would be an issue with changing jobs, your existing lender won't even check your income if you go onto a new deal with them come renewal time. The six months probationary might be scary but as a PP pointed out there is always supply work out there. Maybe consider all the pro's/con's to staying and to changing schools before you rule out leaving.

Go to the GP, get signed off with stress OP and get job hunting for another school. You are not being supported, and you desperately need that when you work in a school! Believe me, I know x

Sorry but you’re utterly clueless about teaching. She also didn’t use bad language- she told the child to wait until break to eat because - as is usual in schools - she wasn’t informed that the child was one who didn’t actually get food at home. However, if she’d actually been in an observation, formal or otherwise (which are relentless btw) then she would have been dragged over hot coals for not pulling a child up for eating in lessons.

For those telling me I'm abusive, while children are not allowed to eat in lessons anyway (and those children just came back from lunch), it's due to health and safety reasons that I absolutely have to insist on no eating and drinking in my room.

In the same lesson, a student had sustained an injury the lesson before and I was on her side, on the phone, trying to get medical staff to understand that she really did need an ice pack (it was denied). I am not cruel.

But I also frequently have students eating just because they feel like it. One in particular keeps coming in with a multipack of food he then proceeds to hand out to others - despite warnings and the aforementioned blanket rule on eating.

I used to have an eating disorder, probably still do as it's recurring. I know what they're like. I also had many other psychological issues at school. You know what I didn't do? Abuse my teachers over it. But then I do have a very stringent sense of fairness.

Quit.

Some rough/challenging schools are supportive of their teachers. SLT are around and active.

Some rough/challenging schools are not supportive of their teachers. SMT are office bound. They come out to firefight - but aim their hoses at the wrong people.

Your school seems to be the latter.

Other schools are available.

Not all schools are like this - find another where you will be backed !!!!

I’m a teacher too, and whilst I really feel for you, a few things don’t ring true for me.

1. Why are you not a member of a union? It’s a basic responsibility for you to protect yourself.
2. Why did you not do a call out before the behaviour reached this level?
3. If you’ve asked for support, why is it not forthcoming? (Actually back to join a union!!)

Are you in the UK? It doesn’t quite feel like it.

Why are you not a member of a union? It’s a basic responsibility for you to protect yourself.

I am not a union, but in a body with the same legal protection without the political funding. It sits better with me on an ethical level, but also means that in-school unionisation isn't happening. My colleagues are not active union members, unlike in my previous school, so it made sense to switch.

Why did you not do a call out before the behaviour reached this level?

I did... I have asked for support with this particular set for months...

If you’ve asked for support, why is it not forthcoming? (Actually back to join a union!!)

Because behaviour across the school is dire and it's not priority what goes on in my classroom, because, in general, behaviour there is better than in many other classrooms. Because there are no staff to help out on anything approaching a regular level. Because we're in such a bad situation that, in many cases, any respiring body in front of the kids will do - just like many schools in the area.

I am in England, yes.

I agree. It doesn’t feel right but maybe OP isn’t in the U.K. or is at a niche kind of school like a religious one.

Otherwise it makes no sense why they haven’t joined a union especially as their job became very stressful.

OP what was your motivation to choose teaching in the UK and not your native country?

OP--I feel your pain. I know a teacher who was targeted to try and get them fired because, they, gasp, expected the students to behave. When one kid wasn't allowed to leave class early because he "was not on the list", he and his brother and their friends made that teacher's life hell on earth. They were not even the person responsible for the list, just the teacher who had that student in their class at that time.

That teacher is now in the business sector with less stress and no worry about their safety. But, the cry for "we need more teachers" is still going on, with the clueless in charge not understanding why teachers are leaving and colleges not producing enough to fill the void.

The school appears to be badly managed because they are not tackling the problem of badly behaved pupils. You need mental health support which the school should be able to access.

Lovely, you’re talking about abusive teaching tactics from the dinosaur era. You mentioned 2 so called success stories, of past pupils but what about all the adults who had their self esteem blighted in childhood by a vile teacher, their hopes and dreams along with it.

Renew your mortgage deal and the. Immediately look for another job. It’s not worth being unhappy at work. Good luck.

It’s the hardest of careers. Historically teaching was a vocation, not now. The teacher is expected to keep everyone happy. Times have changed re pupils behaviour and expectations. The parents generally don’t support the school discipline and children have too much say.

The head will want a quiet life. You will get no support from school because they are all trying to survive themselves. They will say they understand.
Please don’t make yourself ill. Have a few weeks sick leave - perhaps Covid(?) This will not improve - children know their teachers weakness.
I was where you are.
Best wishes for the future.

This is so true . I got pulled up for jokingly calling a child a muppet instead of giving him a detention, in 2005 when it was being used everywhere.
the parents said you can cane him but don’t call him a muppet 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️
I gave up teaching ( the job I loved) 10 years ago . I was classed as an outstanding teacher. I didn’t do it quickly enough it had already taken its toll and unbeknownst to me I had severe anxiety and ME , five years on I had a stroke . No walking or talking. Five years on I’m operating in a tiny world where if I’m ok I can do something for an hour or so . But if not it’s bed everyday.

If you don’t want to leave teaching, Change schools try to do a different type of teaching or get counselling to support you through , give you ideas for new strategies and keep your confidence up knowing you are making the correct decisions. You can retire at 55 with a slightly reduced pension.

all the very best to you .

I used to teach Secondary (11-16) it was a school with a high level of poverty. I had personal items stolen, car vandalism, name calling. A useless head and weak middle management. I changed schools eventually by going to an agency. Now I couldn’t be happier. You are not a punch bag or a dart board. Change schools. You have a lot to offer.

Can I suggest counselling for yourself so you have some support and an outlet for your feelings. I did this as a foster carer not because of the children but because of the inhuman way social workers behaved towards me. I managed to turn things around in three months. I remained a foster carer and kids are now 18 and 20 years and still with me. Counselling is something you do for yourself. Take care

@Snuggleyou That comment is particularly callous considering it has been ruled Ofsted were a factor in Ruth Perry’s suicide.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-67639942.amp

@Elendel

The problem with moving jobs is the 6 month probation period every school now seems to have, in which I could lose my job with as little as a week's notice, given some contracts I've seen. That job insecurity doesn't look good to my mortgage provider, surely?

When is your mortgage review/renewal? Are you able to hang in there until that's completed and you have a new mortgage term before making a move elsewhere? Perhaps use that interim period to investigate what teaching (including supply teacher jobs and non-teaching) jobs are available for when you decide you've actually had enough? Also check what benefits you might be eligible for if it came to that (www.entitledto.co.uk), universal credit etc if you were not kept on after the six months (although my understanding is that good teachers are in short supply). Perhaps ACAS can advise you or the "union" body you've joined? Or talk to a recruitment consultant for the teaching profession as a way of gaining information?

Long term I can't see that working in your current school, where you are so undermined, unappreciated and unsupported) is good for your mental health. Good luck for the future OP. 🌹

Get out. I taught for 30 years so have sympathy.
they don't deserve you. You slipped up, nobody got hurt and now the kids have the upper hand.

Clearly there is severe deprivation - possibly neglect underlying the extreme misbehaviour of the kid in question. What is the school doing to address this and why aren't all teachers part of the joint effort? Oh easier to just blame one individual teacher. Is poor management. Find another school.

My daughter's D&T teacher at parents evening said thank you to me because my daughter behaves well in his class. Makes me wonder what he has to put with from other kids.

I don't know what OP said but teachers are put in awful positions. I ended up doing supply rather than teach full-time - and that was a financial burden then and now (pension affected) but better than facing children who have no self-discipline and no regard for anyone but themselves in schools where actually enforcing a discipline code hardly works. I would leave that school and find a different job entirely - and never set foot in a school again. Also let the school know why you are leaving: total lack of support for discipline by teachers.

I find this disingenuous. We must forgive X child because they are having a hard time and so misbehave. The rest of the class are also having a hard time, and they behave. The disruptor is wrecking the education of the other children in the class (who will also take their tone from that child so lose out doubly) and such a child should be excluded, permanently if necessary. Schools do this all the time, blaming teachers for being boring, unexciting, using the wrong words etc. rather than deal with the obvious problem of children disrupting lessons all the time. Remove those children, not the teachers. The school will become a much nicer place if it is clear that there is no excuse for bad behaviour. So you didn't get breakfast? Nor did anyone else in your class, and they are not acting up so you don't either. (And if the home situation is so bad that social services are needed, call in social services.)