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Original poster

Work affair- just had a text

159 replies

Reesescheeses · 08/12/2023 18:24

A work friend I am generally quite close to has just messaged me to say that she’s been having an affair with one of the senior managers and he’s left his wife for her and they are now an item.

I haven’t replied because I feel quite shocked! It’s none of my business really but he is around 30 years her senior (she’s is in her 30s and makes no secret of the fact she wants kids) and he has a small child with his wife. He is nearly 70! Plus he has a reputation for hitting on any of the females under 40 in our department.

My honest feelings are wtf does she see in this much older man who is willing to break up his family because she’s younger and more physically attractive than his wife. It’s made me look at her differently and in all honesty I don’t want to go to dinner with her next week (as planned) while she excitedly talks about him.

How do I navigate this? Just lie that it’s very exciting and start planning double dates with them!!? Or be honest that I’m a bit worried for her and risk her cutting me off?

OP posts:

MrsLighthouse · 09/12/2023 12:17

I might reply …”Wow that sounds messy ! How are you going to navigate his contact with his ex and child over Christmas ? And the negative reactions from people ! “ to me, her answer would speak volumes .

whowhatwerewhy · 09/12/2023 12:42

I would say " oh I had herd the office gossip that the dirty old git had hit on one of the younger staff again , didn't realise it was you . "

newnamethanks · 09/12/2023 13:13

As above. And ditch her. She'll be snivelling on the phone soon enough.

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Relationship problems

Ramalangadingdong · 09/12/2023 13:22

Justfinking · 09/12/2023 07:05

I agree with this, I'm shocked how so many people would be so judgemental with their friends and quick to ditch them. No one is perfect, we all make mistakes and you don't know what is really happening in any situation. Be a friend, you don't always have to agree with their choices.

Show quote history

I’m sorry but I would be judgemental about this and am unapologetic about it. It would be very triggering for me as my father abandoned us as small kids. We never saw him again. He just completely forgot about us. The damage that does is indescribable. Each to their own, but I would need a friend who behaved like this to leave me out of it. No support from me, I’m afraid.

Theimpossiblegirl · 09/12/2023 13:33

You could ask her what attracted her to the rich man who's probably only got a few years left...

They both sound like awful people, I wouldn't continue the friendship.

StaunchMomma · 09/12/2023 13:45

He's left his wife and small child just before Christmas? What a catch.

I'd be tempted to send her this then dip out of the friendship.

Just awful.

StaunchMomma · 09/12/2023 13:48

No one is perfect, we all make mistakes...

True, BUT we all have the choice of whether to be an utter c**t or not.

StaunchMomma · 09/12/2023 13:51

Reesescheeses · 08/12/2023 20:32

Not one single person has said I should support her. I guess that’s unanimous. It’s just such a shock to me and so unbelievably out of character for her.

I really don’t want to make things awkward at work - for myself more than anyone else. I will be honest that I feel really uncomfortable about the situation and will keep the daily chat to a non-personal level without being hostile.

Thanks for all the useful comments. I won’t come back to the thread so troll hunters can rest at ease- I’m not making this up for entertainment.

I do think you can be honest and keep your integrity while working with her, OP.

Just ask her to respect your boundaries by not talking to you about their relationship at all.

You don't have to pander to them or appear to support them in order for it not to be awkward at work.

Don't message her back. She'll soon get the hint.

Calliopespa · 09/12/2023 14:12

Runnerduck34 · 09/12/2023 09:57

If its a friendship you value I wouldn't cut her off like some are suggesting.
Friends are there for each other.
You don't know full picture- wife could have thrown him out.
He obviously isn't a catch- huge age gap, serial adultery. Number of kids with different women..
Money and power can turn heads for the wrong reason.
No doubt he is good at saying the right thing, your friend may be vulnerable, have low esteem, had difficult insecure childhood.
A friend of mine got into a similar situation but was basically looking for security love and a father figure.
So I would express concern for her welfare more than anything else. We all make bad choices but I think this is on the man who has wife and kids and he is likely to repeat his bad behaviour, although possibly the older he is he may be more faithful (or have less opportunity!) But he wouldn't be someone I'd want kids with and if this is important to her I wouldn't waste time on him so I would warn her off him for a number of reasons but stand by her to pick up pieces. If she works for him it would be better for her to find a new job.

If she is looking for a “ father figure” she would do well to consider what kind of father figure this guy has been to his actual child, let alone a “bedable” one. I agree that sometimes you need to be there for friends who have made mistakes. But as this person obviously hadn’t involved OP until this very late stage, I don’t know that it really falls to OP to provide either comfort or counsel- especially as OP’s own employment is tied up in the same establishment. I’d stay civil OP but keep off the topic.

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