What would you do if an overweight relative kept breaking your furniture?

[AlittleBitOfApple]

My partner has a very overweight family member, I am not being mean. I would say they are most definitely in excess of 20+stone, potentially over 25. This is the second time they have broken a piece of furniture.
The furniture is brand new and we paid for insurance on it which doesn't have an excess and unlimited claims for 5 years. So at least it won't cost us anything to get it fixed.
I am going to have call the furniture company on Monday and ask them to come out and look at our sofa because its clearly broken. You can feel it when you sit on it/its creaking and its the bit they always sit on when they come to visit. Its a 2k sofa so not a cheap one.
It makes me feel uncomfortable having them in my house because I am worried about things getting damaged. How on earth do you broach with someone that they are breaking your things with their weight? They are very defensive about it and I know if we said something it would affect the relationship my DP has with them. Equally I think they would try and deny it and say their sofa is fine etc. Both times it has happened we didn't notice until after they had gone. For example with the sofa, we don't often sit on the bit that I today have noticed is broken, however it is where they sit when ever they come over.

It's just a really awkward situation.

I have a wooden framed sofa, brand new which probably wouldn’t be the most robust if it came to my morbidly obese family member sitting on it. I didn’t buy it with them in mind though I bought it because I like it and it handles my family fine, if said family member comes round we sit in the kitchen

Morbid obesity is not always an eating disorder or addiction, where are you getting your information from?

That doesnt apply to me (when I was)

Its both things to be honest.

People think that to become more and more and more overweight (and you dont have to be 'that' overweight to tip into obesity') by having eating patterns which are disordered. Or addiction to food or something like that

You dont. You just might like big meals of rich home cooked food which take your calorie intake higher than you need. A bag of crisps, couple of biscuits and meals that are too big during the day will take you over your calorie amount and over the years you'll just keep piling on the weight, its as simple as that

Is the UK and America more likely to have people who have disordered eating than France/Italy/Spain (just picking some examples)? The answer is no, we just eat too much of too high calorie foods. Whereas in those countries they simply eat differently and better which is why their obesity levels are lower than here/US

So theres no MH disorder (there might be for some) for the majority. We just eat badly, but it doesnt have to be way way way outside the norm for the rest of the population.

Well said, @bellac11

My family member is the way they are simply through eating too much, having countless take aways and meals out, drinking every night of the week sometimes I whole bottle of vodka, smoking and no exercise, they don’t work and haven’t since they had kids and their kids are going the same way size wise. I’m hardly a skinny minny at 13stones and 5’7 I’m overweight but I control what I eat as far as possible and keep active

i know exactly why i'm fat, and it isn't 'just' overeating.. its a myriad of things.
ADHD is one cause.. it causes disordered eating, impulse control, and insomnia.
Asthma, certain types of exercise trigger it, so i avoid them.
Degenerative Disk Disease/Arthritis. - Moving hurts, limits the exercise i am capable of doing to swimming and yoga basically
Chronic lack of sleep, not only do i have my own insomnia, my son has never slept either, so i get 4-5hrs sleep a night if i'm lucky.
His disability also impacts on my eating habits because i'm disabled, and standing/walking hurts and am in long term chronic pain from the waist down (back, hip, knee ankle thanks to arthritis) so cooking more than one meal is out of the question.. i eat what he eats, which is carb heavy, or if i dont want his food, i order take out or raid the cupboards for what is mostly quickly accessible, so cereal, bread, crisps, fruit..etc.

All of that equals crappy diet, no sleep, chronic pain, slow metabolism.. i also have heavy parents, so genetics plays a part.. my meds also are known to contribute to weight gain.

You can't just look at a fat person and go 'eat less, move more' because there are often other contributing factors.

It’s frustrating that some posters seem to be in denial that things like sofas have weight limits. If your weight exceeds the recommended weight per seat of your sofa, there is a chance it will break. Just because it hasn’t happened to you yet, doesn’t mean the OP is talking bollocks. It just means you’ve been lucky so far.

It’s also surprising that some posters can’t understand that 3 x 10 stone people using 3 seats of a sofa is not the same thing as 1 x 30 stone person sitting on one seat.

And as for those saying their sofa can withstand children bouncing on it- it probably shouldn’t need to be pointed out that sofas aren’t designed for trampolining and that your sofa may well break if your children continue to bounce on it, especially as they get bigger.

Really confused by the suggestion that discussing the problems caused by obesity might get one ‘cancelled’ in future. The poster said that like they thought it was a good thing. Censoring free speech is never a good thing. And unless someone is a public figure or celebrity it’s not really possible to be ‘cancelled’.

In OP’s shoes, I would ask the person to sit on a dining room chair instead if there is one available. Or sit on the floor with some cushions.

This.

Also, if people have been fat since babyhood then their metabolism and hormones won’t work in the same way as other peoples- it’s much much much harder to loose and maintain weight loss in that case. Your body literally doesn’t work in the same way as other people’s through no ‘fault’ of your own.

It’s frustrating that some posters seem to be in denial that things like sofas have weight limits. If your weight exceeds the recommended weight per seat of your sofa, there is a chance it will break. Just because it hasn’t happened to you yet, doesn’t mean the OP is talking bollocks. It just means you’ve been lucky so far.

It’s also surprising that some posters can’t understand that 3 x 10 stone people using 3 seats of a sofa is not the same thing as 1 x 30 stone person sitting on one seat.

And as for those saying their sofa can withstand children bouncing on it- it probably shouldn’t need to be pointed out that sofas aren’t designed for trampolining and that your sofa may well break if your children continue to bounce on it, especially as they get bigger.

Well said @Waitingfordoggo
There is fat shaming, which is never OK.
There is sofa shaming, which is bonkers.
Then there is being practical and realistic, and posters objecting to this need to rethink their views.

In the OP's shoes I would also offer a dining room chair.

I'm in exactly the same situation as you, to the letter, but because of that I make a conscious decision to eat well and equally not beat myself up for having a day where I don't eat well. I carry a few extra pounds still at a size 14 but I'm not the size 22 I once was.

It is hard work and extremely tiring and very overwhelming to eat well and keep the pounds off In our situation but it can be done and you will feel better for it I promise. I found doing slow handovers in recipes and favourite meals (a bit like weaning really) meant my child didn't notice so much that the food wasn't 100% what they were used to. A few times I got caught out though!

What I do when I don't want a plate of plain pasta (because that's all my child will eat if I let them!) Is throw some random root veggies in a pot at the same time as their pasta with a stock cube and some herbs and blitz it up for soup.

Oh yeah so graphic 🙄

I would say 'that sofas broken so we're not sitting on it sorry we're just on dining chairs at the moment'
And sit around the dining table with them.

The problem is when you try and make exceptions the rule.

You are right to say:

You can't just look at a fat person and go 'eat less, move more' because there are often other contributing factors.

But actually it's more:

You can't just look at every fat person and go 'eat less, move more' because there are occasionally other contributing factors.

For the vast majority, actually, yes it's a case of eat less, move more.

That's a brilliant idea.

As an enormous fatty myself, I would welcome the sitting round the table suggestion. I much prefer it to lolling on a sofa, being gargantuan in full view, as I can hide my fatter bits under the table and there's plenty of room for cake on the table.

Bean bag?

Yes, because a 25 stone person will find that really easy to get in and out of..

How do you know you're stronger than most adults?

21 stone isn't healthy. It absolutely will be leading someone to diabetes or high blood pressure. And it WILL affect their joints and mobility in time.

They may feel strong, but you can't beat obesity. You can't cheat science and physiology.

Anyone big enough to snap a sofa in two is going to explode a bean bag.
Watch out for flying shrapnel.

Have you ever tried to clean up a beanbag explosion? It's not far off cleaning up glitter

This is mind-blowingly inspired!

Are you in the diplomatic service?

Seriously - it ticks every box - keeps the overweight relative off the settee but doesn't make them feel like muck.

MNers love to fat hate and body shame.

Believe it or not large people can still be fit and healthy. Gym and classes 3-4 times a week, regular 5k runs, low sugar eating.

STOP FUCKING JUDGING PEOPLE BY THEIR SIZE.

I prefer the cake in my tummy, but will accept the table as a intermediate step to mouth and stomach.

Good thinking.

None of that happened.

It is not "fat-shaming" to point out the cons of being over weight.