What would you do if an overweight relative kept breaking your furniture?

[AlittleBitOfApple]

My partner has a very overweight family member, I am not being mean. I would say they are most definitely in excess of 20+stone, potentially over 25. This is the second time they have broken a piece of furniture.
The furniture is brand new and we paid for insurance on it which doesn't have an excess and unlimited claims for 5 years. So at least it won't cost us anything to get it fixed.
I am going to have call the furniture company on Monday and ask them to come out and look at our sofa because its clearly broken. You can feel it when you sit on it/its creaking and its the bit they always sit on when they come to visit. Its a 2k sofa so not a cheap one.
It makes me feel uncomfortable having them in my house because I am worried about things getting damaged. How on earth do you broach with someone that they are breaking your things with their weight? They are very defensive about it and I know if we said something it would affect the relationship my DP has with them. Equally I think they would try and deny it and say their sofa is fine etc. Both times it has happened we didn't notice until after they had gone. For example with the sofa, we don't often sit on the bit that I today have noticed is broken, however it is where they sit when ever they come over.

It's just a really awkward situation.

Now that's a laugh and a half!

That will be due to sitting on a broken chair !

The average size man would have a bmi of > 50 and an average size woman a bmi > 60. This is super morbidly obese and hyper morbidly obese respectively.

The morbid obesity rate in the U.K. is about 4% of the population. The super and hyper morbid obesity rates are a tiny fraction of that.

It is well outside the normal range.

It is more than the seat capacity of a regular sofa.
This isn’t a value judgement maybe sofas should have a higher weight bearing capacity but that doesn’t solve the OPs issue.

This isn't a good example as it is 2 different movements. Lifting up a mass against gravity vs control of body mass with the with gravity.

The biggest reason to not control descent is age related loss of strength. If people who are not obese can weaken or break furniture if they lose control when sitting it is logical to assume that someone who is weak AND has a large body weight will be more likely to exert unsustainable force on to a surface when they sit down.

The question that the OP is asking is how they can manage this social situation where someone is damaging their property due to their personal circumstances. This could also apply to someone who has alcohol-dependent disorder for example.

20+ stone 🤯🤯

I would be disappointed with the furniture. Obviously that’s a lot of weight on one area but wouldn't it be similiar if you had 2 10kg people sitting next to each other? Or a heavy dog jumping on some-one or around 12kg? Or children bouncing? It doesn’t seem to be very well designed for life…

I have a very cheap sofa bed in my spare room that my 20 stone friend sat and slept on when she stayed here for a few days. No problem whatsoever. I am intrigued as to how your relative broke your sofa.

With Mum, who is now in a wheelchair and needs a medical hoist (its not the bog standard sort either) to help her move between the WC/toilet/bed etc, it was about muscle deterioration and reduced muscle support of her frame, so she lost the ''control'' of descending into their lounge and the weight dropped at height (so to speak, I'm sure you get my meaning).

From my experience with Mum, I would start with a chat to their closest relative (if there is one who is approachable - spouse?) and mention your concern about large relative's health. Are they seeing the GP? Is the spouse getting any feedback from these meetings? Then mention that your lounge broke after their last visit, and while that is only a side issue, you are concerned their mobility is going to be compromised and that the long term might see large relative permanently bedridden or in a WC. Naturally choose words suitable to how approachable/receptive the close relative is for this talk... might be better saved for being direct with large relative instead.

There are taller chairs in our Doctor's surgery, is it possible you can contact the receptionist or practice manager at yours and see if they have recommendations as to where to source/hire a suitable chair for large relative's use? I suspect that LR knows they are having difficulties but doesn't want to stop seeing you either...

*TheShellBeach · Today 17:19

Oh goody.
Another fat-shaming thread.*

Oh for goodness sake. it's not fat-shaming. It's someone asking a practical question about a problem caused by someone's weight. There isn't any judgement there as far as I can see!

Well the idea is you fold it down and put it away when relative goes home. And I would imagine they can manoeuvre themselves into it 🙄

FIL is very heavy. MIL had their sofa reinforced at the spot where he sits.

Why should OP have to splash out on a special bariatric chair for somebody that doesnt even live there? If somebody is so heavy that they are breaking sofas then it's time they done something about their weight

Danny Divito is a legend. Get a carpenter round to put in some reinforcement. The insurance won’t keep paying.

I am intrigued as to how your relative broke your sofa.

'Intrigued'? Really? You know there are different ways of getting on and off furniture, surely? It doesn't take too many seconds of thought to work out how this kind of thing can happen. The laws of physics don't change just because people can be offended.

What gets me is the saying nothing. That is a bit much knowing that that persons pops up all the time.

When you know they are coming take the sofa out as it's drying out after you spilled coffee on it. Get bean bags.

I’m not sure how to deal with it as it’s very awkward but some of the advice is a bit silly. I can’t imagine trying to direct someone to sit on a blown up chair 😂especially at that weight.

@moonlight1705 , I don't think I know anyone who weighs 21 stone. I always thought DH who is 6'5" was a fat bugger at 18 stone.

I was almost 24 stone 3 and a half months ago, now 18 (surgery) and I’ve never broken my furniture and yes, I’d flop onto it, because it’s impossible to control sitting at that weight.

I don’t think the OP is fat shaming, some pp are far too bloody quick to say that. Nowhere has she fat shamed him. 25 stone is horrific, I will happily say that having been the fattest person in any room for a long time (there’s a guy at work tho, even bigger, he must be over 30 stone)

The OP says he comes round uninvited so they can’t reinforce the sofa for him but nor do I think they should fork out to buy a bariatric chair, that’s crazy! Plus, why the heck should she? I know it’s ridiculously difficult to tell someone they exceed the weight limit of your furniture, but why should she keep having to have the hassle of getting it collected/repaired and being without her sofa for however long?

It’s not up to the OP to speak to him, her DP needs to, it’s his relative.

Tbh even expensive furniture now is poorly made .most of the product available from any of the superstores is mass produced and very flimsy. I put it down to the fact that people now change their decor more frequently and don't expect their furniture to last in the same way parents/grandparents did. I get that your dilemma is a difficult one but I don't think you can ask your guest to stump up for a new sofa and still maintain the relationship. I would suggest altering your routine during visits, maybe stick to the kitchen ? You could just say it's cosier in there

People don't like to be told that.
Losing weight takes time and effort.

There is a person featured on a TV programme who is trying to gain weight so he qualifies for an NHS gastric bypass.

It's just crazy.

Just eat less and eat 'better' things...it's not rocket science.

They’re like whoopee cushions when regular size people sit on them so probably the worst thing OP could do. Don’t think I’ve had an inflatable chair since about 1999

for a visitor? I am guessing you are joking! What if she lives in a flat on the 5th floor?

At least it’s only your heart that breaks, with the OP it has been her furniture, twice! What do you suggest the OP should do? Should they just put up and shut up and continue to let their furniture be broken? You are very lucky if you have the funds to keep replacing broken furniture, or have spare money to pay for extra insurance against this, because many people aren’t that lucky, myself included.

You say it isn’t the persons fault that they are morbidly obese, however it isn’t the OP’s fault either. The relative almost certainly knows that he has broken their furniture, but he hasn’t got the decency to admit it at the time. In fact the OP thinks they would deny it, if anything was said. To criticise the OP for being unhappy about this situation, is absolutely ridiculous. The OP and her DP shouldn’t have to continue suffering in silence, because people like you think it would be unkind to say something.

£2k or not your furniture sounds shit.

Triggered posts like this are really unhelpful.

This family member is clearly sitting down heavily in one spot, is clearly heavier than the OP thinks, and has thus broken the structure of the sofa.