Mum is overweight but dad and kids aren't

[ChocolateHippo]

Just musing over this. What do you think when you come across a family where the mum is overweight but the dad and kids aren't?

The family in question are relatively well-off, the dad does several sports (cycling, training for various events) and the kids each do several out-of-school activities a week. The dad and kids are very fit and active. I know the mum used to do some hobbies/sports pre-DC.

Just curious to know whether other people tend to think the same thing that I do in this scenario.

It could be a simple matter if genetics, my sister and I have to watch our weight consistently otherwise we can easily acquire the pounds, my brother in law who's rarely eats a healthy meal and seems to survive grazing and sweet snacks is tall and slender.

My niece is exactly the same as my sister and I, however, my nephew is 6'5" and slim as a rake.

There will be some families where the dad is overweight but the mum is not

where the child might be overweight but the parents are not

Where an uncle is overweight but the niece is not

What is your point op?

Wouldn't think anything. Is there something I am meant to think?

Other way round in my family (Husband overweight, Wife thin) and I'd say for the same reason you've given for Wife in your scenario being overweight-wife is stressed.

And I know there are other reasons why people can be overweight- illness, medication.

In my case, I was morbidly obese because I was a greedy, gluttonous fuck who didn’t care for a while. I loved eating crap, drinking etc and I am lazy as hell.

I’m now almost ten stone down, not through dieting but by changing my whole life. my mindset changed.

Maybe she's got PCOS? Or thyroid problems?

Maybe she's so busy running the family and household that she grabs the easiest most convenient food that she can?

Maybe she's not got the time for her hobbies like the rest of her family?

Btw, no trauma, depression, MH, no stressful job, literally no reason why I'm overweight. Other than lack of self control. I guess? I was the same weight aged 14 to 45, lost all pregnancy weight immediately without even trying. Now have put on a bit. I'm working on it....

Because I love food? And cook and then sit down of a weekend with a glass of wine and some chilli peanuts?

Wouldn't even occur to me to think anything.

Got better things to do than bitch about other women's appearances.

Well, it would depend on whether he was in an equivalent position to the woman in my example and had the same responsibilities. Otherwise you're not comparing like-for-like.

I'm really pleased that so many posters on this thread have a good understanding of the complex dynamics of weight gain in women with children. I still see people saying it's "simple" and I'm glad this thread isn't like that.

Firstly I’d be unlikely to notice. I’m not very observant in terms of physical things unless it’s very obvious.

Secondly if I did notice I wouldn’t think on it much more.

If I did think on it much more I’d then realise it’s none of my business and think about something more relevant to my life.

Carrying extra weight is due to an extremely complex interaction between a large number of factors. There is no way I could form any kind of relevant and sensible conclusion about it unless I resorted to simple stereotypes and lazy thinking - so it would be a waste of time.

If it was my job to help the family to change and they wanted my help I’d start out by being curious and getting to know them better.

Bit of a pointless question really, unless it’s your family and you are looking to see what people might think of you.

I would be unlikely to notice the family if I just saw them in the street, unless the mum was morbidly obese.

But if I thought about it, I couldn't help but think the husband would soon be looking elsewhere. Men are shallow.

I know a family like this and it's because the dad is an arsehole MAMIL - don't think the mum would have much time to exercise the amount of time he spends cycling.

The only judgment I have is spared for him, with the occasional wonder at how his overheated goolies managed to produce 3 children after being stuffed into so much lycra.

I don't think anything because it is none of my business.Who of us really have any idea of a person's physical and emotional health unless they have taken us into their confidence so I wouldn't even speculate

I would be wondering how the dad can do all that sport and training for events when he has children . And how he can do that and take the children to all their after school training and weekend matches .

I wouldn’t notice the mums weight but I would judge the dad who seems to be a lazy and selfish father. Unless of course he takes the kids to everything and trains and competes while he is looking after his kids at the same time.

Other way around in our family. DH has always gained weight more easily than me and he doesn’t diet. I also know that he’s got snacks up in his office, which I don’t approve of, but it’s his decision to eat them!

He’s got plenty of time to exercise. He does some exercise and could do more, I’m completely supportive of him taking time to do it. He just isn’t atm. Being larger doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re overburdened and have an unsupportive partner., personal choices certainly play a part.

Ironically, I’m the one with the severely underactive thyroid! It doesn’t necessarily result in weight gain, mine barely affected my weight even before I realized it was a problem and started medication. 🤷

I’d think the mum does all sorts to facilitate everything for dad and kids, and further Id prob think she was under attack from peri or full meno. Perhaps looking after elderly parents, anywya id think she’s under stress.

I don't think I'd notice or think about it tbh.

It's not something I would notice tbh. Your post has made me realise I've never looked at friends or even acquaintances and considered the weights of all family members.
But in the scenario you've given, if she was a friend and I knew she'd been active before then I might assume she no longer has time for self-care yet her DH is still able to prioritise his fitness. If she was anything from late 30s up, I'd wonder if it was peri or menopause related because that's when my weight changed completely and the eating and exercise techniques I'd used my entire life made absolutely no difference. I had to start from scratch. And there is scant information about menopause with GP surgeries varying widely on their knowledge and support.

It’s never really crossed my mind tbh. We’re the opposite in my family, I’m slimmer and DH is quite overweight. It’s not that he doesn’t have time for his own “self care” or hobbies, it’s just that my hobbies are active and his aren’t and he gains weight faster and loses it slower than I do. I don’t think every overweight parent is overweight because the other parent is inherently selfish and doesn’t allow them time to go to the gym, although I’m sure some are.

I would wonder how much she has in common with her husband and how much time they actually spend together.

I always feel sorry for women married to really active guys (especially cyclists) but that’s because I would hate it, they might not mind? Tbh I would also feel insecure if my husband was really fit and I was overweight.