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Original poster

Can't get hold of adult son. He went out last night and phone has gone to not recognised.

158 replies

Gointhruhell · 02/12/2023 10:20

He walks home in a bad area. He never doesn't answer or reply. He lives alone in a house share.

I'm past myself.

OP posts:
Dillane · 02/12/2023 13:52

Great news OP.

Mumwithbaggage · 02/12/2023 13:53

Great news! I'd be just the same and I have 4 grown up very independent children.

Roussette · 02/12/2023 13:54

Its a bit sad parents can't seem to let their kids fly anymore

That's not the case at all. I am totally with the OP @Gointhruhell . When they are a day over 18 you don't suddenly stop worrying about them or hoping all is OK. If it's out of character and you are expecting to hear, or get a reply, any caring parent would worry.

And it just goes to show that the OP's son had his phone pinched so something did happen.

My kids flew. That doesn't mean I don't care anymore. One went on holiday to a very dodgy country on her own, and she kept in touch. If I hadn't heard from her I would've been worried sick.

caringcarer · 02/12/2023 13:56

I'm so glad for you he is safe.

wited · 02/12/2023 14:18

I would have worried too and I know how good that feeling of relief is. Glad he's okay x

Ponderingwindow · 02/12/2023 14:21

This reminds me so much of a post I read not long ago on another board. The woman didn’t answer her phone at 9am, she wasn’t at her house and her parents ended up contacting the police and calling every person they knew to contact.

I like that I can track my teen right now. However I can definitely see how easily it is going to be to panic when she moves out and acts like a perfectly normal young adult. An adult with absolutely no responsibility to be contactable or traceable every minute of the day, yet one I am so used to being able to keep close tabs upon.

Harrysmummy246 · 02/12/2023 15:13

Finlesswonder · 02/12/2023 11:12

Network problems don't really matter on this day and age though do they? Even if he can't call or text, don't most people use WhatsApp anyway?

You assume everywhere has wifi. I work in horticulture, our site doesn't, as yet, have that infrastructure. Signal is patchy at best, so while I might have enough to call or text in an emergency, I sure as heck can't use whatsapp for much of the day

Pippu · 02/12/2023 15:21

Glad all is well OP.
I know that sheer panic and terror when you think something bad has happened.
Whether it's an elderly parent or an adult DC it's the same fear when communication fails and it's out of character.

Angelsrose · 02/12/2023 15:28

Op, the relationship you have with your children is truly beautiful. So glad your son is safe.

Kissmystarfish · 02/12/2023 15:34

For future reference to everybody. I work for search and rescue and please call the police if you suspect they’re missing. It doesn’t have to be 24 hours, that’s a myth. So anytime anyone has been out of contact and you’re worried. Please call because we get deployed by the police, we can’t do it ourselves.

expatricia · 02/12/2023 15:50

FreshFromTheSinBin · 02/12/2023 11:11

I hope he makes contact soon, OP.

On a slight tangent... it's funny how some people (not the OP) equate "checking up on adult children" as "having a good relationship with them". I have a fantastic relationship with all my adult children, but they are all students and I can go for days without hearing from them! On the whole, that means (to me) that they're fine and happy and haven't run out of money... I don't even go down the route of wondering where they are at 3AM because if I started down that path, I'd never sleep for anxiety.

Yes, for you it's a case of going for days without hearing from them. For someone else it might be hours that they normally go without hearing from their child. Either way there can still be a trigger point when, based on past experience, you expect to hear from someone and worry if you don't.

The same applies to family of all generations, and if the person you're used to hearing from every day lives alone, then that's completely different to if you know there are people close to them where they are, who would know if there was a problem.

I agree it's probably good to force oneself to relax and not require contact every day, but if you're quite a chatty family so you're getting that contact every day even so, and then you unexpectedly don't - then it's normal to wonder what's going on.

Pinkyandthebrain96 · 02/12/2023 15:52

Fab news 😀.

mantyzer · 02/12/2023 16:02

Op in the nicest possible way you sound over anxious. Unless someone is very vulnerable e.g. suicidal, being stalked, etc, then anything serious happening to them is very unlikely. Way way less likely than phones breaking, being lost or stolen.

AdoraBell · 02/12/2023 16:08

Glad to see your update OP

GoodOldEmmaNess · 02/12/2023 16:22

So glad all turned out to be well, and thank you for updating.

I would have been worried too, @Gointhruhell . It's about knowing your own son and what is usual for him. I'm sure your concern wasn't overbearing for him at all-- I expect it made him feel loved and cared about

UsingChangeofName · 02/12/2023 16:39

What a complete waste of police time.
I hope at least you contacted them straight away once you heard from him, though, of course they've already had to log it by then.

cherrychapstickk · 02/12/2023 16:52

I think, if anyone, of any age, does something that is out of character it is not a bad thing to be concerned and raise a potential alarm.

Rather be safe, than sorry.

WillowTit · 02/12/2023 16:55

UsingChangeofName · 02/12/2023 16:39

What a complete waste of police time.
I hope at least you contacted them straight away once you heard from him, though, of course they've already had to log it by then.

they were anxious, a poster above has said please contact - your opinion is unfair and wrong

RampantIvy · 02/12/2023 17:00

I think, if anyone, of any age, does something that is out of character it is not a bad thing to be concerned and raise a potential alarm.

@mantyzer Not contacting the OP's mum was out of chatracter though ^^, so it's no wonder she was anxious.

WilmaWonka · 02/12/2023 17:01

Good he’s safe OP.

A long walk home after drinking in freezing nightime temperatures is foolhardy at best and I’d be very worried if one of my DS’s had done the same, and then he couldn’t be reached as well as his phone going to unrecognised knowing he had to be up for a trip!

Not over anxious at all!

I think I’d be strongly advising very sternly to my DS that he gets a taxi or Uber home after drinking in this weather, he had money for drinking so should have been able to afford it, especially if he’s drinking enough that he doesn’t know if his phone was lost or stolen!

keye · 02/12/2023 17:53

mantyzer · 02/12/2023 16:02

Op in the nicest possible way you sound over anxious. Unless someone is very vulnerable e.g. suicidal, being stalked, etc, then anything serious happening to them is very unlikely. Way way less likely than phones breaking, being lost or stolen.

Sadly by the time we realise someone is suicidal it's often too late. One of the huge signs is if they go 'off radar', so not responding in the usual way is actually a red flag for a suicidal person. Please don't be calling OP anxious for a sensible reaction to a change in her DC ordinary contact, often it can save lives to spot the signs early.

Original poster
Gointhruhell · 02/12/2023 18:11

keye · 02/12/2023 17:53

Sadly by the time we realise someone is suicidal it's often too late. One of the huge signs is if they go 'off radar', so not responding in the usual way is actually a red flag for a suicidal person. Please don't be calling OP anxious for a sensible reaction to a change in her DC ordinary contact, often it can save lives to spot the signs early.

Edited
Show quote history

I had to come back as read this. I agree. I didn't think suicidal but it's always in the back of my mind. Past experience.
I'm a massive supporter of Andy's man club and am open and honest with my dcs and dgss about mental health. Dgss are primary but I often check in to make sure they're ok.
This worry was exasperated because ds said he'd been walking home recently and there was a gang loitering at the end of a bridge he should be walking under. Thankfully he walked the long way round.
I was worried as drink makes people braver. It's not a nice area to walk through.

I do stress to get Ubers or taxi. He has plenty of money. But he couldn't get one. It's busy in his city at the weekend.

OP posts:
mantyzer · 02/12/2023 18:12

Suicide is rare. Sleeping in with a hangover or losing or having your phone stolen is commonplace.

Roussette · 02/12/2023 18:16

mantyzer · 02/12/2023 18:12

Suicide is rare. Sleeping in with a hangover or losing or having your phone stolen is commonplace.

I imagine every family who lost a much loved son to suicide thought that too, before it happened.

So glad all is well OP

1daughterand3sons · 02/12/2023 18:20

AIstolemylunch · 02/12/2023 10:32

Is he on Three? You know they've had a massive Mobile network outage for the last 24 hrs?

Smarty network has been down too

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