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Original poster

Future sister in law won’t let me put the tree up till Sunday!!

506 replies

Yellink · 01/12/2023 14:23

I wanted to put my Christmas tree up either yesterday or today as it would have been the easiest days for me to put it up but on Wednesday my fiancé and I were at the pub talking about Christmas decorations and she told us we shouldn’t put up the Christmas tree until Advent Sunday because that’s the tradition and that’s how they do it in their family. I told her Thursday or Friday would be easier for me but she got shirty and told me if I’m marrying into the family I must stick to their Christmas traditions. I know how their family are with their traditions but I’m annoyed they’ve got a problem with me putting it up when I want to though. I didn’t put it up yesterday because I saw her walking past the house twice in the afternoon and evening to check I haven’t put it up!

I don’t know whether to put it up today or do it on Sunday even though I’m busy to avoid the confrontation with his family! I don’t want confrontation or an atmosphere at the Christmas party next Sunday!

OP posts:
TedLassoIsMySpiritAnimal · 01/12/2023 15:47

@Yellink You have to think of her as a spoilt child. If she were 6 would you be feeling anxious and scared?

Time to rip off the people pleasing plaster and woman up.

NonPlayerCharacter · 01/12/2023 15:47

Yellink · 01/12/2023 15:40

It’s a weird feeling because I know I’m not doing anything wrong by putting it up but I’m still getting anxiety in case she sees it is either tonight or tomorrow.

Why on earth do you give a shit?

People pleasing isn't a good or admirable thing. It just enables people like her.

What are you scared of?

ThisIsntThe80sPat · 01/12/2023 15:48

Unless you're living in sils house, she has no business telling you when to put your tree up. She's batshit.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Christmas Events & celebrations
AdoraBell · 01/12/2023 15:48

YANBU

Unless you are living in SIL’s house you put your tree up whenever you want to.

Coyoacan · 01/12/2023 15:49

Think hard about marrying into this family as it sounds like you will have to conform to their wishes all the time

Once they get used to you obeying them, imagine what they'll be like when you have children. Your fiancé seems incapable of telling them to butt out.

AliceOlive · 01/12/2023 15:49

You really have to overcome this before getting married.

Borth · 01/12/2023 15:50

Nip this fuckwittery in the bud asap. Get the tree up.

Zanatdy · 01/12/2023 15:50

Put the tree up, tell her you’ve got traditions in your family too and it’s give and take

Scarletttulips · 01/12/2023 15:50

What about respecting others values and traditions?

My husbands family do things differently, that’s their choice, DDs bf family do things differently, we all value different parts of Christmas -

Ans besides anything else - who cares?

JustAGirlScotland · 01/12/2023 15:51

If someone said this to me I’d MAKE A POINT of defying them.

Let them know early on that you have boundaries you are not willing to shift. It makes no difference to their lives when you put your tree up.

ToWonderWhyIBother · 01/12/2023 15:51

If you do decide to put your tree up today, and your future sister in law has anything to say, please don't apologise or offer an explanation as to why you did what you did....you will be doing this for the rest of your life if you want to do something that differs from what she thinks you should do.

SecondUsername4me · 01/12/2023 15:51

Yellink · 01/12/2023 15:40

It’s a weird feeling because I know I’m not doing anything wrong by putting it up but I’m still getting anxiety in case she sees it is either tonight or tomorrow.

What is your anxiety telling you, on this?

  1. Oh no, she will confront me and I hate it when people confront me
  2. Oh no, she will judge me for being different to her
  3. Oh no, I'm being called out on actually doing something wrong

Putting your own tree up, in your own home, when you want it, isn't doing anything wrong.

ToWhitToWhoo · 01/12/2023 15:52

Do they live with you? If not, then it's incredibly cheeky of them to dictate when you can put a tree up in your own home!

Tinkerbyebye · 01/12/2023 15:53

You tell your partner to sort his sister out

and you out the tree up whenever you want to

J316 · 01/12/2023 15:54

What kind of ridiculous controlling behaviour is this! 😳😠

Draw the line in the sand now and put your tree up. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Madness 😵‍💫

Terrribletwos · 01/12/2023 15:55

Ha ha! This is obviously a joke/piss take, well done..not!

Shortpoet · 01/12/2023 15:55

Not only do you have an inlaw problem, you have a fiancé problem.

Ill leave this quote here:

”It's easier to dump a mamma’s boy than to divorce a mama's boy, and both of those are easier than trying to change a mamma’s boy”

SometimesNine · 01/12/2023 15:57

I'd be very wary of joining in with such a family. They sound controlling, and why would you even want to be part of this family?

dogvcat · 01/12/2023 15:57

Tell her to GTF, you will put it up when you want, as that is the tradition in your family.

RampantIvy · 01/12/2023 15:57

I know what she’s like. She’ll make digs about it saying I’m not interested in being part of the family and his mum will condescendingly but “politely” tell me what we do I’m this family and then slag me off afterwards.

Do you really want to marry into this family?

Valid8me · 01/12/2023 15:57

Flipping heck, grow a backbone and woman up!

It's nothing to do with your future SIL. You can put your Christmas tree up in March if you want to, it is no business of anyone else.

jessycake · 01/12/2023 15:58

Start as you mean to go on and put it up when you want

Halfemptyhalfling · 01/12/2023 15:58

Unless you have a strict tradition of Dec 1st yourself, you could always put the tree up at some point next week when you have time. Christmas decs are up too long nowadays imo.

itsraininginmyheart · 01/12/2023 15:58

KateLawsonDidIt · 01/12/2023 14:27

Set the boundaries on this and other things right now and put up the tree asap.

This will be thin end of the wedge.....

This!

If she can get her own way on something as petty as this, imagine all the other controlling things she will attempt.

She's controlling. Don't let her think she has power over you by enabling her.

And your DP should be telling her it's none of her business!

Rosscameasdoody · 01/12/2023 15:58

Your home. Your tree. Your decision. If she doesn’t like it, tough. If you let her dictate this her controlling behaviour will spread it’s tendrils into every area of your life and it will never end.