Future sister in law won’t let me put the tree up till Sunday!!

[Yellink]

I wanted to put my Christmas tree up either yesterday or today as it would have been the easiest days for me to put it up but on Wednesday my fiancé and I were at the pub talking about Christmas decorations and she told us we shouldn’t put up the Christmas tree until Advent Sunday because that’s the tradition and that’s how they do it in their family. I told her Thursday or Friday would be easier for me but she got shirty and told me if I’m marrying into the family I must stick to their Christmas traditions. I know how their family are with their traditions but I’m annoyed they’ve got a problem with me putting it up when I want to though. I didn’t put it up yesterday because I saw her walking past the house twice in the afternoon and evening to check I haven’t put it up!

I don’t know whether to put it up today or do it on Sunday even though I’m busy to avoid the confrontation with his family! I don’t want confrontation or an atmosphere at the Christmas party next Sunday!

I'd also add "what happens? Do the Christmas fairies die?"

What's she going to do if you do, come and take it down?!

I would have half a mind to put it up and send her a photo with a smiley face. But then that’s me!

OK I think I’m going to put it up after dinner. If she says anything I’ll just politely tell her I was too busy on Sunday and it was easier to do it Friday. I knew I shouldn’t give in.

If your fiancé can't say to his mum and sister to keep their noses out of your business then I'd be questioning if I wanted to marry him.
Put your bloody tree up woman!

Couldn’t agree more wrt what’s it going to be like when you have children, because as much as I sympathise with not liking confrontation/being a people pleaser, you have to think of controlling people like this as giant toddlers.

If you, a grown adult, wanted to put your own Christmas tree in your own home up on a certain day, and your toddler kicked off, screaming and telling you not to, what would you do? Give into their demands just to shut them up, or because you’re scared to say no?

Of course not (at least I hope not). You would say “I’m sorry you don’t like it, but it is going up today because I’m too busy on Sunday.”

How other people react to YOUR boundaries and decisions about YOUR life is THEIR problem. They don’t get a say in it. You cannot control anyone else’s opinions, or their reactions, so don’t try - and absolutely don’t appease them just so they won’t kick off. That is a slippery slope to a world of pain, whether you are letting a child, a teenager, a grown adult or, in this case, a tantrumming toddler in an adult woman’s body.

Draw your line now and stick by it, or things are only going to get much worse.

Good get it up! I can’t believe she’s walking past your house to check! What does she think she’s going to do? Take it down. Silly woman.

Fucking hell, start a patio

I stay the fuck away from my in-laws at the best of times, but Nov to Jan are black out months. Would suggest you do the same.

Don't even do this

"You have your traditions, I have mine"

Please consider this carefully

Do not make excuses! This is the time for you to show her and the rest of his weird family that you're not a pushover.

Good for you op and if there's any come back from DH or family smile sweetly snd tell them this is yours and DH's new tradition and that’s how we do it in our family.

It’s a weird feeling because I know I’m not doing anything wrong by putting it up but I’m still getting anxiety in case she sees it is either tonight or tomorrow.

I’d just say, hun it’s MY house and laugh. If she speaks again, just say ah you’re so funny and continue laughing with eye contact till she says no more. Treat it like a cat showing dominance 🤣

This.

Time to consider this and have some conversations.

Think hard about marrying into this family as it sounds like you will have to conform to their wishes all the time.

You are allowed your own family traditions and can create new ones with your fiance when he becomes DH.

If she is walking past your house then stick one on the front lawn with flashing neon lights.

Simple, don't marry into the family, run for the hills 😁

And you should tell her that Advent starts today, and as such thats when you put the tree up!
Im usually a stickler for putting the tree up on the 1st of December, but this year I was a rebel and put it up on the 28th!!! I had the day off and knew I wouldnt be able to put it up today

Just do whatever the F you want! Let them make snide comments. When you put the tree up is really a minor thing! And you can tell her she can do whatever she wants in her house!

Hasn’t DH married into your family?

Why are you scared of her? This is a good time to stand up to her and show you won’t be a pushover.

If she says anything I would not make any excuses. If you do you’re implying she’s right. You say ‘It’s my house and I’ll put my tree up when I like’. Or that you are starting a new tradition with your DP as another poster said. Do not apologise/make excuses.

Exactly, and you need to stand up for yourself x

If she says anything, just say "It's because that's when I wanted to put it up". Fullstop, no more explanation required.

I get what you mean about not liking the confrontation or digs. Have a stock phrase ready, practice saying it out loud then repeat it when this or a similar subject comes up.

"Of course I want to be part of your family but I have my own traditions too"
"DF and I want to make our own traditions"