Future sister in law won’t let me put the tree up till Sunday!!

[Yellink]

I wanted to put my Christmas tree up either yesterday or today as it would have been the easiest days for me to put it up but on Wednesday my fiancé and I were at the pub talking about Christmas decorations and she told us we shouldn’t put up the Christmas tree until Advent Sunday because that’s the tradition and that’s how they do it in their family. I told her Thursday or Friday would be easier for me but she got shirty and told me if I’m marrying into the family I must stick to their Christmas traditions. I know how their family are with their traditions but I’m annoyed they’ve got a problem with me putting it up when I want to though. I didn’t put it up yesterday because I saw her walking past the house twice in the afternoon and evening to check I haven’t put it up!

I don’t know whether to put it up today or do it on Sunday even though I’m busy to avoid the confrontation with his family! I don’t want confrontation or an atmosphere at the Christmas party next Sunday!

I would out it up on November 1st out of pure spite lol. And wave when she walks past

I would have immediately put it up and then sent pictures to the family whatsapp group with a message saying "SIL this will save you walking past and peering in my windows". No-one tells me what I can and can't do in my own home.

I can't believe anyone would take any notice of what someone else says about putting up your own Christmas tree in your own house!!
Glad you're doing it@Yellink 🎄 Tell her this is your tradition!

Fucking hell op, your dp needs to put a stop to this shit right now. Something along the lines of ‘we’re a family and we’re starting our own traditions now’ ought to do it. If he doesn’t want to get involved the in all seriousness I would get out now. This won’t get better without his support.

Good lord I hope this man is worth it, I wouldn’t be dealing with someone’s family like this. He’s a spineless twat isn’t he because he doesn’t shield you from his mum or sister and their weirdness (they are massive weirdos btw!).

My entire family put the tree up 12 days before Christmas so wtf are his family even on about?! Sounds like made up shit to me. FYI my family who do actually do the traditional way know we now do our decor early and guess what none of them have done? Said anything about it, least of all to my husband! Lol. I wouldn’t tolerate this controlling weirdness.

I mean the tree should go up on advent but its not a law... lots of people have lives that mean thats not practical so if you only have time to put it up today then put it up today.

The pope isn't going to come by and slap you for making baby Jesus cry, its only 2 days off fgs.

these are all adults in this scenario?

mind boggling

Btw when you marry someone you begin your own family. We don’t really do anything the way our own families do. They are an extension of us as a unit, I’m not an add on to my in laws FFS! Their attitude is so shitty!

That’s ridiculous! It’s your house, your tree, do what suits you. Stuff their traditions, they don’t have to be yours just because you married her brother.

She sounds batshit, and your fiancé sounds like a wet dishcloth. Are you ABSOLUTELY SURE you want to marry into this load of weirdos?

Tell her DF is marrying into your family and he will be taking on all your traditions. Ramp it up.

Can you move away? Not joking.

I know what she’s like. She’ll make digs about it saying I’m not interested in being part of the family and his mum will condescendingly but “politely” tell me what we do I’m this family and then slag me off afterwards.

No man is worth this. Especially not when he is going along with the craziness.

Please put it up this afternoon, lots of lights on it and leave the curtains open!

You could always keep the curtains closer if you’re that worried but I’d be tempted to do what you want and set a precedent, it’s very very weird if she keeps walking past your house to check up on you, that’s way too much!

This sort of thread makes me unreasonably irritable. Surely you, as a grown woman, realise without the help of a bumch of strangers, that you can and should ignore this silly woman. Roll your eyes and get on with doing whatever you want.

You can put up your tree in July if you wish. Why would you let someone tell you otherwise?

If you seriously think your partner's family would make an issue over the date you put up your tree then you might want to consider marrying into them.

Please see how ridiculous this is!

Put your tree and also seriously think about whether marrying this man is a good idea. I would rather be single I think.

100% this.

Is the property that you're planning on putting the tree up in yours and your H2b? If it is, then it doesn't matter what the actual shite your future SiL says. She's not living there!

If it is a shared property (as in you're living with his family until you get your own place), I'd recommend just going with the flow.

Unless she pays your bills you would be a fool to listen to her. If you back down she will run your life.

There is a happy medium between 'confrontation' and being a complete doormat.

"Nah, I love putting up the decorations early" then ignore any further nonsense.

Well done OP. If there are any snippy comments I hope your fiancé will firmly tell them that it is your home/tree/decision and you are both happy it is up.

"Remind me, what day did you think it should go up?"
[SIL gives wrong answer]
"Ah, no that's the wrong answer. The correct answer is whenever I want, in my own home."

Bonus extension pack (if you're feeling particularly annoyed): " - silly of you to think otherwise and even sillier of you to draw attention to it".

Is more or less what I'd say, should anyone be rude enough to try and interfere with my Christmas decorations ;)

Bah humbug
Jo

If you really feel you need to justify yourself (you really don't) say something like "I understand that's the tradition in your family. In our family it usually goes up the day after Halloween so I'm already compromising by doing it today".

Have they demanded a say in your wedding plans too?

I would be making sure she knew!

Are you sure you want to marry into this family? It sounds really unpleasant.

I've never laughed as hard at something on mumsnet as I've just laughed at the idea of this mad woman walking repeatedly past her brother's house in the freezing cold trying to catch his fiancee out.

Not saying OP is lying but if I'd married into this sort of insanity I'd seriously be questioning my life choices right not.

Tell them that in YOUR FAMILY the tree goes up before Advent Sunday and as your husband is marrying into your family you'll be sticking with your traditions, thank you very much

As a Christian, I struggle to think of any part of the bible that gives guidance on Christmas trees 🙄

She sounds bonkers