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Original poster

Future sister in law won’t let me put the tree up till Sunday!!

506 replies

Yellink · 01/12/2023 14:23

I wanted to put my Christmas tree up either yesterday or today as it would have been the easiest days for me to put it up but on Wednesday my fiancé and I were at the pub talking about Christmas decorations and she told us we shouldn’t put up the Christmas tree until Advent Sunday because that’s the tradition and that’s how they do it in their family. I told her Thursday or Friday would be easier for me but she got shirty and told me if I’m marrying into the family I must stick to their Christmas traditions. I know how their family are with their traditions but I’m annoyed they’ve got a problem with me putting it up when I want to though. I didn’t put it up yesterday because I saw her walking past the house twice in the afternoon and evening to check I haven’t put it up!

I don’t know whether to put it up today or do it on Sunday even though I’m busy to avoid the confrontation with his family! I don’t want confrontation or an atmosphere at the Christmas party next Sunday!

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 01/12/2023 16:23

Yellink · 01/12/2023 14:33

I’m not a confrontational person so I would struggle to deal with the awkwardness if she or his mum makes a snide comment. I’m so tempted to just put it up, all the boxes are downstairs. My fiancé isn’t bothered when it goes up but thinks we should wait till Sunday because of his mum and sister.

And you're marrying into this madness??

Don't.

I hate to think what their 'traditions' are around babies and children

Stand your ground now.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 01/12/2023 16:23

I know how their family are with their traditions but I’m annoyed they’ve got a problem with me putting it up when I want to though. I didn’t put it up yesterday because I saw her walking past the house twice in the afternoon and evening to check I haven’t put it up!

Only read page 1 but anyone said 'run like your arse is on fire' yet?

diddl · 01/12/2023 16:26

My fiancé isn’t bothered when it goes up but thinks we should wait till Sunday because of his mum and sister.

So he is bothered & disagrees with you?

What other things will he be wanting you to change?

Interested in this thread?

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Christmas Events & celebrations
BettyBakesCakes · 01/12/2023 16:26

Women up OP and do it fast because if you let her rule you on this, when it's literally nothing do with her it will happen for the rest of your life. In a few years time you'll be posting about your inlaws and being told you have a dh problem. Nip this crap in the bud NOW

TooShortToReachThatShelf · 01/12/2023 16:27

devildeepbluesea · 01/12/2023 14:25

Clearly the answer to this is: do what the fuck you like!

👏

sugarandsweetener · 01/12/2023 16:27

i suspect there are a lot of vulnerable people, including the OP, in this family

WillowTit · 01/12/2023 16:29

i would absolutely put it up!

Brefugee · 01/12/2023 16:30

haha - I'd have been right in there: tree in every room, lights outside, decorations stuffed in to the rafters.

and left them up until at least mid january.

ithinkmyheadiscavingin · 01/12/2023 16:31

Their family traditions don't trump yours. End of.

It'd be putting the tree up on principle immediately!

Hope you keep your name, too.

WillowTit · 01/12/2023 16:31

rainbowstardrops · 01/12/2023 15:33

If your fiancé can't say to his mum and sister to keep their noses out of your business then I'd be questioning if I wanted to marry him.
Put your bloody tree up woman!

same thoughts

Parker231 · 01/12/2023 16:31

Yellink · 01/12/2023 15:32

OK I think I’m going to put it up after dinner. If she says anything I’ll just politely tell her I was too busy on Sunday and it was easier to do it Friday. I knew I shouldn’t give in.

Why do you need to make excuses

MargotBamborough · 01/12/2023 16:32

If I were you I would put the tree up now as a point of principle.

Parker231 · 01/12/2023 16:32

ithinkmyheadiscavingin · 01/12/2023 16:31

Their family traditions don't trump yours. End of.

It'd be putting the tree up on principle immediately!

Hope you keep your name, too.

Yes!
@Yellink - please say you’re not changing your name when you get married?

Namechange4234 · 01/12/2023 16:32

This isn't anything to do with a lot of strangers on MN

It's to do with you lacking confidence and self worth and being engaged to a man who won't support you nor side with you

Instead he sides with his family and supports them

This is NOTHING to do with a tree or confrontation

Its to do with you being in a second rate relationship where you are not loved as you deserve to be

greencheetah · 01/12/2023 16:34

ithinkmyheadiscavingin · 01/12/2023 16:31

Their family traditions don't trump yours. End of.

It'd be putting the tree up on principle immediately!

Hope you keep your name, too.

Maybe he can take OPs name?

Viviennemary · 01/12/2023 16:34

What a load of nonsense. It's now December and ok to put up tree

momonpurpose · 01/12/2023 16:37

Nanny0gg · 01/12/2023 16:23

And you're marrying into this madness??

Don't.

I hate to think what their 'traditions' are around babies and children

Stand your ground now.

Show quote history

I was about to say the same thing. I had this sister in law. Her brother had allowed her nonsense to break up up 2 marriages. I was 3. Ours ended when he allowed her tantrums to ruin our daughter's birthday a month after my daughter lostvher devoted beloved grandfather. Unless your fiance backs you up 1000% get out now.

PaminaMozart · 01/12/2023 16:38

My fiancé isn’t bothered when it goes up but thinks we should wait till Sunday because of his mum and sister.

He has just given you a very insight glance at your future, @Yellink !!

Do sort out his attitude before you marry. As it is he doesn't have your back.

I'd also strongly advise that you move very far from their village. Some place where more than twice yearly visits would be very inconvenient.

onawave · 01/12/2023 16:39

I would do as she says and put it up on Sunday. Then next year I'd put it up on the 1st of November.

Firapple · 01/12/2023 16:39

Why so meek and passive, OP? I'm quite fond of my ILs, but I definitely didn't 'marry into' their family, I just married DH, and while I'm happy (and occasionally bemused) to be around their family traditions about stuff, it's never occurred to me to even consider adopting them. We're very different people.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 01/12/2023 16:40

Remind her that all traditions were once new innovations, and that things are not set in stone.

Muggone · 01/12/2023 16:42

What you do is - laugh. When someone says something as stupid as that - you laugh, loudly and you say 'you're so funny, it's ridiculous'.

Wind out of sails taken.

diddl · 01/12/2023 16:42

Why do you have to take on their traditions Op?

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 01/12/2023 16:42

York Minster Christmas Tree Festival is open to the public tomorrow morning which means they must have put all the trees up today. Tell her you've decided to follow the traditions of the Church of England.

I would go for bland "oh well, everyone's different aren't they?" and smile and ignore. But I would also be having a very serious conversation with your partner about how his family are making you feel, and that you need him to listen out for every mean comment from them, and to firmly and loudly take your side. He is the one to be saying "Mum we're making our own traditions" and "Sister you're being rude, be kinder to my wife please" and "right you lot are horrible we're going home" etc. Because if they're like this over a tree, what will they be like if you have a baby?

CommonOrNot · 01/12/2023 16:45

Struggling to understand how someone could be this spineless. Tell her to fuck off.

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