I would like to make a complaint about this product called Menopause

[learieonthewildmoor]

When I was first informed that the product was a replacement for the frankly stupid Menstruation, I was quite excited and looked forward to it immensely.
I was not aware that I would have to accept installation of Perimenopause and all its accompanying attachments: weight gain, being hot ALL THE TIME, insomnia, increased sensitivity to allergens, brain fog, incredibly heavy periods.
My skin became very dry for 10 years. Then last year I apparently became a teenager again. I have had to change ALL of my makeup and skin products to accomodate this. While not expecting financial compensation, I am making a request in the strongest terms that these automatic updates cease.
I was not informed that giving up caffeine and alcohol would also be included in the package. Needless to say, I would not have accepted delivery had I known.
The actual cessation of Menstruation has been quite satisfactory, but I would like to suggest that the product needs a revamp - indeed, a complete overhaul to eliminate the extras. Some indication that the product is a long term installation and not a one off would also be a great improvement in product information.

I have not been aware of any novelty in the DGAF and Reduced Tolerance of Idiots functions. I have been reliably informed by my partner (and many others) that this is because it had already been installed in previous versions.

I seem to have acquired an installation i don't remember signing up for. I was always a worrier but its went into overdrive. I seem to be programmed to have one worry free day a month. Or is it a year??
Anyway I'd like this removed forthwith.

Is anyone else being dazzled by the random Where The Fuck Is It? bonus feature? Seriously, cannot start, execute or complete any given task due to some component dematerialising, sometimes for days at a time. I find this happens most frequently with keys and documents but can happen with any material item. Furious.

Well at least you all still have a sense of humour!

I struggled to get off the bus and the elderly gent beside me (complete with walking stick) asked if he could help in anyway!!!

Hate that I am a one woman pissing machine and it was a tsunami when I had a sneezing fit last night!! I also get rather itchy all over. I don't get the sweats though my body is normally quite warm but am really feeling the cold now and have to really control my snappiness. I don't know why but seem to still get something like PMS but must be over that now!

My skin is alright for my age but my hair is like a brillo pad and stick to my face - presumably desperate for any moisture! To think I used to have greasy hair!!!

Oh and the moustache and beard....!!!

I nominated this for classics earlier today. I'm pretty sure it was earlier today but my calendar and click function are faulty and sometimes I'm a day ahead and sometimes a day behind so it's hard to tell. The internal thermostat is faulty and there's definitely plumbing issues. Since installation the font has decreased in size and both elderly lady seeking slippers and a cat and teenage rocker with a penchant for wild motorbike rides seem to run simultaneously.

I’ve been mis-sold Menopause Platinum. I contacted the service desk to ask for a transfer to Menopause Bronze or a refund but they told me that it can’t be uninstalled and is non-refundable. They said the fix they recommend in these situations is to subscribe to the Hair Dye application.

Now, if someone could post a link to the DGAF bolt on that would be great.

I can confirm the Irrational Rant app works just fine.

I second a vote for MN Classics.

Well my XY model, Husband V.1 seems to have auto upgraded to Silver Fox 60 mode, and has somehow attained much sleeker, faster and more streamlined operation! I believe this was due to the installation of the "diet" and "exercise" apps, though for some reason I have it impossible install these myself. I think they must be incompatible with my particular "Menopause" model.

Can I just warn everyone about the In App Purchases? There’s a particularly nasty one, Overnight Facial Hair Growth. You often don’t notice you’ve purchased it til it’s too late.
Be careful out there.

Then there’s the patch to fix the Disturbed Night’s Sleep bug. Doesn’t work. I called support and they said ‘Have you tried taking the duvet off and then putting it back on again?’. Yes, about thirty times last night. Still doesn’t work.

I've got the most random feature - a single long thick hair that appears suddenly out of the squishy bit under my chins and dangles down. I've tried pulling it but nothing happens except it comes out. Is it supposed to be a handle for something?

make sure you only click on relevant options, eg "kittens", "solar panel research" and "body type analysis", NOT "work", "food shop" or "housework."

Thank you @ToriTheStoryteller that’s a great hack. I tried clicking on ‘outdoor fairy lights’ with ‘dog on sofa’ and lo! Both Concentration and Motivation files reappeared!

I also had the idea of running ‘food shop’ on Husband V.1 but he made a loud whirring noise and declared Unknown Command Encountered. Disappointing.

Brilliant 🤣

This thread has had me proper belly shaking laughing today

Which I'm hoping may decrease size of said meno-belly with enough shaking...

Ahh yes, I also got sent that dodgy link from the manufacturer to download something called HotSweatyNights#365 . Wish I hadn’t clicked. Turns out to be much less fun than it sounded and it leads to Windows constantly closing and reopening.

I've got an exclusive deal to level up from Perimenopause to Menopause in April 2024.

There's nothing I can do to secure the deal in advance and if I fail between now and April I have to wait another 12 months before I am allowed another shot at it.
And even though I'm thoroughly bored of playing Perimenopause I have to keep all the plugins and accessories.

This has got to be our anthem! 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

Thank you @DatingDinosaur I am going to crack open a few cold beers in the arvo and listen to this full volume. I’m in Australia and it’s the first day of summer. Sweltering hot. Can’t bloody stand it. Landlord refuses to fix the aircon. And Hot Flushes (selfish prick) refuses to go on annual leave and give me a break over the summer months.

I vote for Mumsnet Classics too!

Sympathies, @ImustLearn2Cook, I'm in the southeast and it's just trailing off after that massive low cell sent gales and floods everywhere. The heat is arriving on Monday, here.

@Catsmere hope you’re ok down there. I just read about the flooding in Gippsland being the worst they’ve seen in over 50 years.

@ImustLearn2Cook thanks, fortunately I'm over the other side of the state, and the flood alerts here were withdrawn late yesterday. That's nasty about Gippsland, I never watch the news so hadn't heard. Gippsland always seemed to be flooded or in drought or on fire when I was a kid (which was about 50 years ago, come to think of it).

What I don't understand is why they've designed it so that when you're trying to find the right word you just get a spinning hourglass

a very good point made my @PowerTulle above.
Do NOT try running "food shopping" on husband V1 as a workaround for it becoming incompatible with Menopause.
I tried this, and as @PowerTulle found it malfucntioned spectacularly, resulting in the spending of all the food shopping money, yet there still being no actual food to eat in the house within 3 hours. This then triggerred the "I'm starving" and "why is there never any food in this house" automatic repsonses in teenagers V1 and 2 which quickly escalated to the door slamming progamme and full shut down of "family harmony" I therefor conclude that "food shopping" is indeed totally incompatible with husband V1 (although those with later, upgraded versions of the husband model may have more success.)

If you MUST run "food shopping" in Menopause, I've found it very effective to run it in Husband (all versions) at the same time.

Trust me, it sounds like a nightmare but I find it works well if you learn to recognise the nuances and downsides of both versions. You should then end up with a bodged but adequate version of "Food Shopping."

My version of Menopause is perfect for running the 'You Never Know' file, loading Nutmeg, Celeriac and Vegan Gelatin multiple times but some of the basic system requirements are a bit foggy so Potatoes, Milk and Bread are often nowhere to be found on the counter desktop.

We have the 2.1 version of Husband which luckily is fairly good at loading the basic system requirements (although it does load 6 types of Bread every time you click on it) but also comes with the bonus add-on of loading Pudding, Crisps and Cake every time it's booted up the arse.

I am having a bit of trouble with the Can't Help Saying What I Really Think app. I did not intentionally download this app and it is proving incompatible with Husband v1.2 (Grumpy Edition).

I'm being driven mad by random openings of Edge (On The) and something called The Crying Game on my screen. I've tried to uninstall them but apparently they come as integral to the product. The Crying Game appears at the most inopportune moments, often when I'm watching the news or David Attenborough documentaries, listening to Elgar or generally reminiscing.

I think you have a bug, because I get the blank eyes screen and some whirring in the background that sounds a lot like cogs trying to turn.

Luckily I got a DPv3 who is adequate in the food shopping requirements. Although does randomly miss the odd item which means a trek to "another supermarket" for the one missing item, that then requires a spend of approximately 9 times the original cost. Those cookies man, they're sooooo tempting.

I am one month away from menopause and all fingers are crossed that this time it will work and I will be upgraded at no extra cost. It's only the fourth time I've been so close. Though I have been warned that even with full menopause not all bugs are fixed overnight. So I may have to install patch after patch to get there.

Good luck to us all.