Embarassed myself at the work Christmas party

[Jbrum]

Right so. For the most part when leadership were there I was fine. Didn’t say or do anything stupid.

towards the middle of the evening I went for a cigarette and the door knocked me a bit and one guy went “ooo steady on” but it was just that the door knocked me. And yes I was tipsy but not totally messed up.

later in the night I think I walked over and said that was rude making out like I’m some p*sshead. I also touched his arm for no reason while I said this. I then had no recollection of the rest of the conversation at all because he brought me a shot.

But by the end. My close colleague and I had a couple more and by the end it was both of us and a few others. As my close colleague and I were heading home I fell over and then because of the motion in the taxi I took home with her I had to step out and throw up.

My colleague and I are at the same level and have gone on nights out together and got like this before. But I just still feel ashamed of myself.

I’m so embarrassed and I’m supposed to be applying for a leadership role. What do I do?

I know but some peoples posts worry me. They’ve said senior management frown upon this kind of behaviour. I’m now just sat having a complete stress that they’ll think I’m incapable or have gossiped and judge me for it.

In some places I've worked, senior management have behaved like this! In others, they slope off early so that everyone else can let their hair down.

In some places I've worked, senior management have behaved like this!

Absolutely. I've had a company trip abroad where the CEO and MDs went skinny dipping in the pool in front of everyone on the first night. Another director got so drunk he had to call an ambulance as he thought he was having a heart attack (it was established he wasn't after an ECG). Another where my colleague was banned for unzipping a secretary's dress for a laugh.

It was in investment banking where the partying is quite heavy once you finally got to leave the office. But yours wouldn't have touched the sides other than an amusing story that got pulled out every year at the Christmas party.

I'd be amazed if it affected your career prospects so try to relax and just take the piss-taking in good humour.

You seem more concerned about what you may have inadvertently said to your male colleague, so I would message him before you return to work and see how the land lies. If everyone was pissed and doing shots, you have nothing to worry about. I'd be more bothered about having to stop to spew on the way home.

Yeah I’m really worried. I don’t have his number so I can’t but what the hell do I say on Monday. I was annoyed at what he said though. I went for a smoke and the door nudged me and he went “steady on” like I was completely off it

Well obviously you were drunk already as a few shots later you were vomiting…

You have to face up to it all, show up on Monday and deal with it.

Possibly something even more noteworthy will have happened after you left and your behaviour will be forgotten. 🤞

I left when it all finished and he left before things finished so it’s unlikely. I have a feeling I said “hey that was a bit rude out there making out like I was drunk in front of others”

You’re just overthinking it all OP. Senior management had left so nothing to worry about there.

Male colleague appears to enjoy the flirty bickering and was also drunk if he was buying shots. I wouldn’t message just leave it.

Your colleague in the car seems fine too. Nobody will be talking about this. People do far worse things as we’ve seen on this thread!

Try to relax.

He was just messing with you! A door nudging you is hardly drunk behaviour. Sounds like flirty banter that will be forgotten on Monday.

Yes but I drunkenly got offended. I think he said let me get shots to say sorry😂

Don’t stress over this. It’s honestly not a big deal. In the scheme of things and given the context you really don’t have a lot to feel bad about. The likelihood is that others there will have felt grim the morning after as well.

When you next see them if anyone mentions it acknowledge and move on ‘yep, that was so unlike me! I’ll remember to avoid shots next time…’

With your colleague it’s up to you if you’d prefer to say anything but if you do try not to go over the top with the mea culpas. Something like ‘You didn’t see me at my best at the party. I probably over reacted so thanks for being understanding…’ Or you could just let it lie. Daftness occurs during work parties. You didn’t harm anyone so be kind to yourself.

Leave it alone. It's par for the course.

What?! No! Absolutely do not say this! OP is going for a leadership role, thowing up in a taxi is not the look she is going for. If anyone brings anything up, just be breezy "Yeah it was a fun night, no I felt fine the next day, what are you up to for Christmas this year?"

Oh gosh we’ve all been there! Don’t worry! You haven’t offended anyone. You are allowed to let your hair down!

Been there myself as have many others I know. It'll be okay. Really! It's beer fear and also other people focus on themselves more than other people. Bless ya OP. Ignore the sanctmoniois folk trying to make you feel bad - they are truly the worse

OMG

You don't sound like a leader to me - going out for a smoke, flirting and bickering with a male colleague you 'fancy', then getting very pissed. I wouldn't appoint you to a leadership role if I had seen that behaviour. I suppose it depends what the business is. I work in education and I would be concerned by that behaviour .

@oakleaffy

only pissheads drink booze? Is that honestly what you’re saying?!

Yeah, because no one who has ever been a fab leader has ever done any of those things. They're all whiter than white. Incidentally, my mother was a teacher and you should have seen the amazing Christmas parties they used to have in the 80s and 90s where they were all legless! I suppose people in those days were less uptight.

I could hug you for telling that story to OP to help her stop worrying !

Why don't you give the colleague you went home with a call before Monday OP, once you see that she didn't think anything of it, you will feel better.

Now this is how to do it. Legendary.

If it ended with him buying you a shot it sounds like he was fairly merry as well. Don’t even think about it.

I did this. You will feel utterly horrified for a few weeks about 90% of waking hours, then just moderately mortified. Eventually it will subsided to clenching grip to the stomach whenever. Any one mentions the party. Or a slight feeling of sick in the mouth.

We've all been there ( well I have). Right now you feel like resigning is a better option- it isn't. You will feel better as the alcohol wears of as some of it is hang-xiety.

Own it op! Come up with some stock phrases someone brings it up. If I can remember mine I'll tell you (no one did mention it - what happens at the party stays at the party)

Based on your follow-up posts it doesn't sound too bad.

To recap - You were drunk, you stumbled a bit, he accused you of being drunk (seems you would plead guilty as charged), but nonetheless you were offended by his snark and called him out, he went "oppsie" in his head, he offered up shots as a peace offering...

Come Monday, just go for the funny - "Did I do that? I must have been going through some things..."

As far as being promoted, I would think it depends on the culture of the place - do they see leaders as being the adult in the room or are they wanting "fun" people?

Meh. I couldn’t get worked up about this. The team I worked in previously were insane at our Christmas do’s. People doing coke in the loos, people disappearing off to bedrooms to have sex (it was in a hotel where some had booked to stay over.) On one memorable occasion there was a fight on the dance floor. People blowing up balloons into rude shapes & throwing them onto management’s table whilst we waited for the second course to arrive. Some people vomiting.

Anything less is a lame Christmas do surely.

If it makes you feel better OP, many years ago I worked in a very male dominated company but it had a female Managing director, very unusual in that industry. She was not very nice and unpopular generally but ok to chat to socially. At a work night out she got really really drunk then made a very obvious pass at a colleague and when he politely turned her down she started crying. Like loud snotty tantrum bawling in front of everyone. We were loving every minute of it of course. What you did is nothing, forget it!