Situation with DD15, am I being mean saying no to this?

[Bigpromotion]

DD is 15 (16 in May).

She has always been a good child, has a small group of friends who are all girls expect for one male friend in the group, who is gay.

Dd has never been one of the ‘populars’ as they all call the big group in her year but she has been ok with that.

Recently, (as in the last few weeks) DD and her friend have been hanging around in school with a few boys, which is fine. Last weekend they all met up to go shopping in our local town.

Another boy, has also started to message and chat in the evenings with dd. He is from this popular group in the year.

The school has a non-pupil day this Friday and this boy has asked dd to spend the afternoon with him at his house. I don’t know this lad or his family.

I have told DD that I am not too comfortable with her spending time at a household where I don’t know any of them. I have said I am more than happy to take them both into town and suggested they go for something to eat, bowling or the cinema etc if they want to spend some time together or he can come her to ours as I will be in all day but apparently that is all so ‘cringe’!
She said that she doesn’t want me picking him up in my car (12 year old Mini) as this boy’s family are apparently well-off, have a huge new home and 8 cars (she says the father is a car dealer). Over the last few years DD has become so impressed and influenced by materialism and wealth and that saddens me as I am not and haven’t brought her up to be so but there you go, we are all impressed by different things I suppose.

She says she isn’t particularly interested in this boy and tbh I think the only reason she wants to get to know him is in the hope of getting in with ‘The Populars’ which is not something I am keen for her to do for a whole host of reasons.

DD has told me that the boy has said his mum is going to be there and I’ve asked for her details so I can send her a quick text to check but again, apparently, this is also ‘cringe’ and no one does that!!
So I have said no, I’m not happy with her going. Tbh, she doesn’t seem too upset about this but the boy keeps pushing for her to keep asking me.

As I’ve said, I’m happy to take them anywhere else that day but not comfortable with her staying round a house where I am not sure if the adults are going to be there or not.

Over the next few years this may become a more common scenario and I am not going to stand in the way of any relationships she may have but atm I feel she is still too young.

We are a very open family and talk about sex and things which she will encounter in her life but she is quite young minded and I don’t think she fully appreciates what some young lads intentions actually are!

What would you say if you were me? Would you agree with me or let her go?

At 15 I honestly think you were lucky she even told you where she was going. At that age I would have just left for the day saying I'm off out with friends. And I would have gone wherever with whoever I wanted.

I agree re the bit about her being naive to his intentions. I think that you are probably doing her a favour by saying no. Imagine the scenario when she gets there, he puts the moves on her, she doesn't go as far as he wants and then he ends up telling all the popular crowd. That's how things operated when I was at school. If they were just friends I don't think that she would care so much about dropping her off there. Alternatively you could also offer to take her and have a quick chat with his mother/just say Hi. She probably won't want that either though.

One of the most important skills to 'manage being alone with a 'boy' (of any age) is to not get herself to situation in which she would need to 'manage being alone with a boy'. OP is giving her DD very important lesson of avoiding potentially dangerous situations

I think you should let her go and it is about trusting your daughter because if anything was untoward she would ring you to pick her up if your dropping her off you’ll know where to pick up. you could end up causing problems for yourself. My daughter is 16 now and we’ve always had a pretty open relationship and been very relaxed on friend ships and what she’s allowed to do the last few yrs (one of her best friends is a boy) However 2 of her friends in her group,their parents are very strict and they lie constantly to their parents saying they are going to be at someones house when actually their in the next town because their not allowed too or staying over at another friends so they can drink and vape and this is still the same at 16! Im lucky that my daughter has a very sensible head on her shoulders and I do believe that’s by being open and reasonable.
I do think it’s cringe contacting their parent at this age personally.

As others have said, it's a bit about trusting her. But I also think it's about trusting her judgement, and letting her know what you have faith in her.

I'd let her go, but make sure she knows that there is absolutely no shame in changing her mind (or having judged wrongly) and that you'll be there should that happen.

Do people really think that it's so easy to avoid sexual assault that you just whip your phone out as you're being overpowered to ring your Mum and wait till she drives over? Bizarre.

Surely it's better to use your judgement as you would with any first date and not go alone to the person's house.

Nothing about not trusting her judgement, everything about not trusting a pushy male who is refusing to meet the girl anywhere except his place.