Being stopped because DS is in a pram

[cocoapple]

DS is 2 (3 at the end of February) We are currently going through some assessments as he’s very delayed, I’ve been told it’s more than likely asd. He’s still in a pram as walking anywhere with him is a nightmare. He has no sense of danger, he’ll just run off and because he has limited understanding I can’t explain to him why what he does is dangerous and he wouldn’t come back to me if I called his name. I have tried reins, but he just throws himself on the floor or tries to walk in another direction.

I was walking back from doing the school run and a woman was walking a little bit behind me. She said “excuse me, he looks a little old to be in a pram” I told her that there were reasons why he was in one and walked off.

I got home and got a bit upset. It hurts to see other children his age and even younger walking next to their parents, I’d love for him to be able to do that but at the moment it’s not possible. In parks where it’s secure is ok but anything other than that is just too dangerous and difficult.

I just can’t believe someone would even say that. It wasn’t like a friendly chat or anything like that, she literally just said what she said, not even a smile.

It's exhausting, the relentless and mindless barage of utter twats who are keen to tell you you're parenting is at fault for pushing on and on any which way you find that works. Its.certainly a fault in their understanding, empathy and social skills. Yoj meet them in rral life and even more online (as youve noticed with some responses) But it's the (literally harassed) parents who become isolated and unable to even articulate the extent to which their life has become intolerable. I do think they do it on purpose in their (whatever causes it) need to feel superior, I'm guessing their own raging failings as humans. The particular one in my life has I would say enjoyed watching the disintegration of my own mental health.

Well isn't she a delight. My two year old is an excellent walker, but if I've got both dogs with me and the baby in the sling then he goes in the pushchair until we are away from the roads. Our job is to keep our children safe until they can do it themselves, and that's what you're doing with the pram.

My DD turned 3 in September. Sometimes she walks but if it’s a long way or we are in a hurry she’s straight in the buggy. Totally normal.

Shit I'd still go in a pram now if I could find someone to push me. 2 years old (and much older!) is absolutely fine! You're doing great OP. Ignore her.

I know it’s easy to think of a reply after the event but should have said and you’re a bit old to be making such rude remarks 😊
Don’t let it upset you, you just concentrate on your little boy and you know you’re doing your best for him being kept safe

she sounds extremely ignorant op.

that is not a normal thing to say to a stranger either.

Have a three year old, if we are out shopping as in clothes shopping, browsing, coffee shops etc, we take a buggy so that she can ride when her legs are tired.

I wouldn't think too much of it, that woman obviously has some issues herself if she's coming up to tell complete strangers that she disapproves of their parenting!

I still use a buggy for my autistic eight year old (he needs a safe place to rest when he's overwhelmed and I can't carry him anymore) and I think we've only ever had one stupid comment - a bloke who thought it was hilarious that an older child was in a buggy. He immediately looked horrified when I asked him to think about the reasons that it might be, and he apologised. So you're always going to get an idiot or two, but most people keep their opinions to themselves!

Invest in a wrist strap to encourage walking but to keep them safe.

And any child under four can use a pushchair. And any child of any age can use one without comments as long as it's one meant for older kids. People are so rude.

Just say aw, he's big for his age without elaborating next time.

Mine was happily in a buggy at that age and I consider it totally normal to see any pre-school child in one. And even if a school age child was in one that's fine too... the reasons are none of my business.

Some people think they have a right to comment on all sorts of things regarding raising children. You know what is right for you and your child and they can jog on (as they are clearly so keen on walking).

Can I come and live in your world @35965a where apparently noone gives unsolicited advice or comments?

How dare she! If you see her again, I'd pull her aside and tell her that what she said last time was incredibly rude and upsetting. I couldn't let such rudeness go.

And your son is only 2! Totally normal for him to be in a pram/buggy/pushchair (lots of people just use the words interchangeably).

Just put your finger to you lip, and keep walking (whilst thinking eff off!) Rude woman x

I still take the pushchair on the school run as my 3 year old quite often can’t manage the whole thing and will go in there for some of it usually. My 4 year old who I pick up from school will occasionally go in for a bit on the way home too if he’s especially tired! But to be honest if I saw any age child in a pushchair- I’d assume their parents had their reasons and I can’t imagine judging let alone commenting to you! But at 2- that’s just normal whatever the circumstances, she is very odd to make this comment!

I’d have told her to mind her own fucking business. Of course a 2 yr old will be in a pushchair, they aren’t only for children who are too young to walk, it’s so you can get to where you’re going at an adult pace!

My 3.5 year old uses pushchair when needed - he is a good walker but he can't do the same kind of mileage as me (I don't drive). I tend to find parents who stop using pushchairs at an early age drive a lot and/or only walk short distances.

Are you dim every day or the week or is it only on Monday’s?

You’ve had three children- that doesn’t make you an authority on child development. Your experience is incredibly narrow.

How can you be firm with a child who doesn’t understand minimal to no vocabulary? How can you be firm to a child who doesn’t understand simple one step instructions? How can you be firm to a child who has no concept of danger?

Please, do tell me. I would honestly love to know seeing as you’re so experienced in this field. I’m sure your advice will blow me away- I’ll make sure I pass it on to my child’s paediatrician, educational psychologist, the teachers at my child’s SN school, their speech and language therapist and occupational therapist.

You clearly know so much that all of these highly trained individuals don’t. And of course you know more about my child/children than their own mother.

My DS is autistic and has ADHD, I used a buggy for him until he was around 3.5 for the same reasons as you. It was only when he outgrew the buggy we graduated to these, picture attached.

I remember a very similar experience when we were in the town centre, a woman commented that he's too big for a buggy and should be walking. I explained it was for his own safety and how he has autism. She replied that she didn't "believe in all of that autism stuff"

I have a good friend who was skeptical about autism and ADHD diagnoses in general, he later realised he's autistic 😂

Later on down the line when we were in a shoe shop and DS was on his wrist reigns the employee said she felt so sorry for him being on those things and she hoped it didn't hurt him (he was pulling on them as he wanted to leave the shop)

I explained, as above, it's for his own safety and he will run into the road. I'd rather have a few funny looks than a dead child. She quickly apologised.

There are alot of ignorant people in the world, I don't think most mean any harm.. they're just ignorant. It used to upset me but now I just roll my eyes.

We need thick skins as unfortunately we will always come up against things like this. Don't let it get to you. You know best.

As an aside, I really reccomend the wrist reigns for when you feel he's ready to have a little more independence. They were a game changer for us.

DS is almost 6 now and I'm pleased to say he walks everywhere beautifully without the need for reigns, but I do believe the reigns helped to get us there.

I think the only time-related change here is that nowadays it's common for them to be all one unit - a pram that converts into a buggy. So the terms get mixed up because people aren't thinking of them as separate products any more.

My son was always very tall for his age. I remember when he was only 3 and more than one random person questioned if he should still be in a buggy!
Some people are just so rude and have no idea of your situation but can't help sticking their noses in. It used to annoy me a lot as well but as a pp said you probably have to get used to it. Please don't let it bother you- they should mind their own business! 🙂

Sounds weird. Completely normal for a 2yo to be in a buggy. Is it one that looks particularly like a pram? Our nursery starts trying to persuade children out of buggies at about 4yo if no other reasons why. One of mine was very tall though and outgrew his buggy very early so I felt I was squishing him into it until I swapped for a bigger double buddy so maybe it's that. I still would have been outraged at someone commenting on it! People do say stupid stuff though to mums, I cried at someone telling me my children were too cold when they were in fact fine.

Say loudly,
'He's actually disabled' in an equally rude tone. Not that it's any of her business but hopefully that will encourage her to keep her nose out in future.

I get these comments all the time! I've actually been told to keep my 2yo parent-facing by a speech therapist, so I feel confident in my decision - but it's amazing firstly how many people think they should voice their opinion but also how big of a deal some people seem to act like it is?! As if it's some huge, life altering thing which way a child is facing in a pram.

I still put my daughter in the buggy even at 3, and so did everyone else I know. It's so so normal! I don't drive so actually I quite needed it to get us anywhere at all. Mine was also a bolter, but even if she hadn't been you can't go everywhere at toddler pace, or only travel within a radius of 200m/the time it takes for their legs to get tired. Invaluable for doing the shopping too.
That person was full of crap, OP, ignore ignore ignore.

Op don't fret over what other people think.

DS is 5 in April and also autistic.

We use a pram because like your son, he has no sense of danger, he's a flight risk and will elope at any given opportunity, and he won't respond to his name or stop when asked to stop.

I tell any one who asks, my son has 2 modes: running away faster than Usain Bolt or completely immobile and boneless. If I want to get any where safely, it's with him in a pushchair.

When school started in September our neighbour on the corner of the street we have to turn to started making comments like he needs to walk, just take him out make him hold your hand, oh it's not far, don't you feel silly.

In the end I just shouted HE'S DISABLED! And walked off.

Outside is a sensory whirlpool. Lots of cars moving (misokinesia), lots of noises that are painful (misophonia), lots of light, lots of textures, lots of smells. It's A LOT. And for someone who's brain hasn't got the filter to filter out the unimportant bits it's hard to navigate.

So you do what you need to do to get your child where they need to go and safely because other people's opinions don't matter.