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Original poster

Being stopped because DS is in a pram

358 replies

cocoapple · 20/11/2023 09:30

DS is 2 (3 at the end of February) We are currently going through some assessments as he’s very delayed, I’ve been told it’s more than likely asd. He’s still in a pram as walking anywhere with him is a nightmare. He has no sense of danger, he’ll just run off and because he has limited understanding I can’t explain to him why what he does is dangerous and he wouldn’t come back to me if I called his name. I have tried reins, but he just throws himself on the floor or tries to walk in another direction.

I was walking back from doing the school run and a woman was walking a little bit behind me. She said “excuse me, he looks a little old to be in a pram” I told her that there were reasons why he was in one and walked off.

I got home and got a bit upset. It hurts to see other children his age and even younger walking next to their parents, I’d love for him to be able to do that but at the moment it’s not possible. In parks where it’s secure is ok but anything other than that is just too dangerous and difficult.

I just can’t believe someone would even say that. It wasn’t like a friendly chat or anything like that, she literally just said what she said, not even a smile.

OP posts:
sunshinestar1986 · 21/11/2023 19:27

Omg 😂
I used to put my 4 year old in a pushchair!

Longlielover · 21/11/2023 19:27

ASD mum here!
I had the same with my lad when he was four, queuing for “baby” change and the mum coming out said “oh, you’re a big boy to be needing changed”. By that time I was so fed up I practically yelled “and you’re a big girl to be making rude comments!!”.

Another time I’d driven into a disabled parking space outside a supermarket, popped the blue badge in the windscreen and jumped out. Was just about to open the back car door to fetch my boy out and a man walking past scoffed and said “well, YOU don’t LOOK very disabled!”, obviously thinking he’d caught me out. I said fairly calmly, but quite loudly, “ and you don’t LOOK like a judgmental c*nt, but they we are!!”
You’ll find your voice, trust me.
Wishing you all the best for joy ASD journey xx

Longlielover · 21/11/2023 19:31

*your ASD journey. Oops xx

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Lovely13 · 21/11/2023 19:35

Remember a mum chiding me for having a 2/3 child in a pushchair on school run. Saying her child walks 45 minutes a day, same age. I just went meh.
My former toddler is now 27, 6ft, strong, sporty etc. His/my ‘laziness’ at using a pushchair has not had a long-lasting effect! Do what suits you.

Original poster
cocoapple · 21/11/2023 19:50

@exaltedwombat I wasn’t embarrassed, what is there to be embarrassed about? It is because life with him is hard enough without strangers making comments

OP posts:
MyBrownEyedHandsomeBoy · 21/11/2023 19:55

My DS still has to go in his pram exactly because of the behaviour you've explained OP and he's the same age as yours.

How have you managed to get assessments? Did u go through HV or GP please?

karmasacat · 21/11/2023 19:57

This makes me so sad. When I was 4ish I had some problems with my ankle after breaking it that meant I struggled with walking on and off for about 2 years, largely due to pain but also I struggled with being scared I would fall and hurt myself again. I used a pushchair often during this time, and my Mum says she had people be openly rude to her like this a couple of times. People are so rude, it’s none of their business.

Original poster
cocoapple · 21/11/2023 19:57

@MyBrownEyedHandsomeBoy I’ve done it all through the HV x

OP posts:
Saschka · 21/11/2023 19:59

Changednayme · 21/11/2023 18:40

People are getting diagnosed with autism for anything nowadays. it’s making it harder for people who actually have it

Even IF that was true, it doesn’t sound like that is remotely applicable to OP’s son does it?

gottogonow · 21/11/2023 20:09

I remember someone who used to put their 5 year old in a pushchair when going long distances just because he didn’t like walking. Sometimes we have the misfortune to experience someone who needs to mind their own. It’s them not you so please don’t worry about it and keep doing whatever is right for you & your child because you know best!

Lopoem · 21/11/2023 20:20

My neurotypical youngest used a pushchair all through nursery (so at the end she would have still been 4). She would be tired after a full day at nursery and it is an uphill walk back. I am only just over 5 foot, so found it too difficult to carry her.

If you need to use a pushchair for whatever reason, use it. It really is nobody else's business.

staceyflack · 21/11/2023 21:15

Nosey & ignorant. Ignore, ignore, ignore the silly cow 😘

bemusedmoose · 21/11/2023 21:27

He's 2! Stupid woman. Asd or not loads of 2 year olds still use a buggy (to be fair ive seen way older ones and even reception kids in buggies). I was the other side of it - by 2 mine wouldnt go in a buggy unless they were too tired to physically stand, even then it was more of a trick to get them in. Everyone telling me it would be easier if i kept them in one, i should just put them in and let them make a fuss til they stay in.... You just cant win with some people.

Absolutely none of her business, she was rude to say it. People might think it but they should keep it to themselves. He could have not slept all night, been ill, hidden disability, not able to walk... So many reasons he needs a buggy and not one of them anything to do with her. You know him and if he isnt safe then keeping him safe is all that matters and women with random opinions need to be told to kept it to themselves.

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 21/11/2023 21:48

I would say 2 is perfectly normal and actually sometimes it is just safer and sometimes easier if you are going any distance to put 2/3/4 year old in a pram. Each to their own and people should mind their business.

Mygosh · 21/11/2023 22:23

Nobody's business but yours. I remember wheeling my 4 yr old niece around in a pushchair because her legs hurt all the time. She was obviously way too big for it but I didn't care, I'm past caring what other people think.
I haven't read the whole post and don't know if this has been mentioned, but have you thought about getting a Mobiquip pushchair? Nobody will dare to ask questions then.

Morgysmum · 21/11/2023 22:27

Sadly people are just horrid and noesy. I got told my son was 2 big for a pram, when he was 2, because he was tall and looked older.
I just shrugged it off and carried on, but I can see how it could upset you, when you whish he was able to. You ate doing what is best for your child, just ignore her and carry on, sadly it probably will not be the last time, there is something that just makes others feel it's there right to interfere in others life's, without knowing anything about that person.

T1Dmama · 22/11/2023 00:34

Sorry @cocoapple, people say such ignorant and stupid things!
my friends little boy was still in a buggy at 4.5 not long before starting school… but he has sight issues and sometimes just fell over thin air, it was quicker and safer for him to go in the buggy, plus walking up and back with his sight was too exhausting for him…. (40-50 minute round trip twice a day)…
she had people ask why he was still in a buggy too…. I think people shouldn’t be so fast to judge! Kids need to be in a buggy at that age for various reasons…. Imagine asking a parent of a child with muscular discography that!! Or since she was walking behind you your son may’ve had a limb missing or been paralysed or been blind or as in your case a learning disability affecting his awareness etc…
She was a dick and I hope you can forget her stupidity.
I hope your son is assessed soon and you get the support needed.

CelestiaNoctis · 22/11/2023 02:51

What a freak. My 2 year old is physically delayed due to medical reasons but catching up so he can't walk yet. My response would have been, sorry do you I know you? Or just a straight up ignoring them. Often I just ignore crazy people because it makes them really angry to not have nonsense even heard at all. 2 is not too old to be in a pram. I used a pram until my first was 4 because her legs got tired easy, your reasons are your own and no one else's business. You don't owe anyone else anything.

Zerosleep · 22/11/2023 04:09

That is incredibly rude and you owe her and everyone else zero explanation. I can’t imagine my response if I was asked and my little one is older than yours. Honestly the entitlement of it. Don’t worry or feel upset OP, absolutely nothing wrong with your reasoning and approach, only problem is rude entitled people asking silly questions.

OldPerson · 22/11/2023 06:17

He's in a pram because you don't trust him to not run off? The pram is used as a physical restraint for his "safety", not because of his mobility needs. You need "educational" support. Because your son also probably needs to exercise and build his physical balance and mobility skills. In the meantime, I'd take him to a park everyday, with an enclosed area, so he's safe to run around. And look urgently for further support.

NovemberAutumn · 22/11/2023 06:20

He's 2. And might have a developmental disability if he has ASD.

It's not a parenting failure to use a buggy at this age for whatever reason. Even less so in the circumstances the OP describes.

Rosscameasdoody · 22/11/2023 07:19

OldPerson · 22/11/2023 06:17

He's in a pram because you don't trust him to not run off? The pram is used as a physical restraint for his "safety", not because of his mobility needs. You need "educational" support. Because your son also probably needs to exercise and build his physical balance and mobility skills. In the meantime, I'd take him to a park everyday, with an enclosed area, so he's safe to run around. And look urgently for further support.

You might want to read all the OP’s posts. She knows her sons’ needs better than anyone else and it sounds to me as though she’s already accessing professional advice and waiting for assessment. In the meantime there’s no shame in using a buggy and whatever else she needs to do to keep her son safe, so your inverted commas advice is probably not telling her anything she doesn’t already know.

Original poster
cocoapple · 22/11/2023 07:32

@OldPerson Please read all of my posts before spouting your shite

OP posts:
Beety3ly · 22/11/2023 09:42

I could have written this about my DS who is 3 in March. I have to use the buggy for similar reasons. However, as others have said most 2 years are in a buggy. I would say thinking about my other 3C I would only stop when they were around 4. Just offering some solidarity as toddlers are hard especially toddlers with extra needs.

Elly46 · 22/11/2023 10:04

My son has asd (now aged 6) and was in a buggy until at least age 4 as he’d walk for a little while then suddenly decide he didn’t want to walk any longer. I had times where I had to carry him home which wasn’t fun. Either buggy or a little toddler trike which he was far too big for but was useful for bringing him in to supermarkets etc. I used to put shopping in the little tray at the back. I had a couple of looks but no one ever said anything so please know that what this woman said to you is relatively rare. Completely rude and obnoxious- why on earth is she bothered by what you and your baby are doing. It is upsetting- I’d be upset. I also have a side that bites now. When my baby was 3 months an old we were in the supermarket and a lady put her fingers in my boys mouth simulating a dummy. I didn’t say anything but was furious for years. As a result of that incident I’m always ready for similar peoples actions and will say something to them. Not that you should have to fend off bad mannered people.
apologies for the sentence structure I’m in a rush.