Being stopped because DS is in a pram

[cocoapple]

DS is 2 (3 at the end of February) We are currently going through some assessments as he’s very delayed, I’ve been told it’s more than likely asd. He’s still in a pram as walking anywhere with him is a nightmare. He has no sense of danger, he’ll just run off and because he has limited understanding I can’t explain to him why what he does is dangerous and he wouldn’t come back to me if I called his name. I have tried reins, but he just throws himself on the floor or tries to walk in another direction.

I was walking back from doing the school run and a woman was walking a little bit behind me. She said “excuse me, he looks a little old to be in a pram” I told her that there were reasons why he was in one and walked off.

I got home and got a bit upset. It hurts to see other children his age and even younger walking next to their parents, I’d love for him to be able to do that but at the moment it’s not possible. In parks where it’s secure is ok but anything other than that is just too dangerous and difficult.

I just can’t believe someone would even say that. It wasn’t like a friendly chat or anything like that, she literally just said what she said, not even a smile.

I used to get asked why my son wasn't in school. I just said 'because he's three'. He was just big for his age. It was the way they asked it and why they felt they needed to ask at all - it's not your business!
You can't stop people thinking something (I inwardly cringe when I see children talking with dummies in their mouths ) but you don't vocalise it! Surely surely people know there are plenty of hidden reasons why someone might need assistance.

Solidarity, I have a 2.5yr old DS who is delayed and possibly asd with no danger awareness. He’s only just started to take short walks holding hands or on reigns. We still use the pram everyday. I had the exact same comment from a builder whose site we walk past every morning. At that point I was not in a good mood and simply said ‘mind your own business you obnoxious dick’. Safe to say he doesn’t comment anymore.

Why on earth does everyone think their child is delayed at such a young age these days? Honestly, I had this nonsense with my six year old boy… nursery posturing that he was on the spectrum when he just needed more time to mature. Fed up with people thinking all these kids have autism based on crazy anxieties. My two daughters used pushchairs occasionally till age four!
It’s normal for toddlers to be unaware of risks and trying to reason with them is daft. Just be firm and he will learn and don’t compare yourself to others. Every child is different.

Rude ignorant busybod
id give a dirty look and walk off

@saraclara i think that because a lot of pushchairs these days are part of a travel system that converts from a pram to a push chair that the name just sticks whilst it’s a pram (with carrycot for the baby). Tbh I call the pushchair a ‘buggy’ but no idea if that is just a regional thing.

@AthenaPopodopolous excuse me? You have no idea what my life is like with him. He has no understanding and doesn’t say a word. He has sensory issues, is sensitive to noise. The list is endless. I haven’t woken up one day and suddenly decided he has autism. I am going off what professionals have told me. He completely failed his 2 year check so he is delayed. Being “firm” with him just wouldn’t work.

I'm afraid you've just had an encounter with the lesser spotted common arsehole.

I still put my NT, 99% percentile in height, 3 year old in the pushchair for the school walk. It's a mile, we are ususally going at a clip to get there in time. She is starting to walk it when we have time, but most of the time she is in it when we get to the school. My neighbour also does the same with her 3 year old.

No one has ever said anything!

My NT son still uses his pram from time to time (he’s 2.5 and enormous so I do sometimes get looks but he’s my son and its my choice (sometimes it’s even his choice if he’s a bit tired)).
People will always judge no matter what you do. I was breast feeding him in a cafe once when he was 8 months old and a woman came up to me and said “I think he’s too old for all that now!” gesturing in the vicinity of my boobs.

Respectfully Athena the poster above, don’t talk about what you don’t know and don’t understand. Are you trying to tell me my 2 year old who barely talks 10 random words on repeat all day, who constantly spins in circles, can’t walk in a straight line or walks tip toed, doesn’t understand barely anything I say to him, has only said the word Mum once after 2 and half years, won’t look people in the eye, won’t even recognise anyone that leaves or walks into the room and I could go on. Yeah he will deffo grow out of that and it’s just anxiety isn’t it. Knobhead.

Even if your son didn’t have a delay, he’s at a perfectly normal age to still use a buggy. I used a buggy for my kids until age 3 when they needed it. They would have happily gone in it at age 4 too! She needs to mind her own business.

Completely normal even if no issues! I can’t believe anyone in this day and age wouldn’t be aware enough to see an older child in a pushchair and not assume there was a disability of some sort and never fucking say anything! Maybe this person was an alcoholic, off her face on something or had dementia and just spouted shit. I’m guessing they don’t have many friends in real life. Or are just a horrid horrid person.
You sound like a great mum.

Prepare yourself because shit like this unfortunately only gets worse as time goes on.

My sibling has Autism (very much on the “severe” end of the scale) and the comments/stares always happened any time my mum took us out anywhere. She was always having to “explain” things to strangers and it was an upsetting experience for her.

I now have two young kids myself, both awaiting assessment for ASD, and I know what I’m in for.

I think the only mistake my mum made was giving these morons any time of day. I am a lot more blunt (and uncaring to opinions), so I know the first time anyone tries that with me, they’ll be told where to go.

It seems disability awareness and acceptance in wider society only really applies to “trendy” disabilities or ones very much on the lesser end of the scale in terms of severity. Anyone else gets the stares, the comments, the judgey little sniggers.

Do what is right for you and your family. Anyone else, especially anyone who has never lived it, can fuck off.

Wow that woman was a fucking arsehole. DD was in a pushchair until 3ish and then I pushed her around in a trike until she was well past 4. I only stopped using it because it broke.

My DD is the same age and I still use the pushchair for the school run! Sometimes she’s in it, sometimes not but anyone who questioned it would get a lecture from me about minding their own business.

To the ignorant poster above, being non-verbal with no sense of danger at nearly 3 are strong signs of SEN so please keep your uneducated views to yourself.

🤣 I wouldn't have let mine out of the buggy at 2! Someone said that to me about my daughter when she was 4. I said "I think we'll let her off as she's just had chemotherapy for leukemia!" It's just being uninformed. One of my other kids was still in a buggy at 4½ because she has additional needs.

Bizarre comment from the lady. My daughter is 3.5 and I often put her in the pushchair if I need to get somewhere fast. Please don’t give her comment another thought.

I had the same with DD's nursery teacher trying to make me go to lots of assessments. I refused and DD is developing just fine. She needs extra support with reading but none of her other teachers have whinged like her nursery teacher did.

I never had anyone say anything to me but I did have looks when my tall DS was in the pushchair. He was about 3.5 when he was mostly out but almost 4 before it was gone completely. His legs get tired on long walks, now he'd ask to be carried he didn't want to be restrained in a pushchair. Very rare he'll ask to be carried now.

He's also diagnosed ASD and it took a very long time to get him used to walking, even with reins. He'd try to run, want to walk straight if we were turning left, throwing himself on the floor..

If you want to try and phase him into walking (only if, you're the mother, just offering advice) I took him quite often to local parks on walks with his reins. No danger of traffic etc, then gradually start guiding him in different directions, excited tone, encouraging him, big fuss when he followed directions etc.

In future if anyone comments, use colourful language. There's a lot of arseholes about unfortunately.

Mine still used the buggy sometimes at three and they were good walkers.

This is terrible. I literally don't know 1 person who doesn't put their 2 year old in a buggy if they can when out and about. How would anyone get their shopping done! You don't have to start saying 'being tested for ASD..' because every 2 and 3 year old, and older, is a nightmare to walk with. My 4 year old used to be taken in buggy to school and then just before we got there i'd tell him to jump out so no one saw 😆he's much older now and has survived without his legs falling off! Honestly OP you're going to have to learn to tell people to piss off, nobody really cares except the odd weirdo with nothing better to do.

I used to get asked why my son wasn't in school. I just said 'because he's three'. He was just big for his age. It was the way they asked it and why they felt they needed to ask at all - it's not your business!

That never bothered me but the occasional follow up question of are you sure did.

DH aid it probably bought up unpleasant memories arguing with maternity consultant in last pg about how old our then youngest was as consultant had read his notes wrong but assumed he was right - I thought it was more being socially stumped at how to reply vaguely politely to such a stupid question.

This is ridiculous. I'm just back from a quick trip to the local shops and put my nearly three year old in the pram as she was happy to go in and let's be honest it's just easier than navigating a child who has no road sense (we live in a city). I didn't even think anything of it (and she's tall for her age so probably looks older). That person was an idiot.

Very little knowledge from that person about children's development and other reasons, plus nobody asked her.

What a cow. Please don’t let her upset you. You are doing great and making safest and best choices for your child.

Exactly, my 4 year old would never have managed the school run even without it! And he's perfectly fine. Some people are so bloody judgy.