Being stopped because DS is in a pram

[cocoapple]

DS is 2 (3 at the end of February) We are currently going through some assessments as he’s very delayed, I’ve been told it’s more than likely asd. He’s still in a pram as walking anywhere with him is a nightmare. He has no sense of danger, he’ll just run off and because he has limited understanding I can’t explain to him why what he does is dangerous and he wouldn’t come back to me if I called his name. I have tried reins, but he just throws himself on the floor or tries to walk in another direction.

I was walking back from doing the school run and a woman was walking a little bit behind me. She said “excuse me, he looks a little old to be in a pram” I told her that there were reasons why he was in one and walked off.

I got home and got a bit upset. It hurts to see other children his age and even younger walking next to their parents, I’d love for him to be able to do that but at the moment it’s not possible. In parks where it’s secure is ok but anything other than that is just too dangerous and difficult.

I just can’t believe someone would even say that. It wasn’t like a friendly chat or anything like that, she literally just said what she said, not even a smile.

This! And or not what the heck is her problem! You are keeping your child safe and being a good parent. What a rude woman.

Some people are hideous aren't they? How rude. I remember when I had DD2 two lots of strangers came up to me and said oh what a shame it wasn't a boy. It broke my heart. Also I had the two of them in a brilliant double buggy on holidays and long walks until the eldest was 5! I remember a couple of people commenting. The funny thing was the DCs were and still are excellent walkers and had probably already done a good 10k that day and just got in the buggy so they could have a rest and we could push them for a bit. it did upset me though. Some people are arseholes. I would say try not to let them get to you, but I know it's hard.

Thanks so much everyone. We all have our own way of doing things and I’d never have an opinion on how other people parent their children, we all know how hard it can be!

I think it upset me as much as it did because I’m having a hard time with him at the moment, what with him having his struggles and I already feel like a bad mum that can’t meet his needs so I really did not need some random person questioning my way of doing things. Anyway, f her and hopefully I’ll be a bit more ready in the future if it happens again (hopefully not though🤣)

People are knobs, I once had a lady stop me on the bus and ask "why have you done that to yourself? It's disgusting" because I had a nose piercing.
I think this is a case of a lady being thoughtless & rude but also you're on a journey yourself grieving about the situation. This is very common, I have neurodiverse children myself and was an SEN teacher & SENCO - one of my roles was to help parents accept their children's differences. Your expectations have been dashed and your son's differences becoming more pronounced. You need time to adjust to this situation; it's not what you expected, but you will bé the one who will help him thrive.
i think an SEN support group with parents in similar situations would also be helpful - people who "get it".

Up to 4 or even a bit longer is fine for a buggy and should go unremarked. People need to keep their noses out and mind their own beeswax.

I had almost the opposite problem because our DC was very prem and was wearing aged 2 clothes when aged 5. So I’d have this little tiddler with me and people would tell me I should have a buggy and he would ‘get tired’.

I'm so sorry someone made you feel like this. They had absolutely no right! Please don't take it to heart. Coming from a mum of three, we are are own worst critics without having to worry about the ignorant strangers. You do what is best for you and your son, and sod everyone else xxx

My 3 year old goes to school and back in a buggy. Sometimes he walks for a bit but he gets tired and it’s a fair way plus a dangerous road!!
People are weird, I would never even look at a child in a buggy and think about what age they are?!
ignore the rude cow, my 6 year old would happily get in the buggy too!!

All my kids used a pushchair until and including 3 with the odd outing until 4
Ignore

You are meeting his needs. Your doing a great job 🙂

I wouldn’t have been so polite my dd is 4 and my ds is nearly 2 there are times that dd wants to go in the pram because she’s tired or her little legs are hurting and there’s no way ds is walking next to me for more then a couple of minutes, so I take a double buggy everywhere because even at 4 dd is still little

I think that was a really unfair and mean comment to make to you and even her giving her opinion whilst your minding your own business actually very rude. I would have lost my shit. My little boy is 2 and still in a pram as there is absolutely no way he wouldn’t run off and he refuses to hold my hand. I feel 2 is still so young and small! My eldest is 5 and she was in her pram until about 3.5 so I wills suggest just to brush it off this time. If I saw her again though I would have a lot to say!

The answer is, excuse me but how is my son's transport method any of your business?

Omg so rude. He is 2. It’s so normal to be in a pram. My DS1 whose now 17 didn’t have any special needs but the nursery school he went to was 15 min walk. We walked there (downhill!) and I pushed him home. Until he started reception - age 4. He was too tired to walk at that time. The alternative was me driving… now is is 17 and lifts weights in the gym. Makes no difference that he went in the pram aged 4.

My son is very tall and whatever he was doing I would get some random interfering idiot telling me that he should be doing x, y or z. I just used to ignore or brush it off with a cheery "children all develop differently don't they"?
The only day I lost it was when a complete stranger added the phrase "at his age"
I politely asked if she knew me or my family, puzzled she said she didn't.
So I asked her how she could possibly know his age.
Surprisingly she had assumed his age and started to look embarrassed and walked off.
Moral of the story - unless you can see something dangerous going on: keep your thoughts on other people's children to yourself.

You've had plenty of comments OP - my eldest is 2 and we still take the pram, he has no issues walking but sometimes needs a break or a nap because...he is only 2. The person commenting clearly has no kids, it's hard, but try to ignore it and do what's best for you.

DS1 was 3.5 years old when DS2 was born. I bought a second hand double buggy because I knew DS1 wouldn’t want to walk far. No idea what people thought, I wasn’t bothered!

DS1 is now 18, walks plenty at university, plays football etc.
He just didn’t like walking when he was a kid.

I still use the pram with my 2 year old. She is fine at walking but sometimes I need to get somewhere at a pace not toddler pace. Or I’m walking the dog too.

today she asked to go in the pram.
complexly normal

I know it's hard but try not to dwell on it. You're doing nothing wrong. Everyone has an opinion about children, I got chastised by another mum in the library for borrowing picture books to read to my baby. Apparently I should only be choosing simple baby board books. It wound me up and I felt like I couldn't do anything right but, at the end of the day, a parent knows what is best for their child. You're doing what you think is best so just ignore the haters.

my 2 year old still uses a pram. Perfectly normal

Yes, average up to age three. My toddler doesn't reliable stay with me, or want to walk the whole way if we're out, for ex, so I take the stroller with us (also, carries diaper bag. Rain gear etc. Great for naps, too!)
The audacity of some people astounds. 🤬🤦‍♀️
Makes you want to respond: What makes you feel entitled to comment? 🤔
Or completely off topic:
Since we're being candid, you're far too old and fat for that outfit. Have a nice day! 🤣

I was walking back from doing the school run and a woman was walking a little bit behind me. She said “excuse me, he looks a little old to be in a pram” I told her that there were reasons why he was in one and walked off

Baffled why you would have engaged with her? I would have just given her a look like she was a crazy and rude person and walked off. If I had to speak (and no idea why that would be required), it would have been ‘Do fuck off’, but I honestly couldn’t even be bothered saying that. Never feel the need to explain, you don’t owe that to any randoms.

It's totally normal for smaller kids who can't walk long distances to be in a stroller (I think that's the correct US equivalent to a pram?) They get tired easily but they're too big to be carried. So even if he wasn't special needs it would still be normal. And the fact he's a runner? I've heard too many horrible news reports about ASD runners who fell into bodies of water and couldn't be found because they ran so quickly away. It's so heartbreaking. It's a very real danger! You have every right to protect your son without anyone being a bitch to you about it. I hope you say f*ck off next time. No one else deserves an explanation. I have a daughter with ASD and she wasn't quite so dangerous with her running, but she would run suddenly in front of cars or into traffic, so I made her hold my hand until just recently, at 13yo. She nearly jumped into the Grand Canyon last year, it was a very close call. So even now she's seemingly a normal teenage girl but I know when and how I need to be on high alert with her. You know what your child needs and no one else gets to mansplain that to you.

Silly cow should mind her own business. Lots of toddlers are still in prams. What a ridiculous thing to say!

People are stupid sometimes. My older one has autism and was non-verbal (and in nappies) until after 5. Gosh the comments I got. 'have you tried talking to him... then he will learn to talk' was a standout one. or a comment that i caused his autism because it is caused by unengaged and cold hearted mothers. Plus he was a bolter and so was in a buggy or on reins until about 5 too. So many of the comments hurt me and still do looking back. He's 13 now and fabulous in every way. We have a great relationship, he is doing well at his mainstream school he is supremely talented at computers and being a kind and loving friend. He can't tie his shoelaces though or hit a ball thanks to his coordination issues. A buggy meant I was able to get him around safely!

I have perfected the 'But it's none of your business really, is it?' with a quizzical smile response.

I read the message without noticing the age you put. When I scrolled back up to check I was expecting you to say 5 or 6!!! Your lady would love me..mine is nearly 3 and we are still feeding!!!! I would love to see her face!!!😘