Being stopped because DS is in a pram

[cocoapple]

DS is 2 (3 at the end of February) We are currently going through some assessments as he’s very delayed, I’ve been told it’s more than likely asd. He’s still in a pram as walking anywhere with him is a nightmare. He has no sense of danger, he’ll just run off and because he has limited understanding I can’t explain to him why what he does is dangerous and he wouldn’t come back to me if I called his name. I have tried reins, but he just throws himself on the floor or tries to walk in another direction.

I was walking back from doing the school run and a woman was walking a little bit behind me. She said “excuse me, he looks a little old to be in a pram” I told her that there were reasons why he was in one and walked off.

I got home and got a bit upset. It hurts to see other children his age and even younger walking next to their parents, I’d love for him to be able to do that but at the moment it’s not possible. In parks where it’s secure is ok but anything other than that is just too dangerous and difficult.

I just can’t believe someone would even say that. It wasn’t like a friendly chat or anything like that, she literally just said what she said, not even a smile.

My dd was still in a pushchair for the school run at four! This was when we walked her older brother in so she had to walk there and back twice a day on my days off work. It was a good 1 hr and 15 mins each time and sometimes we would shop at the supermarket in way back. She just wouldn’t walk that far and she was too heavy for me to carry. I would have told someone where to go if they commented.

My little boy is nearly 4 and I still take the pushchair when we go out.

She should mind her own business!

When my DD was very little she refused to wear a hat or have a blanket on her at night. A late middle aged man rushed up to me in the street as we walked along in autumn without one and begged me fervently to “please, please, give the poor little one a hat”. I was so taken aback and riddled with post partum hormones that I nodded meekly and went home feeling like the worst mother on earth despite the fact I was carrying the hat she’d thrown off several times. My husband was indignant and told me I should have told the man to F off. But sometimes we are just not up to a fight over our parenting choices because we are exhausted from parenting!

I had similar unwanted advice from my FIL who had been estranged from his own son for a long time due to being a crap Dad. He pitied my sleeping baby for “not even having a blanket” after she’d kicked it off many times.

Honestly, tell them to F off. I wish I had.

My son is 6 years old and in his first year at school, he goes to alternative pathway school (special needs school) which is fantastic, he has access to a therapist his medical needs if anything is noticed he I am notified and referral is put in from school. (Kids not the spectrum do not always feel pain correctly could my youngest literally pulled his baby toe nail off and not react to the pain, so I did not notice right away what had happened. These kind of things can happen very easily when they are stimming.

he is still in a buggy when we go out, I have 3 kids 2 of which have autism, youngest is non verbal. Youngest is one in buggy still (6yrs) he has a special buggy which is suitable up to 10 years old, which is for kids like these. I have currently stopped going to the park, as DC3 will look to escape if older kids need help he will escape and has done while helping DC2 (also autistic) who was stuck and could not free himself. dC3 got on to busy road and ran down middle while i frantically ran after him screaming. I get you it is not easy and arse holes and their opinions can shove them up their assholes!

I still get the buggy comments, I’m just not nice about it anymore, sadly this will happen through out your DC life, people are opinionated assholes! My non verbal screeched in a restaurant he was uncomfortable, I can’t control his reaction he can’t talk so can’t verbally tell me. He is learning sign language and so am I, but it is taking me longer to learn than him. I feel so dumb that I can’t grasp it fully I really am trying. This woman in the restaurant turns around and tells me I need to get control of him that he shouldn’t be in restaurants if I can’t stop him screaming. I burst into tears that time, I knew the staff in restaurant well, they told her to not be so ignorant. Ever since then Iv not cried in front of them but Iv been just as rude back. Or completely ignored them.

it really is no one’s business if your DC is in a buggy or not, they are not living your life, they do not have the stress of their child not being able to
understand danger. And having to have the reactions of a cat 24/7 day and night. They do not have the lack of sleep, or the grief for a life they won’t have. They are not there for all the comments you have each day, every day, You go out, with some asshole and their opinion on your child they actually have never even met in their lives… my best advice, I can give you is you need to grow a thick skin. It is a complete shock to the system on how people react to disabled people, how opinionated strangers and people you have known for years who don’t have a fuvking clue what they are talking about or what you are actually dealing with, and what your child is dealing with and why they are reacting differently to other children. You got to learn to think fuck they fuckers they are not even worth your time to engage with, with their stupidity. This is not easy in anyway, it takes years to learn to say fuck them, and some days will get you completely by surprise and hurt like a hot poker in your heart. I’m not going to lie, but it gets easier to ignore and it’s actually easier when they have been diagnosed, and you can say my child has a disability and that is why do you have anymore shitty uninformed comments to make?! And I can assure you they will be off quicker than they came.

keep your chin up, keep strong and you keep doing your dam best as you are doing! Anyone who refuses to understand can fuck off, because they will bring you down because that is your little baba and you have to go above and beyond to protect them daily. Don’t let the pricks bring you down x

I once had someone snatch my babies dummy out of his mouth and tell me that I shouldn’t let him have them. People are nosy busybodies with nothing better to do. Mine was in his pram until at least 3.5 and he wasn’t delayed so don’t worry about it!

I saw a lady struggling with her child in a shop, the child being quite loud and mom struggling to get him strapped into the buggy. A random stranger came up and started saying to the child 'oh you need to behave, Santa is watching'. The mom turned around and said 'sorry he has autism he doesn't understand'. That lady should never have gone near the mom, it wasnt helpful, it was rude and uncalled for. Why do some people think they have the right to stick their noses into other people's business?

She was rude OP. I would of told her to jog on.
I had 3 dc's under 5 and my oldest sometimes used to sit in the buggy because her legs were tired. My youngest was in a sling around me when a baby so it worked out well when out with the dc's. Some people are busy bodies so ignore her. Your little lad is only tiny. Before you know it he will be 16 (like my eldest)😥

My son was pretty much on a buggy board from the ages of 2-4. We genuinely wouldn't have got anywhere otherwise. Everyone's situation is so different. The woman was incredibly rude to say that. You do what's right for you. No one worthwhile would ever judge you for keeping your son safe. Take care and all the best.x

My 5 year old with asd sits in the double pram often! Those who don’t get it, sadly never will! I also don’t think 2 is too old at all regardless!

Fuvk the assholes, all they do is talk shit. They are unable to understand or comprehend what having a non verbal is actually like. They are very wonderful people, but it is extremely challenging to keep them safe, the lack of sleep, learning how to be a parent/career which is dramatically different to being a parent. (Sorry but it’s a different ball game all together to those who do not have first hand experience)

iv been where you are just now, the limbo between no diagnosis, progress of seeing specialists, speech therapists, IQ tests, blood tests… the constant appointments… from nursery, specialist, doctors, specialist nurses, extra development appointments… which btw to anyone who doesn’t know, diagnoses are not given out in a boxes of Kellogg’s.. this takes a long time, can be years in my youngest case, he was being of diagnosis just before covid so took 3 years for him to be diagnosed, with autism, life long moderate development delay (learning disability), non verbal language delay… I was told as he ages more may be added to the list as other thing where noted, that he was too young to be diagnosed.

then when your child is given a diagnosis, first you feel validated, your child’s struggles are completely real and on paper. Then you greve the life your child will not be able to have. That they will not be able to live independently, the grand children you won’t have. And that is a normal! They even tell you this. Then you learn that everything is going to be ok, you can’t change anything but you learn to cope and my god we love our little babies and that love is so strong for such a innocent person. Keep your chin up and fuck people so up their own ass to try and understand they are incapable of understanding things are not always as you would want.

I have a 6 year old and if we are out for a long day or travelling I take a stroller. I can't carry him if he gets sleepy. And he also still throws tantrums,loses leg bones and is very unpleasant. I get comments too. You have to do what is right for you.

People are getting diagnosed with autism for anything nowadays. it’s making it harder for people who actually have it

Thanks so much for all the supportive comments and sorry to those who have also had to deal with ignorant people😞 He also hates the rain cover, so every time it’s raining I’ll put it on, but he starts screaming and takes it off. Now I just put his hood up instead and give him a blanket. I’ve seen people at school look but I tend to ignore. Luckily I’m quite friendly with a few of the mums in DS class and they understand the situation. Thank god not everybody is ignorant!

@Changednayme Not sure who you’re referring to?

odfod

@Changednayme
Say what now ?….

My nearly 6 year old ASD daughter is still in a pushchair, I have had these comments but rather that than her run on the duel carriageway next to her school or under a bus outside where we live.

People are getting more readily diagnosed with autism because we understand it more and are better at identifying it - it makes no difference to any individuals 'ability' to be diagnosed.

My 6 year old (ASD, non verbal) often has a ride in his little sister’s pushchair. It makes him feel safe when he’s experiencing sensory overload. His sister is 3 and still enjoys a ride in the pram if she is tired or we are on a long walk. Keep doing what works for you 🙂

BTW how old is your son @AthenaPopodopolous

Try being firm?
With a 2 year old?
Can't imagine how that would work. Mine wasn't delayed and being firm would have made everything worse.
But yeah that sounds like fantastic advice. 🙈
My youngest was in a mothercare 3 wheeler pram till he was about 4. We walked everywhere and it was so much easier.

The OP has stated her son is delayed due to not reaching his 2 year milestones. At least they are actually looking into it and hopefully OP's son will get all the help and support he needs that will help him grow.

Good luck OP

My son is ADHD/ASD. He wasn't officially diagnosed until he was 9 yrs old (a very long battle with no support). I knew from him being a baby something wasn't 'typical' about him. He was delayed with various aspects of his development.

I was still using a pushchair and reins upto about 4 yrs. He had no sense of danger. For his own safety, it had to be done.

I put up with so many unsolicited comments, dirty looks, head shakes and huffing at me. It knocked my confidence and I started becoming really afraid of going out with him.

It makes me sad to think about that now, because over the years I've developed the backbone to tell people to piss off now and carry on with my life without letting them get to me. I wish I'd had that in those early days. But I suppose I only learned to develop this as a result of those ignorant busy-body arseholes. If I hadn't I'd have become agoraphobic!

Honestly OP, you are doing great. You know what's best for your own child. And at 2 yrs old, this isn't unusual even if he didn't have any development delays!

Unfortunately, we live in a society lacking in empathy where people believe they are entitled to thrust their uneducated opinions on others. So the best you can do is grow the skin of a rhino, go about your life as usual and tell these fuckers to find something else to occupy their sad little lives.

@cocoapple - my mum would be the first to admit she was a bit judgy about 'older' children in pushchairs before she had me...and then she had a tall toddler who could easily pass for 3 before they were 2, and she has never judged again (for over 40 years, so her judgy years were when more people walked everywhere with their children/pushchair/shopping!).

In response to the delightful lady who thought it was okay to comment - "actually it's a pushchair, but thank you for your unsolicited opinion random stranger" might do next time!? Bloody cheek of some people...

Do you have any idea of the hoops you have to jump through to get a diagnosis?

@Changednayme What a curious thing to say! What do you mean by that?

Some people think that 'child protection' is their constant, personal responsibility. Which in a way it is, though it can be taken too far.

But this is really about you being a bit embarrassed and therefore sensitive about the situation. Hope it all works out well for both you and the child.