Being stopped because DS is in a pram

[cocoapple]

DS is 2 (3 at the end of February) We are currently going through some assessments as he’s very delayed, I’ve been told it’s more than likely asd. He’s still in a pram as walking anywhere with him is a nightmare. He has no sense of danger, he’ll just run off and because he has limited understanding I can’t explain to him why what he does is dangerous and he wouldn’t come back to me if I called his name. I have tried reins, but he just throws himself on the floor or tries to walk in another direction.

I was walking back from doing the school run and a woman was walking a little bit behind me. She said “excuse me, he looks a little old to be in a pram” I told her that there were reasons why he was in one and walked off.

I got home and got a bit upset. It hurts to see other children his age and even younger walking next to their parents, I’d love for him to be able to do that but at the moment it’s not possible. In parks where it’s secure is ok but anything other than that is just too dangerous and difficult.

I just can’t believe someone would even say that. It wasn’t like a friendly chat or anything like that, she literally just said what she said, not even a smile.

OP so sorry you have faced this, some people are so judgemental and should be concentrating on their own lives instead of things that don't concern them. Who cares if it was a pram or a pushchair, the people moaning about that are being more than a little pedantic.

As for the poster a while back that seems to think an asd diagnosis is fashionable - do you have a child with additional needs? If you don't then you have no idea how difficult it is and how much a diagnosis can open doors to getting them the support they need.

Under normal circumstances 3 year ilds shouldnt be un a pushchair

We get stuff like this a lot, my son has complex needs; he’s 4 1/2 still in pram due to mobility issues. He frequently takes off shoes and socks and we spend a fortune replacing ones he’s thrown. I try and use blankets and often put tights on him but you always get the odd person commenting ‘his feet must be cold, where are his shoes’ - like we don’t bother putting them on him. People should mind their own business and stop judging others without knowing circumstances!

I get you when you say it’s hard seeing other mums with neurotypical children xxx

@Nomorelittlebabybum I can relate to that too! DS also doesn’t like having the rain cover on, I used to spend ages putting it back on but now I don’t bother because I know he’s just going to take it off. I can see people looking but it’s not like I haven’t tried!

And it’s really hard isn’t it😞 I have a 7 year old and I’d give anything to be able to have the experiences with DS2 that I had with DS1. Not just for myself but for DS too. I guess he doesn’t know any different though. It’s tough😞xxx

"Shouldn't" by whose standards? Who are you, or anyone, to judge that?

In the autism community there's a real sense of pride in their differences in many people. The term 'asd' isn't used much as it includes 'disorder': many prefer 'difference'. There's a debate between the carers of profoundly complex autistics and those who speak for themselves about how autism is described ('high' and 'low' functioning are contentious as ability to mask doesn't mean an individual isn't highly sensitive to sensory stimuli etc). Right now you see the deficits and are experiencing the "grief of unmet expectations". Many transform this into a role of advocacy for their child. Think of the debate around Down's - activists with Down's say they lead fulfilling lives; they are horrified that some would not countenance birthing a child with an extra chromosome. Autism is the same. Yes, it's a shock when you realise your child is on a different developmental path, and it's normal to feel sad about the loss of what you thought you would have and now likely won't in terms of experiences with your son. But you still want the same thing for them - a happy, loved childhood and a family that help them thrive. Early diagnosis is the first step to that - and learning about sensory processing differences will revolutionise your experiences with this little boy. Autism is the one additional need that has uncapped outcomes; for some, their own world is the place they feel comfortable but for others their special interests can unlock skills that enable them to participate in the NT (or as my daughter calls it, Muggle) world.

I was a childminder for many years, I had many pushchairs and strollers.
At one point I had a two tier Hauck, it was a proper workhorse.

We used to walk to my house after school with a gaggle of children of all ages up to 11 years old.

For the big ones a real treat was to get into the bottom part of the pushchair for part of the walk. ☺️

The woman who rudely commented to you would have been appalled! My neighbours just laughed and asked if they could have a go too.

You continue to use your pushchair to ensure the safety of your boy. You know that woman was wrong and that you are doing exactly what you should as his mother.

She was rude. DS had to have reins until he was nearly 4 as he was a nightmare (NT but a bolter). Loads of people used to tell me I was treating him like a dog! Ignore them. You're the parent and it's none of their business.

Hi op, just want to say as a mother with a 4year old who is on the ASD pathway, please ignore anyone who makes rude/ unsolicited comments about any aspect of your parenting. As most people have said 2year olds are still very much in prams. Also, I was where you are 2 years ago…. I honestly thought my DS would be in a pram for a very long time, but we have just given ours away, as DS can actually walk without screaming, running off, or throwing himself on the floor. He still is unaware of the dangers of the road but he knows not to let go of my hand. I remember the first time we walked hand in hand to the shops to buy him a magazine and some treats, there were no meltdowns, no running off. I cried with happiness when I got home because it was such a huge milestone for us.

Keep doing what is best for you and your family, your DS will get there in his own time. Oh and using reigns was a massive help!

@Curlygirli awww I hope that day comes for me, I think I’d cry with happiness too! It’s the little things isn’t it

Who even does this? It's absolutely none of her businesses. My responses might have been, depending on my mood
"Yes he is isn't he?" Head tilt, little smile
"Thanks so much for your input, I'll get right onto that"
Or, again with a little smile "Gosh, it must be tiring being such an insufferable busybody"

That is horrible. Try not to let it get to you.

1. It is none of her business.
2. He is only 2 and is definitely not too old.

My son just turned 4, some would say he is too old for one. But some days if he is very tired or if we have a longer distance to walk i still take his pram. He walks and helps me push it most of the time but i know after a certain distance he is going to get tired and is going struggle. They are still young and each child develops at their own pace, aside from anything else that may be going on that a total stranger isn't aware of.

He's only little, pay no mind to what others say do what suits your sons needs. I am a mother of 2 ASD children and got to the point where I didn't care what anyone thought I just did right by my children.. big hugs

Suspect that person has issues of their own as that’s extremely abnormal behaviour

I know someone who uses a pram
to get their child to school.

This is crazy... Ignore. Perfectly normal to have children up to 3 or even 4 (if a long walk) in a pushchair/buggy.

If it was a lie down flat pram then that would be a bit odd!

Both my daughters were in pushchair if I walked the 40mins round trip into town or even when going shopping as they ere strapped in and could touch everything or run off. Totally normal. Finally gave up pushchair when my daughters reached 3.5yrs ish.

I used the pram on and off til school. It was so much safer and we got around. That woman should bog off!

You should have said .. “excuse me “ shouldn’t you go and buy a box of manners “
none of her darn business !!!

If he continues to grow and need one I’d consider getting one of the McLaren disability biggies as then it’s obvious and people won’t comment (I’d hope). My daughter was 3 when my youngest was born and I bought an attachment to the promise to make it a double for a while. Also had a buggy board. I’ve photos of her stood on the buggy board bent over double asleep on the pram after nursery. Even at 3 they can tire very easily.

I recall a nosey biddy commenting on my baby who was sitting up in her pram rather than lying flat. She was facing me. She had rest and reflux and I could never lie her flat. This lady said she was too young to be sitting up. She was actually 6 months but born tiny at 5lb so was probably in 3 month clothes and possibly looked younger. BUT we had to have her pram slightly raised from birth due to the reflux. She could also sit up unaided well before 6 months which is when they usually start, due to us having to sit her all the time. I couldn’t believe e this woman though. She made me so cross.

Well she's rude, I'm sorry she upset you.

My son is nearly 4, he will go for miles on his balance bike but hates to walk too far, I take the pushchair as a back up on longer walks into town etc.

You know your child's needs far better than some selfish busybody, who not only pushed their opinion onto you, but gave no thought to how their comments would affect you.

My polite (doesn't happen very often) response would be "mind your own"
My go-to impolite response would definitely be "Fuck.Off" with a big smile on my face!

So rude . And none of her business. My daughter had a Major buggy which is a buggy for older disabled children. It looks like a usual buggy to the uninitiated, oh the looks I got . Plus using a blue badge space - with a blue badge- looking like I was just lifting a child in and out of a car . I used to cry sometimes too, I was having a hard enough time with a disabled child and do not need reminding that she’s different thank you.
Strangely now she’s an adult in a wheelchair people are generally very kind to her , chat and open doors for me . Still, ignorance is no excuse.

If it helps/makes you feel any better, I have witnessed people saying loudly “he doesn’t look like he needs a wheelchair” to a man with no legs. He had a blanket over his stumps so they hadn’t noticed.

some people are just really, really stupid.

My daughter is 2, I usually drive but if I can’t park close to the school and it’s raining, I use the pram and I don’t care. I had to take my car to the mechanic the other week, it was a fair way to walk home so I used the pram, I wanted to get home at some point that morning. It’s no one’s business, I always assumed people who used prams were the people who didn’t drive, it’s my only thought . This person was being an idiot, please ignore her. You will get to walk him everywhere one day 💐

2, nearly 3 is quite normal for a neurotypical to be in a pushchair, let alone neurodivergent. Ridiculous unnecessary comment. Hope you're OK OP x