House is still a shithole. Pic included

[Shithole101]

A few weeks or so back I posted pics of bedrooms in my house. They were a shithole. Me/kids have managed to keep the bedrooms tidy /reasonable.

But my stairs and living room are a mess. I could probably have it all sorted in a couple of hours. But it feels like the end of the world. I feel so drained. And even when i do start doing it something really silly can happen then I feel like giving up.

Or like a few weeks back I started feeling really positive. And got loads done . But after that period of positive cleaning. I won't get that feeling back for a while and just stop.

It should be really simple but it does not feel like it.

I only get a bath /shower once a week sometimes less. I could smell myself earlier and all I did was use baby wipes under my arms and a bit of deodorant.

Anyway I have added photos again . To Shame myself into actually cleaning up .

I don’t think it’s tidying tips you need OP I think it’s health help, physical and mental

I agree apart from the fact I know from experience physical issues can be dismissed as depression, esp in women. Which delays treatment or can make things worse
eg pushing yourself to go out, do stuff because it’s good for depression when you should have rested instead.

fwiw the fatigue/exhaustion you describe @Shithole101 reminds me if ME/CFS or Long Covid.

Yes that’s very true LeRouge it’s important to look first for physical causes of the fatigue and try to fix those first (I would suggest tests for iron, B12, vit D, thyroid, hormonal tests if peri age, and inflammation markers). Not jump straight for depression as a diagnosis. But depression can make you feel like this if physically all is fine.

There are several issues here:

• Personal hygiene. Have a shower and wash your hair. Sometime today, but do it. And every day going forward.
• The acute situation/mess. Bite the bullet and get it sorted. Start by putting everything g in a box and/or basket. Then sort it out once the children are in bed. Listen to the radio while you do this and get it done.
• The dog. If you can't train him/her yourself, hire a trainer. Walk him/her twice a day. If you cannot do this, contact the RSPCA or a reputable charity with a view to rehoming.
• Exercise. You may say you don't have time/are too tired, but you will feel so much better and more energised if you exercise even just 10-20 minutes a day. Do it while you watch TV (or instead of TV).
• Longer term solutions. You have to really think and find a way to stay on top of things that works for you. 30-40 minutes a day is all it takes: 10 minutes to exercise, 10 minutes to shower, 10-20 minutes to tidy up.
• Edited to add: make sure you eat a healthy diet - little or no UPF, sugar, refined carbs. "Eat food, not too much, mostly plants" - and lean protein.

😔

You do sound depressed OP. x

You sound completely exhausted. Yes it could be a combination of things - supporting children with SEND and MH difficulties is exhausting. Factor in things like possible illness and housework becomes impossible to tackle. I think yes rule out anything physical first as in the past I've put it all down to having kids with complex needs, depression etc but it was actually low iron and an infection making everything worse. The two minute rule mentioned sounds possible but when you're exhausted even that becomes hard.

To many take aways. Or very basic things like a cheese toasty , sandwiches. Even microwave rice. Sometimes they help their self.

Last weekend I did manage to do some batch cooking . So we ate reasonably. We had 2 take aways. I have bought mire stuff to batch cook . I'm hoping to do that again over the next day or so

I get you @Shithole101 with the shower thing. I have low motivation that comes with Schizoaffective disorder also grief for my mum & I also although I enjoy a shower I hate the feeling after the shower when I'm wet and trying to get dry.
I sometimes put off showering for hours then I can't go out at all because if I haven't showered for more than 2 days I do smell & my hair gets greasy, even if I have a strip wash. & I can't stand people thinking I smell.

As I struggle to shower then most housework comes far down the list - my home is tidyish but needs to be cleaner.
My sister suggested an actual cleaner but like you I won't allow it.
Luckily (and sadly) for me I'm childless so no mess from kids.

So I do get where you are coming from.

I think your first priority in anything needs to be to take 'trip hazards' off the stairs though.
Even just by pushing things to one side of the stairs. Or into a bin bag.
Basically I'm very aware of this because my cousin recently broke his finger tripping on a file left on his stairs but he could've broken his neck!
I hope you can manage this today, forget everything else.

@Shithole101 You could see your doctor and explain how you're feeling. You could have a vitamin deficiency or all sorts of conditions can make you feel wiped out. It's worth getting checked out and following anything your doctor suggests.

I just wanted to acknowledge your post u really appreciate it. My brain is not working and I'm finding it hard to properly reply to longer type posts . I will try and reply fully on a bit 💐

I feel the same, so you aren't alone. I think it takes guts to post a few pics, so hats off to you.

I have had to go on anti depressants. I also have zero help so I think I'm exhausted like you. This morning I've caught what my kids had this week and it's floored me.

Today I have to clear stairs, hoover them and get uniforms washed for next week. I'm going to take some paracetamol, put music on and break it down into short bursts.

I'm also going to take my boys out for a walk in the woods regardless of the weather. I'm going to affirm to myself, you can do this, you're a good mum. I'm going to be kind to myself. Be kind to yourself too OP.

A nice soak in the bath will be my treat later. Like someone else said. Baby steps.

Hi OP, it sounds like you need extra support. I’d definitely try and get an appointment with your doctor. Have you ever contacted any organisations that specialise in your children’s needs? They often offer support to parents and that can include things like respite. You really do need to accept help where you can to take the stress off of yourself and I know it’s a lot harder to do that in reality.

Pick up one thing at a time systematically even something tiny. Then look at it and decide to either bin it or tidy it away appropriately organised in its place. Keep going until there's nothing left to pick up. All this preferably when kids are in bed. The same with piles of clothes, one item at a time to be placed in laundry or put away. If you are depressed & often you dont realise it then see GP. If not give yourself a good shake and get on with it. The thought of living with all that crap on the staircase is just awful. Post more pics when youve finally decided to motivate yourself to do something about it cause you obviously want to.

@Shithole101 please please watch Remi Clog on YouTube.
She does Real cleaning videos but a WHOLE LOT MORE by talking about difficulties keeping on top of it (she has ADHD). She chats through the whole video and is soooo real and genuine (her stairs is like yours!) Her house gets so messy regularly and she is so honest and open.

I eagerly await her videos as she is so refreshing. She acknowledges the struggles of keeping organised with certain brain types/MH conditions.

Please please watch her as I can almost guarantee you won't feel so alone and she has nice tips to try.

Executive functioning barriers etc can make it hard to do what you know you need to do. It's not as simple as do XYZ.

OP I hear you. I see that it's difficult and overwhelming. I understand the weight of overwhelm that can hit when you see a pile of mess and don't know where to start...but the feeling is so heavy it basically stops you from doing anything at all.
I hear you. You are not alone.

I do manage some anxiety & depression, and need a lot of time alone but don't get enough with 3 kids, work etc. I do understand the drained wiped out to the depths of your soul feeling. Walking through glue.

Please watch Remi xxx

Ok think of a treat for yourself for when you finished.
You don’t need to do it all today. You just need to make it look better to help yourself feel better - and then there is the treat to look forward to.
so
Two piles. One for rubbish. One to sort later.
Take out the rubbish.
Hoover.
Treat

Go on op you can do it. 20 minutes work and you’ll be so pleased you did it. You may even find you are inspired to do the sort pile once you get going. But no pressure to do that now.

@Shithole101 I would also encourage you to seek some support, online therapy etc.
You are dealing with a lot and you deserve a space to let it out honestly and without judgement xx

I’d just like to offer you a virtual hug.

I’d hope anyone who came in for a cup of tea to help you wouldn’t expect you to explain.

Try not to shame yourself. It sounds like you’re coping with a lot.

That's okay ❤

If the thread is getting overwhelming, step away for a bit. When I feel overwhelmed, I find that making a list helps. Sometimes I then do things from the list. Sometimes it just helps to get all my stresses down and know that I don't NEED to fix everything all at once. Sometimes it just helps me pinpoint what one thing I feel capable of doing, and do that. I often get overwhelmed when someone else is telling me all of the things I need to sort out because it feels like they are saying I need to do it all right now. Which you don't. A lot of things if they have already been left so long, one more day doesn't matter.

For example, if you feel capable of making a cup of tea, do that. If you can't because you need to wash a cup and you can't because the sink is full of dishes, take one cup to the bathroom and wash it, with hand soap if necessary, and then make a cup of tea. Don't sit on the computer and get more overwhelmed while you drink it, while you wait for the kettle, think "Okay. What one thing can I do next?"

Sometimes the weight of all the "I should have done all these things" is even heavier and doesn't help, so just doing the one next thing, that helps.

I used to live like this. I got diagnosed properly with ADHD, life coaching and meds and it turned my life around.

My house isn't perfect but it is (mostly) clean and relatively tidy (the odd thing here and there maybe, like baby wipes out on the side or a pile of magazines/books, a few toys scattered.

Go to the doctor op. Whatever it is thats going on there is help out there. And it's not always depression like I was told it was for years. In fact they tried to diagnose me as bipolar because "girls can't have ADHD/Autism, that's only for boys" and it's a massive part of the reason a shit ton of millennial women now in their 30's and 40's are coming out and getting diagnosed with it. It's not just a bandwagon to jump on, it's because our schools/teachers were incompetent in recognizing it at the time.

OP, maybe you think depression means that you should sad or low? Depression actually shows up in lots of ways and you don't necessarily have to feel sad/tearful. Sometimes it's just having zero energy, brain space or motivation. For some people, depression just zaps them of their ability to do stuff or make decisions.

One of my friends was in the same situation. She didn't 'feel depressed' but was so bone achingly tired, she felt like she was wading through treacle. She was a single parent and working full time and everything at home was chaotic. She also struggled with showering/hygiene too.

It was an unrelated chat with her GP that helped her see this was depression despite not feeling particularly 'sad'. She takes meds now and she describes the medicine as being like a ladder inside the deep dark hole she was in. It hasn't magically fixed everything but she now has a slow way of climbing out the hole (if that makes sense!)

If you can do just one very small thing for yourself, chat to your doctor and tell them all this. That might be the key that changes everything.

Also, to help get me started and on top of cleaning I hired a cleaner for a while. Doesn't have to be a permanent thing but if you can afford for someone to come round once a week while you are getting into building those habits it can be really valuable. A lot of cleaners don't just come and clean anymore (although some do just stick to cleaning and nothing else, so make sure you research). You can buy help with everything from laundry to organization, deep cleaning, bedsheet changing, the whole lot. Mine would even do Charity runs when we had clear outs. She was absolutely incredible.

Your house looks tidy to me! Which says a lot about how bad my house is.

I'm working my way through it slowly. Very slowly. Like you I also have children with SEN, and hate people coming in my house. I am also diagnosed autistic and strongly suspect I also have ADHD (my son is autistic and adhd is just like me)

It's so hard when you're a carer and don't get any time to yourself. My son is at college and does 1 whole day and a few half days, which means I am back and forth quite a bit from home. I have made myself do tidying on the day he is at college all day.

It's overwhelming when so much needs doing and you don't know where to start. I often start something and don't finish it, but have come to see that as better than not starting something at all.

I've still got a long way to go (my house needs decorating and major DIY that I will have to get someone in to do eventually) but doing lots of little bits all adds up.

I also think you may have depression OP. Maybe have a chat with your GP?

When I feel overwhelmed by housework, which I absolutely hate, I bargain with myself.

I negotiate with lazy “mycatmax” and tell her that if she cleans the bathroom properly, I will let her lie on the sofa for two hours and watch a film, or an episode of Marple.

Just a suggestion to add to all the good advice you have received. I hope some of it works for you 💐

Are you neurodivergent? Your posts scream overwhelm and burnout.

Do you have a trusted friend/family member who you would feel comfortable with in asking for support?

First off, one massive huge hug. You have a lot going on and the mess isn't that bad in the grand scheme of things.

I think you mentioned you are anaemic. Having been very anaemic in the past where you are now - low mood, low energy, brain fog - is all part of that. You won't be able to think straight for a while and it will take up to three months to balance yourself out. In between you will feel really very low. The one thing you must focus on is getting your iron levels back up. It makes the world of difference. If no improvement in a couple of weeks speak to GP again.

The rest can wait. Enjoy your kids. Try and cook as well as you can. And if you can get one, pop a stair gate across the stairs to stop the dog going up and down it and causing you more headaches.

Baby steps OP. Look after yourself.