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House is still a shithole. Pic included

565 replies

Shithole101 · 17/11/2023 21:51

A few weeks or so back I posted pics of bedrooms in my house. They were a shithole. Me/kids have managed to keep the bedrooms tidy /reasonable.

But my stairs and living room are a mess. I could probably have it all sorted in a couple of hours. But it feels like the end of the world. I feel so drained. And even when i do start doing it something really silly can happen then I feel like giving up.

Or like a few weeks back I started feeling really positive. And got loads done . But after that period of positive cleaning. I won't get that feeling back for a while and just stop.

It should be really simple but it does not feel like it.

I only get a bath /shower once a week sometimes less. I could smell myself earlier and all I did was use baby wipes under my arms and a bit of deodorant.

Anyway I have added photos again . To Shame myself into actually cleaning up .

House is still a shithole. Pic included
House is still a shithole. Pic included
OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
Daffodilsandtuplips · 18/11/2023 09:38

I wondered if you needed a blood test to check your iron levels after you mentioned feeling so tired and little energy. After your latest update Do you think a visit to your doc would be helpful, you may need more medication or a tweak to the one you’re on now.?

Was going to suggest getting help with your child with MH issues but am pleased that’s already taking place.

Self care doesn’t have to be hair, nails, fake tan or a spa day. Self care can be taking a little time out to relax, to just BE you. A sit down with a cuppa, A little walk round the garden. A shower, hair wash while in there, ten minutes. Dried, hair brushed, teeth, dressed, Honestly you deserve to take this time for yourself. Keep coming back op.

MrsMoastyToasty · 18/11/2023 09:40

•Go to your GP first. THINK OF IT AS DOING IT FOR YOUR CHILDREN. Nobody can "pour from an empty cup ".
•Get your children involved (age and ability appropriately). My autistic DS knows that he has to do the dishwasher , make his bed and put his dirty clothes in the laundry basket.
•Pretend that you are a fire officer. Look around the house and see what is actually dangerous and get rid.
•Once you have a tidy house then have a rule about nothing gets put DOWN- it gets put AWAY.

Dymaxion · 18/11/2023 09:41

The 10-15 Min thing won't work for me . Because it's to little . It could work once I'm on top of things to keep it ticking over.

It does work for me when I am feeling overwhelmed and knackered. I can manange lots of 10-15 minutes, with breaks in between, where I won't even start if I imagine it will take hours.

I also understand what you mean about getting the DC involved, sometimes it makes things harder. However, I do make them do simple tasks, like taking things up stairs or putting recyling in the bin. That big box on the stairs, is it empty ? that is a nice easy DC task, get one of them to rip it up into small pieces so it will fit in the recyling or a black bag, they can do it whilst watching TV ?

Do you have a designated place for shoes ? Does it need a cull ? We always seem to end up with an inordinate amount of shoes, lots of which no longer fit and then they don't all fit in the shoe place Smile Same with coats, DC hates coats so rarely if ever wears one, so it lives in the wardrobe until proper 'big coat' weather arrives Wink

Wonderously · 18/11/2023 09:42

You’ll need b12, iron, d3 tested blood wise. thyroid.

do you have Asperger’s? Just a thought

WigItAnyway · 18/11/2023 09:43

Podcasts and music massively help me get through the shitty housework tasks, podcasts especially as I lose myself in the story and forget I am cleaning a toilet, again.

I think if there is one thing to tackle every day it is the stairs. Keep them clear, we had a power cut and our alarm was going off at 2am and we had to come downstairs to turn it off (low battery which we didn't know until the power cut). If there was a fire and the house is filled with smoke you want to get down and out of the house safely.

Purpleraiin · 18/11/2023 09:43

I'm sorry you feel so crap OP. My life sounds nowhere near as demanding as yours but I go through phases like this. No energy, no motivation, can't be arsed to go out also can't be arsed to have anyone round, house turns into a shit tip that could literally be cleared within an hour yet it feels so unachievable, this then make the not having people round Evan worse as I'd hate to have someone see my house in a mess!
I also don't believe im depressed. I can have down days and am lethargic more than I'm not, but I don't feel depressed or unhappy.

I have no what to advise but just wanted to let you know you're not on your own with the struggle. If it makes you feel any better we can compare photos 🤣 I sometimes find sticking a bit of a music on can give me a burst of energy, or forcing myself out for a quick 10 min walk usually gives me the motivation to have a quick run around once I get home.

Ollifer · 18/11/2023 09:46

Can you do one thing today op? Have a nice hot shower, wash your hair. You'll feel so much better. If you then feel like you can get a black bag and stick all the stuff from the stairs into it. At least they will look clear and won't be a hazard then. That's all you need to do today

Shithole101 · 18/11/2023 09:52

Daffodilsandtuplips · 18/11/2023 09:38

I wondered if you needed a blood test to check your iron levels after you mentioned feeling so tired and little energy. After your latest update Do you think a visit to your doc would be helpful, you may need more medication or a tweak to the one you’re on now.?

Was going to suggest getting help with your child with MH issues but am pleased that’s already taking place.

Self care doesn’t have to be hair, nails, fake tan or a spa day. Self care can be taking a little time out to relax, to just BE you. A sit down with a cuppa, A little walk round the garden. A shower, hair wash while in there, ten minutes. Dried, hair brushed, teeth, dressed, Honestly you deserve to take this time for yourself. Keep coming back op.

That's the thing though. It feels hard even getting a basic shower. Because when I try someone is in my face. I purposely take the long route hone via public transport so I cam be on my own for a bit. But even then I often don't get that.

With meds side of things I need to finish the course then do retest of bloods . So Nedd to go with it for now.

OP posts:
Canisaysomething · 18/11/2023 10:00

User155 · 18/11/2023 09:26

I struggle with things like this too. This is what has really helped me: THE TWO MINUTE RULE.

Tell yourself you’ll only do two minutes of tidying. No more. That’s it.
Knowing you only have two minutes of a task makes it much easier to start, as it’s much less daunting. Then, for some reason, by the time you come to the end of the two minutes, more often than not you’ll find yourself happy to carry on. But the key is, you don’t HAVE to carry on, you can stop at two minutes.

Just try it. Just two minutes.

Great tip! I’m going to try this. I’m

PaperBlinds · 18/11/2023 10:03

@Shithole101 I just want to give you a huge hug and make you a cup of tea. If i were near/knew you i would come round and do a room so you could have a peaceful space to calm your mind. Can't do it for myself but can do it when i see a need in someone. Maybe that is telling?

I want to stay in bed forever atm, nothing really wrong and not depressed, just overwhelmed, anxious and tired. I'm going to try to do one thing that's bugging me, today maybe, the list massive.

Do you want to try with me for a tiny/huge thing? Mine is sort a pile of clean laundry. It's been there for days. I will write it on my list after and then cross it off instantly as I find that more rewarding than looking at the infinitely growing list of stuff to do which doesn't get ticked off. Like "i did this" not "i have to do this".

I shall do this while crying and listening to radio. Possibly. What do you think?

Worrying and cycling round what you have to do takes up so much headspace in itself, it's exhausting. But maybe we can hold hands and just do one thing?

Iwantthistobemyyear · 18/11/2023 10:05

İ completely get it OP. Not actually being able to do those self care things because everything is on you and you're completely alone with it all. What you really need is someone to come and take the weight off your hands. The lack of energy to do the housework is because you already have so much on your mind you're looking for that bit of positivity to lift the heavy stuff and give you more energy to do those tasks. You're completely at your limit. Mine is the same. Take it completely easy and just do a bit here and there when you've got that energy.

BoredOfBeingTired · 18/11/2023 10:05

Kindly, as you do clearly have a lot going on, you know this is worse than the 'isn't that bad' trope on here. Most homes don't have that level of mess and I think you know that or you wouldn't have posted.
The not showering yourself is far worse though, if you can smell yourself then others have most certainly been smelling you for much longer.
Do your kids go to school? If so you have 6 or more hours a day to take a shower in peace (obviously this doesn't apply if they are not in school!) If not, set your alarm 10 minutes early and have a quick shower before everyone else is awake, it will make you feel better.
I think you do need a visit to the GP, you obviously are not coping at the moment and it doesn't have to be that way.

Strictlyfanoftenyears · 18/11/2023 10:06

I know it might not help, but I do find sticking some dance music on often just helps a bit while cleaning?

Shithole101 · 18/11/2023 10:09

BoredOfBeingTired · 18/11/2023 10:05

Kindly, as you do clearly have a lot going on, you know this is worse than the 'isn't that bad' trope on here. Most homes don't have that level of mess and I think you know that or you wouldn't have posted.
The not showering yourself is far worse though, if you can smell yourself then others have most certainly been smelling you for much longer.
Do your kids go to school? If so you have 6 or more hours a day to take a shower in peace (obviously this doesn't apply if they are not in school!) If not, set your alarm 10 minutes early and have a quick shower before everyone else is awake, it will make you feel better.
I think you do need a visit to the GP, you obviously are not coping at the moment and it doesn't have to be that way.

I don't know what to say . I have lost my words

OP posts:
YYURYYUCICYYUR4ME · 18/11/2023 10:11

Try flexi garden trugs, like this https://www.charlies.co.uk/whitefurze-26l-flexible-tub-blue.html?utm_source=google_shopping&gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIxLWN1abNggMV0dTtCh0KqQ6GEAQYBiABEgKIV_D_BwE each member of the family has their own, fill it with their stuff and dump in in their room, space and sort accordingly! Repeat as necessary. Have a daily spot where you call time for the trugs to be filled (each family member can have their own colour, including you) and then do something nice after. Build it into the routine of the day.

Whitefurze 26L Flexible Tub – Blue

https://www.charlies.co.uk/whitefurze-26l-flexible-tub-blue.html?gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIxLWN1abNggMV0dTtCh0KqQ6GEAQYBiABEgKIV_D_BwE

iloveeverykindofcat · 18/11/2023 10:14

Do you actually want practical suggestions OP? Is it helpful? Because I can share a lot of the things that help me (and I'm not a natural housekeeper by any stretch of the imagination) but is that actually what you need, or would it be better to start with your GP? ETA: I also think you should get your iron checked. I've been severely anaemic before and it definitely makes everything feel impossible. It can also make you feel low. The answer was iron.

NoSquirrels · 18/11/2023 10:14

When you say you couldn’t have ‘anyone’ round do you mean just that - nobody at all? Or would you feel OK about a kind family member or good non-judgmental friend coming in for a cup of tea?

BertieBotts · 18/11/2023 10:17

You will get people who don't understand. If that is zapping your energy to respond then stick to responding to posters that you feel do understand/do get it. This will be more helpful. (If anyone reading is curious, not judgemental, about how people get into a very messy state - I'd suggest to start a new thread, not use this one).

I'm glad that posting the photo helped before and it was a good idea to repeat that because it helped previously. But I still think this could be framed in a different way, not shame, more, solidarity? Accountability? It's just about having that input from others, people saying yes, keep going, you're doing really well. Before and after photos can be good. But you can also post without the photo and hopefully get the support too.

Remember that some people responding saying it's still bad didn't see your previous post and the progress you've made there.

I agree that it would be a good idea to seek some support for mental health/query neurodiversity. You have kids with SEN, it's not unlikely you'd be neurodivergent yourself (unless their disabilities are known to be genetic, de novo, caused by an external event eg prematurity or birth injury). But either way, it's hard raising complex kids especially on your own. Especially in the UK as the support is so non existent and nobody is set up to deal with you, so even the support that is in theory available to other parents is often a dead end. That's incredibly hard, it's not you failing, it's a crap system.

Having no energy is not a stupid reason not to be able to do things. It's a very real and difficult challenge. I'm glad to hear that you're pursuing blood tests as if some kind of issue is identified here that can be helped, that will be a little bit better. It's really difficult when you have multiple challenges that all stack on top of one another because it makes everything harder. And then you get behind on things and that makes everything else harder. The majority of people have no understanding of this which is what makes them ask questions like "but how does it even get like that to begin with?" Or give advice that assumes that those challenges aren't present.

Your other example of a "stupid reason" - bin is full so can't put things in it - again same issue, and not stupid. Never think something is stupid, just because the majority of people don't have that problem. Something that I had to realise for myself, that most adults apparently intuitively know or perhaps learned as children, is that there are tasks which need to be done no matter what because they are blockers for other tasks. Bins and washing up are examples of these tasks, so it's now sort of my marker of bare minimum, for the days that I need that. Also food shopping. I somehow had the food shopping down, but not the others. The "How to keep house while drowning" book is excellent on this kind of thing. The example she used was that dirty dishes would pile up and up and up until she was overwhelmed, until one day she realised that she could put dirty dishes in a dish drying rack, to store them until she was ready to wash them, and this small change, that would never occur to the majority of people because the majority of people just deal with their dirty dishes, changed how she was able to approach that task, which had a knock on effect elsewhere because that particular task is a blocker.

That kind of thing is what I mean by looking for the barriers. When you're looking for a barrier, it's not so that you can beat yourself up and think God, I'm so ridiculous, I can't even do this simple thing, I'm hopeless. It's so you can look at it and try to see it neutrally as a problem which might be able to be solved, avoided, worked around, or supported. That is how you move forward and make progress when progress feels impossible.

Illbefinejustbloodyfine · 18/11/2023 10:19

I want to come back to this thread kater, so just peacemaking.

Shithole101 · 18/11/2023 10:21

NoSquirrels · 18/11/2023 10:14

When you say you couldn’t have ‘anyone’ round do you mean just that - nobody at all? Or would you feel OK about a kind family member or good non-judgmental friend coming in for a cup of tea?

I mean no one. I don't have the energy mentally/emotionally to explain. Why the stairs are a mess, why something did not get picked up. Why I allowed it etc.

OP posts:
fluffy2buffy · 18/11/2023 10:23

I absolutely sympathise. I just wanted to say a positive and you have a very nice bright front room.

LeRougeEtLeNoir · 18/11/2023 10:24

Depression I don't think so. I just feel very very drained. I think possibly I'm physically and mentally exhausted.

Ok so I think you need to go and see your GP asap.
You are exhausted so it’s no wonder doing any cleaning or even having a shower feels too much. That’s what sheer exhaustion does to you.
You need to understand what’s the cause of it. It could be something as simple as aenemia.

Then you need to recognise you are PHYSICALLY exhausted. That means you can’t and shouldn’t expect from yourself the same standards than anyone else. One shower a week and a wipe is enough if you are that fatigue.

As someone has said, if you do something, do a small thing that won’t exhaust you even more.
Remove the risks - so the dog goes in the trash and create mess. Put the bin out if the way so ddog can’t do that.

But please go and see your GP and let them know how bad it is, incl and esp that you dint feel depressed. Fatigue like this really needs to be investigated.

FlipsSakeMum · 18/11/2023 10:24

How do you get on with feeding the kids, making sure they are clean and doing their laundry?

minipie · 18/11/2023 10:24

That so tired and drained feeling you’re describing OP - feeling like you can’t possibly go out, can’t have someone in the house, can’t have a shower - basically you can’t face anything and everything feels overwhelming? For a lot of people that is exactly what depression feels like. Please would you reconsider whether this may be part of the issue?

Iron - you said you’re on folic acid. This kind of anaemia is often linked to low vitamin B12, do you know if your B12 has been tested? As you might need that as well. And Vitamin D as well, everyone needs vit D at this time of year but especially if you don’t go out much you are very likely to be low in it.

I don’t think it’s tidying tips you need OP I think it’s health help, physical and mental Flowers

LeRougeEtLeNoir · 18/11/2023 10:24

Btw @Shithole101 , can you have some time off from work too?

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