House is still a shithole. Pic included

[Shithole101]

A few weeks or so back I posted pics of bedrooms in my house. They were a shithole. Me/kids have managed to keep the bedrooms tidy /reasonable.

But my stairs and living room are a mess. I could probably have it all sorted in a couple of hours. But it feels like the end of the world. I feel so drained. And even when i do start doing it something really silly can happen then I feel like giving up.

Or like a few weeks back I started feeling really positive. And got loads done . But after that period of positive cleaning. I won't get that feeling back for a while and just stop.

It should be really simple but it does not feel like it.

I only get a bath /shower once a week sometimes less. I could smell myself earlier and all I did was use baby wipes under my arms and a bit of deodorant.

Anyway I have added photos again . To Shame myself into actually cleaning up .

What about making sure your kids are looking after their personal hygiene l, teeth etc and what about doing their laundry? Do you keep on top of that?

Are there hygiene concerns?

Too many takeaways aren't the end of the world, but they're really not great for children. And I know you know that already.

Having a messy house on its own really isn't the issue it's what's going on around that and how it affects your children. Again, I know you know this

Things that help me when I tidy and clean - listening to a podcast/radio. I can't normally concentrate on that sort of thing as I get distracted by my phone etc, but when I'm tidying I can listen easily as it's not something I'm consciously thinking of. My current favourite is Natalie Haynes Stands Up for the Classics.

Listening to my favourite music as well.

Sometimes I will do stuff and then have a brief break to play a game on my phone till I run out of lives, and then get back to tidying.

I wish my special interest was housework, it would make my life so much easier!

You did an amazing job on the bedrooms. I actually ended up going up and giving ours a clear out, that's how much you motivated me. Watching your photos go up, how you were feeling, the amount of things you deal with daily and seeing what you achieved.

I won't comment on your health, I don't know what you are experiencing, going through, suffering with but if you feel that you need/like/want to see a doctor then maybe the next thing to check off your list is to make an appointment. I totally understand not wanting to do things, tbh I feel absolutely shit myself and when I try confide in people I'm told to go for a walk or read a book , things I would rather stick my fingers up to.

@lookingforMolly
I know what you mean about being cold when stepping out of the shower! No matter how hot the rad in the bathroom is, I'm always shivering and a bit miserable if I'm honest when I step out. The shower stall is always nice and warm but the bathroom is always frigid!

Anyway, I got fed up with this, so I bought myself a good towelling dressing gown. I get out of the shower and throw on the robe, rub myself down quickly and hop into the bedroom and wait for it.... use a hairdryer down the front and back (and my bits 😄) to dry myself off. Oh it's delicious and warm, and I'm dry in no time.

Just thought you might like to try that sometime.

As for OP, I am so sorry to hear of your struggles, but definitely a trip to the GP is vital. They can point you in many directions for help, including meds and counselling. But I understand the motivation to get out and do that is not there yet. But try if you can.

OP, I have been where you are. I was put on antidepressants for years which I do think I needed, but not for so long. Mainly I needed help with ADHD and depleted iron, Vit D and B. Like you I was anaemic and too tired to make my bed.

I strongly advise you add these supplements to your life. You can buy them on Amazon, so no effort needed to go and track down a Holland & Barrett or Boots:
Bitamin D spray or tablets. I like the spray and some studies show it gets absorbed more easily by spray than tablets. It should work within a couple of days to give you more energy.
B complex vitamins
Feroglobin slow release iron capsulres (much more gentle on your stomach than standard iron tabs.

Two things from your previous posts I want to pick up on. You said you smelled and didn't shower but used baby wipes. You know, that is a win, not a fail. You found a minimum energy way not to smell. Nothing wrong with that and a lot right with it. better than not cleaning your body at all. Allow yourself to take the steps you can rather than judging yourself for not taking more 'normal' steps.

But the main thing is: You say the 10 minute thing won;t work for you as the house is such a tip. I 100% promise you O am living proof it works. Not even 10 mins. 5 minutes. I started by doing 5 minutes here or there. I was genuined amazed how much difference it made. My house used to be a tip that overwhelmed me. I now know I can make almost any room ready to receive visitors in 15 minutes. Seriously, start with just 5 minutes. For now, just pick up the stuff on the stairs, collecting it into one laundry basket or box. Then have a tea or coffee or water and sit with a favourite song playing and sort it into chuck or keep piles. Keep piles separate into one for each member of the family. Train yourself and your DC to reward yourselves every time you make tiny progress. E.g. say to DC: These are yours, take them upstairs, put them away in the right place and then you can choose what to watch on TV/play a song you love/have a drink/feed the birds - whatever your DC would feel good about. Do the same for yourself. Appreciate any 5-minute efforts you make. They truly add up.

It does look like purposefully scattered bits, who dumps small wrappers right on their staircase? Surely just goes in bins.
Same for the clothes, aren't there laundry baskets in the house?

OP if this is genuine and you are struggling, just delegate some tasks to the kids - like PP said those are small and easy jobs. And get yourself an appointment with the doctor.

Kids! Kids dump small wrappers - on the staircase if that’s where they happened to be sitting. One of my DC does this.

Kids also dump clothes on the floor despite the presence of laundry hampers.

And when you’re completely overwhelmed and only surviving, you can’t even bear to find the energy to ‘delegate’ a task to the kids to do as it will involve whinging and whining. The OP explained that.

Please try to RTFT, and if you did RTFT please try to have a bit more empathy. The OP has explained.

I know that when I was pregnant vwith my youngest I was not obsorbing iron and I had to have infusions? He's 7 now though so we are talking a long time ago. I don't know if it was a pregnancy thing or a long term thing.

It was the dog who messed up the stairs..

And no, not all kids just drop things. You need to teach them not to. Or to clean up after themselves if they do. Toddlers can do this.

You clearly haven’t met my family members. Why on earth would they go to the effort of putting a wrapper in the bin or clothes in the laundry basket if they can just leave it where they are or drop it on their way somewhere else? I’m sick of the sound of my own voice telling them all to pick stuff up.

OP I agree with others. Ten minutes can make a huge difference. Ten minute tidy, ten minutes washing up, ten minutes vacuuming etc.

The other method I use when I’m feeling overwhelmed or demotivated is ‘just one thing’. So I’m going to make my bed, or clean the sink, put the clean dishes away etc. Something that takes only a minute or two to do. That usually inspires me to do a bit more because it’s often getting started that’s the issue for me. Good luck.

Yes, yes, in OP’s case it was the dog.

In my case, it’s my delightful DC. Who - obviously - has been ‘taught’ to use a bin, or a laundry basket, but as a creature of free will somehow doesn’t wish to do so consistently.

So - obviously- I spend a lot of time instructing my DC to pick stuff up. And there’s whining and whinging. So my post was in sympathy to the OP, pointing out it’s hard if you’re overwhelmed to ‘just delegate it’ or ‘just get the kids to pick up’ or ‘just’ do anything.

Of course DC of all ages can be taught and encouraged. Doesn’t make it either a fun or simple task necessarily.

Thanks for that idea @ladeluge

If someone offered you a million pounds for tidying your house and having a shower would that motivate you?

I'm not trying to be horrible, but asking that question of yourself (and you don't need to share the answer with anyone) might help you understand the root cause of it all.

Do you tell yourself you ''should'' a lot? I ask because the disorganisation + negative self talk + self care issues sound less like depression and more akin to ADHD.
The only way round ADHD is positive self talk and realistic goals.
ADHD brain works on Now or Not-Now. You know you can not get all this down Now (however you can put that one box on the stairs outside/where it belongs).
That how a huge task gets completed over time.
Good luck, I'm sure we can all acknowledge how quickly these things get out of hand and feel unmanageable x

Even more reasons to go and see your GP!!

You need to stop telling yourself you are failing and it’s all your fault.
Start with the obvious and seriously, this is NOT you being lazy, unmotivated or failing.
It starts with the physical stuff first and foremost.

I'm so glad to see this
I hate my house and it's making me feel utterly overwhelmed
Thing is I know if I took some time and did some small tasks it would be fine because I've done it so many times before
It's just that the thought gets overwhelming
I also badly need to decorate but have been suffering with health issues and can't afford to get someone to do it

You are not failing op, but you do need some help. One way or another.

Posting here is really good, and braver than most. Now you need to take one more step forward.

@NoSquirrels Sounds like you’re doing a good job, and it is not easy.. I work with 1-3 year olds and they are now experts in tidying, but my head is pretty tired most evenlngs. 😅

God, I’d love to clean that up! I don’t particularly like cleaning my own house but love cleaning and tidying other peoples. I’ve been a cleaner before but most people that have cleaners have ridiculously tidy houses…. Boring. I often wonder if there’s a market for cleaners that will organise, tidy and clean because if there was I’d do cleaning again. Are there people out there that would like /can afford a cleaner but are too embarrassed to have one or don’t have the time to tidy up before hand? Honestly, I’m itching to tidy that house up. Hope you get it sorted OP, life can be tough.

Its a mix of things , the dog, the kids. I can't pin point clear answers. I can't get into the but surely you must, surely this surely that.. I can't fivthat just now

Anyone who related to the OP, this is a wonderful woman Remi Clog on YouTube who gives so much real talk while cleaning xx

I'm not one for cleaning videos and I don't know how I came across her at first, some time I was really really overwhelmed. She's a breath of fresh air, really honest. Has a normal two bed house, kids, a job in a supermarket. Has ADHD. A regularly messy house.
I Highly recommend watching if you struggle. Or even just listen, to be honest it's what she says that I love.

I know I'm meant to be sorting the stairs. But I have managed to do the kitchen . Took about 40 mins. I just need to finish the floor .

I need to try and sort meals for the week tomorrow. If kitchen was not tidy I would not be able to do it and then I would fall to takeaways.

I will try my best to do stairs in a short while.

I'm baby sitting in a few hours. I will do the living room between tonight and tomorrow depending on life.

Just need to pick up some stuff & give the stairs & living room a good hoover.

This won't be a popular post but it's still worth a thought. According to your Circumstances OP & the fact youve admitted the dog contributes to the dredful mess on the stairs & no doubt no matter how much you cleared the mess it would happen again & again I'd seriously be considering asking animal welfare,or whoever deals with this type of situation to look for a new home. How you cope with a dog making such a mess is beyond me. It's no wonder you feel overwhelmed 🤦‍♀️

Well done. Be proud of yourself.