House is still a shithole. Pic included

[Shithole101]

A few weeks or so back I posted pics of bedrooms in my house. They were a shithole. Me/kids have managed to keep the bedrooms tidy /reasonable.

But my stairs and living room are a mess. I could probably have it all sorted in a couple of hours. But it feels like the end of the world. I feel so drained. And even when i do start doing it something really silly can happen then I feel like giving up.

Or like a few weeks back I started feeling really positive. And got loads done . But after that period of positive cleaning. I won't get that feeling back for a while and just stop.

It should be really simple but it does not feel like it.

I only get a bath /shower once a week sometimes less. I could smell myself earlier and all I did was use baby wipes under my arms and a bit of deodorant.

Anyway I have added photos again . To Shame myself into actually cleaning up .

It doesn’t look too bad, I can’t see this taking longer than half an hour to sort? Just pick up the rubbish/washing off the floor, run the hoover around and it’s sorted. I know how hard it can be, I’m struggling this week and haven’t managed to Hoover but I pick stuff up off the floor and take stuff off the coffee table each evening before I go to bed so when I get up (which is hard work at the moment) I’m not faced with a untidy living room.

If you’re struggling with your mental health then reach out to your gp for help. If you have dc get them to help tidy up, it’s not good for them to think it’s normal to chuck their crap all over the place and not tidy up.

Good morning OP, you did a brilliant job the last time and i am sure you can tackle these two areas. Even set aside 1 hour and do what you can, i think you will get a lot of it done in that time and remember how good you felt after completing the bedrooms. Hope you manage to get to it soon.

Also buy yourself some nice bath/shower products, start looking after yourself more. The bath is the place I go to unwind, I could easily hide there for a hour a day 😬.

Absolutely no offence intended, is there any chance you may have ADHD? I'm asking because I do and simple housework can feel like moving mountains. I'll get an occasional bout of motivation and blitz the whole place (hyperfocusing) then it all goes to shit again shortly after.

Kindly but firmly, if you don’t have the energy to shower, you really need to try to get to the root cause of that and change it. Keeping well hydrated, more protein and fibre in meals, taking a vitamin supplement and taking a brisk outdoor walk every day can make a huge difference - commit to trying that for a month and see how much better you feel. Your health comes first - all the cleaning and the other stuff will gradually fall into place if you health improves.

Granny are you me?

I totally get it OP , I often find myself in a place where the state of the house is so overwhelming that it feels impossible to get started.

I agree with PP about the rubber broom/ finding a new cleaning tool or product to help motivation. I also bought myself an apron with pockets like a housekeeper at a hotel would wear . I have a shower in the morning as a sign that I am starting my day. Then I don the apron which focuses my mind that I am now going to clean my house. Sounds ridiculous but it really helped me.

OP I’m sorry you are struggling so much. I agree with others about small steps. I find very small daily routines help. Usually focus on bathroom and kitchen and hoovering stairs, though I can use them as an in-tray! My house is still messy - I have a real issue with papers and sentimental items.

OP can I just say how impressed I am that you’ve already got Christmas presents bought and wrapped? I am absolutely rubbish at it and end up buying crap on 23 December because I can’t get my act together. So don’t feel ashamed - you may be struggling on the tidying but you are killing it in some other areas.

I also struggle keeping my house tidy and have bursts of inspiration when everything is amazing and then months where the piles grow. Decluttering is your friend, the more you get rid of the less you have to keep on top of and the less overwhelming it is - bin everything you can.

If you’re looking for inspiration Dana K White’s book “How to manage your home without losing your mind” is great for those of us to whom cleaning and organising doesn’t come naturally - super basic but it helped me. It’s available on audiobook so good to have on while you get tidying. She also has a podcast.

@Shithole101 I'm sorry you're struggling 💐. Make an appointment with your GP as you are overwhelmed and it sounds like depression.

My few steps would be:

1. have a shower...it will feel like you're making progress just doing that and I think you'll feel a bit better and hopefully a little motivated for the next step.

2. clear the stairs to help prevent accidents. Use a dustpan and brush if you can't be asked pulling the hoover out.
   I often listen to the radio whilst cleaning or decluttering.

3. If you can manage the above and are motivated to clear the floor in the living room continue...if not that room could wait until tomorrow.

You can do this as other posters mentioned your progress before but I agree with another poster about feeling like you're climbing mount Everest.

I think trying to get into a routine of a regular shower would be good for your mental health too but I understand that can be easier said then done.

Please contact your GP.

Be kind to yourself xx

As a couple of other posters have mentioned, ADHD could be at play here. I had the same overwhelm and inability to see things through at home, even though the stress of seeing the chaos was arguably more stressful than actually getting on with sorting it. I never have people over as my house is NEVER visitor-ready. Only once actually, when I was selling my house.

I am professionally successful but a disaster at home (and late 40s!).

Long story short, about 6 weeks ago I was diagnosed with ADHD and am now in the process of getting the medication right. It's not a magic bullet but I have more motivation and I am able to see things through. And I don't sit paralysed and worried about tackling things (as much) because I know I can and I will. And generally do. I have already tackled the little jobs that have bothered me for YEARS. In fact, in the middle of writing this, I spotted some leaked meat juice in the fridge and cleaned it up right away rather than promising I would until I couldn't stand it anymore.
I do have two ND children which doesn't help matters but as the adult, it's up to me to do the adulting.

DO explore depression, especially if this is a new thing (and they are not mutually exclusive), but if your home and 'inability' to organise it has been this way forever, then ADHD is worth considering. For me at least, I've watched Minimal Mom and Nami on You Tube both of whom make me want to get my home in shape, and make me feel warm inside, but never translate to actually doing anything. The irony of enjoying watching other people clean and organise whilst my surroundings are in chaos is not lost on me. I also never got past downloading a cleaning app or printing a checklist.

That said, I did read the Mari Kondo book a few years ago and got rid of 18 bin bags of stuff in 2 days of ruthlessness, so ADHD has its benefits...

How is it now? The stairs do look bad. How did the stairs ever get to be so bad. Why not just scrape it all down, into a bin bag. Would take a few seconds? A few minutes tops. It would've been a very quick fix, so I'm struggling to see how you got so fixated, and couldn't see that.

I honestly thought this too. Have a bath or a shower and then get the kids on it with bin bags. A quick hoover and polish and job done. You will feel better for it.

It would take less time to clean it up than posting would have taken.

Hi op I wonder if you are actually depressed or burnt out? As somone who has on an off mental health issues I recognise a lot of this.

What else do you have going on at home? I feel like it sounds like there's other stuff from your replies.

So I think in terms of the mess there's dealing with the mess now then maintaining it.

Doing it the big clean up and sort is not a huge deal, grab what you need and do it in a few hours with a good podcast on while the kids are distracted. If this is all possible!

To maintain it I think you need to work out a system that works for you. Everything needs a place and you need less stuff. To get there I'd recommend kc Davis who talks about struggle care on tiktok and other sm. She has a book struggle care which I'd absolutely recommend!

Hope that is helpful. I do understand it's not as easy as just tidying up.

OP, I’m gonna set you the challenge to not reply here until it’s all done! Go on! 😁 (I do this but I’m not allowed on Mumsnet until I get a job done! It works…)

Although you’re saying you’re not depressed I think all the things you say point to depression. And your GP can help with that. You could feel more positive, more motivated and more hopeful with treatment. Talking to your GP to get the ball rolling won’t make your life any worse will it?
As for a messy house, scoop up everything that is clothes, put a wash on. Then everything else on the stairs looks like it can be binned.
How is your dog exercised? Lack of exercise will lead to boredom ( chewing) and ultimately ill health. I can help with an organisation for dog walking if you want , up to you.

Please start with your GP. You sound very sad and unhappy, I’d come round , make you a cup of tea and tidy your house if I could. For some bizarre reason brushing my stair carpet top to bottom ( can’t manoeuvre the hoover on the stairs, too heavy) makes me feel insanely happy……. so I’m probably sad in a different sense. Look after yourself 💐

I know what you mean and how you feel about a cleaner, I don't want any more people in my space. It takes energy for me to deal with people and I don't have any to spare. You sound burnt out, I know I am. The smallest things going wrong can throw me off because I just don't have anything left to cope. My DC also have SEN and my abusive Ex does bugger all. I'm missing showers too, which for me personally means something is seriously wrong, I'm usually a bit OTT about showering. My DC are all Autistic, I don't think I am, but I think I probably have ADHD which doesn't help. I definitely struggle with executive functioning and impulse control, when well I tend to jump from task to task, getting distracted and never finishing one task before starting another, the house ends up full of half done things, but maybe I'm just worn out with how much I have to think and remember and be on top off for all my DC.

I recently say this recommended on here by a few posters in a similar thread, including one who had ADHD. No idea if it would be helpful, I've got it saved for when im hopefully doing a little better. If it want for my kids I think I'd just curl up in a corner and give up. I have nothing left to give.

www.amazon.co.uk/How-Keep-House-While-Drowning-ebook/dp/B09KTGVQRH/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1MOT5WNARA9C8&&keywords=how%20to%20keep%20house%20while%20drowning&&qid=1694383052&&sprefix=how%20to%20keep%20house%20while%20drowning,aps,114&&sr=8-1&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

Thank you for replying.

Ok so I have been much much worse in the past. So logically I know this is not overly bad and i could probably have it all tidy within an hour. I know what I need to do . But it feels like the end of the world.

Last time I posted simlar I managed to get into a positive mindset and got quite alot done . This time I'm struggling with that but don't know why.

People keep mentioning depression. I'm pretty sure it's not that, possibly low mood. But not actual depression. I do think it's due to no energy , being very tired. And the demands I have on me. I know that I have anemia I'm on folic acid for it. I need to finish the course and then have bloods retested.

With the self care stuff. I get what people are saying but even that feels hard. I haven't many demands on me. I'm doing a course at the moment that's to do with supporting my child with mental heath issues that he has how it effects the family how to manage etc. Anyway they spoke about self care. People were talking about going to the spar. Or their daily swim. Getting their hair done. Or going to their room for a couple of hours just have their own time. Anyway after the session I went into a private room on my own with one of the workers. This has been arranged because I have some learning difficulties and they keep using lots of words I don't understand and then it wooshes over my head . Anyway like prick I started crying ffs . Part of me felt wtf I can only dream of having that sort of time on my own . Then I was thinking about all the demands on me. I'm not talking about typical family demands. Some stuff is shit . And it's pretty much all on me and its like I'm one person.

I struggle with things like this too. This is what has really helped me: THE TWO MINUTE RULE.

Tell yourself you’ll only do two minutes of tidying. No more. That’s it.
Knowing you only have two minutes of a task makes it much easier to start, as it’s much less daunting. Then, for some reason, by the time you come to the end of the two minutes, more often than not you’ll find yourself happy to carry on. But the key is, you don’t HAVE to carry on, you can stop at two minutes.

Just try it. Just two minutes.

Ask the GP to check your thyroid levels. That's how I felt when mine went into overdrive.

Could your worker help you.

Can she support you with beginning some rules and organisation for the kids. Tiny steps toward that you can live by.

A daily visual timetable for you all. Basic stuff, breakfast, clear up, Hoover, lunchtime, was clothes ….etc tea time, bath time, story, bedtime.

I was also thinking rules in using the house. My house would never have clothes on the floor of the living room, simply because we would never get changed in there. Could you work towards your kids learning that they always get changed in their bedrooms? At least this would be a step to keeping the living room tidy.

I know it is difficult with children with SEND needs however rules and routine often help them too.

I don't think you understand 😔

Could you get support from Homestart? Someone pops round and just helps with anything that you need. Help with kids, cleaning up, takes you out for a coffee etc. They're volunteers so kind lovely people and will have seen much much worse than a slightly messy house.

I don't want anyone in my house. That's just way to much stress for me.