House is still a shithole. Pic included

[Shithole101]

A few weeks or so back I posted pics of bedrooms in my house. They were a shithole. Me/kids have managed to keep the bedrooms tidy /reasonable.

But my stairs and living room are a mess. I could probably have it all sorted in a couple of hours. But it feels like the end of the world. I feel so drained. And even when i do start doing it something really silly can happen then I feel like giving up.

Or like a few weeks back I started feeling really positive. And got loads done . But after that period of positive cleaning. I won't get that feeling back for a while and just stop.

It should be really simple but it does not feel like it.

I only get a bath /shower once a week sometimes less. I could smell myself earlier and all I did was use baby wipes under my arms and a bit of deodorant.

Anyway I have added photos again . To Shame myself into actually cleaning up .

Wow people make money from this? Cool! I never heard of that. My approach which is totally free is to do a room or part of a room a day (not lasting the whole day obviously!) and ask yourself of everything “Do I need this? Or love this?” If I don’t, it’s out. Bin, charity or Vinted. Appreciate it’s not that simple though if in a rut with it.

Don't post anything your not comfortable with .

What is the Facebook group called?

@Cinty6 hell yes people make money. Look at Marie Kondo. There are now shops in her name…

I have business friends that run something called The declutter hub. I know people that offer it as a physical service.

I have adhd, deep depression cycles and chronic fatigue amongst other issues. I fell into a state with the house. It’s clean, I manage to keep it clean, shop, fresh food etc… but I won’t have folks in because of the amount of clutter.

It got to its worse this last 5 years as my adult son had a psychotic break and I had to bring him home - and the contents of his home and life of many years.. he now has untreatable paranoid schizophrenia and I tried to manage him at home for many years but he’s too much of a risk to me.

But in the meantime had bought lots of random things that still clutter my house, all his furniture and belongings, I work from home so all my home office for two business, I’ve gained 2/3 dress sizes in 8 years with depression eating, perimenopause bloating, less exercise as couldn’t leave son unattended etc..

So he’s now sectioned again and I’m left in a house that depresses me and I don’t know where to begin as it’s overwhelming. But the depression sucks my motivation. It’s a cycle. Then I go all in and try to do loads in a day, it wipes me out and I end up run down, get shingles (stress etc triggers it with me), spinal and facial neuralgia etc and need the medicine to recover. The medicine makes me nauseous and has other side effects…

so then I have one area done. Or half done. But now I have a pile to take to the charity shops. Which sit next to the door for weeks. I then take them and they aren’t accepting donations at this time… so back home. And back into the house…

I like doing Heathers course as it’s a focused area at a time. Implementation weeks were we all set a goal on zoom and do an hour or two together as a very small group for accountability and support.

ive listed a minimum of 5 items a week in Vinted so the piles of clothes are going down..

some of us literally need this level of support.

I think some of it is adhd as well and how it impacts me personally. My folks are quite minimalists and organised folks so it’s not learnt behaviour?

@Cinty6 I tried that for a bit (inspired by Marie Kondo) but I'm not very good at knowing. The problem with being a natural hoarder is that you have to force yourself to make tough choices and you can get it wrong.

I had massive regret about one or two things I sent to the charity shop but I couldn't get them back.

@Shithole101 the abridged version just means the shorter version in case it is helpful!

@Shithole101 its called Untangled by Tingle Community. She’s really down to earth and unlike others has never made me felt looked down upon.

https://m.facebook.com/groups/untangledbytingle/?ref=share

I’m sorry to hear you and your son have had such a tough time! That must be really hard.

The small steps and accountability definitely work for me too actually. I like to put my phone on flight mode and I’m not allowed to put it back on until I’ve ticked something off the list. It makes me avoid pissing about wasting time on my phone. Listening to a whole album when you’ve got a bigger job works for me too. Finish before the album ends? Have a biscuit. 😂

What you say about 10-15 minutes not being enough - one session isn't enough, no, but lots dotted over a few days can make a big difference. I'd actually go even shorter and suggest setting a time for two or five minutes at at time, just to break the paralysis. Don't call it sorting the house out to yourself, just make your arms and legs do it while ignoring all feelings about it and not even labelling it anything or thinking about it after you've done it. You do sound a bit depressed tbh so I hope there is something that can lift that heaviness from you soon.

Do you have a partner, a parent , or someone who you absolutely trust that can help?

Your kitchen looks great OP.Way better than mine, right now. But that's OK. They get a bit messay again and we can tidy them again. It's not permanent.

You've done a lot for someone with anaemia. I used to need a lie down after just getting dressed. Give yourself a rest now. You mentioned dinners. When DC were little and my health was at its lowest, they had a lot of tinned spaghetti with grated cheese, and pouches of microwavable steamed veg. Or baked beans on wholemeal toast. Or humous with pitta bread and carrot sticks, fruit for pudding. Or oven baked fish with sweet potato oven fries and peas or iceberg. All healthy enough but not difficult to make. No pans to wash. You can do that. You need dinners that don't take too much energy out of you.

No I don't

Your kitchen looks fabulous OP! Well done!

I think I cross posted with the person you're replying to, or missed it.

I know how frustrating it is when clutter builds up somewhere I've tidied. However I have also learned (it took me a long time) that the "perfectly tidy house that then doesn't get messy again" that I've always wanted is a complete myth. All houses need constant tidying if they're doing anything other than getting progressively worse.

Sooner or later even in a perfectly tidy house your family will leave things in places they shouldn't, and at that point you'll face the same problem for the whole house as you will with the hypothetical perfect kitchen corner.

Another way to think of it, perhaps, is that a kitchen that you've previously done half a dozen 15 minute tidying/cleaning sessions in, is going to be much easier to then get to a perfect state in one burst of activity, than a kitchen that hasn't even had those few 15 minute sessions spent on it.

The net amount of dirt and mess in the kitchen will be less after a 2, 5 or 15 minute session, even if the main area you've cleaned has stuff dumped on it ten minutes later. It's still worth doing, it's all progress, and it should make getting to 'perfect' much more achievable.

I have both my GS now whilst dd gos to the cinema. I told her just to see the film and come home. Ie no after meals etc. She said she's not been to cinema for about a year. And I go every month. I go about every 2 months . Because i get free tickets. I normal take teen dd with me.

She seems to forget all the other stuff she does and how often I baby sit.

I actually only asked her to come back as sion as the film is done because I feel kind of moody.

So you're not depressed?

I'm not clear why your asking. I'm not sure whete your going with the question?

I thought you had little children not adult DC!

Who do you live with?

Whi makes the mess?

Please wait for blood tests to be completed before taking b12 vitamins as b12 tablets can falsely skewer the blood test results to give the impression you’re fine when I fact you're not and need injections.

Can't i have adult DC and child DC

Thank you. I will join at some point . Not now as I get a bit paranoid joining things via MN

Yes but you keep saying you don't have anyone in your life to help.... you do. Stop being a martyr and ask them to help.

Ok will do

Your making massive assumptions. 😔

Well maybe, but 300 posts in and you've said no to almost every idea.... it's not even that messy!

I have said no I don't have help . Because that's true.

I may have said no , or not sure etc. I may have explored things. There's not always a straight cut answer to things.

Is there a problem that there's 300 posts? Should I stop posting is it causing issues? Am I pissing people off