House is still a shithole. Pic included

[Shithole101]

A few weeks or so back I posted pics of bedrooms in my house. They were a shithole. Me/kids have managed to keep the bedrooms tidy /reasonable.

But my stairs and living room are a mess. I could probably have it all sorted in a couple of hours. But it feels like the end of the world. I feel so drained. And even when i do start doing it something really silly can happen then I feel like giving up.

Or like a few weeks back I started feeling really positive. And got loads done . But after that period of positive cleaning. I won't get that feeling back for a while and just stop.

It should be really simple but it does not feel like it.

I only get a bath /shower once a week sometimes less. I could smell myself earlier and all I did was use baby wipes under my arms and a bit of deodorant.

Anyway I have added photos again . To Shame myself into actually cleaning up .

It is quite difficult to understand fully what is going on in your life. If you gave a detailed description of what is going on, and/or what is stopping you from taking some of the steps suggested, posters might be able to nake more specific suggestions.

Well done on the kitchen!! Just start again tomorrow morning

The fact you go over a week without washing and you can't get on top of the basics of housekeeping would suggest depression.

Not everything =,depression. I have spoken to other posters about other stuff besides depression ie enemia.

That's not to say I would 100% rule it out . But there can be other factors. Which are being looked at.

Hi OP,

Looking at the photos you've put on, it doesn't look really 'dirty' or horrific. It's just cluttered and messy. The only issue with when it's gets too messy, is it's hard to actually keep the areas clean as all the stuff is in the way. The floors won't be able to be mopped when they have stuff all over them.

In the living room photo, there's just clutter on the floor, kids shoes on the floor, also on the stairs, try having a designated place in the house for shoes, maybe at the entrance if there is room? If not, put a basket/bucket as close as you can. Kids shouldn't really be kicking shoes off and dumping them about, do you wear shoes around the house?

The stairs, once the items have been moved to where they should be, it will just need a little hoover.

40 minutes to do you kitchen when you feel shattered and lacking motivation is really good going.

I always think to myself, if I didn't have kids my house would be immaculate, but I have them and now luckily in a good routine with tidying and cleaning. Mainly, as it creates a good environment for us as a family, it's calming and homely, mess makes me very stressed and unhappy. Tidy home, tidy mind.

I think try to be kind to yourself, you're not feeling great and that can make everything feel impossible and overwhelming.

Do you work? If so, it's harder to get the time in to clean, I now only work 3 days a week so I spend 3 hours each day on 2 weekdays to put music on loud and just have a really good clean, other days I just try to put things in the places they should be and maybe have a wipe around or a Hoover and at the weekend do 2 hours of cleaning plus sorting clothes and ironing. Spread I through the week.

Small steps to start.
I know you don't want to get the kids involved, but regardless of age, nursery years up, kids can absolutely be expected the keep areas tidy and clean their toys up after playing. If not, I'd be threatening that pile of presents are going on the fire!!

P.S I completely understand not wanting anyone in your house, it's your safe space.

At least its something. Not the thing I was meant to be doing. But still least its another room done ..

That sort of attitude is exactly why so many women are been gaslit and told ‘it’s all in your head’ for many very physical symptoms.

From aenemia to endometriosis to SVT etc etc…. All of which can take years to be treated because if that sort of assumption.
(latest one is that CBT will treat menopausal hot flushes btw - soon to be offered on the NHS)

We really don’t need to put water into that wheel.
Physical stuff first. Always.

I have a cupboard in my hall right next to the front door that she's are meant to go in. 9 have good space under the stairs I have a large walk in cupboard on the 1st landing . The large unit thing you see in the living room is 80% empty. I know what I should be doing whete things should he etc actually doing it is a completely different thing .

And yeah I definitely don't like people in my house. It's just another stress

Thank you 💐

I was going to get an energy drink and stay up late to do stuff whilst kids are in bed. But I think I will Just go to bed when dd collects gs. I feel kind of moody.

I love an early night, tomorrow's a new day.

Hopefully you will get some rest and wake up tomorrow feeling in a better mood.

Many of these posts are supportive. But others just seem to be badgering poor OP. Talk about kicking someone when they are down! And DDog is part of the family, FGS.

I too recommend "How to Keep House While Drowning" - I've read many such books over the years, but this is the one written by Someone Who Really Gets It. And the language is clear, simple, understanding, and compassionate.

Re bathing. I sometimes have to run the bath, regardless of whether I feel that I want to have one or not. Then I wait for a bit, and most times I get in before the water gets too cold. The driver for this is the thought that the hot water will need paying for anyway

Sometimes I get several tasks on the go at the same time, and just rotate round them as the fancy takes me, moving on when I've had enough. This makes every task feel like skiving off all the other tasks, which seems to be my motivation (I know I am weird, but after many years, seem to understand the odd ways my mind works...)

Hey @Shithole101 i would always suggest to my fellow special sausages that we do t do energy drinks. Honour the energy we have each day and use it doing what we feel able to.

energy drinks make me feel worse and I pay for them later when my body crashes from the fake ‘high’.

you’ve done enough today. Rest well when you can. Do what you are able to. Little and often here and there and it soon gets done. c

I would also give this advice. I know how tempting it is when you're trying to find energy you don't have, so a case of been there, done that, but I always crashed afterwards. xx

PS. I think you did an amazing job with the kitchen. :)

I watched a video today about motivation for cleaning.

Basically it said you can trick your mind into looking forward to cleaning because you get a clean and tidy home at the end. It was about 3 S.

State - trick your mind by using behaviours that means excitement such as air pumping, clapping etc.

Story which is where you tell yourself aloud that you deserve a lovely home.

Strategy - how your going to do it.

Motivational interview yourself as well by telling yourself how having a lovely living room will make you feel. Organised, comfortable, on top of things etc.

I also find cleaning shorts on social media motivational and now always tidy the kitchen as the kettle boils (hard working room that needs keeping on top off) as it breaks it down. Dishwasher then coffee. Bins and wiping cupboards then coffee. Sides and sink then coffee.

Dd decided to be half an hour late. I know chat don't seem like much but it is when you have had enough and you made it clear before hand. Fed up of people taking the piss

Thank you. I will try and take a look. And yeah I'm not rehoming my dog.

Silly question given the state you feel you are in regarding housework. Are you managing to exercise the dog with daily walks, toileting etc. If the answer is yes then well done. Personally speaking I'd never cope with children, Grandchildren housework & in my situation a job. Hats off to people who do 🤦‍♀️👍

Mostly able to walk dog. May be the odd day missed or shorter walk

Do you not have two?

Can't edit.

Could you older kids walk with you. Nice activity, out the house, happy dog(s)

Yes I have 2. Its just we seemed to be talking about the naughty one.

I mainly walk 1 dog when the kids are at school. My teen dd walks the smaller dog after school.

Would the younger ones be able to join her? Even if it just gave you 15 mins for a cuppa.

No that's her little thing she likes to do on her own. I have time from the younger ones when they are at school.