Should we cancel our wedding plans - WWYD?

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Wedding planned for Sept 2024. We live in a rural town, so there are no local options for a small ceremony and a meal out like you can do in a city. You either have a non-event experience, travel or go all out with a wedding venue.

As we are 40s and 50, first marriage for him, we have decided to go all out and booked a stunning venue, 65 people max. For family reasons, we have decide on a 2 year engagement. We are both quite introverted and have a tiny social circle,
and family, so we have struggled to think of more than 35 people to invite. But we’re happy with that - better small but true friends. Now, due to breaks ups and relocation 7 guests will not attend, we have not even sent the invites, but we already know. Then the remainder may not even make it and we are now thinking to cancel the wedding all together, cut our £3k deposits losses and stop spending another £15k or so. We would still get married on a budget. But I am really sad that it has come to this, but it’s a lot of money for what feels like no point.

Alternatively, we invite people we are not close to or try and try to make new friends, which is hard for us both, but that just sounds stupid. WWYD?

I’d spend the money getting married abroad, just the two of us with a fabulous honeymoon.

Op this is all a bit odd

arranging a wedding when you don’t have remotely enough people to invite

make it small and intimate and… about 60% cheaper

I’d spend the money on a smaller do, wherever that is. Not invite randoms just to make the numbers up.

You live in the UK?

A rural town that you make out is literally in the arse end of the outback of Australia!

Go abroad somewhere beautiful

Cut your losses, go aboard or have a small wedding here and then go for a nice honeymoon.

Don't invite randoms to make numbers.

Definitely don't continue with the big wedding plans with a tiny guest list, that will make you feel sad. Are there no bigger towns/cities you could consider that are taxi distance for people or have a travelodge people can stay in? Most people don't have a guest list entirely from their home town area and most people accept travelling or booking a hotel for a wedding. That way you could have a smaller more intimate wedding with the luxury touch you are hoping for.

I think I’d be looking at changing plans-you can still have an amazing day with a smaller group-in fact it will probably be better if you have a smaller venue, rather than people rattling about in a place meant for double your numbers

Find an alternative venue that suits the number of wanted guests you're likely to have.

A small wedding here with a lovely honeymoon. How rural are you that there are no other options eg to drive to another venue?

That's an awful lot of money to pay out for a wedding anyway at your ages. I'd spend a lot less and save the rest for that rainy day.

Another vote for abroad, have a lovely holiday.

Surely those closest to you will be willing to travel a little? If you would like a wedding at home with those there, I'd find an alternative venue. Are you willing to tell us the area you are in, maybe we can help?

I'd choose a lovely smaller venue even if it's further away. Lots of people get married not in a local venue.

£18k for a wedding for 35 guests? sack that, go abroad and have a meal/get together when you're back.

Can’t you just go away and do it? Or find a smaller venue? There is a lovely hotel near me which specialises in small weddings. It doesn’t have to be in your exact area. Lots of people go outside their area to get married.

I’m finding it hard to believe there aren’t vaguely local options for you. But no, don’t spend crazy money on your second wedding. Do something localish and casual - it can be just as wonderful if not more so than a lavish formal affair.

You say ‘non event’ i assume you mean just the service ? Registry office ?

In which case do that, very small very personal just the 2 of you and very very close family and friends. Back to yours and get caterers in for a buffet. Very small and exclusive.

tbh we had the big do, yes 35 years ago, we were young parents paid the big all out wedding. It was lovely, everyone enjoyed it, but I still wish, we both still wish , we had stuck to our guns and gone small. We went to a close friends recently. Just bride/groom/2 parents and 8 guests at their house, it was beautiful, so loving so perfect we’ve been married 35 years and came away with a renewed sense of love 🥰, in my mind it was the most perfect wedding I’ve ever been to.

spend your money on a beautiful honeymoon.

Surely even with being rural you can drive to somewhere with more options within an hour or so? Even the Scottish Highlands or Islands aren't so remote you can't get to a bigger village or town with just a bit of travel.

Search for somewhere else nice that you can have a smaller celebration. Most people expect to travel a bit for a wedding.

Yes, lose the deposit and cancel. Plenty of time to find a new venue. Get creative. Reception doesn't need to be in same place as ceremony. Lots of registry offices take 30 max which is perfect for you. Get married at registry office and then find a place for a party that will really suit you. (Our reception was in an upstairs function room of a pub! It was brilliant. There are lots of low cost ways to make it special - decorations, your choice of entertainment etc)

M7 guests will not attend, we have not even sent the invites, but we already know

Breakups I get, exes aren't going to come to their ex partner's friend or relative

But relocations - have you asked them if they would still come?

Spend money on a bus to a nearby registry office/ restaurant?

OP I'm sorry you're disappointed about cancellations
Agree with the others that a venue too large will look sad and also be a waste of money, so cut your losses

I'm not sure why you can't get married either in a church or registry office and then go to the pub or similar?
We had 20ish people, church then family member's garden.
Close friend had immediate family only (<10) to register office then hosted a meal for 30ish and booked out a restaurant

If you're not looking for licensed venues because you've already done the legal bit in a separate location then surely they will be some kind of place you can celebrate at! Host a BBQ in a field if you want to.

If you want to stay local why not use your parish church and church hall/village hall? Or go into the city booking a restaurant and a premier inn type room for all, registry office wedding, lovely dinner then drinks in the city would work for those numbers

We went to Gretna Green and 20 of our closet friends and family came with us, then we had an amazing Honeymoon, no regrets whatsoever and at the time the wedding cost a couple of thousand (including the dress, hotel costs for a few people and the wedding/food itself) even now everyone says it was a great relaxing wedding and the people who came made a weekend out of it and stayed in various tourist areas within an hour of Gretna

So do Gretna or as other people suggested go abroad ( I initially wanted to go abroad but my dad had not long had a stroke so couldn’t fly)