Should we cancel our wedding plans - WWYD?

[NameChangeAfterTHAT]

Wedding planned for Sept 2024. We live in a rural town, so there are no local options for a small ceremony and a meal out like you can do in a city. You either have a non-event experience, travel or go all out with a wedding venue.

As we are 40s and 50, first marriage for him, we have decided to go all out and booked a stunning venue, 65 people max. For family reasons, we have decide on a 2 year engagement. We are both quite introverted and have a tiny social circle,
and family, so we have struggled to think of more than 35 people to invite. But we’re happy with that - better small but true friends. Now, due to breaks ups and relocation 7 guests will not attend, we have not even sent the invites, but we already know. Then the remainder may not even make it and we are now thinking to cancel the wedding all together, cut our £3k deposits losses and stop spending another £15k or so. We would still get married on a budget. But I am really sad that it has come to this, but it’s a lot of money for what feels like no point.

Alternatively, we invite people we are not close to or try and try to make new friends, which is hard for us both, but that just sounds stupid. WWYD?

If you love this venue and dream of a beautiful wedding, I see no reason why you should not go ahead with the original plan.

If this isn't what you want, then cancel.
It's so far off that I would probably see if it's possible to get back your deposit. It's not like you are cancelling in such a short time that they will scramble to fill the space.

You can surely come up with another option that will make you happy. With your small party and large budget, perhaps you could hire a beautiful venue where all your guests can stay over as well (like a big manor house or something).

@NameChangeAfterTHAT if you live in a small town I am pretty sure that there will be a small community hall which you can hire!!!! get the decor on ebay or amazon or even facebay¬ book a caterer for a buffet and get the wedding cake in marks and spencer

I’d rethink your plans and do something that suits you both and your character and social circle/family situation, rather than something big and grand because you feel you should.

church plus village hall or nice pub/restaurant is the norm where I live. I don’t recognise the grand stately home weddings costing silly money that I read about on MN.

Indeed. Most hotels that do big weddings will also have smaller rooms where people have private parties like special birthdays/anniversaries.

We had a small-ish wedding - 45 people - and it was perfect. Our guests all mingled and we had time to speak to everyone. It was very personal.
Also, 7 of our guests came literally from the other side of the planet, so don't assume relocations will mean those people won't come, especially if they know a long time in advance. We sent save the dates 12 months before.
Don't add people to make up numbers. A wedding doesn't need large numbers of people, especially as you say you are both introverts.

I can’t think of anywhere so rural you couldn’t do a reg office and meal in a restaurant.

Also, if you have a lovely venue and fewer guests, you can just spend more per head and have a really lovely small intimate day in a gorgeous venue.

I actually think that’s the preferable option.

I’m sure small weddings in luxurious settings were a whole ‘trend’ thing. Just carry on as you were and value those who can make it and share their day with you.

Elope. Have a tiny wedding wherever you want, on a beach, Gretna Green, wherever. Then throw a party for friends and family afterwards. Less stressful, less organisation.
And congratulations.

You've still got 28 people who DO want to come! I wouldn't go and get married abroad as some have suggested.

Have you got cold feet at the cost of the wedding? Or are you worried the venue will feel too big for the size of your wedding party?

If it's cost, you can scale back and choose a smaller venue in a different location. If you feel the venue is too big, talk to the organiser and find out what others have done to make the venue feel more intimate.

What does your partner want to do? What do your family want to do? Are they excited about the venue? Are you excited about the venue? It's your wedding so do what you want and enjoy the day.

Book a gorgeous country pub or a hotel’s private dining room.

Small wedding in the nearest town with a good restaurant and treat your close friends and family. Then have a lovely honeymoon. Or marry abroad and have a small dinner/reception for your closest family members, friends etc. on your return. No need for it to be complicated or spend loads of money that you don't need to.

Definitely have a cheaper wedding and spend the money on a fabulous honeymoon instead. You will
probably have a much nicer time.

Also see if you can re-negotiate with your original venue to have a smaller wedding at the same venue so you don't lose your deposit? Even if it means moving the date, or to a weekday etc.

Why not go back to the original venue for starters and ask them if you can scale down the event? They may prefer that to you cancelling and might have other rooms/smaller plans you can use. I had about 15 people at the registry office and dinner for 12 in a private dining room. Perfect for us.

Agree with all the PP saying go back to the venue and see if you can scale it down to avoid losing your deposit. We got married at a country house hotel and they had function rooms for every size of group from as few as 10 up to 200.

can you ask the venue where you have already paid a deposit to, if they have a private room for a smaller group, ie large dinner party size. Maybe you can use your deposit to pay towards that rather than the big do you had planned, and therefore not lose any money you've already paid. Then spend your remaining budget on lovely food and drinks for the smaller group.

Is there any of your 3k deposit that could be salvaged? Is that all for venue?

Would they let you move any of it to other areas like a really fancy meal in their restaurant on a less popular day/ out of wedding season and a stay over? Just have a small intimate family wedding in the closest registry office and then back to hotel and you could put extra money behind bar.

Spending the best part of £500 per guest is insane for a day. If you were going to spend that you'd be better hiring a small family run hotel and having a full weekend of fun.

Weddings are incredibly stressful , and it sounds like if you continue with this plane you won't really enjoy what it ends up being.

Sit down with your partner, make separate lists of what your dream wedding would be , and see what you get that is the same and do it.

Don't look on it as losing 3k, look at it as saving £15k

Personally I think weddings are attention seeking nonsense . Marriage fair enough , but the opulence and extravagance of a wedding is not for me. The stress alone of planning it and sorting out various family issues would ruin it.

It sounds to me like you would prefer a small ceremony in a lovely location, combining it with a honeymoon, and then if you really want to arrange a meal with family and friends at a later date.

Thanks, all. We have got swept in a romance of engagement and made an expensive mistake.

I just needed a confirmation that it is best to cancel, it feels a little like a personal failure.

If where you live has a registered office I would have expected it to have at least one decent restaurant or venue.

Given your feelings though, cancel and do something small and luxurious in the UK ...look at Cromlix House in Perthshire for instance.

If cancelling means you lose your deposit then just do as pp suggest and go back to the hotel and scale it down.

I'd elope and go on an amazing honeymoon

Tiny wedding with immediate family, walloping honeymoon, party or dinner or whatever suits you in celebration with wider circle at a time of your choice.

Much less anxiety-making and much better value!

Please go through this thread with a notepad and paper.

You've been given over 20 options you seem to have not considered.

Before you cancel talk to the venue.
They may be able to do a smaller scale of what you want.
No harm asking.

Weddings are a waste of money anyway.

Have a small registry, dinner and drinks with friends. And then have an amazing honeymoon