Should we cancel our wedding plans - WWYD?

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Wedding planned for Sept 2024. We live in a rural town, so there are no local options for a small ceremony and a meal out like you can do in a city. You either have a non-event experience, travel or go all out with a wedding venue.

As we are 40s and 50, first marriage for him, we have decided to go all out and booked a stunning venue, 65 people max. For family reasons, we have decide on a 2 year engagement. We are both quite introverted and have a tiny social circle,
and family, so we have struggled to think of more than 35 people to invite. But we’re happy with that - better small but true friends. Now, due to breaks ups and relocation 7 guests will not attend, we have not even sent the invites, but we already know. Then the remainder may not even make it and we are now thinking to cancel the wedding all together, cut our £3k deposits losses and stop spending another £15k or so. We would still get married on a budget. But I am really sad that it has come to this, but it’s a lot of money for what feels like no point.

Alternatively, we invite people we are not close to or try and try to make new friends, which is hard for us both, but that just sounds stupid. WWYD?

How far are you from a city OP? If there is the budget, you could look to do a city wedding (some fabulous inspiration on instagram) and pay for people to stay over in hotels, just cheap ones? That’s obviously if it’s close enough. Alternatively, there are some beautiful smaller country houses in more rural areas. You might not always be able to get legally married in them but could do that bit before or after and hire a celebrant for the actual wedding.

Would it help if you gave us a rough idea of where you are in the country then people could suggest alternatives? It does sound disheartening now as no doubt you had your venue booked because you love it, BUT you have the ability to turn this all around and have a beautiful day. As long as you do what is right for you both, you’ll be happy.

Hi OP, have you thought about a registry and then maybe a beautiful village hall with high end catering? Imagine what you could do with that money and have a fab honeymoon!

Ive been to a lot of weddings and yes as guests we love it but they do all kind of end up being the same, maybe a different church/temple, different guests but essentially bar close family I don’t think the day is as important to others. It’s fun for them and they’re delighted to be invited and happy for you , don’t get me wrong!! But I’m sure they would not want you spending all that money!

You can have a beautiful and expensive wedding but in a small and intimate venue. Your guests will feel like they’ve been specially chosen and they’ll love it. Don’t invite randoms just to make the numbers up!

I’d cancel and expand my search area for a venue to one hour from my town. Look at more creative options. Eg restaurants with private function spaces. A house you can rent and hire a chef to cook a special dinner.

I hope you have a wonderful wedding. Don’t invite extras - small weddings are becoming very fashionable

Can you not just do a scaled down day at your original venue ? My sister got married in a beautiful Manor House , she had 20 guests and we were hosted in a smaller room , it was a beautiful wedding and a wonderful day. Drinks and canapés to start then a lovely wedding breakfast. Didn't have an evening reception and we all left by 9

Can't you invite a general plus one for the single people? As in 2 years time people may be dating /married etc

I'd also plan to ask a few less close people nearer the time -neighbours or a few work friends. No need to invite them now just bare them in mind.

I would’ve loved to have got married abroad but we had big families. Go abroad and do it. Then when you come back go out for a meal with close family and friends.

This. How rural do you live? I live rural but any kind of wedding is available here. If it really isn't where you live why can't the wedding be held in a different area?

You are both introverted, have a small circle of people to invite, why on earth do you want a large wedding? We had around 16 people at our wedding, it was help in the chapel of a church, and we went to a reception centre for a meal - and everyone enjoyed the day.

Me too. Or a cheaper wedding here and then a fabulous once in a lifetime honeymoon. No way would I spend that much on a wedding, even if the royal family were coming. Or especially if they were coming.

have a party in your house?

why not just go to a city and stay in a lovely hotel and go for a nice meal and a night out

Definitely cancel. I think it was an odd decision to book a wedding venue that size, for only 35, when it's to expected that a certain number of those won't be able to attend. Nothing worse for a wedding than a small group rattling around in a big venue. Cancel, cut your losses and do something more suitable.

That also seems incredibly expensive. We had a £10k wedding for 100 people in a city centre hotel, including all food and drink.

Have it in a country pub ?

Have it in the nearest city

Go abroad

So many options

This. Op is creating a false dichotomy.

"A big blow out or a tower block registry office, those are the two options. Nothing in-between."

Within a one hour drive I'm CERTAIN there is a hotel/stately home that will do up a room for an event of 35 people. Unless you love in the outer Hebrides or something, in which case, what's wrong with the village hall?

Rearrange something on a more suitable scale and budget I'd say. If its just a small number of close friends you could probably travel, arrange a hotel for everyone to find a nice venue. With fewer than 35 people you could definitely do something nice for a lot less than £18k

I live in a small village. It's normal here to have a wedding in the local church (you could drive to nearest registry office if you prefer) and have a small catered do in the village hall or a booked meal in a local pub. Not being in a city does not prevent you having a pleasant but small do.

I was at the wedding of a friend where I was one of about 18 guests. After the wedding in a registry office we went for a meal in an expensive restaurant. It was lovely. You don’t have to have a massive wedding or no-one at all.

Agree with others, just keep it really small .. we were married in a register office with three witnesses, two others joined us for a lovely restaurant lunch afterwards... no stress, just our (very) nearest and dearest, no huge expense - married 35 years.

Best wedding I ever went to was 20 guests. So don’t worry about that. You just need to find the right venue.

OK, so you feel you should do the whole bells and whistles wedding experience because it is future DH's first (and hopefully last) time. Meanwhile you are literally trying to scrape together people to fill the venue and going to spend £15k in the process. Forget it! You are both mature people and this is an unnecessary headache. Get hitched in your local church and do a barbecue at home or book a nice restaurant in town and stay over. You could afford to pay for some of your really closest friends to stay over too. The best weddings are the small, intimate and less fussy ones. Does your fiance really want this big showcase of a wedding? Men don't usually.

Firstly, you don’t have to get married in your rural backwater, you could get married elsewhere, like the nearest city for example. Choose a different date that suits most of your closest family & friends.

But also, I would have a small wedding and save the money for something else like a fabulous honeymoon.

Speak to the venue, you chose it for a reason, they may rooms/options for smaller numbers that will be done lovely. Less people will be less cost. Then use the extra money on a lush honeymoon