Should we cancel our wedding plans - WWYD?

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Wedding planned for Sept 2024. We live in a rural town, so there are no local options for a small ceremony and a meal out like you can do in a city. You either have a non-event experience, travel or go all out with a wedding venue.

As we are 40s and 50, first marriage for him, we have decided to go all out and booked a stunning venue, 65 people max. For family reasons, we have decide on a 2 year engagement. We are both quite introverted and have a tiny social circle,
and family, so we have struggled to think of more than 35 people to invite. But we’re happy with that - better small but true friends. Now, due to breaks ups and relocation 7 guests will not attend, we have not even sent the invites, but we already know. Then the remainder may not even make it and we are now thinking to cancel the wedding all together, cut our £3k deposits losses and stop spending another £15k or so. We would still get married on a budget. But I am really sad that it has come to this, but it’s a lot of money for what feels like no point.

Alternatively, we invite people we are not close to or try and try to make new friends, which is hard for us both, but that just sounds stupid. WWYD?

Don't go abroad, of the people who really want to be there with and are close may well be priced out and hurt at not being able to see you get married.
I'd do registry office for family only or a handful of close close friends and then find a pub with a big back room for a meal. there seems to be one in every village.

If you speak to the venue, they may be sympathetic and give you some of the money back. Next September is still a way off, it’s not like it’s next month and they can’t refill the date. I got engaged at Christmas and married the following Sept. Why don’t you say some elderly relatives are not able to attend due to deteriorating health and it seems silly having a big venue with only a handful of people.

I would definitely cancel, I think 65 is a small wedding, let alone the numbers you’re talking about. Save the money and get married in a registry office, then go for a swanky meal with your very nearest friends and family. Or do what others have suggested and go abroad.

Or why don’t you throw caution to the wind and do it sooner rather than later, see if there are any slots right near Christmas and buy a lovely Christmasy dress and go and have a wintery retreat / honeymoon holed up in a beautiful hotel in the Lake District, or The Cotswolds or Scotland. The options are endless, I’d love to do something secretive and on our own.

You don't need to get married on a budget just because your guest list is smaller. If anything, it's a good reason to push the boat out on things that really matter to you and would make the day feel more special.

Where you do you live (approximately)? I'm sure people could come up with suggestions. I doubt that it's truly "all or nothing" in the way you've suggested

There might not be any suitable options FOR HER. Plenty of reasons why they might not want a venue even if there is one.

....!

They live in a town between cities

this is the uk.

surely one of the two cities she’s sandwiched between would have something?!

I had a tiny wedding at a really cool London registry office and then we went to a really swanky restaurant for dinner with a really small number of guests. Was really memorable and lovely. I’d definitely downsize.

I don't know why you are assuming people won't travel? Or that rest of your guest list probably won't come?

Is there a minimum number? I would go ahead, less people will lower balance to be paid and you will have lovely intimate wedding with your closest family and friends with you.

Why don't you send out save the dates and get an idea on numbers before making a decision.

Fuck that, get off to somewhere warm and live it up.

HerMammy · Yesterday 08:27
£18k for a wedding for 35 guests? sack that, go abroad and have a meal/get together when you're back.

This.

Out of curiosity, are the marital laws of wherever abroad enforceable in the UK?

Thats a lot of money to spend when you haven't the people to fill the venue. I'd have a small ceremony for a few family/ closest friends. Then at a later date, after using that money for a super duper honeymoon, I'd have a house party to celebrate. That's if you have the space to do it.

We eloped then had a blessing and party later. The party made me so glad the actual wedding was an elopement. I barely got to spend time with my husband at the party and it was stressful as well as nice. The elopement was perfect, so relaxed with just 4 guests and our kids.
Search 'just us' weddings or micro weddings in areas you love and you may be surprised what takes your fancy. This is a day about the 2 of you

Absolutely agree with this!

and If the venue you’ve booked at is a hotel maybe they could let you use the deposit against a couple of night accommodation

I got married abroad, different circumstances to yours. We have family members that would definitely kick off and ruin everything, plus we’re not remotely religious and couldn’t justify the expense.

We got married abroad in Las Vegas in the little white chapel, our daughter was a bridesmaid. It was an absolute surreal experience, a total hoot. The following day we did the Grand Canyon helicopter tour, fabulous. We then drove onto San Diego, beautiful city, amazing zoo, very hispanic and the fabulous Balboa park. It was fantastic at a fraction of the price of a UK wedding.

On our return we had a lovely meal with very close friends, all in all the most fantastic memories and it shocks people when we tell them where we got married, but we enjoyed it.

There are so many beautiful destinations to get married, go for it, a wedding and honeymoon all in one 😬

Do you pay for the 65 people the venue is suitable for or they flexible with numbers?

Cancel, think of what you would really want to do as a real indulgent wedding for yourselves, and enjoy it xx

This without question

Another vote for cut your losses and have something small and meaningful.

65 people would be considered small where I live, weddings are 150 and over here. There’s no way I’d know that many people to invite either. We had an 80 person limit for our venue and even that was a stretch

We had about 60 at our wedding. If we kept it to immediate family only it would have been 15 on each side including all the kids. .

I loved our wedding but if I had to do it over, I would have just kept it to those 30 people. Or strongly considered getting married on a beach in Europe with two waiters as witnesses.

Don't think about filling up your venue just because. And don't get too upset about people dropping out. My sister who I'm extremely close to couldn't come to mine and I sorely missed her on the day - but she was far away and financially she just couldn't do it. But I totally understood.

Scrap the venue, and brainstorm with some of those close to you. Someone I know did 30 in a registry office and then an Italian restaurant and then the pub opposite the restaurant. It was one of the best weddings I attended.

You may not have a restaurant, but do you have a church/village/town hall type place? we once went to one where the couple had an indoor marquee in a village hall and had outside caterers come in, it was bloody brill!

Ceremony was in a registry office

Was just going to say this.

We are in a similar situation , we small circle of family and friends but also my partner is a shy person . We live in a rural place (our village is one road with no shop) but have booked to go to the local register office in the nearest city 40 minutes away with witnesses and our children for a small intimate ceremony , going out for dinner after. We then driving home and freshen up /get our gladrags to to hold a small party (36 guest) and dance the night away with no formalities . I’m not wearing a wedding dress but decided to spend the money on a designer dress and fancy shoes , I want to feel special but feel trying to be like I ‘should’ be for a wedding will make me sad and make me think of the people who can’t be there , that I wish were (unfortunately deceased) .

I think whatever type of wedding you go for , it needs to reflect who you both are and your likes/dislikes and don’t feel a need to do a day because that’s what wedding should be . If a traditional venue and day is your bag then don’t worry about others and you guys do you!

I wouldn’t view it as loosing £3k, but saving the fortune you were going to spend.
m an you travel to a pretty part of the country with just your nearest and dearest and marry in a registry office? Staying in a hotel for a few nights or something? The. Swan off on a lovely honeymoon somewhere together!. The money you save would pay for a lovely time somewhere like Barbados or Hawaii