Should we cancel our wedding plans - WWYD?

[NameChangeAfterTHAT]

Wedding planned for Sept 2024. We live in a rural town, so there are no local options for a small ceremony and a meal out like you can do in a city. You either have a non-event experience, travel or go all out with a wedding venue.

As we are 40s and 50, first marriage for him, we have decided to go all out and booked a stunning venue, 65 people max. For family reasons, we have decide on a 2 year engagement. We are both quite introverted and have a tiny social circle,
and family, so we have struggled to think of more than 35 people to invite. But we’re happy with that - better small but true friends. Now, due to breaks ups and relocation 7 guests will not attend, we have not even sent the invites, but we already know. Then the remainder may not even make it and we are now thinking to cancel the wedding all together, cut our £3k deposits losses and stop spending another £15k or so. We would still get married on a budget. But I am really sad that it has come to this, but it’s a lot of money for what feels like no point.

Alternatively, we invite people we are not close to or try and try to make new friends, which is hard for us both, but that just sounds stupid. WWYD?

I think that planning 2 years in advance is always going to make it hard to predict who can make it in the end. I’d go smaller but also can you rethink the timescale and just get moving in it?

Go abroad, splash out on an amazing photographer who will you give you the most amazing pictures! Then spend the rest having the time or your life on your honeymoon.

My friend got married in Paris and her wedding photos are all around Paris. They hired a vintage car and they really special. They then went round Asia for 3 weeks.

I'm sorry but there will be places to host a small wedding like that rural, you either aren't looking or dont have creative vision.

We don't live in the desert of the USA where you could drive for hours and not encounter anyone... its the UK a massively over crowded island, even rural we have functional options.

I live in a small town rural in the pennies, my friend lives in a village in the highlands and we both had lovely small weddings. There where no 'lack of options' either.

Are there smaller options at the venue?

I saw a wedding where a couple hired a country house for the weekend. I think it had 15 bedrooms, so all friends and family came to stay, they had drinks Friday, the wedding Saturday with a big dinner/buffet in the house and then breakfast Sunday before everyone went home again. It sounded lovely.

Save your money for your marriage! That is so much more important than a big wedding that everyone will soon forget. Or have a fabulous honeymoon.

We did this for our 25th, having had a small wedding at home. Much the best way round!

Cut your losses and spend your time and energy on something more fun than this! Being honest it sounds sad.

Why not a registry office and then meal in nice local pub or restaurant? I have family in various small towns across UK and there will be somewhere nice and special in every town!
My wedding was nice registry office ceremony and then meal in a good restaurant for about 35 people. The whole thing cost under £5k a few years ago!
It does seem mad to insist on doing a big wedding when you don't really seem to want to or it doesn't fit your actual lives?

Because they rarely pass without stress or a negative incident.

Because you have nothing to show for it except for a ridiculously expensive book of photographs

Because they are materialistic, attention seeking events that people feel they have to attend even though it will cause them financial hardship.

A small intimate wedding with 20-30 people are honestly some of the nicest weddings Ive been to, especially if you’ve all gotten together beforehand so everyone is familiar - If thats an option? Does seem expensive to book a 65 seat place but the venue may have a smaller event room for less which you could swap and aren’t you mainly paying for meal / drinks at a price per head?
All venues can hold larger numbers but they work hard to make the night special and suitable for the size if the party. Talk to your event planner they’ll help you work it out.

We spent under 2k on our wedding party in rural Lancashire with 30 guests and it was the best day ever. Hired the visitor centre at a nature reserve, had homemade decorations and a local caterer who delivered a buffet. Friend made a cake. We did the civil ceremony in advance where we live (not UK) with just witnesses.

I'm not sure why the couples splitting up means that they are no longer to be invited - perhaps with new plus ones? Or have you dropped them now they are single. Same with those who have relocated. Re youbsure they wont want to attend? I've kept in touch with friends who have moved or when I've moved and a weekend away at a wedding was a lovely catch up with old friends (not just the bride and groom).

I’d cancel it, get married in a register office. Some are lovely. I did it, my brother did it. No regrets and no hassle.

We had a tiny wedding, 22 guests to the registry office then a lovely meal in a restaurant. Several people said it was the nicest wedding they'd been to because it was low-stress and fairly informal.

@Outliers

but if you enjoy it, so what?

sometimes life is about the here and now and what brings you pleasure rather than what’s a good investment for the future

@NameChangeAfterTHAT

this op?

why wouldn’t they be invited?

surely your wedding might be a nice opportunity to get to know their new partners better too?

There are plenty of things I enjoy, or could see myself enjoying that I don't see the need to empty my savings on.

But that's just my opinion and I'm just a stranger on the Internet. Spend your own money however you wish.

@Wellyrambles

and some are lovely and fun and enjoyable 🤷‍♀️

it’s all subjective. You see them as a waste plenty of people like myself think they’re fab!

p.s memories are priceless

And this is certainly not an exhaustive list.

They are objectively a waste of money. But many have been sold the Disney princess dream and find it too painful to challenge their conditioned bias.

Lose the deposit and cancel. You have time to think of alternatives
I got married in a register office with 20 guest and had a meal in a nice restaurant
I never wanted to be star of my own show and everyone said how nice it was
1993 2k at the time
You could book it at your nearest register office and stay overnight nearby then jet off on honeymoon or get married abroad
Have what suits you and not your guests( meant nicely!)

I dunno, I sometimes think that it seems that any money that isn’t spent on your kids or your house is seen as a waste!

which is a huge shame cos people work hard for their money and life is short!!

I would never spend loads of money on a wedding.
I’d rather use that money and have an incredible honeymoon.

What does your DH want?
Its his first wedding and so he should get more say.

I personally prefer small, intimate weddings.
I think they’re so much more romantic and personal.

I think you can’t go wrong with a small, intimate wedding and then if there are loads of extra guests you want to invite, just have a party afterwards with a buffet or BBQ or whatever you fancy.

My Dsis had her heart set on a venue but if only held like 14 guests.
They both have a small family/friend circle but both had lots of work colleagues and people who they thought they should invite.
But because this venue only held a few people it worked in their favour, as it meant not needing to invite lots of people.

So this is something you could look into.
Getting a small venue that only holds a few people.
Then it’s up to you if you want a larger event afterwards to invite everyone else but you don’t have to.

I know plenty of people who wastefully spend on their kids and homes. E.g. buying designer clothes for a 3month old that grows out of it in a month.

It's all relative. People should certainly treat themselves to valuable experiences or items -, within a reason. But what that means will be different to everyone.

I'm not suggesting People hoard their cash and admire it getting eaten by inflation. But they shouldn't waste it irrationally, and as a married person, I wholeheartedly believe weddings are a waste of money in this day and age.

Totally agree weddings are a huge waste of money ... and looking back on all the weddings I have attended over the years (some big & extravagant...some small and intimate) 75% have ended in divorce (yes I counted - & I include my first wedding in that total). What's the point of spending a lot of money on one day?