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Original poster

Mumsnet bullies

228 replies

Netflixandsnacks · 29/10/2023 12:21

To think that after reading replies on mumsnet, it's obvious that school bullies never change as they get older.
The downright nastiness for no reason, from grown adults. It's horrible to read, especially when it's a thread where the op is already feeling awful or is in a bad situation. These people must really have something awful in their lives to feel the need bring someone else down to make themselves feel better. It's sad really. I feel sorry for people that are that miserable in their own lives.

OP posts:
Rogue1001MNer · 29/10/2023 23:31

RainbowConnection1 · 29/10/2023 16:34

I think there's more people on MN who are lonely and stuck at home for whatever reason than we realise.

Many of these people use MN to lash out at others due to the life hand they've been dealt, it's the only power they feel they have and if they're miserable why not try to drag others down their level.

(Still catching up with the thread)

BEAUTIFUL post !!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

But you forgot the goady and also those who lie to mn and/or themselves. Posts like "My boyfriend just hit me, should I leave him?" And posters post advice until someone rocks up on the thread saying "I recognise you... he's been hitting you for years and you keep posting to ask about it like its a one-off"
That may be classed as bullying, but it does change the narrative

capabilityfrowns · 29/10/2023 23:31

TomPinch · 29/10/2023 23:09

I first joined Mumsnet about fifteen years ago. The tone has definitely got nastier in the last few years on the main boards. The smaller ones are a bit better. I'm male, and the environment has got way more hostile towards me to the point that I rarely contribute now.

While I accept their are some male trolls here (and some downright scaly characters like three-kidney man) I think there's no evidence that it's men causing this. It's become normal for one Mumsnetter to accuse another one of being 'male' because they don't like what they're saying. It's become a form of bullying in itself. I know two Mumsnetters in real life. They've both been accused of this, but I know they're women.

(for clarity, adult human females)

Funny you say that because I'm a woman , in my 50s , and also been accused of being a man on here

Back in the day I was on the fb group and used to do meet ups , so there are posters who could verify I'm female and who I say I am .

I came off the fb group when someone tracked down my then partner and his ex wife and emailed her to ask if he'd been abusive to her when they were married .

TomPinch · 29/10/2023 23:35

MinnieL · 29/10/2023 16:51

I’m on that group and literally no one goes on there and asks for ‘back up’ so other posters can come on MN to defend them. No one shares their MN usernames on there and a lot of people on the sub are banned from MN anyway. Anyone can follow that sub anyway, it’s not a private group so the pp is talking about something else

Show quote history

I know the group you mean. They are absolutely part of the problem. In theory they bust trolls, which would be a good thing. In fact, I've never seen them manage this. Half the group's discussion is being wise after the fact and the other half is having a good laugh at the expense of specific Mumsnet regulars or speculating that they're men.

capabilityfrowns · 29/10/2023 23:35

Rogue

Do you realise it takes a woman to be hit an average of 35 times before she reaches out for help ?

What's really ironic is I deal with this all the time in my job and yet my job is vilified on here , yet I probably understand the very complex dynamics of domestic violence more than. The average poster

Just because a poster is a repeat victim of dv doesnt mean they deserve to be mocked , vilified or chided .

TomPinch · 30/10/2023 00:00

capabilityfrowns,

I'm not surprised that either thing happened to you.

I believe a good proportion of the 'that's a man' crowd believe that no men should be allowed on her or they'd prefer that simply as a matter of fact there were none. My children are nearly grown and I'm glad they didn't get their way. Apart from all the parenting tips, being here has given me a much better appreciation of what women face, and that's probably been very helpful to my daughters. But even while writing this I imagine someone reading it and thinking what an icky twerp I am at best, or manipulative at worst.

BlueEyedPeanut · 30/10/2023 00:00

I find people have less sympathy and compassion for victims of domestic violence or toxic relationships when there are children involved. Children being abused is a hard line for a lot of people and so being a victim is not an excuse for failing to protect them. This is because a lot of people have been the child in that situation.

Which brings me back to my previous point about MN not being a professional resource but rather just many opinions from people with all kinds of backgrounds. Don't expect sympathy from people who were once the child victims of shitty relationships.

capabilityfrowns · 30/10/2023 00:05

BlueEyedPeanut · 30/10/2023 00:00

I find people have less sympathy and compassion for victims of domestic violence or toxic relationships when there are children involved. Children being abused is a hard line for a lot of people and so being a victim is not an excuse for failing to protect them. This is because a lot of people have been the child in that situation.

Which brings me back to my previous point about MN not being a professional resource but rather just many opinions from people with all kinds of backgrounds. Don't expect sympathy from people who were once the child victims of shitty relationships.

Shiah there because I was the victim of childhood domestic abuse but I still find a place in my heart to attempt to understand the complexity of leaving

The difference is my mum didn't want to leave . And I was the victim she wasn't . I've been no for 25 years due to this .

It still doesn't mean I'm devoid of empathy .

BlueEyedPeanut · 30/10/2023 00:10

capabilityfrowns · 30/10/2023 00:05

Shiah there because I was the victim of childhood domestic abuse but I still find a place in my heart to attempt to understand the complexity of leaving

The difference is my mum didn't want to leave . And I was the victim she wasn't . I've been no for 25 years due to this .

It still doesn't mean I'm devoid of empathy .

Show quote history

Everyone is different.

Some people just have more empathy for the children at the mercy of their parents.

Rogue1001MNer · 30/10/2023 00:25

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

capabilityfrowns · 30/10/2023 00:38

My "truth" has never changed . I've always been painfully honest on here .

capabilityfrowns · 30/10/2023 01:04

Oh and maybe you're not suited to work with victims of dv if that's your attitude?

Hth

PatchouliOilandRoses · 30/10/2023 07:47

It's interesting @capabilityfrowns that you have abandoned the thread you started about your issues but have been very active on this one.
Is it because you got more of a reaction on this one?

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 30/10/2023 08:38

Raincloudsonasunnyday · 29/10/2023 12:45

This is an interesting example.

Firstly, there’s no need to be calling anyone a selfish cow.

The rest of it is harshly and aggressively worded, but the sentiment seems to be “why? Why be upset at the death of someone you never knew and who is just one person, when millions of other people you don’t know who are also ‘just one person’ are dying everywhere all the time?”

Personally, both things (OP and the reply) are totally unnecessary things to say. But that’s 97% of MN really so 🤷‍♀️. I don’t see the reply as bullying, necessarily. It’s aggressively worded - but as everyone knows this is an open internet chat forum. Not everyone is going to post with good language and plenty of forethought, OPs included. You have to expect it. And, the underlying message isn’t a bullying one: it IS weird to get “upset” about something like this. It’s not being sympathetic to the OP, it’s not even walking by silently when you don’t have anything nice to say…..but it’s not bullying, to me.

What is horrific bullying on MN, to me, is the pile on you often see. Post after post after post all saying the same thing. Every poster is entitled to post. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. But sometimes those posts add up to literal hundreds. If the OP is vulnerable, it must feel after a couple of hundred posts that the whole world is against you and coming after you.

I think every user needs to accept responsibility, for posting their OPs and their replies. People are weird. We’re all random strangers. You see a lot of good on MN, but also some horrid stuff.

Show quote history

But there was no need to say anything. They could have just scrolled on by if they were irritated by a feeling in the OP they cannot comprehend or not know who someone is when people are talking about their passing. No need to put the boot in.

Bookist · 30/10/2023 10:10

*I think there's more people on MN who are lonely and stuck at home for whatever reason than we realise.

Many of these people use MN to lash out at others due to the life hand they've been dealt, it's the only power they feel they have and if they're miserable why not try to drag others down their level.*

This is so very true.

Raincloudsonasunnyday · 30/10/2023 10:31

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 30/10/2023 08:38

But there was no need to say anything. They could have just scrolled on by if they were irritated by a feeling in the OP they cannot comprehend or not know who someone is when people are talking about their passing. No need to put the boot in.

Show quote history

It’s an open forum. Open to 7 billion people to comment and post. Saying “there’s no need to comment” is totally missing the point.

I don’t think this is well enough understood on here. So many people think this is a cosy arena full of neighbours and friends and unknown people who could be friends, from the same country as them, same culture and language as them, broadly similar age range and histories and cultural references as them, mostly the same socio-economic background as them, probably white, all women. They know of some expats, some outliers in terms of age, aware there are “now” black and Asian posters, horrified to learn there are men flying under the radar.

It’s the internet. I don’t think more than around 10% of users are aware of the things that go on in other open fora. If they were, threads like this wouldn’t exist. “Just scroll by” is so naive that it misses the point as to why there are bullies on threads.

shadypines · 30/10/2023 11:02

You are right OP, it's a cesspit at times.
Eg. OP, ' I don't like that advert with Xxxx (celeb name)'
Replies 'selection'- Are you depressed?
Are you jealous?
Turn it off then.
Why is it your business?
Is that all you've got to worry about?
Honestly I could play mumsnet bingo the amount of times I've seen these replies to any trivial chat thread. You wonder if this is how these people speak to humans in RL.

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 30/10/2023 12:34

Raincloudsonasunnyday · 30/10/2023 10:31

It’s an open forum. Open to 7 billion people to comment and post. Saying “there’s no need to comment” is totally missing the point.

I don’t think this is well enough understood on here. So many people think this is a cosy arena full of neighbours and friends and unknown people who could be friends, from the same country as them, same culture and language as them, broadly similar age range and histories and cultural references as them, mostly the same socio-economic background as them, probably white, all women. They know of some expats, some outliers in terms of age, aware there are “now” black and Asian posters, horrified to learn there are men flying under the radar.

It’s the internet. I don’t think more than around 10% of users are aware of the things that go on in other open fora. If they were, threads like this wouldn’t exist. “Just scroll by” is so naive that it misses the point as to why there are bullies on threads.

Show quote history

This is a thread about Mumsnet, not the entire internet

Raincloudsonasunnyday · 30/10/2023 12:47

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 30/10/2023 12:34

This is a thread about Mumsnet, not the entire internet

Show quote history

As though Mumsnet operates outwith the internet! Do you think this website has a shield around it to defend it against everything else that happens on the internet?

You've rather proven the point!

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 30/10/2023 15:12

Raincloudsonasunnyday · 30/10/2023 12:47

As though Mumsnet operates outwith the internet! Do you think this website has a shield around it to defend it against everything else that happens on the internet?

You've rather proven the point!

Show quote history

Wow, someone nasty on a thread about bullies.

You've rather proven the point!

Raincloudsonasunnyday · 30/10/2023 15:52

Is that nasty?! Crumbs. If I'd wanted to be nasty I c/would have said This is a thread about Mumsnet, not the entire internet was a particularly ignorant and irrelevant post, overly sensitive - not unlike yours. Which (to continue in the vein, which I adopt for this thread only) rather proves the point that you just don't know who you're dealing with on the internet. People like me who you would no doubt consider a nasty bully, or people like you who I think are at best thin-skinned and overly sensitive and at worst spoiling for a fight with random strangers.

See? 7 billion people, not all of whom think the way you do. Who knew.

Sellingbedtime · 30/10/2023 16:01

I agree. Some horrible responses.

I can't stand the rhetoric of, "your just pissed my reply doesn't fit your narrative OP"

Or the classic "what do you expect when you come on a forum"

It's the era of the troll unfortunately.

Mytholmroyd · 30/10/2023 16:06

Yes it is - I watch threads just descend into posters throwing insults at each other all the time and just leave them and go back to the gentler corners - and there are some if you look. ☺️ Some people just enjoy the argy bargy I guess.

capabilityfrowns · 30/10/2023 16:27

PatchouliOilandRoses · 30/10/2023 07:47

It's interesting @capabilityfrowns that you have abandoned the thread you started about your issues but have been very active on this one.
Is it because you got more of a reaction on this one?

I haven't abandoned it, it ran its course and no one commented for over a day . I aren't here just for other people's amusement. I had one particularly helpful response and I'm taking the advice . I don't understand your point ?

I had a thread about Uranus socks and I've let that one die too

capabilityfrowns · 30/10/2023 16:30

Oh you've tried to get the one in women's health back up and running - I've left that one too as I've been to the sexual health clinic and they've said they think it's a reaction to some medication I'm on and not an std, they've tested me and I'm awaiting results.

Is that the one you meant ? Where I had a 4 week relationship with a guy who then told me he was a swinger , . ?

PatchouliOilandRoses · 30/10/2023 17:06

capabilityfrowns · 30/10/2023 16:30

Oh you've tried to get the one in women's health back up and running - I've left that one too as I've been to the sexual health clinic and they've said they think it's a reaction to some medication I'm on and not an std, they've tested me and I'm awaiting results.

Is that the one you meant ? Where I had a 4 week relationship with a guy who then told me he was a swinger , . ?

Erm no, but congratulations I guess!