Mumsnet bullies

[Netflixandsnacks]

To think that after reading replies on mumsnet, it's obvious that school bullies never change as they get older.
The downright nastiness for no reason, from grown adults. It's horrible to read, especially when it's a thread where the op is already feeling awful or is in a bad situation. These people must really have something awful in their lives to feel the need bring someone else down to make themselves feel better. It's sad really. I feel sorry for people that are that miserable in their own lives.

There has definitely been a lot of infiltration by men and boys, and women who normally would have no interest in MN, who just want to spoil MN for us, and think it’s fun to jump on threads purely to be rude, goady and spiteful. It’s often quite easy to spot their posts. Some of them have a distinctive writing style.

Women are still generally disrespected in society and “mums” are often looked down on. The name “Mumsnet” automatically attracts derision from those who see us as inferior.
When MN started to be labelled as a “transphobic hate site” and full of “Karens” on Twitter and the like, the infiltration got far worse. Trolling us has become a fun hobby.

I just said on another thread I've noticed more of this on here. AIBU has always been a bit vicious but there was a nicer side even on there, where people gave genuine advice and support and "unmumsnetty hugs".

This is true but many of the people giving genuine advice and "unmumsnetty hugs", were a hardcore bunch of nasty regulars who'd turn quicker than a pint of milk in the sun if they took against someone.

As much as I think MN has got nastier, it's still a better forum since that bunch either left or got banned.

I suppose there are a few main reasons that people visit Mumsnet ...

They come for the company

They are looking for information

They come for a debate

They are are looking to make trouble

... and the balance is noticeably shifting.

While I agree there are probably non-women / non-mums stirring the pot on here, you only have to work at a secondary school to find out that girls are FAR nastier to each other than boys are.

So you’re in a private group that’s elsewhere with different MN users. And some people will go to the group and ask their mates to jump on the thread in question for ‘back up?’ What’s the point of the group that you’re in? It sounds so childish. I don’t think the internet should ever be taken that seriously by grown adults

Having experienced this is real life, I would say I agree.

Yes, I’ve read some horrible responses on here and my first thought is that they must be extremely bitter irl. Just step away from threads that cause you so much anger, there is no need for nastiness.

I would hazard a guess at finding at least one poster like that in about a quarter of the threads in Chat and at least half in AIBU.

And once one starts, a bunch of others join in - like piranhas.

That wasn't the purpose of the private group, it started as an offshoot of a Mumsnet discussion group. @MinnieL There's a few of those around I think. That's just what happens occasionally, the calls for back up. I think it's all deeply unpleasant but I'd rather stay and check occasionally to keep informed about what's going on.

I was reading some of the threads from the 2000s the other day and so many of them are so chatty and innocent. That doesn't happen anymore because they'd be torn to shreds. Everyone is so hardened and cynical now.

I agree with this. I can tune out the horrid ones and just see them as a waste of space, but if you're here for support and having a more fragile day it could really get under your skin and that's what the nasty people are trying to do. They aren't actually trying to contribute and valid pov, just to rock your boat if they can. Grim people.

MN is a funny place.
Everyone is gonna have opinions no matter what the topic is.

Ahh right how interesting, thanks for clarifying. I haven’t come across any private groups that are based around MN but clearly I’m not looking hard enough. I agree that it’s unpleasant and sounds quite pathetic really. MN can certainly be cliquey at times and that just proves it

I will never post asking for help again (I mean proper support, not just something about clothes or food).

I was treated in an absolutely vile manner on a thread during Covid, loads of posters, not just one or two - one of the things I'd said was I didn't have friends locally to ask for help from and they all piled on that as evidence of what an awful person I was. I had the thread pulled so I can't prove it but it happened. I'd rather struggle alone than face that again.

Yes people can be so mean!

’are you mentally deranged?’
’you’ve obviously never had a REAL job’
’haha can’t believe how stupid some people are, and they’re meant to be raising the next generation!’
’sorry OP but no one could be that dumb’

All in reply to benign comments or questions. Sad really.

When you see this on a thread, please report it to MNHQ - I think that is the best way to combat it, alongside confronting it on the thread.

I am upset that Matthew Perry has died.
Deaths of people you don't know may not upset you but that does not make it weird. People react differently to things.
Some comments on the MP threads were mean, some I wanted to report, but the ones I saw didn't break guidelines, they just made me a bit sad.

Having a different opinion is absolutely fine, being a complete twat is not.

“If you haven’t anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” was drummed into us back in the day. Problem these days is people feel entitled to do and say whatever they damn please, without a second thought of the impact on others. We’re just not as kind as we used to be.

Bullies are only bullies if you back down and allow them to get away with it. If people are being unnecessarily twattish, then stand your ground, or ignore. The worst thing you can do on here is start apologising for having an opinion, because the bullie then senses weakness and goes in for the kill by stalking the poster all through the thread.

I agree with Pixie. Perhaps we should choose an emoji and all post that when a mean comment is posted . A Meanmumsnet emoji!!

I disagree with most of the above comments. To say that someone needs to parents properly, should consider their basic driving skills if they can't drive confidently on the motorway, are reasonable comments.

There is usually a nice or tactful way of saying things, without denting people's confidence.

But, of course I assume bullies, don't see themselves as that. They think they are being blunt or tough, or it may well be the opportunity to belittle someone they don't even know, when they are having a bad day.

It is a shame though. Still, best to ignore them.

Oh 100%. Then, when you dare to stand up to them they accuse you of being 'stroppy' because you don't like people 'disagreeing'. Nope, I don't like being verbally abused because you don't share my opinion. Report, report, report. I will call them out every single time.

However I think in the future I will literally just ignore the comment, no reaction or acknowledgement whatsoever.