Mumsnet bullies

[Netflixandsnacks]

To think that after reading replies on mumsnet, it's obvious that school bullies never change as they get older.
The downright nastiness for no reason, from grown adults. It's horrible to read, especially when it's a thread where the op is already feeling awful or is in a bad situation. These people must really have something awful in their lives to feel the need bring someone else down to make themselves feel better. It's sad really. I feel sorry for people that are that miserable in their own lives.

Sadly I will comment on a post but I would never post an issue on here again, the significant minority respond in such a vile unhelpful, hateful way that I don't think I could get past their responses to the good ones!

I remember fairly recently a woman seeking support as her daughter was dying and ultimately died and the lovely lady who died of cancer and her husband ended the thread.

Both of which in their most vulnerable times of need and in some posts sent to them they were harassed by trolls, reported for being fake, questioned and questioned over the details of their posts which could be fake it was a never ending cycle that mumsnet got involved and didn't sort out well. Although the vast majority were kind, compassionate and supportive the noisy minority were horrendous.

I don't feel it's a safe space if you have a vulnerability or lack a hard hat!

Also what really made me question society's ethics was the fact that these women/ men when questioning the authenticity of a poster would do it in such a deeply offensive manner- if they were right then I suppose they were rude to someone with probably issues of attention or something similar, but if they were wrong (as in the cases above) they were verbally kicking people at their most difficult times.

Again this is just not a safe space anymore.

I also see terrible vitriol against women who find themselves either involved in an affair in some way. Whilst it’s a very divisive topic, the cruelty meted out to these women is breathtaking at times.

It’s pretty much a rule of Mumsnet, that the first response to any thread is usually downright rude, or at the least slightly snarky. Commonly a faux naive and / or sly question to try to make the OP feel stupid.

I didn't expect so many replies, just reading through them all now.
Yes, it was a Matthew Perry thread but tbh, it's every thread I read on here now.
Some people are just downright nasty for no reason. I've thought about posting for advice on here but I haven't had the guts to do it because I'm a pretty anxious, overthinker with not a lot of confidence and if I received some of the comments I see on here, it would really put me in an awful place mentally. I'd be surprised if some of the threads haven't caused mental health issues for women who are already in a vulnerable state.

I think people can be awful here. But also people don't like it when posters defend themselves or call out shit. So it really does depend what you are talking about. It's not always bullying just because it makes somone uncomfortable.

I totally agree OP, it's so unnecessary. it strikes me of kicking someone when they are already feeling down.

They do it because they can and because it's anonymous

I'll be honest op

The night of the thread where I'd mentioned my baby
Loss I found a website called "lost all hope " because I was quite literally suicidal. I honestly just thought im so worthless my family would be so much better off in every way without me - it would certainly sort their money issues out as I have good life insurances .

It was the middle of the night . If it weren't for no one to have my dogs , I even thought about putting a key under the mat so no one had to break in , but I know no one would take my precious dogs.

I don't know why I stay on here . I think I just get lonely . But sometimes id just be better watching tv and writing the stuff in my head down on paper .

You are so right. I was shocked about some of the replies to the death of Matthew Perry. I am currently in the middle of a major family crisis but I chose not to ask MNers because I know how bloody judgemental they would be. I can't cope with the judgement yet it's supposed to be a supportive site

100% agree. I don’t think half of them even care about the subject or the thread. They just want to be argumentative & mean. There are some really horrible & bitchy people on here. they use the same lines & insults over & over, especially if n AIBU.

There have been bullies on here since I joined way back in 2007, some even have/had their own support groups that would wade in when other posters stood up to them or gave them as good as they got.
Some have had bans and had enough support so that campaigns have been started in their names. (not all campaigns have supported bullies).

I found it was a minority then though while now it's the majority.

You are probably correct, you could have a greater diversity on discourse on MN back then without the nastiest.

I agree, OP.

@MinnieL
Please can you give it a rest now - on a thread which is specifically about nastiness on MN - your interaction with @capabilityfrowns is certainly ironic . And it's becoming uncomfortable to read .

@capabilityfrowns and in the nicest way,
You may feel better by stepping away from the thread yourself .

I know thank you .
I will .

Apologies if this has been asked/answered as I'm only just looking at this thread now.

But did you report when this happened?

And did mnhq take action?

I disagree. I rarely see proper bullying on here, usually it’s people stating an opinion - sometimes in a forthright manner - that others disagree with and then shout ‘bully’ at them.

Unless I am mistaken it’s a chat forum, not a support forum is it? I’m not saying that to be challenging but to suggest that, if you’re really needing support, there’s probably, other better places to go.

I read a post a while ago and it was meant to be light hearted. Some of the posts were vile and nasty to the OP. Really made me think how can people be so cruel and not have a sense of humour. If you dont like the post or dont find it amusing then move on. What is the point of replying with a sarcastic, aggressive manner. I enjoy reading some the discussions especially the ghost threads or most awkward moments etc otherwise I think I would leave. Been a long time member and find some of the reply are nasty and when you try and support the OP, you end up getting attacked yourself on the thread.

Why would there be a relationship board if it weren't for support?

Many women on there posit looking for help and support on dv issues .

Not a kicking.

Apologies if this has been asked/answered as I'm only just looking at this thread now.

But did you report when this happened?

And did mnhq take action?

@Rogue1001MNer

Yes I did report. One was in the last 2-3 weeks. I'm sure MN won't mind my saying that they said they'd look into it. I don't know what action, if any, they may have taken.

Agreed, there are some breathtakingly unkind people on here.

I’ve posted before about feeling a certain way about something that I think is pretty normal and human and have been told variously that I’m weird, selfish, sad and the classic Mumsnet ‘Wouldn’t bother me in the slightest!’ designed to make the OP feel stupid and precious. There was a thread recently about a woman scared to spend the night alone as her DH was away and some of the responses were awful. I’m so glad the real world is not like Mumsnet, there is kindness here but it’s overshadowed by the pure nastiness of some posters.

People are twats. If you want support for a specific issue it is better to find a forum dedicated to that specific issue. This forum is too general. It is a huge melting pot of people from all walks of life with different experiences and opinions. This is not the place to go to get advice on legal issues, medical issues, child abuse, domestic violence etc. People here are not vetted and are therefore not qualified to give actual advice on serious issues to vulnerable people, and people are not required to "be kind" to be part of this forum, so if you are vulnerable and need serious advice, find the appropriate resource. All you will get on here is a range of opinions.

I first joined Mumsnet about fifteen years ago. The tone has definitely got nastier in the last few years on the main boards. The smaller ones are a bit better. I'm male, and the environment has got way more hostile towards me to the point that I rarely contribute now.

While I accept their are some male trolls here (and some downright scaly characters like three-kidney man) I think there's no evidence that it's men causing this. It's become normal for one Mumsnetter to accuse another one of being 'male' because they don't like what they're saying. It's become a form of bullying in itself. I know two Mumsnetters in real life. They've both been accused of this, but I know they're women.

(for clarity, adult human females)