Mumsnet bullies

[Netflixandsnacks]

To think that after reading replies on mumsnet, it's obvious that school bullies never change as they get older.
The downright nastiness for no reason, from grown adults. It's horrible to read, especially when it's a thread where the op is already feeling awful or is in a bad situation. These people must really have something awful in their lives to feel the need bring someone else down to make themselves feel better. It's sad really. I feel sorry for people that are that miserable in their own lives.

Accused!

There was nothing remotely bitchy in my previous post, the poster just didn't read it properly

I think it's men venting their spleen. I know several of these men in real life, always give them a wide berth. They do have their fans though, mainly women. All, without exception, are married 😞

But the problem is that some things can be read in a different way to the way it’s intended.

The original comment was something along the lines of ‘someone with nothing better to on a Saturday night isn’t winning at life’. That could be seen to imply that they are a loser. Calling someone a loser is bullying, surely.
The same with also saying that they have comprehension issues.

Both make you sound like a bully. Which you don’t believe yourself to be.

Would it be bullying to say that I simply cannot understand what you’re saying in this post? That I lack understanding (or would that make me small minded?)?

In case this is what you are getting at: to me, “weird” means acting/reacting unconventionally. That’s not a value statement, it’s a factual observation. To me, your post is weird: it’s unintelligible, which is unconventional for this forum.

Am I bullying you? I don’t think so, personally.

That isn’t what happened. People accused you of lying about a situation with your ex partner/husband due to your previous posts. You then posted the memory box towards the end of the thread and the thread was eventually deleted.

You didn’t start a thread about a loss and people jumped on you saying that you were lying. That’s not the case at all. A lot of people recognise you through the name changes and remember your posts. That’s all

Bit of a tangent sorry.
But I suppose so, clearly you and I did read that post differently.
But why you read it that way is interesting, because the pp purely observed Saturday nights are worse for nasty posts and commented that it's sad if ripping into strangers is the best thing you can think of to do in a Saturday. Which is pretty self evident anyway, but nonetheless that is all that was said.

Why did you extend that to assume it meant if you're at home having a pleasant nice time solo or whatever, you are also being sad? Is it something you feel criticised for by others outside of this thread?

I agree OP. Some of the posts on here are appalling.

Calling someone a loser is bullying, surely.

No. That’s not the dictionary definition of bullying, nor how I personally commonly see the word used. Calling someone a loser is a singular insult. Bullying is a pattern of behaviour intended to diminish / reduce / hurt a person.

But the problem is that some things can be read in a different way to the way it’s intended.

I disagree, I think it's to do with comprehension.

The original comment was something along the lines of ‘someone with nothing better to on a Saturday night isn’t winning at life’. That could be seen to imply that they are a loser.

I have noticed there seems to be a pattern with some of the pile on's, mean comments etc being in higher numbers on a Sat night. I do think if you have nothing better to do on a Saturday night or any night apart from tearing into a poster because she used the word dinner instead of supper suggest something is missing in one's life. Why would you want to spend your time doing that? There are a myriad of other things to do that don't even involve going out or seeing friends.

I'm not sure how stating the above makes me a bully? Who am I bullying?

It does seem to have got worse and is the reason I only look at Mumsnet occasionally these days.

Style and beauty is a joy. One poster in particular in there is utterly vile. Loves to tell everyone that unless they spend £2k on a sack, they will look common and shameful.

In which case very little on here counts as bullying then. But do carry on with the pile on telling me how wrong I am for the way I feel.

Do you see? A thread about how unpleasant it can be on here can end up making someone feel that they are being picked on.

@ABeautifulThing exactly & obviously the fact I've noticed it personally infers that I've often been on MN on a Sat night so that action in itself is not what I'm criticising. I love a good scroll whilst in the bath!

I know exactly to who you're referring and it's so pointless too. It's like she is deliberately obtuse and unkind

Report the mean girls! I never bothered but I've started to more and more. Always get a response. MNHQ does delete the downright nasty posts.

My OH calls these Sunday morning’s greatly refused -
they roar like lions,
are combative,
unreasonable, pugilistic, nasty,
all that testosterone spilling onto the comments,
shudder
(Observer comments they dominate)

One thing that really winds me up about today’s MN is that people seem to be incapable of actually reading OP posts - either they skim the first post and misinterpret it or they don’t bother reading all OP posts and then they come in guns blazing.

I agree. There was one recently where the OP said she lived 30 metres from a school so was it worth putting any others on the form, and someone came bitching in with "You're either stupid or cheating the system if you live 30 minutes away and think you're guaranteed a place" 🙄

Minnie

You are incorrect . No I didn't start the thread about baby loss it came up in conversation and there were posters on there who definitely, definitively, without any ambiguity at all, said something like yeah yeah if you believe this bullshit etc etc , and the entire thread was just a pile on.

What have I ever done to deserve this ?

The thread was saying I regretted leaving my ex husband. I explained I went in to,an abusive relationship, during which I got pg , and had a lot tfmr due to disability and still people kept piling in , and yes there we're definitely definitely posters on there who accused me of lying .

Again people kept saying my kids had nothing to do with me , how do they know this , it's not even true ! They remember like yourself a thread that's historical when my dd fell out with me for around 3 weeks , why do people have to drag historical threads from years ago into the current one ?

But do carry on with the pile on telling me how wrong I am for the way I feel.

Respectfully I'm telling you what my posts meant & asking you for clarification, I'm not sure how that constitutes a pile on?

In which case very little on here counts as bullying then

The threads I'm referring to is when the poster writes a completely innocuous post which would get balanced responses at another time and a ton of the first few replies are completely irrelevant to the actual post and just an excuse to say something horrible or mean to the OP & go off on tangent.
I genuinely don't understand why someone needs to do that.

It's been like it for years. I have been trolled /ripped apart on many occasions. When your vulnerable it's pretty awful and can send people over the edge . It's always best to ignore theses people and just reply and take away what is helpful to you . Although that's not easy when your feeling bad about things.

I have also noticed there alot of victim blaming which is awful

I also wounder if its an if your face fits situation

I have also seen very similar situations from different posters 1 thread can be supportive another full of nastiness

On my own threads I rarely report nastiness because I want people to see what nasty shit bags they are being.

Sigh.

What looks like bullying by me to you, looks a lot like you being over-sensitive to me. To me, you’re not suited to engaging with strangers on the internet - but this is what this thread is about. It’s a cultural thing (as in the culture of MN). And you’re free to disagree with me on every front obvs.

HOWEVER, this is a very good example of what I personally think does constitute bullying on MN: the pile-on. I haven’t read every post but I’ll take your word for it that you’re at the receiving end of a pile-on. That happens a lot and is awful, but I don’t know how it can be prevented. Maybe it’s like that thing where you can’t control other people’s behaviour but you can control how you react to it 🤷‍♀️. Not easy though if you’re feeling vulnerable.

And Minnie your an example of what I'm talking about where people think it's particularly back pattingly worthy to try and catch posters out using historical threads even through name changes

Circumstances change

Historical threads are of the moment . Yes I posted my dd fell out with me but even now people keep bringing this up as if it's still the case and is somehow evidence of what a horrible person I must be

Sometimes kids fall out with their parents , it doesn't have to be forever and indeed that was the first time I'd ever argued with my dd and it lasted 3 weeks

Why do peo0le keep bringing it up on new threads and name changes ? Why ?

@capabilityfrowns you have a noticeable writing style regardless of the name changes and some people doubt the credibility of your posts. I’m not getting into the reasons. I simply clarified that people were not calling you a liar on that thread due to a baby loss

I agree OP and sadly it won’t be too long before someone comes to (self inflicted) harm from the vile bullying on here.
I don’t start threads any more, if my mental health is fragile, it feels far too risky and yet this is supposed to be a supportive place (bollocks it is)
To be fair, MNHQ are very good at responding to reports of bullying, but there is so much that goes under their radar on a forum of this size. It needs a drastic culture shift.