How old were you when your parents died

[Fahhgedaboutit]

And how did you cope? DH and I are mid 30s and lucky enough to have both our sets of parents still here. But I’m increasingly aware of their ages and that we have limited time left with them and the thought of losing them puts me into such a panic.

How do you cope with losing the people that love you more than anyone else in this world (I appreciate not everyone has that relationship with their parents)? My parents are so, so lovely and I couldn’t imagine life without them or the grief ever ending.

Oh gosh. These are just so sad

I was 41 when my mum died of cancer. She was 67.

My dad is currently 73 and 3.5 years in remission. My biggest fear is his cancer coming back.

I was in my fifties and they were in their 80s. They both had cancers, and while that was terribly hard to see, neither had dementia. MIL lived longer but was in cognitive decline for several years before that, which was so frustrating and sad.
It took a few years to get to the ‘ just happy memories ‘ with my mum.

30 with DF and 32 for DM
She was diagnosed with terminal cancer just four weeks after my DF died .

My dad when I was 24 and my mum when I was 37. Neither of them made it to 60. I'm glad my mum lived to meet her grandchildren at least.

Just take it all in one step at a time, and deal with the emotions as they come. I think people deal with it differently. I hold in mind that my mum was worried about my brother and I coping once she died, so in a way making sure I coped and took care of myself is also not letting her down. She was a really important person in my life and, even though I don't believe in religions and afterlifes, that's important to me. I still get upset and cry sometimes and miss her tho, and imagine her being proud of me

Still have mum and I’m 51.

Dad died from MND when I was 26 and he was 55. It took me a good two or three years before I could think about him without getting weepy.

DH still has both his parents and he’s 60 next year. He’s very lucky. Losing Dad when I was young has defined my adulthood to some extent. He never got the chance to enjoy the years after us DC left home so I’m doing just that and travelling while me and DH are able. I’ve always been a bit of a live for the minute type of person as you never know what is round the corner.

26

Not really. Having your parents die is a natural part of growing older, but being an orphaned child is not the natural way of things.

I guess it is but I can’t help feeling like that. I was ill this week and my parents drove 45 minutes to bring me some homemade food because they knew I’d be too under the weather to cook. And I think that’s what makes me catch my breath with the thought of them not being here- can anyone love you like your parents do?

48 when my dad died two years ago (I was 48). Was very difficult mainly because my only sibling is a vile arsehole. Mum is still alive at nearly 87, but tells me almost daily roar she wishes she wasn’t here. That’s not easy to hear. It sounds glib but I’m sorry to hear about everyone else’s losses. Nothing at all can prepare you for it.

I mean he was 85

This is what my mum was like. I had my second child a year after she died and I missed her so much, missed her coming and helping me with the baby and being my friend. No one fills the gap either, it remains empty. But you can't prepare for it until it happens.

I feel very angry sometimes that I lost my mum when I was 30 and she was 60. I am jealous of people who have grandmas alive. I hated all old women for a while 🤣

My ma died at 39 when I was 2. My dad 54 when I was 14. My dads funeral was the first I ever attended. I have and will continue to miss them until the day we are reunited.

I was in my 30s when they died. It turned my world upside down but it brought me and siblings together. There's no point you thinking about something that hasn't happened, make the most of them instead of stressing.

Not at all. To me, that’d be a bit daft as my parents were very old - both in their 90s and I was 51.

I just feel lucky they lived so long and neither of them had illnesses or dementia, nor ended up in care homes. They lived well and independently until their absolute last knockings. Much to be thankful for.

18 when Mum died of breast cancer. 22 when Dad died of kidney cancer. I am 73 and still miss my.mum who was so loving, kind and caring . Dad not so much as his behaviour with other women after mum died left a lot to be desired. He was a handsome man who used it to his advantage.

Honestly OP just enjoy the time you have. No one is promised tomorrow. Instead of worrying just count your blessings.

I know, you’re so right. It’s just every so often, in this case the food situation, I start to think about it and it escalates from there.

29 when my Mum died and 41 when my Dad died.

My Mum never met DH or my kids (I got together with DH later that year). I wish so much she had. She would have been an amazing grandmother.

They gave DB and me an idyllic childhood and I hope we’re doing the same for our DC.

My Mum’s own parents died before I was born and although I didn’t dwell on it, I sometimes briefly wondered how on earth she coped with that. But you do.

My Dad’s Mum also died nearly 20 years before I was born.

Longevity isn’t on our family’s side, unfortunately.

The saying ‘you don’t miss what you never had rankles with me’. I miss never having grandmothers. I miss my Mum not being able to be a grandmother.

Every time my children do something, achieve something, anything - I just wish I had parents of my own I could share it with. My first thought is still to share it with them, even though they haven’t been here for 20 / 8 years…

I am 53 and still have both parents who are in reasonable health.
I met a friend for coffee today who has lost both her parents in the last year and the thing she said that made her sad, is that she would never receive that phone call wishing her happy birthday again 😥

I was 34 when mum died, she was 54. She had cancer before at 42 and was in and out of hospital all her adult life having numerous surgeries. My youngest was 2.

I was 42 for dad he was 79.

9 and 11 - just sucked it up and got on with it - no other choice.

My dad died when I was 37. His funeral was on my 38th birthday. I still have my mum. She's nearly 66 and her health is poor. I dread anything happening to her.

We're 42 and 47, both parents still alive on both sides.

Some incredibly sad stories on here. I feel so much for those who lost parents young.

My DM died when I was 20, and it remains the worst thing that ever happened to me. I grieved so long, it still seems utterly unfair and cruel. I was lucky that I was at least an adult, and at uni, and I had an amazing group of friends who rallied around me and are still my friends over 20 years later. I have come to terms with it at long length although having my own kids reopened the scars. I wish more than anything she had lived to see them. I wish I could share my own experience as a mother with her. But I can look at photos with a smile, and enjoy my Mother's Day. And I value every day, that is something death teaches you.

My DF died when I was 35. We were not close and I probably only saw him once or twice a year after mum died. I was sad for what he missed out on, and of course it brought all the sense of loss back. But I was back at work in a few days, and life went on. Definitely nowhere near the same impact. I think I felt pretty much orphaned after mum died, losing him as well had very little effect on my day to day life.

So much depends on the relationship you have with each DP.