How old were you when your parents died

[Fahhgedaboutit]

And how did you cope? DH and I are mid 30s and lucky enough to have both our sets of parents still here. But I’m increasingly aware of their ages and that we have limited time left with them and the thought of losing them puts me into such a panic.

How do you cope with losing the people that love you more than anyone else in this world (I appreciate not everyone has that relationship with their parents)? My parents are so, so lovely and I couldn’t imagine life without them or the grief ever ending.

13 for dad and 20 for mum.
30 year anniversary for dad this weekend and I'm struggling with that because it is such a long time. He wasn't the easiest of men to live with and he made some very daft decisions regarding his will that had massive consequences for me growing up. He left us next to nothing and mum really struggled to bring us up as a result.
I miss mum though as she was incredible and formidable. She would have literally done anything for anyone and is missed by many people. Years later people still tell me this.

I was mid-20s. Had very recently got married. DM was 53.

Still feel cheated that she missed out on everything after that. I miss her every single day. I can never understand how my children will never ever know her warmth, her laugh and her unique little ways. She was absolutely the best there is.

However, in starting this thread, OP, you'll only upset yourself. It's impossible to comprehend how awful it is when it happens and it's also impossible to comprehend how life (yours included) still goes on and you can still be happy. My advice? Just make sure you make the most of them being with you. Do things together. Talk lots 😊

26 when my DF died at 54 and 44 when my DM was killed at 69 in an accident.
I have invested all my inheritance, will be retiring at 55 in three years and start travelling and spending.
I'm very bitter about PIL who rattle on and on in their 80's hoarding money, enjoying nothing and feeling hard done by. That's probably my issue though.

36 when Dad went. I had a new baby and older kids at primary. The way my husband handled the situation and my grief, or rather didn't, almost certainly contributed to my crisis emotional affair and our eventual divorce less than 3 years later.

40 when mum died. She took the kids to school for me one Friday, went in hospital Sunday feeling a bit iffy and never came out. She died after about 4 weeks.

I'm still not over it tbh. My mum died less than a year before covid hit and I had such odd feelings seeing people struggle with the lockdown separation from extended family and just feeling absolutely desolate with no Granny or grandad to FaceTime or look forward to hugging ever again.

41 when my dad died and 54 for my mum. I still feel like I lost them far too soon although reading this thread has made me realise how lucky I was to have them for so long.
My Dad never got to see me achieve something professionally that he'd have been delighted by and he never met any of his great grandchildren nor the partners of his grandchildren.
I miss them terribly and especially feel like I've aged ten years in the last five without my Mum. I'd imagined her living to a ripe old age and I'm still shocked that didn't happen.

I was 32 when my dad died and it completely floored me - it was completely unexpected and ds1 was only 2.
My mum is now 91 and thankfully still in possession of all her faculties. I hope when she goes it is quietly and peacefully without pain. Obviously I would be very sad, but she's had a bloody good innings.

18 when dad died (heart attack). That was hard.
42 when mum died (dementia). That was a relief. I'd done my grieving in the 10 years when she was alive but absent.

19 and 46

Both parents are still alive but both developed dementia. My Dad at 50, he is now 69. My Mum at 62, she is now 66. Neither are the parents I grew up with anymore, I’m in a constant grieving process that feels unending.

31 and 43 - so quite lucky really

I lost my dad when I was 58 and I still have my mum. I am lucky that I had young parents. I had my dc later in life and it does worry me that they will be relatively young when they lose me.

I was 12 when my DF died, long history of drug abuse. My DM is in Hospital currently, not sure how much longer we will have her after her condition has deteriorated dramatically (Alcoholic) I'm 38.

I’m so sorry for everyone’s losses. Was there anything you found helped at the time? Or was it just a case of time helped to ‘get used’ to it (I use that phrase because I don’t imagine it’s something you ever get used to but have to)

So many of you were so young too. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been, I’m so sorry.

If it helps at all, I often worry about this and I think most parents do and I was fairly young when I had my DC (28 and 32). It’s one thing that no one tells you to expect when you have kids, the worry you feel for them. You could (and hopefully will), live to be 100 and be there for most of their lives.

46 and 56. My dad died just before his 70th birthday, after years of illness, my mum just before her 80th birthday, of cancer discovered just a month before.
I wasn't that close to my father but had to support my mother, who was heart-broken. I was devastated when my mum died, but I can now remember her joyfully.

You just get used to how awful it is.
I lost my mum v suddenly when I was 30. Dad is still with me. I said to my DH a few days before she died 'i think she might be seriously ill and I'm not ready for her to die' . He said - no, you'll never be ready. His mum died when he was 20.

Basically, it's crap.

Make videos and take pictures with them in. Too often we make videos of our kids and our parents are in the background - take the videos now!

How long did it take you to be able to remember the good times and not just grief?

50 and 51. But I am the youngest by some margin, so my eldest siblings were in their late 60s, which I think is very lucky to have had both parents until that age.

This is such a good point- we very rarely take pictures except of the kids and it’s usually just them in it. I’ve been actively trying to take more pictures of the people I love- my dads recently lost his eyesight and it’s such a shock to see him as something other than invincible. I know that must sound silly.

25 and I was pregnant with my second. Still have one parent left. I'm 33

For those of you who lost your parents later on in life, did you still have the feeling of being an orphan? I think I will no matter how old I am.

Lost my dad a couple of years ago at 45, he had just turned 83 and been on end of life care for 15 months.

Mum still going strong at 85 and I’m now 48. I wouldn’t be in the least surprised if she outlived me!

I was 28 when my dad died and then 35 when my mam died, nothing can ever prepare you, just enjoy the now. Xx

I do agree with this somewhat. But it really depends on the ages they were and you were. I lost my parent when I was 25 and 8 years later it's hit me really hard. Because he didn't know me in my adult life. And he shouldn't have died so young.

It does get easier though, I agree. But the waves of grief are harder