How old were you when your parents died

[Fahhgedaboutit]

And how did you cope? DH and I are mid 30s and lucky enough to have both our sets of parents still here. But I’m increasingly aware of their ages and that we have limited time left with them and the thought of losing them puts me into such a panic.

How do you cope with losing the people that love you more than anyone else in this world (I appreciate not everyone has that relationship with their parents)? My parents are so, so lovely and I couldn’t imagine life without them or the grief ever ending.

Dad - I was 16, he had a massive brain haemorrhage at work. 2 days later his life support was turned off. He was 50 years old.

Mum - I was 49. She was 80. It’s 10 years ago now.

With my dad, the shock and aftermath was incredibly traumatic. Over the course of 7 days we went from a ‘normal’ family, work, school, etc to burying him. The following years were tough, my mum drank too much, her mental health was awful, we had to move house etc. But as the years passed, she became happier, grandchildren came along etc, we survived if you like.

With my mum, she’d been unwell, a lot of hospital stays, it was very sad when she died and I miss her every day (more than my dad to be honest), but it was her time.

42 when both of them went within a few months of each other. You can't prepare. You just get though it to be honest and I feel lucky to have had them for as long as I did.

22 when my Dad died. DH was 36 when his Dad died, 39 when his Mum died.

35... my mam died very suddenly and unexpectedly at Christmas. Last year. She was 67. It was horrific however the grief eases even though it's always there. Try not dwell on the what ifs...

My Daddy died suddenly when I was 25 .I was in Australia ironically working as a nurse on CCU . My darling Mum died in 2019 also very unexpectedly. In hindsight am glad they are not fighting dementia but my Dad was only 60 and a well known BBC correspondent…he deserved to live longer.🤷‍♀️

Mum-I was 39, she was 67. I still have unresolved trauma from her health issues for the 10 years leading up to her death
Dad-I was 49 and he was 84. I can be more philosophical about dad, but have anger as he was living in a care home and it was the height of the 1st covid lockdown madness

46 and 52.

Much later than many here so feel very fortunate for that, although my mum was 72 when she lost her own mum so it felt too early, thought we had years left still but covid had other ideas.

Fortunately, both my parents are still alive.

But my DH lost both his parents when he was 18. A month between both passing. He still struggles with it now, and he's almost 40.

Mum-13
dad- barely see
as when mum died …. I realised I didn’t have a parent

48 when my dad died at 69. He hadn't been well for ages... mostly self inflicted with booze and fags, but it was still very sudden and unexpected and I was 1.2 miles away from the hospital (I live few hours away and drove as fast as I could) when he died. He was still 'just died'.. eyes still open when I arrived :(

Mum still going ok at 76 but has a lot of health problems and we have just sorted POA etc in case. I will never be ready to lose her because I will be the oldest left, and that's unthinkable.. I need my Mum.

So sorry for all who have lost their parents really early :( x

38 when I lost my mum, she was 69.
My dad is 85 and still going strong. He was ten years older so it was a huge shock for him.

I will always miss my mum. The hole of grief is always there but the map of life grows bigger around it and you accommodate it. My mum told me it gets better over time and it does.

Dad died when I was 14
Mum died when I was 48

13 and 22. It’s always very weird to me when I meet an adult and they have a living parent. I associate parents dying with being an adult, and can’t comprehend the idea of being a fully functional adult who is also relying even a little bit on a parent. I’m sure it happens but it’s a totally alien concept to me.

24 when my mum died, she had lung cancer and it spread to her spine and she ended up paralysed at the end. I'm NC with my dad and have been for a long time

17 - mum
19 - dad
Feels very strange that people my age still have their parents - I forget what it's like to have parents which is so sad.

38 when my dad died and still not over it. I missed the opportunity to say goodbye to him. Still have me mum but she has health issues and I struggle with that too.

Currently going through a separation and the fact the cheating bastard husband spent my dads birthday in a hotel with his mistress instead of with me hurts more than the affair itself!

32 years old - dad, 37 - mum.

Exactly this

@MeinKraft Thank you. I'm so sorry for your loss too. I keep thinking that I wouldn't exist without her, and now I have to exist without r her. How can that even be...?

Dad died when I was 18, and I was 48 when i lost my mum.
Dad was a sudden death which was a huge shock and the first time I experienced grief.
Mum was 82 and had ovarian cancer. She was an amazing lady and 4 years later I still grieve for her.

Its her birthday today actually and I had a wee toast to her.

Enjoy your time with your parents and try not to dwell on thoughts of losing them. I think its normal to think these things now and again however dont let them affect the time you do have.

It's lovely that you love and appreciate them so much.

DF I was 44
DM I was 54

But DM had dementia and so was not truly herself the last few years

Lost my father at 16, he was stabbed in the heart. Six months later grandfather had multiple heart attacks and passed away. When I was 20, mother had passed from stage 4 breast cancer.
I'm 30 years old now, but mentally I feel much older.

It starts with a degree of sadness, then anger, then regret, along with crying multiple times a day for at least 3 years. Finally, you make it to the stage of appreciation, where you can begin enjoying life again, this time duration is different for everyone. This is when you realize to appreciate and be grateful for all the life lessons, moments and memories you have of them.

I'm always keeping my happiness and my health in mind, you have choices to make everyday in life and that will determine your future. I focus on getting 8-9 hours of sleep so my performance the next day is 50% improved.

Don't get into alcohol, I've seen it happen to others and it's sad. It's a waste of money and it destroys your body, mind and soul. Stick with cannabis- it has countless medical benefits including: Limonene; Lemon: makes breast caner cells suicide, dissolve gallstones and improve mood, Linalool; Lavender- anti-axiety, anti convulsant and good for sleep, Pinene: Outdoor evergreen, increase alertness and memory retention, and helps with asthma, Myrcene; muscle relaxant, analgeisic, Beta-caryophellene; helps with indigestion, Terpinoleen; works as an antibacterial agent, increased anti oxidant capacities in white blood cells- but find your prefered method of consumption.

We all face 'turn-back' moments in our lives, and we have to try to make the correct choices, or face the consequences.

28 and 48

Mid 40s for my dad, 60 now and my mum is still going strong!