How old were you when your parents died

[Fahhgedaboutit]

And how did you cope? DH and I are mid 30s and lucky enough to have both our sets of parents still here. But I’m increasingly aware of their ages and that we have limited time left with them and the thought of losing them puts me into such a panic.

How do you cope with losing the people that love you more than anyone else in this world (I appreciate not everyone has that relationship with their parents)? My parents are so, so lovely and I couldn’t imagine life without them or the grief ever ending.

35 when i lost my mum, she was 63.

It was devastating. I had only just had our DS, her first grandchild. It was simply heartbreaking, i dont know how i would have dealt with it, had we not had our DS to force me to carry on with the day to day.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow I lost my dad when I was 6 and I know what you mean about it hitting you when you get older. I think I was about 18 before I realised the enormity of what had happened.

23 DF and 25 DM, it was a rough time. It was a really tough time when my kids were small as I had no one to just be there for nothing in particular…i think it makes you a bit hard losing your parents early. I have no time for peoples moaning about insignificant things.
I wish they’d met my kids - My mother in particular would have been a fantastic granny!

There's a brilliant Facebook group for adults who lost someone when they were young in case this is helpful to anyone. Adults bereaved as children.

@user14699084664

i think it makes you a bit hard losing your parents early. I have no time for peoples moaning about insignificant things.

Definitely this.

Exactly the same

21 when I lost my father. It was a shock and it took about 4 years to come to terms with.
My wonderful step father (70) who has been in my life for years is terminally ill, as is my sister(49). I am absolutely dreading either passing, particularly the impact that this will have on my mother. The thought of it all is overwhelming tbh. Taking up pottery and getting a puppy has helped though. I know that, even through tough times I can still find moments of joy. I think that's the key. Also you will be going through it with friends going through the same, so you can lean on each other. It's horrible though when it dawns on you that nothing lasts for ever.

My dad died on my 40th birthday aged 69 and my mum on Christmas Day five years later aged 70.

My husband lost him DF at 9 years old and his DM at 15.

He is the youngest of 5 children.

I found it so hard to relate to when we first met and only had a minor insight to what he would have felt when I lost my own Dad (75) when I was 46.

He is very close to his siblings.

Same here. I lost my mum to dementia when I was 30. The long goodbye. She actually died when I was 36 and my dad died six months later.

13 and 30.

Losing a parent when you are a child is something you never really come to terms with, and as an only child, losing the other parent at a relatively young age was also extremely difficult. 3 of 4 grandparents had already passed away when I was born, and the last one died when I was 10, so I had nobody really.

I still feel like an orphan even now, many years later.

My mum (68) still has her mum too.🙂

I'm so sad to see all these young ages. I'm mid 30s and have only just lost my grandma

Early 30's when Dad died and 50's when Mum died. I still miss them a lot.

I was 27 when DM died and 39 whenDF died. Was especially hard with DM as she died during lockdown and I wasn't able to be with her in the ambulance to hospital, she later died in intensive care. I'm definitely in the minority among my friends who all have their parents and many of those are hands in grandparents. It feels very lonely with young children and not having your parents to support and advise.

I was in my early 30s when my mum died. Trying to explain how it feels is a bit like trying to describe childbirth. No amount of information will give you an accurate description of what it's like and the range of emotions you go through is staggering. I also thought I would fall apart and wouldn't be able to cope but I have a small child and had to learn to live with the pain. I wouldn't say it gets easier but it changes constantly and you learn what will trigger the strong emotions. I am actually a much stronger person since losing my mother. Honestly just enjoy having your parents and don't let dark thoughts spoil things while life is good.

FIL died 10 years ago when DH and I were 35. Mil and my parents are all still alive now we are 45 but they are getting frail...

15 when my mum died. My father had left us when I was 12 and I haven't seen him since.

I was 41 when df died and 46 when dm died last year. I’m a different person to what I was when dm died. I can’t really explain, but basically I don’t give fuck anymore as I’m more relaxed. Not sure if that’s because of my parents health was bad and I was constantly worried and anxious, but tbh in situations I’m ‘whatever’ 🤷🏼‍♀️

10 (mother)
40 (father)

My mother was ill with cancer from the time I was seven to her death almost four years later and her death hit me very hard.

My father also had cancer and over eight years but because I was older, I handled it better.

The grief is very different.

When my mother died, our family unit died with her and we suddenly became a family of three people (I have an older sister) existing in each other's space and we all suffered deep loss. When my father died, we had healed that lonely feeling when my sister and I had our children and we became a family unit again. We also had thirty years longer with him so it seemed like a natural passing of life. I miss them both terribly though.

My dad died last year, at the age of 76, I was 36. He was in very good health despite being a lifelong smoker, still active and walking or cycling each day. He died of an aortic rupture which is one of those things you don't really know about until afterwards. Obviously being male and a smoker are the two main risk factors for that but because he was so well, it was a shock that he went so quickly.

My mum is 66 now and she seems ok, her parents lived well into their 80s.

I was in my teen when my dad died and then late 20s when my mum died. I coped by keeping busy, getting married(?), then having my own kids etc.
I regret not having bereavement counselling- I think I was scared of confronting my own feelings so instead I buried them. I still really miss my mum, but I had a more complicated relationship with my dad so I can’t really say I miss him now.

Still have my Dad, he’s 90 and doing okay. I was 53 when my Mom died aged 87, it’s coming up to a year ago now.

When she died it was a relief rather than a sadness in all honesty. She’d always been so active, even at the age of 86 and we were all sure she’d see 100, but she unexpectedly went downhill very quickly and towards the end didn’t even have the strength to sit in a chair without slipping down and was unable to pull herself up. In the end she developed pneumonia.

She was a lovely lady and I’d see her every week…though we weren’t especially close, didn’t have the typical mother daughter relationship but I loved her, I hope she knew that. I regret not telling her before she died, but that’s not how we were. There are still times when I think that I must tell her something, or ask her something, and realise that I can’t.

The last thing she told me, about a week before she died, was that my hair looked lovely.

16 when mum died, 20 when dad died. My mum's death particularly has had a massive impact on my life.

Thank you I’ve just looked this up- lost my mother at 8 and my dad at 20