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Original poster

How old were you when your parents died

278 replies

Fahhgedaboutit · 27/10/2023 09:32

And how did you cope? DH and I are mid 30s and lucky enough to have both our sets of parents still here. But I’m increasingly aware of their ages and that we have limited time left with them and the thought of losing them puts me into such a panic.

How do you cope with losing the people that love you more than anyone else in this world (I appreciate not everyone has that relationship with their parents)? My parents are so, so lovely and I couldn’t imagine life without them or the grief ever ending.

OP posts:
AutumnIsMyFriend · 27/10/2023 21:22

35 with dad; in 55 now and still have my mum.

mrssunshinexxx · 27/10/2023 21:29

@lifesnotaspectatorsport your post really spoke to me. Sorry you are living with this pain too x

Carsarelife · 27/10/2023 21:34

Parents are both alive 72 and 74. Both in good health. Both quite selfish people and they don't give a jot about me or their grandchildren so I guess you could say I've already grieved them.
Lost my brother this year (in his 40's) we were super close and the pain is unbearable at times.

Nothingfallingdowntoday · 27/10/2023 21:45

21 when they died within 6 weeks of each other. Mother 39 and father 44. Absolutely tragic.

mrssunshinexxx · 27/10/2023 22:08

Just harrowing @Nothingfallingdowntoday so sorry

cadburyegg · 27/10/2023 22:13

I was 33 when my dad died at the height of covid. My h and I had not long split up too so it was an awful time. I am painfully aware that my mum is getting older too. Genuinely don't know what I will do without her, I worry almost every day about it. I'm an only child and single mum and she's my best support.

sh0rtbread · 27/10/2023 22:15

I was 24 when my Mum died.
47 years of age.
It was the worst thing I have ever experienced in my life. Luckily I had a very good support system but I do always feel sad my Mum missed a lot of my life and all the achievements I’ve had since then. It’ll be 10 years next year.

I also lost my brother last year.

I do sometimes think how alot of people I know still have all their siblings and parents but I’ve lost two immediate members of my family in my 20s and 30s.

SinnerBoy · 27/10/2023 22:23

I was 16 (1986) and in care when my mother died. My parents were divorced and my sisters went with them, I went with my mother.

I was 14 and social workers came to school, told me she'd been sectioned and I was going to a home. I wasn't allowed to go to my dad's, they decided that as I wanted to live with "her," I could shove it, which suited me.

My stepmother rang the home one day and told me what a disappointment I'd been being, so I told her to fuck off and stormed out.

A few days later, my gran rang and spoke to one of the residential social workers, she was really upset and angry at my callous disrespect at not going to my mam's funeral. One of them sat down with me and asked if I had not told anyone because I couldn't cope with it.

Once she found out, she was incensed that they hadn't tried ringing the home and actually explaining it, so that they could tell me.

To be honest, she wasn't exactly the best motherhood material, she used to disappear off for days with blokes, but we loved each other and she always went to bat for me with school, whereas my dad would have belted me.

I was angry for years, it ruined my adolescence and early 20s.

WhereDoYouGo1 · 27/10/2023 22:48

I used to worry a lot about my parents dying in my 20s and maybe 30s. As I have got older I have become more accepting of ageing and death so I don’t feel the dread and fear so much.

DramaAlpaca · 27/10/2023 22:52

I'm 59 and still have both parents, alive and reasonably well at 87 and 89.

Unfortunately, I am low contact with them because they are very difficult, selfish people who have no interest in anyone else. They have reaped what they've sown as they've missed out on my DC growing up and on having a close relationship with me because they didn't make any effort. I regret that so much.

I'm so sorry for those of you who've lost your parents young Flowers

MeinKraft · 27/10/2023 22:53

'And I think that’s what makes me catch my breath with the thought of them not being here- can anyone love you like your parents do?'

Do you have your own children? Your focus sort of shifts a bit when you start looking after your own kids or your nieces/nephews - the next generation.

itsmakingmesosad · 27/10/2023 22:57

I'm 39 and I've just lost my mam. I'm not the same person I was before. It's very early days for me but I can't believe how much I just miss her. The knowledge that she was always there, that she just loved me, that I was never alone. My heart hurts. I can't sleep, I don't think I'll ever get used to, or recover from the loss. Nothing feels right anymore.

MeinKraft · 27/10/2023 23:17

itsmakingmesosad · 27/10/2023 22:57

I'm 39 and I've just lost my mam. I'm not the same person I was before. It's very early days for me but I can't believe how much I just miss her. The knowledge that she was always there, that she just loved me, that I was never alone. My heart hurts. I can't sleep, I don't think I'll ever get used to, or recover from the loss. Nothing feels right anymore.

Sorry for your loss. There's nothing quite like losing your mother. My mum died in July (I'm 38 same as you almost) and I stood beside her in her coffin and looked at her and said, she carried me in her stomach, my god, how can this be happening. There was always that one person who always loved me unconditionally, who I was part of. I did realise it before she died...but I didn't fully appreciate it.

Caswallonthefox · 27/10/2023 23:44

33 for my dad 42 for my mum.
I had a 3 month old ds when my dad died and an arsehole for a husband. It hit me hard.
My mother spent 5 years slowly dying due to mnd, plus she was emotionally absent so it was more of a thank fuck she's dead moment.
It's been 18 years since my dad died and I'm still miffed at him because his cancer could have been sorted if he'd actually seen a doctor about it.

spookehtooth · 28/10/2023 00:29

@Caswallonthefox reminds me when you mentioned your husband, the support or lack of it It can make such a difference to coping in these situations. My partner at the time, I'm sure, didn't want to .. but our relationship and me trying to balance our family's needs with my dad dying over a long period of time made it so much harder than when my mum died and I was on my own

hopsalong · 28/10/2023 00:38

36 dad
41 mum

They had me in their 20s, and I had children in my late 30s, so hoping for a longer life.

Sad.

CallieQ · 28/10/2023 00:57

39 dad
46 mum

They both went too soon

girlfriend44 · 28/10/2023 01:44

You cope because you have too. They coped with the loss of their parents and you'll cope with the loss of yours.

Nobody lives forever.

Catsmere · 28/10/2023 03:00

My mother's alive and in her nineties.

My father died a few years ago, so I'd have been in my fifties. Hadn't seen the old prick for decades, so it was a case of "good riddance".

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 28/10/2023 07:36

23 when Dad died (he was 61) but 17 when the Parkinson's and dementia made him unrecognisable.

I coped, because I was young, my life was moving fast and I had exciting plans, and we’d been grieving for 5 years by the time he actually died. As an adult (I’m in my 50s now), I think of him every day. I believe that all our lives (dm and my 3 siblings) would have been significantly different if DDad hadn’t got ill. I see DDad in DS(15) every day. It’s astonishing how someone can have the same mannerisms as someone they’ve never met. In some ways that’s harder. Especially now DM is in her 80s and not well.

JustKen · 28/10/2023 07:56

I still have both of mine though Dad is on a bit of a wing and a prayer being kept alive by advancements in medical science...if he wasn't a guinea pig for the doctors he'd have gone by now. He's 77, currently, was diagnosed with cancer at 69.

My XH lost his mum at 24 and Dad at 49.

Copasetic · 28/10/2023 13:14

26 and 48. It isn't really a choice to cope. It was shit. People go through shit times.

MrsMurphyIWish · 28/10/2023 13:35

Dad died when I was 31. My mum is a still alive but has been in a nursing home for nearly 20 years literally being kept alive with medical intervention.

MintyCedric · 28/10/2023 15:27

I feel very angry sometimes that I lost my mum when I was 30 and she was 60. I am jealous of people who have grandmas alive. I hated all old women for a while

I was the same when I lost my dad…seeing elderly men pottering about their business really pissed me off…how dare they be here when my dad wasn’t.

tiggergoesbounce · 28/10/2023 15:37

I feel very angry sometimes that I lost my mum when I was 30 and she was 60. I am jealous of people who have grandmas alive. I hated all old women for a while

This is me, i used to see grandmas with their grandkids and think, "Why are you still here and my kind, loving mum isnt here for my DS". A horrible thought, and out of character for me, but i couldn't help it x