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Original poster

Will you/did you request for your child to move out when they turn 18

404 replies

parateach · 26/10/2023 00:27

Will you/did you request for your child to move out when they turn 18

And if not, will you request rent?

Thank you

OP posts:
DrinkingMyWaterMindingMyBiz · 26/10/2023 09:08

Absolutely not. They can stay as long as they need to. I’ll start asking for housekeeping when they start earning enough (and, if I’m in a financial situation where I can do this, I’ll probably put it aside for them to use when they do eventually move out), but there’s no chance in hell I’ll be telling them they have to leave home because they’re 18. Go off to uni, sure, but there’s a home here if you need it when you’re done.

Crumpleton · 26/10/2023 09:09

No and no.

Parky04 · 26/10/2023 09:13

Absolutely not. My 2 DC are 23 and 22 and still live at home. They are both in full time employment, and they pay £100 per month as a contribution towards food.

TimeForACider · 26/10/2023 09:17

My 20 year old pays £250 a month rent from his full time salary, he also buys his own food. I know I’ll be considered a witch on MN but I don’t care. He’s getting a great deal. This has been going on since he got his first full time job about 18 months ago.

When he had 0 hours contracts/Saturday jobs, he only had to pay 20% of his income (tips excluded). Some weeks he’d pay nothing, other times a bit more. It was all about getting him used to having a housing bill.

yeekls · 26/10/2023 09:22

No not 18 when they'll either be in education or entry level job or apprenticeship. 21 is the age where I'd expect to see some independence. If they are still with us at home at 21 I would expect there to be some kind of plan, saving for a deposit or rental, I don't know what exactly but I don't want them to just continue living here indefinitely with no direction. It would depend on the plan as to what extent I'd expect financial contribution. We live in an affordable area.

As for student loan, no I wouldn't take money from that, but it would mean we would have less to contribute to fund them as they'd be entitled to the minimum loan.

Justbefore · 26/10/2023 09:22

No. My child is awesome and I hope he stays at least until early twenties and I hope we live together again when I’m old.

I wouldn’t charge him rent unless he had more spare cash than me or suddenly became feckless.

Basically I hope we both look after each other as much as we can.

yeekls · 26/10/2023 09:25

Completely agree with everything @Ragwort has said, it's not about the money, it's about hoping they have the confidence and desire to go out and live life independently.

hulahooper2 · 26/10/2023 09:33

No I will always be happy to provide a home for them . I only took rent once they Graduated and had full time jobs , and was lucky enough to be able to save it for them - unknown to them - to help with house purchases later on

AngryBird6122 · 26/10/2023 09:34

Parky04 · 26/10/2023 09:13

Absolutely not. My 2 DC are 23 and 22 and still live at home. They are both in full time employment, and they pay £100 per month as a contribution towards food.

Do they both know all the costs that go into running a household? I don't think I would be comfortable at that age only paying £100!

theleafandnotthetree · 26/10/2023 09:52

Ragwort · 26/10/2023 09:07

I agree that I would be disappointed if my DS wanted to live at home once he had found a reasonable paying job .. my DS has already lived away at Uni, lived in a HMO (found a room via spare.room.com) during his 'sandwich year' and is now - post Uni - living and working overseas. I do think it can be a problem when young people 'fail to launch' and - genuine reasons aside - I would hope my DS is independent enough to want to leave home. And no way would I be enabling a partner to move in as well.
Like other posters have mentioned, I don't want to live in some sort of 'house share' arrangement... and although my DS & I have a close relationship I don't think young adults living at home is good for anyone long term. It's not a matter of finance, I could afford to let my DS live at home but where's the privacy - for both sides? I've got friends with adult DC the same age as my DS who still enable their DC to live at home & seem to actively encourage their partners to move in as well .. often these young adults have far more disposable income that the parents and lead a very comfortable lifestyle whilst paying a pittance in rent to the parents and no sign of saving to move out. At my stage in life I have no interest in negotiating when to use my own washing machine or kitchen.
My DB was still living at home at 30 Shock ... eventually when my DPs retired and wanted to relocate he finally moved out!

Are you me? Or me in 7 or 8 years time anyway. I am single so when my children are grown and gone, I want my living arrangements to suit me and frankly only me. I barely did houseshares as a student and didn't particularly enjoy living with my ex husband so I'm damned if 50-something year old me is going to be negotiating the use of my kitchen with adult children on a long term basis, or even worse, their boyfriends/girlfriends. Since I seperated from their Dad, I have barely dated and never so that it intetsected with their lives so again, I want the freedom to have my privacy and pursue that side of things without tip-toeing around adult children who quite understandably, probably wouldn't be too comfortable about it.

Heyahun · 26/10/2023 09:53

lived at home until I was 23 - was in local uni from 17 - 21 so lived at home for free with a weekend job to fund my nights out - parents didn't ask for a penny - when i got a full time job after uni I used to give them a token amount of £50 a month and kept the rest towards saving up to go travelling!

DaughterofZion · 26/10/2023 09:55

another Bizarre western tradition. Perhaps why children don’t feel obligated to look after their elderly parents in the west. Your children don’t stop being your children after a certain age. Your job as a parent is to support them u til they can stand steady and even then, to continue to offer support and encouragement from afar.

littlefireseverywhere · 26/10/2023 09:56

DS (19) has a job in IT, decided not to go to uni & earns more than I do. So although we could easily afford not to charge him rent, I do t think it sends the right message. We always said when they’re in f/t employment they’ll pay a contribution. He only pays £150 a month, but it’s a contribution towards his food.

ManateeFair · 26/10/2023 09:57

I'm glad my parents didn't request for me to move out as soon as I turned 18, given that I was still at school full-time studying for my A-levels. Not quite sure where I would have moved out to or how I'd have afforded rent when my sole income came from a Saturday job.

TiredMummma · 26/10/2023 10:01

parateach · 26/10/2023 00:49

Would you consider asking for rent out of their student loan cruel?

Yes!

No and No! It's a cost of living crisis and rent is extortionate. My parents (20 years ago!) had to occasionally help and that was with taking on a job alongside studying.

If they were earning £30k and living at home that's a different matter, I still wouldn't charge rent, but might have a discussion with them about contributions to household costs.

Gummybear23 · 26/10/2023 10:02

My colleague charged his children 'rent',

But in fact he just saved the money and gave it back to them when they were ready to move out.

KissyMissy · 26/10/2023 10:03

BethDuttonsTwin · 26/10/2023 00:40

No, my kids can live with me as long as they want to. I'd never ask them to go, I would ask for rent if they're working though as I am a single parent and it would be essential if the household is to have a decent standard of living.

Same goes for me

Mum2three63 · 26/10/2023 10:11

My 19 year old is in 1st Yr uni and still at home , I don't take any money from his student loan as its not a huge amount and his train fares which he pays for amounts to nearly £1000 ..if he's still living at home in 4 years when he'll be working we will then discuss him paying board

alloalloallo · 26/10/2023 10:13

No and no.

One of mine is 22 and at uni, the other is 18 and at college, hoping to go to uni in the next couple of years.

DD1 is home over the holidays and works over the summer to top up her student loan. I haven’t taken any rent for her from that, she needs all the money she can get. When she’s finished her degree, she plans to work for a few months and save to go travelling and then come home and start looking for the job that is relevant to her degree. If she’s still living at home then, then I may ask for some sort of contribution

DD2 has a part time/holiday job around college, but I haven’t, and have no plans to, charge rent. She has some disabilities that mean she has to be careful she doesn’t knacker herself and I’d rather she concentrate on college so she doesn’t do many hours. She hopes to go to uni too in a couple of years. Again, once finished and she’s still living at home, we may consider asking for a contribution.

MamaBear4ever · 26/10/2023 10:17

Definitely not. If they want to go to university I'll support them till they have completed. When they go into paid employment I will ask for rent but keep it to one side for them when they eventually move out. Assuming I can afford to

SpendingTooLongThinkingOfAUsername · 26/10/2023 10:18

parateach · 26/10/2023 00:49

Would you consider asking for rent out of their student loan cruel?

Er yes! Because student loan is set at a much lower level for students who live at home. It's higher for those who move away so that it can go towards their rent.

Mum2three63 · 26/10/2023 10:18

@Aphroditee ....not true, my son lives at home and gets maintenance loan but it's much less than my daughter who lives in halls gets

Wheredidyougonow · 26/10/2023 10:19

Highlyflavouredgravy · 26/10/2023 00:32

No!
They didn't stop being my children when they became 18

This. I grew up in a different culture where you could stay home as long as you wanted but you had to be studying /working. The deal was we had to be saving and you know what when we started working we just automatically contributed. It wasn't asked but by then we just knew how grateful to have parents who supported us and just wanted to take care of them too. I saw what some friends went through and a lot of them wouldn't help out their parents today in a hurry. I left home at 25 after 2 degrees in a good job, and a good pot of savings to buy my first home.

mondaytosunday · 26/10/2023 10:20

No and no. If a child is in a good paying job that they could afford rent elsewhere but have asked/decided to remain at home, then yes asking for a contribution is reasonable. And if not going to higher education I expect that child to be in work, but if low paying no I would not charge rent. But I would never ask them to leave just because they have turned 18 - very very few would be self supporting at that age, nor really mature enough. My own son did live on his own from that age, but I provided the property he lives in. He doesn't pay rent (just above minimum rate job), but does pay all his bills. Once he earns more he will start paying rent.

Hocuspocusnonsense · 26/10/2023 10:21

No and no.

if they are working I will try and impress upon them the importance of saving for when they do move out.