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Original poster

Will you/did you request for your child to move out when they turn 18

404 replies

parateach · 26/10/2023 00:27

Will you/did you request for your child to move out when they turn 18

And if not, will you request rent?

Thank you

OP posts:
Wheredidyougonow · 26/10/2023 10:21

Oh and we have full student debt, zero child benefit like this country and very little state support in general. So it always baffles me when people want to charge their kids rent because their benefit stops at 18 - aren't you supposed to be taking care of your children regardless and whatever you receive is for additional stuff.

KissyMissy · 26/10/2023 10:24

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

That's awful 😞

samupnorth · 26/10/2023 10:25

Parky04 · 26/10/2023 09:13

Absolutely not. My 2 DC are 23 and 22 and still live at home. They are both in full time employment, and they pay £100 per month as a contribution towards food.

Are they saving for a mortgage or rent deposit ? If my 23 year old was spending all their income and not saving I’d feel I was enabling Failure to launch syndrome .

Northeastmammy · 26/10/2023 10:27

I don’t think it’s realistic these days for 18 year olds to move out into their own home!
I think once they get a proper job for them to contribute somehow but I don’t think nowadays it’s affordable. I think they need time to get finances together and get a steady wage and they’ll want their own space anyway

VeganStar · 26/10/2023 10:32

My DD is 21 and I would never ask her to move out. It’s her home and the house will be hers when I’m gone. I’m a single parent so I do ask her for a nominal amount in rent which she has back in other ways throughput the month. For example towards the end of the month when she starts to run out of money she’ll ask to borrow money which I lend her. I use the term lend very loosely as I seldom ask for it back. I’m sure someone will come along in a moment to say I’m not doing her any favours by not asking for it back but sod off and mind your own business I don’t give a monkey about what anyone else thinks.

UrsulaBelle · 26/10/2023 10:36

parateach · 26/10/2023 00:49

Would you consider asking for rent out of their student loan cruel?

My DS2 who lived at home during uni, and received the full loan due to my income being low, yes I did ask for some money towards bills and food. If he’d been living away he’d have had to pay for accommodation, bills and food. I didn’t make a profit out of him, but I couldn’t afford to keep him otherwise.

Dotcheck · 26/10/2023 10:37

In England, they’re still at College/ Sixth Form
How could they pay rent if they are in full time study?

What is your set up?

Notellinganyone · 26/10/2023 10:53

Absolutely not. Two of mine had a gap year and lived at home. My middle one has just finished uni and is back, aged 23, paying off some debts. I might have issues if I felt they were sitting around doing nothing but happy to offer room and food when they need it. However, I can afford it and I can imagine circumstances being different.

Barney60 · 26/10/2023 10:54

Yes, my daughter paid board from the first month she started work, it went towards council tax food heating and electric, it didnt cover it but helped, id supported her through university (she worked but that money went towards her social side and books ect she needed) i think it teaches them life isnt free.
She is very good with money now never been in debt bar her mortgage.

ActDottie · 26/10/2023 11:05

No they won’t be made to move out.

The rent one depends if they’re continuing education then no, but if they get a job then yes I’d charge them something because that’s the reality of working and having a job. I’d only charge something notional like £150 a month though but I believe it’s important they understand living costs money!

PosterBoy · 26/10/2023 11:08

UrsulaBelle · 26/10/2023 10:36

My DS2 who lived at home during uni, and received the full loan due to my income being low, yes I did ask for some money towards bills and food. If he’d been living away he’d have had to pay for accommodation, bills and food. I didn’t make a profit out of him, but I couldn’t afford to keep him otherwise.

Show quote history

He will have received the full loan for a person living at home. Students who are renting are given a higher loan amount as they need to pay rent out of it as well.

If you weren't asking for rent though - just bills and food - then that's what his loan was for so that's all good.

It must be difficult where families need to charge rent as well. Perhaps it is better then for the student to move out, get the full loan, and the parent rent the room out instead. More income all round

Original poster
parateach · 26/10/2023 11:16

Thank you for your answers.
My husband lost his job so we are down to a single income. It's not enough to pay the mortgage (£800).

I would like to ask my son to pay the mortgage, but he only gets 800 gbp a month. So he would contribute the whole amount or 700 at the lowest.
He still managed to use some of his money for himself when I asked for a smaller contribution - he bought himself a camera for his course, paid for the expenses around site visits (for his course as well) and a 2 week long vacation to Asia.

OP posts:
Chazzasaurus · 26/10/2023 11:18

No, that sounds awful. My husband and I have agreed that we will charge rent and put into a bank account for DC until they are ready to buy a house. This is obviously provided we can afford to do that at the time and we don't actually NEED to charge rent.

hoophoophooray · 26/10/2023 11:22

You are essentially asking him for his full wage? How is he supposed to get to work, buy clothes, have any kind of social life at all?

Leaving him with £100/month to pay mobile, travel, clothes, and anything else at all seems incredibly unrealistic.

I mean you can ask, and hopefully if it's very short term you can all pull together to make it work.

Might it be better to ask for a 6 month mortgage holiday instead and your husband needs to take anything he can get.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 26/10/2023 11:26

No to moving out - my son lived at home until he got married in his late 20's. When he started work he paid rent for a while - the equivalent of the money we lost because he was no longer in school (child benefit/child tax credits changed). Then for some reason there was a mix up between our accounts and the money didn't go in so he suggested that he would make a substantial contribution to Christmas that year. It worked really well and that is what he continued to do until he got married and moved out.

But alongside that he would buy food, replace things that broke that affected him - he bought us a new oven because he wanted one with a large grill! And he also bought us a new fridge and freezer because he wanted to have ice and cold water!

The others moved out at 18 to go to university but still had their own rooms until they married.

Horriblewoman · 26/10/2023 11:29

Holy shit of course you can’t ask your 18 year old son to pay your mortgage because your husband lost his job!

ManchesterLu · 26/10/2023 11:31

HerRoyalNotness · 26/10/2023 00:35

No! They’re welcome in our home, their home, as long as they like! EighTEEN is not an adult despite what some might say. Although he’ll be off to uni at 18, but welcome back whenever

18 is literally an adult. It is the point at which you are - legally - an adult.

SpendingTooLongThinkingOfAUsername · 26/10/2023 11:31

parateach · 26/10/2023 11:16

Thank you for your answers.
My husband lost his job so we are down to a single income. It's not enough to pay the mortgage (£800).

I would like to ask my son to pay the mortgage, but he only gets 800 gbp a month. So he would contribute the whole amount or 700 at the lowest.
He still managed to use some of his money for himself when I asked for a smaller contribution - he bought himself a camera for his course, paid for the expenses around site visits (for his course as well) and a 2 week long vacation to Asia.

Edited

This is a joke, right? Your husband lost his job so you want your 18 year old to use their whole income (or pretty much all of it) to pay your mortgage?

NO! Just no.

If you are on a single income you are probably entitled to some benefits. Or your husband could look for a job. Any job. Any job that means you aren't taking £800 a month off your child, who is a student Wow.

HashBrownandBeans · 26/10/2023 11:33

I think it’s proportional to how much effort they are putting in to life, the next one we have to ‘fly the nest’ spends her whole day in her dirty room, won’t get a job, eats everything in sight five times a day, her boyfriend practically lives here and eats here too, she refuses to do any further education… are we just expected to tolerate that forever? My older children wanted to move out at 18/19 and are doing ok for themselves.

Chewbecca · 26/10/2023 11:33

No to asking them to move out.
Yes to contributing financially. Especially if you are struggling. If they are working FT and earning - about 20% of their take home. If they're on a student loan and not paying to live elsewhere then about £50pw is reasonable IMO.

Sugarfree23 · 26/10/2023 11:35

Op I don't think it's realistic for him to pay his entire wage into the house. Surely his Dad can get a job doing something, even if it's not particularly what he wants to do.

What would be the plan if DS up'd sticks and moved out you would still need to pay the mortgage and bills, the only bill that would really go down is food, and maybe a bit less electricity (less washing, less gadgets etc)

JellyMops · 26/10/2023 11:35

I am an unpaid carer for one of my children so money is tight, I have asked them for board and lodging from the 1st of September following their last year of school as that is when I stopped receiving Universal Credit for them. They pay slightly less than the UC amount.

ColourMeBlue · 26/10/2023 11:36

I see this a lot on a benefits page I follow on Facebook,and quite frankly-its shocking.The amount of people who say "I'm losing out on £300 a month,is is fair for my child to cover it"-absolutely not.Ring money wellness and ask for advice,apply for Universal credit to see it anything is available but for the love of fudge,DO NOT place your financial responsibilitys on your child.

verdantverdure · 26/10/2023 11:38

I expect adults to contribute to the household they live in (with chores as well as money) but that won't kick in for mine until they get jobs after Uni.

RedToothBrush · 26/10/2023 11:38

parateach · 26/10/2023 00:27

Will you/did you request for your child to move out when they turn 18

And if not, will you request rent?

Thank you

No.

Cos I'm not a fucking arsehole.

Rent is another matter. But we certainly would not charge when in education. Again because we are not fucking arseholes.

Even then, we'll probably put at least some of the money to one side for DS.

This does not mean we will let DS sit on his arse. He will be expected to get a job.

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