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Original poster

Will you/did you request for your child to move out when they turn 18

404 replies

parateach · 26/10/2023 00:27

Will you/did you request for your child to move out when they turn 18

And if not, will you request rent?

Thank you

OP posts:
gabsdot · 26/10/2023 07:51

They won't have to move out but DS, age 19 has an income now as he is an apprentice so he pays a contribution to the household each month. As his income increases so will his contribution.
I'd like to think he'll be in a position to move out in is mid 20s, although we live in Dublin and housing is so expensive.

Sgtmajormummy · 26/10/2023 07:52

Today’s 18 is very different to my 18.
Support on a sliding scale until they can fully support themselves.

When the student loan arrives, for an 18yo there’s bound to be a splurge impulse. The parent needs to advise against that but taking rent is just taking with one hand and giving with the other.

Theprincessisblanketed · 26/10/2023 07:52

I've made it clear to my children that as long as I have a roof over my head they are always welcome. Even if they move out they can come back.

I would expect all capable adults to contribute to the household, but the form/amount of contribution really depends on the circumstances.

I know some people are aghast at 'charging kids rent' but I have seen friends in situations where their young adult sons are earning more than them and having a grand time partying while having no housing costs or bills to pay and the parent has no fun money as they are covering all the necessities and that doesn't seem fair either.

Zanatdy · 26/10/2023 07:53

I’d never request they left home, welcome to stay until whenever they like. I wouldn’t charge rent until graduated and earning personally but I’d say that really depends on family finances

Theoldwoman · 26/10/2023 07:54

Absolutely not in a million years. My eldest is 35, moved out when 19 I think? Other two are still at home - 22 and almost 21.

Zanatdy · 26/10/2023 07:55

parateach · 26/10/2023 00:49

Would you consider asking for rent out of their student loan cruel?

I wouldn’t say cruel but I guess it depends on circumstances. Are they living at home when studying? Assume so. Do they get full loan? Have you lost benefits for them recently? All those things would apply when considering this question. For me no, my son needs additional financial support not less

arintingly · 26/10/2023 07:56

Not 18 but we won't house adult children indefinitely. For several reasons:

We want to downsize to a smaller property both because of wanting something easier to maintain and to release some equity for retirement

Because at a certain point we will just want to live on our own not in a multi adult household

Of course our kids will always be able to stay with us as adults if they have a crisis but, unlike most mumsnetters, I don't think it's cruel to tell your adult children that they have to live independently at some point.

Halfemptyhalfling · 26/10/2023 07:57

Rents have gone up much faster than wages and student loans so your children will struggle much more than other young adults if they have to pay rent from 18. They get a reduced minimum wage if they work. Student loans often only just cover uni accommodation nowadays.

There are some children who do get cut off from their families at 16 to 18. This can be due to unacceptable/ threatening behaviour from children or parents.

In previous decades there were more secure jobs for young people and more housing and more generous benefits when they were between jobs. Conservatives expect the family to step in instead.

ReadySalty · 26/10/2023 07:57

An 18 year old in 2023 is more like a 15 year old from 1990.

Unless you have raised a very mature, capable, independent child who has a career ready to step in to, then I'd continue to parent them.

Pertangyangkipperbang · 26/10/2023 08:00

Gosh a big fat NO!!! Mine moved out when they were working and with their partners and decided to live together in their 20s. My Grandson is 18 and at uni.. still at home.. working part time. He doesn't pay anything. He needs his money for uni and saving for new laptop and driving lessons/car.. even his GF stays there sometimes and daughter doesn't ask for a penny.
Just because the law says they're an adult at 18.. doesn't mean you automatically kick them out.. it's cruel.

sungsam60 · 26/10/2023 08:00

parateach · 26/10/2023 00:49

Would you consider asking for rent out of their student loan cruel?

I accept (they offered) a small amount towards food as moneys very tight atm. I don't really like taking it but needs must.

Brendabigbaps · 26/10/2023 08:00

My 18 year old will have an emotional/executive age of around 14 so no I won’t be asking them to move out.
If they have a part time job they will be asked to contribute and I hope we’ll be in a position to save it for them for when they need it,

Thighdentitycrisis · 26/10/2023 08:00

No, I expected them to move out after graduating (lived away for Uni). I charged rent after they got a job and they moved out about a year later.

LittleLegsKeepGoing · 26/10/2023 08:02

I've told both my girls that as long as I have a roof over my head they'll have one too. Not a pampered roof with no responsibility, but they'll always have a place of love and safety with me if they need it.

dicedicebaby · 26/10/2023 08:04

User5512 · 26/10/2023 07:50

No. I hope my house will remain a “home” to my children as long as DH/I are alive. I hope to be able to provide a roof over their head, food and a warm comfortable bed in my house whenever they need, for however long they need. My parents have done this for me and my siblings, and I think it is priceless. I’m very very grateful.
I know this is a privilege and I want to work hard to be in a position to afford this.

Do you not want them to grow up and be independent adults?

I mean I get that you want to always be a safe haven for your offspring, and I'm always going to be there for mine in times of need, but wanting to put a roof over their head forever and provide for them sounds a bit weird.

Notjustabrunette · 26/10/2023 08:07

Well mine are still are primary school, so a long way off. I wouldn’t expect them to move out at 18 as the housing market has completely changed since I was that age. I expect them to living here well into their 20s to be honest. We actually have a contingency for that. We’re planning on having a garden office, and we’ll probably add a loo to it in case one of our kids end up living in it one day.
should you be changing rent? I think that depends on circumstances, can you afford to keep paying for them? Are you trying to teach them how to be an adult manage their money? What is the purpose of the rent?

booboo24 · 26/10/2023 08:14

No and no! My eldest will be 22 early next year and is still at home, she graduated in the summer and is in her first full time role. She is very independent and has suggested she starts paying rent but I felt awful for taking it so she helps with contributions to the bills in
whatever form or amount she chooses (same thing but less formal wording I guess!!!) I wouldn't ever have charged her for being here though, and she knows she's always got a home here no matter how old she is. Her boyfriend stays almost half the week too and has done for around 3 years but I've never asked for anything from them.

Youngest is 16 and a lot less independent, I can't imagine her moving out for years! It will always be their choice when they fly the nest

WTLife · 26/10/2023 08:14

parateach · 26/10/2023 00:49

Would you consider asking for rent out of their student loan cruel?

I would consider it disadvantaging them. Isn't it better for them to have as little debt as possible? I don't charge mine until they are in work and not studying at university. I tell them to minimise their loan instead.

The exception would be if your household finances just really couldn't stretch to support them that way.

I've never asked a child to leave at 18. It's still so young.

yellowlane · 26/10/2023 08:17

No I'd never make them move out. I loved at home during uni (moved out for one of the 4 years). I was never charged rent.

sollenwir · 26/10/2023 08:19

No, and possibly yes/no (we will assess the rent/keep thing nearer the time - it doesn't do anyone any harm to learn to pay their way).

Tiredalwaystired · 26/10/2023 08:20

Not when 18 but my plan is to take a percentage of their earnings if they choose to stay at home after they get a job as “rent”.

I’ll then save that money on their behalf and they can have it when they move out as a deposit. I don’t think it’s fair to let them get used to unrealistic amounts of spare cash from day one as it will only make it harder for them to live within their means later.

User5512 · 26/10/2023 08:24

dicedicebaby · 26/10/2023 08:04

Do you not want them to grow up and be independent adults?

I mean I get that you want to always be a safe haven for your offspring, and I'm always going to be there for mine in times of need, but wanting to put a roof over their head forever and provide for them sounds a bit weird.

Show quote history

You definitely understood what I meant - didn’t you?

My house will always be available to them to stay for as long as they like. I believe maturity and being ready for independent life doesn’t come bang at 18. Until my children feel ready for independent life, I won’t put pressure on them.

Even at a later stage in life, if they feel like “returning” home, my doors will always be open.

Heronwatcher · 26/10/2023 08:25

I wouldn’t ask them to leave unless there were massive issues with their behaviour.

If they had a job and were earning I would charge rent- but obviously not market rate. I think it’s good for young people to learn the value of money/ to be financially responsible before they leave home.

User5512 · 26/10/2023 08:26

Oh btw, if they are earning big money, I’d absolutely insist they save the rent/bills part in a separate account.

DilemmaDelilah · 26/10/2023 08:31

I didn't ask, but they both did, partly because I had let them know that I would be expecting a contribution to costs when they were 18 and I guess they thought that if they were going to have to pay they would rather be free to do what they liked. In those days it wasn't so difficult to find somewhere to rent.
A contribution to costs would have been essential as I was on my uppers, but also I think that every young person needs to learn how to budget and what things cost.
I made it very clear that they could come home at any time if they needed to, and sent them off with a box of essentials, food, loo rolls, basic cleaning materials, a tin opener and a kitchen knife! I took them both shopping to choose a kitchen knife - I have my favourite knife which I have had for 40 years and can't manage without, and I felt that this was essential.