Page 11 | Will you/did you request for your child to move out when they turn 18

RedToothBrush · 26/10/2023 11:39

parateach · 26/10/2023 11:16

Thank you for your answers.
My husband lost his job so we are down to a single income. It's not enough to pay the mortgage (£800).

I would like to ask my son to pay the mortgage, but he only gets 800 gbp a month. So he would contribute the whole amount or 700 at the lowest.
He still managed to use some of his money for himself when I asked for a smaller contribution - he bought himself a camera for his course, paid for the expenses around site visits (for his course as well) and a 2 week long vacation to Asia.

Edited

I think if I was your son, I'd be more inclined to move out rather than let my parents sponge off me tbh.

hoophoophooray · 26/10/2023 11:43

Yes if my parents asked for my full wage I would be moving out, not contributing.

Please talk to your mortgage company and see if you can get a 6 month holiday to give your husband time to get a new job. And by all means ask for some money from your son, but you cannot expect him to put his whole wage into the house especially as it sounds like he is still in some sort of education?

SoupDragon · 26/10/2023 11:45

parateach · 26/10/2023 11:16

Thank you for your answers.
My husband lost his job so we are down to a single income. It's not enough to pay the mortgage (£800).

I would like to ask my son to pay the mortgage, but he only gets 800 gbp a month. So he would contribute the whole amount or 700 at the lowest.
He still managed to use some of his money for himself when I asked for a smaller contribution - he bought himself a camera for his course, paid for the expenses around site visits (for his course as well) and a 2 week long vacation to Asia.

Edited

You want him to spend his entire income on your mortgage?

Spacecowboys · 26/10/2023 11:46

No I don’t expect our children to move out when they turn 18. I do expect them to save some money when in full time employment , to facilitate them moving out when they are older.
I also wouldn’t take any money from student loan. Youngest dc is planning on going to university in a few years and if he was able to stay at home that would be great, it would actually save us money and he wouldn’t have to get the living costs loan at all. We’d subsidise him and it would still be cheaper for us than him moving away. Unfortunately, there isn’t a university local enough to our rural location to make this possible.

Nagado · 26/10/2023 11:47

I started contributing when I was 13 (my choice). My mum was on benefits that paid for me up until I was 19 and in full time education, so that covered my A levels. Once that stopped I was responsible for my share of the rent and Council Tax, so I had to work and provide payslips and pay around £400 a month directly to the council, then extra for food etc. I could have moved out if I didn’t want to pay, but I had a loving family home and staying there for a couple more years, where I was raising my siblings (my mum was ill) and could make sure everyone had what they needed was the best thing for everyone.

I was an adult and responsible for myself. It taught me independence, budgeting skills, how to make a pound go a long way, how to cope with all sorts of crap, from bailiffs to school bullies, etc which I’m so incredibly grateful for now. I think it’s a good idea to teach children how to budget while they’ve got the safety net of being at home, rather than paying everything for them and sending them off into the world without the skills they need to manage their finances.

alloalloallo · 26/10/2023 11:49

I have to say, that whilst they’re more than welcome to live at home for as long as they like at the moment, DH and I do want to down size and move away at some point.

They’re both still in full time education, but once that’s all done and dusted, they’ve been travelling/had their gap years or whatever, and they’re settled in their ‘career’ jobs, I kind of do expect them to start making their own way in the world.

DH and I would like to move somewhere with some land and have animals (not really possible where we currently live), maybe spend some time travelling. I certainly don’t want to live here for the rest of my life.

WTLife · 26/10/2023 11:49

No, your 18 year old should not be covering the mortgage, especially using all his income. Can you get a job? Is your husband looking? Can you take a mortgage break? This is your problem, not your son's. He has to have some money to live. You'll be saddling him with loan debt to pay your mortgage. I don't think that is on.

Angrycat2768 · 26/10/2023 11:52

No. They have a home as long as they need it. I will probably charge board if they have a job, but not if they are studying. I'm hoping my DS1 goes to the local university, as they are specialists in the course he wants to do, so he can stay at home. DS2 I would love to keep at home but he'll probably want to move out. He can come home though whenever he wants.

alloalloallo · 26/10/2023 11:52

Sorry, I missed the latest post from OP.

No, you really can’t expect your 18 year old son to pay your mortgage. Make a contribution maybe, but you really can’t take his whole wage from him.

You need to speak to your mortgage company and see if they can help with a short term payment holiday or something like that.

Sennelier1 · 26/10/2023 11:54

No, I most certainly did not! My daughter sort-of moved away when she was a university student, living in a house with other students but still keeping her room here and coming home often. Only when she moved abroad to live with her boyfriend did we change her room into a guestroom - mostly used by her and her little family. Our son lived with us untill he earned enough to be on his own feet, that was around 22. He and his girlfriend then bought a house and moved in together. They sometimes live with us for a few weeks when they have works done in their house.

DrinkingMyWaterMindingMyBiz · 26/10/2023 11:54

parateach · 26/10/2023 11:16

Thank you for your answers.
My husband lost his job so we are down to a single income. It's not enough to pay the mortgage (£800).

I would like to ask my son to pay the mortgage, but he only gets 800 gbp a month. So he would contribute the whole amount or 700 at the lowest.
He still managed to use some of his money for himself when I asked for a smaller contribution - he bought himself a camera for his course, paid for the expenses around site visits (for his course as well) and a 2 week long vacation to Asia.

Edited

I’m sorry about your situation but this is completely unreasonable. Your son is barely an adult, just about to start finding his own feet in this big bad world. You can’t put this pressure on him before he’s even started to work things out for himself. What would you and your husband do even if your son did move out? Surely you’d be in the same situation?

Talk to the bank. Job hunt. Get a lower paid job just to make ends meet. Apply for benefits. Do whatever you need to do but please do not take your son’s full wage (or even 90% of it) to cover your mortgage.

Spacecowboys · 26/10/2023 11:55

parateach · 26/10/2023 11:16

Thank you for your answers.
My husband lost his job so we are down to a single income. It's not enough to pay the mortgage (£800).

I would like to ask my son to pay the mortgage, but he only gets 800 gbp a month. So he would contribute the whole amount or 700 at the lowest.
He still managed to use some of his money for himself when I asked for a smaller contribution - he bought himself a camera for his course, paid for the expenses around site visits (for his course as well) and a 2 week long vacation to Asia.

Edited

You absolutely cannot expect your son to do this. He should be able to use his £800 per month for things like transport, work lunches, learning to drive , saving for a car, car insurance ( which is extremely expensive when they are young and inexperienced) and some treats for himself.

Angrycat2768 · 26/10/2023 11:56

parateach · 26/10/2023 11:16

Thank you for your answers.
My husband lost his job so we are down to a single income. It's not enough to pay the mortgage (£800).

I would like to ask my son to pay the mortgage, but he only gets 800 gbp a month. So he would contribute the whole amount or 700 at the lowest.
He still managed to use some of his money for himself when I asked for a smaller contribution - he bought himself a camera for his course, paid for the expenses around site visits (for his course as well) and a 2 week long vacation to Asia.

Edited

£800? Rather than talking to your bank about your mortgage? At the very most he should be paying £200-300 to help out. It's unfair to ask him to pay your entire mortgage and leave him with nothing. Apart from.the holiday, the other things he's spending his money on is for his course.

gotomomo · 26/10/2023 11:57

No!!! Got 2 with me, and no rent either, one is at university and one is struggling to get regular work

gotomomo · 26/10/2023 12:01

If your husband has lost his job, why doesn't he take another, part time temporary if needed - plenty of options for those willing to work hard (it won't be glamorous work often)

Heelenahandbasket · 26/10/2023 12:05

parateach · 26/10/2023 00:49

Would you consider asking for rent out of their student loan cruel?

Yes. You have an obligation to support them if they’re in full time education. Student loans are lower than even uc and it has to be paid back. Why on earth would you expect an 18 year old student to support you?

BestieBunch · 26/10/2023 12:06

As long as they’re in education then it’s rent free, mine will be 2nd year of college at 18. If they’re not in education, then yes they’ll need to get a job and contribute to the house.

Nagado · 26/10/2023 12:07

parateach · 26/10/2023 11:16

Thank you for your answers.
My husband lost his job so we are down to a single income. It's not enough to pay the mortgage (£800).

I would like to ask my son to pay the mortgage, but he only gets 800 gbp a month. So he would contribute the whole amount or 700 at the lowest.
He still managed to use some of his money for himself when I asked for a smaller contribution - he bought himself a camera for his course, paid for the expenses around site visits (for his course as well) and a 2 week long vacation to Asia.

Edited

Your husband needs to get out there and take any job that brings in a wage, whether it’s his dream job or scrubbing toilets. He can’t afford to be choosy.

I’m going to go against the grain a little bit and say I think it’s ok to ask your son for financial help, especially if he’s expecting to inherit it after your deaths. But I’d be inclined to formalise it, like drawing up a legal document giving him a share of the property, and if he doesn’t want to help, then you have to accept that with good grace. And you have to understand that he would be doing you a huge favour, above and beyond simply paying his way.

Yessssssxxx · 26/10/2023 12:07

Certainly not. My children always have a home with me no matter how old they are.

My mother was abusive and neglectful and I was chucked to the street with hardly anything as soon as I finished education. I got a job and offered to pay rent and pay for my own food but that wasn't good enough for her. Her excuse was "I'm not getting any money from your father anymore and I want his money so leave". Still hurts in my late 30's and I'd never do it to my children.

CrotchetyQuaver · 26/10/2023 12:08

Once they had a proper (ie full time or thereabouts) job and had finished education we asked for a nominal contribution. Eldest left 4 years ago to live with her boyfriend, youngest has just left for a year travelling. It's strange having the house to ourselves again after nearly 30 years and it's astonishing how much longer things are lasting and bills reducing without the youngest here and working from home! Loo roll and Diet Coke particularly 😂

Heelenahandbasket · 26/10/2023 12:08

parateach · 26/10/2023 11:16

Thank you for your answers.
My husband lost his job so we are down to a single income. It's not enough to pay the mortgage (£800).

I would like to ask my son to pay the mortgage, but he only gets 800 gbp a month. So he would contribute the whole amount or 700 at the lowest.
He still managed to use some of his money for himself when I asked for a smaller contribution - he bought himself a camera for his course, paid for the expenses around site visits (for his course as well) and a 2 week long vacation to Asia.

Edited

Your husband needs to get another job and you need to speak to the bank. Asking your son to borrow money to pay your mortgage when he’s a full time student is totally unacceptable

Yessssssxxx · 26/10/2023 12:12

Just read your update. Totally awful you're asking him to pay your mortgage. He's young. He should be saving. Learning to drive. Insurance is stupidly high for young people these days. Your husband needs to accept any job to make ends meet even if it's in a supermarket stacking shelves or cleaning toilets. He can't be picky with jobs if you are struggling with money.

54isanopendoor · 26/10/2023 12:13

EmeraldTheSeahorse · 26/10/2023 01:14

Everyone will say no but I was asked to leave at 16.

Me too.
I managed to stay thro' A levels but had to pay 100% of my Saturday job wages.
I will never do that to my kids.

Iwant2beJessicaFletcher · 26/10/2023 12:16

No, because I want them to own their own home long term so renting makes no sense.

But yes to paying rent. They are now out of full time education and earning a decent wage. They contribute £150 per month rent which still gives them over £1200 money just for them.

I don't think not charging an earning adult rent does them any favours long term. Plus, all they currently spend it on is their car, clothes & socialising and I want them to live in the real world where they have to pay their way.

But having read your update, I wouldn't do what you were asking. Your son should contribute a fair amount - £100 is more than enough.

It is your job to pay your own bills. You husband should be working any job to bring in the money and you should also be working full time barring any disability in which I assume you would be claiming PIP etc.

PosterBoy · 26/10/2023 12:20

Ask for an urgent financial reassessment of his student loan - he may be entitled to more if your income has fallen - then maybe he moves out, you get a lodger, or he pays slightly more for his keep.

£800 would be a ridiculous ask . Don't be silly