Hate family life

[Dowhadiddydiddydum]

This is just a rant and maybe a desire to link with others who feel the same.

I hate family life or rather my family life.

My children argue constantly. Dislike each other and very rarely get on. They haven’t like each other ever really. Even when youngest came home as a baby I remember older (who was a toddler) did care at all and wasn’t interested. They ignored eachother largely until youngest figures out bugging oldest was a good way to get a reaction and now they fight instantly.

DH is emotionally immature. Unable to manage his stress. Has always created a black cloud over the house when he feels down or sad.

I had been the one bending over backwards to lighten the mood, smooth over the argument, create some fun, try new strategies to make home life better. Often at the price of my own well-being and feelings.

Well I’ve had enough. I don’t give a shit anymore. I’m not breaking my back to make everyone happy. It can all go to shit. Felt this way for a few weeks. They all look at me like I have grown an extra head because I’m not breaking my back to being the positivity and happiness. House has a black cloud over it because I’m not blowing it away. I don’t even care any more.

off on holiday soon. I still don’t care. Last 3 were awful and it’s just the same crap in a new location.

Anyone else relate. At the moment I feel like I’m just waiting for them to grown and leave home, so they can have their own life and DH can divorce me and I can live quietly in my home somewhere.

Can I join?

I'm fucking miserable.. Mr Black Cloud of Doom can fuck off. Why are there so many of these pricks?

I've got an anxious teenage DD who won't go to school, won't go out and doesn't want to be left alone either.
DH works full time and spends the rest of his time out with friends or watching TV.
I've got a chronic health condition and work from home full-time while also home-schooling and doing all the housework. I go food shopping or walk the dogs when DH is home, but I don't go anywhere else because of DD.
I've just turned 40 and I feel like I tried so hard to look after everyone else that I've lost myself. I wish I was a man!

Please do @Blobblobblob
No idea why there are so many of them! Funny they don’t like a taste of their own medicine though. My DH is visibly het up from me not breaking my back to be sunshine and lolly pops. Keeps huffing and puffing near me clearly waiting me to ask if he’s ok and smooth everything over. God forbid he do that or try to be the instigator of calm.

@PasteyLacey - sorry to hear you’re having a tough time. Sounds like a lot to manage.

Clearly you need to figure a way longer term to improve the situation, but as someone previously said, you need a break from family life. A weekend on your own (or with friends/extended family) if you can manage it? I think perhaps even explaining that you feel undervalued and taken for granted before you go, and see what you come back to.
I really hope you can manage this. I find family life and sibling squabbles relentless too, and have only recently managed to have a little respite from it. I cant recommend it highly enough. And don't feel bad, you're absolutely not alone with daydreams of small flats which are clean, tidy and quiet and your belongings stay where you put them 🤔🤫

Family like can be an enormous burden for mothers. Martyrdom culturally built in so you have to fight to survive it.

I know how you feel OP. But both me and DH feel like that, at least I have his support. It's relentless with young kids. I've got dds age 8,6,3 it's so hard. I have drawn up a chores list for the older 2 now. Will start pocket money and a behaviour chart til xmas. They are old enough now to tidy rooms, put away clothes, set the table, make sure uniform is in order etc. We can't keep doing everything, I'll be in an early grave. Maybe try put some manners on them going forward with check lists. It may take a while but it takes time to change behaviour. Then if they set the table and you continue to say thank you then maybe it will drill into them to say it too.

I too dream of a quiet tidy home, without 10 laundry baskets lying around and dirty dishes in every room. Good luck op

You know those people who just walk away from their current life. Get founds years later and weren’t harmed just walked away from everyone and everything. They make sense now. I can totally get how great that must feel to walk away (though I’m sure in the long run there is regret and issues).

You’re not alone OP. I struggle with the rage but try and keep it in.

It's so tiring being the peacekeeper isn't it?

Your DH sounds emotionally immature and manipulative, with his reaction to you not being all rainbows and sunshine, smoothing it over.

Would he agree to weekends where it's one to one ratio of adult child?

Also, having a rota, once a month or so, where there's scheduled 'me time' for each of you?

I feel for you op! It sounds so bloody stressful.

I feel like we were all led to believe that a few children and a husband would make us happy. But there are so many idiot men out there.

I live with just my young child, I own my own tiny cottage, a little dog and work part time in a well paying job. I have an amicable relationship with my ex.

I never envisioned this as my future, but I'm so bloody happy it has worked out this way! I always wanted 2-3 kids, the big house, the busy family. But christ, can't think of anything worse now.

Basically, I would consider leaving your DH. Having your own space, and peace is heavenly!!!! I feel like your DH emotions weigh heavily on your shoulders and you would feel a lot lighter without them!

I realise this isn’t the point of your post, OP, but while you’re no longer playing the role of the happy person who cheers everyone along (well done you for refusing to do it any more!) maybe you could also get your drink, cutlery etc and leave everyone else to get their own? Petty, I know, but maybe someone will remember to thank you for the things you do in future…

Count me in too 😫

Its not a long term solution but I had some noise cancelling headphones for Christmas last year and it's bloody brilliant not being able to hear the people in my house constantly asking for help. I can tune it all out.

@reallyworriedjobhunter i need to use my headphone to block some of it out. Noise is a big stressor for me.

Thought DH was just about to ask me what was wrong or show some kind of fucking emotional connection or caring, but no he said “shall I go down on you”.

I shit you not. I held my hand on my head laughed and asked if he was having a fucking laugh and what about the moment made him think that’s what I would want. We’ve barely spoke all day. What a cunt.

Ok I’m putting on my head phone and trying to sleep now. I need to try and rest for work and I want to block out being anywhere near him.

I'd also recommend something like Loop ear plugs then.

I often put my headphones on and listen to radio while getting house work done. It's bliss as I can't hear the shouting and eventually they work things out for themselves.

On the kind offer of oral I'd say something like 'That is a lovely offer but could you fold and put away this load of laundry. Thank you!'

I remember this bullshit all too well. It was actually a relief to go to work on Monday get away from them all!. Thankfully they gave their own places now.

Oh i so remember those days. Children fighting, childlike Husband, working full time whilst running a house and basically doing it all. I tried everything until one day i had enough. I sat at the table and spoke very quietly and very forceably which i think scared the living daylights out of all of them. I told them i had had enough and if they didn't buck their ideas up i was leaving ( i meant it) Sometimes you just have to say no more. Tell your husband to grow up and be a father or to go. And don't stand for any nonsense from the children.

Did I write this?

I fantasise being alone all the time .
I think alot of mums who don’t get a break from it feel the same way.
I think it’s a great idea re the weekend.

re the dc always fighting- what helped me was punishing them both regardless of fault - so I said if they couldn’t quickly settle the argument then they would be both punished . I’ve done this for years and it has worked a treat.

sendinf hugs, you are not alone

You need to split with dh, this sounds hellish.

One of my best friends always said that her and her husband would divorce, but neither one of them wanted the kids , so they stayed together until the youngest went to uni.

Honestly, sometimes people feel sorry for me as a single mum but it’s threads like these that make me so grateful. It’s just me and dd at home, her dad has never been around to cause any upset and we just chill, do nice things, walk the dog, watch movies and eat yummy food. Sounds like you need to lose the husband tbh for a quiet life!

I feel the same OP. Living with a Black Cloud. I'm relaxed and happy when I'm at work though. Good luck with the job opportunity.