Little rituals you do for yourself that have big rewards

[Cazzovuoi]

i have Complex-PTSD after a horrific childhood thanks to my narc mother. It’s taken me a long time to learn how to take care of myself. I’m not looking for sympathy, just giving some context.

Part of my recovery has been to create self care habits for myself that include washing my teeth every night and putting on lip balm etc.

I’d love to know what little rituals you do for yourself. Like moisturising your whole body after a shower or putting on face cream and settling in bed with a book.

I’m looking for inspiration, for little things because Google gives insipid shite like get a manicure or light a scented candle (I loathe scented candles). I need inspiration from real women!

I've read all of the replies and thank you to everyone who shared. Here is what I do to help with recovery:

Journal every morning even for 5 minutes
Have a glass of sparkling water first thing
Cold water swimming in the local lake twice a week for nervous system recalibration
Gentle walking in nature
Crochet
Reading
Hot baths with a book and soft lighting
Spend time with my cats

I think I have actually come a long way but I know I have more work to do and that's ok. I am not in any hurry.

I always thought warm water was best for recalibration of the central nervous system op. I needed to have mine ‘reset’ at the pain clinic ( long story, I had CPRS ) and they only ever use very warm water. They said the cold water shocks and sends pain signals to the CNS putting it back on high alert. So only soft, comforting and gentle use of water, fabrics, scent ( lavender) touch and body decompression works.

Cold water is good for mental health but not necessarily cPTSD as the idea is to bring down the high response/alert level.

If you can afford a holiday to a place with a very warm water sea that is very peaceful- floating and bathing works really well with the natural sea salts.

@LessonsInPhysics I'm doing daily Duolingo too! 15 minutes only but it's paying off.

@Lastchancechica you'd think that, but no, cold water therapy strengthens the vagus nerve and pulls your body from your brain to focus on the real stress which is the cold water.

It overrides the flight/fight caused by thinking and teaches the body the difference between real and imagined danger. It really works, my fight/flight activation has reduced radically since I started.

Warm water therapy is amazing too but my broken nervous system needs a jump start!

Oh I forgot that in my list too - Duolingo

I am doing French. What language are you doing @LessonsInPhysics ?

I am doing Spanish (was doing another language before that) and I have now also signed up to Spanish lessons online (in a group), so the sky is definitely the limit.
I love Duolingo, the repetition gives you a natural easy break into a new language.

Oh I forgot one that really relaxes me and I enjoy. I feed the wild birds. We have a good selection that come in and I love topping up all the feeders then watching them. The best time is when I'm eating my breakfast. Its like a little 10 minutes of calm before I leave for work and the stress starts. I've been doing this for a year now and I've introduced it to my elderly housebound dm and she also gets alot of pleasure from it

I have a beauty day once every few weeks, I dye my eyebrows and eyelashes, exfoliate and then ultra moisturising face mask, de fuzz legs, manicure nails.
I begrudge paying for these things when I can do it at home for a fraction of the cost.
Daily cleansing with elemis balm always feels like a treat

I’m going to look at duolingo, I am loving these new ideas, I always, always do skincare each night, face wash, hot flannel, then a serum or oil and a cream, I always get up earlier than everyone else to have some quiet time in the house with a coffee, I love to feed the birds and get so much joy from my dogs x

That sounds lovely. I too feed the birds and really find solace in it. Have several birdbaths, too.

I hope everyone is still managing little treats as we go into the weekend

Gosh your post resonated with me - I hate scented candles too - not sure why but may be to do with the types who like them. I like candles - but not scented candles. I use a lot of unscented bio oil because I have had 4 new right knees in the last 1.5 years because the first one became infected and the infection was not properly treated. And I need to treat the scar tissue with oil and massage. My motto is keep buggering on.....

That’s really interesting. I have read that it reduces inflammation of the brain which is a cause of depression.

What a great thread. I've been looking for ideas of what are "treats" or nice things to do, which don't involve food - as it's all too easy to make food the treat. Definitely plan to steal some ideas from PPs.

Recently when recovering from a virus, the most self-care / comforting thing I could think of was lying on the sofa, blanket over me, watching an old box set of films which I have seen before.

I’m so happy to see this thread continuing without me. Thanks for contributing everyone, I’m off to read what I missed!

@Callinson I actually researched it and apparently the “fake” scents overwhelm your sensory system and can trigger the sympathetic nervous response. It definitely overwhelms me.

That and perfume, there are very few I can tolerate and when someone with strong perfume is near me I need to move away.

I can’t walk through the perfume sections of Boots or department stores for example.

Interesting reading about scent aversion.
I have had 2 full years of medical hell, on the back of 10 years of medical ughhhhness.

I can't abide bad smells, I seem to find them everywhere (possibly where they aren't really there)

I have been using a lot of essential oils to scent products like a PP putting it in E45, mixing my own body oils, using a diffuser. If I can smell a great scent I feel more uplifted.

I also like warm comforting clothes, but I still like to look like I've made an effort. So I wear a lot of silk, cashmere and even silk thermals under normal clothes. I can't bear to be cold.

Will be using the idea of the Epsom salt baths and trying the yoga. I used to be really into practice but I'm so out of shape I have no core strength but I need to attempt to get it back instead of complaining about it.

This is a lovely Sunday thread.

@70sDuvet natural scents are much better.

My shower gels and shampoos are all a mix of cotton/talc scented. Really gentle and not overpowering at all.

I work FT and am a lone parent
recently I’ve been
-making myself run or exercise daily
-ensuring proper skin care of an evening (cleansing balm , facial oils )
-trying to keep kitchen clean for the next day this is HUGE as I can be messy and lazy !

@Thisisworsethananticpated you're not messy and lazy - you're probably tired and overwhelmed. I find thinking about the language I used about myself is really helpful xxxxx

I highly recommend a weighted blanket. My place of comfort is my bed. I love getting into my pjs and snuggling into bed with tea in the morning or hot chocolate before bed.

It’s taken me months to settle on the right perfume after numerous trips to various stores. I found the most unusual and beautiful fragrance. It was expensive, but worth it. I put that on every day.

Hot yoga has been a saviour. The heat is punishing but there is a great sense of achievement.

Morning coffee and croissant in the conservatory when the morning sun is streaming in, its so sunny, I have to wear sunglasses. My favourite part of the day.

I got one of those sauna bag things (heated sleeping bag basically) and try to get in it most evenings for 10-30 mins. I feel like it's good for my body, I feel better for it in a way I can't put my finger on, but I prefer it to normal saunas because I can listen to a book and my face isn't hot (which is a bugger for contact lenses/glasses)

I also listen to self-hypnosis tapes which switch me off for 30 mins when I'm feeling like I need a break

And I do a thing at traffic lights where I look as far left and right as I can without moving my head, which is supposed to be good for vagus nerve something or other. No idea if it does anything, but I figured it was worth a try.

This is such a good thread, a real validation of the right to look after ourselves.
I've found more and more that the language I use to myself makes a huge difference - as a PP says, on the days that everything feels too much, I am overwhelmed and tired, not messy and lazy.
Last weekend I allowed myself to read all weekend, bar making meals and a bit of cleaning. I loved the two books that I got through and I made way for the next one in the pile.
This morning has been tricky, I've had a horrible flashback to childhood feelings of being 'wrong' all the time and the floodgates opened.
So, first I had a bath instead of my usual shower. I used the most amazing bath oil, Olverum, which is naturally scented and is herbal, just amazing.
I am wearing something really comfortable, with fluffy slippers to warm my feet up.
Although I'm WFH, I've put on some lovely foundation, and red lipstick. And the most comforting of all is perfume, for me it's Coco Chanel.
I'm trying to be kind to little me, being the parent, and it mostly works.
The next bit will be to make soup and reread this thread.

@cupidsabsolutepsyche well done for recognising the emotional flashback.

I’m getting better at recognising them myself and not being to hard on myself if it takes a little longer to realise.