Little rituals you do for yourself that have big rewards

[Cazzovuoi]

i have Complex-PTSD after a horrific childhood thanks to my narc mother. It’s taken me a long time to learn how to take care of myself. I’m not looking for sympathy, just giving some context.

Part of my recovery has been to create self care habits for myself that include washing my teeth every night and putting on lip balm etc.

I’d love to know what little rituals you do for yourself. Like moisturising your whole body after a shower or putting on face cream and settling in bed with a book.

I’m looking for inspiration, for little things because Google gives insipid shite like get a manicure or light a scented candle (I loathe scented candles). I need inspiration from real women!

A joint on the loo.

Thank you all for your replies and lovely messages. I am doing good, thank you!

This whole thread is like a big warm hug. I am so happy we are all looking after ourselves.

Especially my fellow CPTSDers ❤️

What are some of the things that you already do or are now inspired to give a go Op?

I get up early, sit in my little corner of my sunroom snuggled up with a cup of coffee and a book or my phone. I have orchids on the table there and I look out into my tiny garden and gradually get to terms with the day. It has been life changing.

One of the things that initially felt 'insipid' to me but actually made a big difference was keeping a 'Ta-Da!' list at the end of each day.

Instead of a To-Do list, where you write down everything you have to do, I write down the things I've done that day that I'm proud of myself for.

They could be tasks achieved, or maybe a way I approached a problem, or something I said to someone that I hope brightened their day, or a healthy choice for lunch, or even a little self-care ritual like the ones above.

Gratitude lists and affirmations in the mirror are a bit beyond my 'ick' line, but this I've managed to get behind – and I notice that knowing I'm going to write it actually helps me do more things during the day that I can be proud of myself for.

Head to toe 20min shower 1x-2x week (i shower more obviously but not 20 min 😁)
Wash hair, put on hair mask, shave, scrub whole body, sing, wash off mask, wash face. Then baby oil all over, nails, face massage, netflix.
It's like washing off all stress from previous days etc.

And every evening face massage when I finsih everything for a day.

I have CPTSD and ADHD. I really struggled with regulating my house cleaning and chores. I found that putting an audio book on my phone makes me feel doubly productive and I also feel it's ridiculously indulgent. So I only listen it it when my hands are busy, so cleaning, cooking and driving. I find I'm so excited to see what happens next that all my jobs are done and that gives me huge satisfaction.

I also do a hobby that's in the next town. Motivation is at an all time low and it's 30 minutes drive and can I even be arsed? But buying myself a star bucks or a Maccies on the way home mates me feel happy while the endorphins from the hobby make me feel accomplished AF.

As soon as the Christmas movie channel starts I watch 2 movies a week, curled up on the sofa. The rest of the year I watch and rewatch various versions of pride and prejudice. It feels like a warm hug.

Little things but they really help.

Go for it ! It really does set me up for the week.

Be carful you dont fall asleep and wake up with a stiff neck , I don't do that, nope not me , not ever . . . .

@OriginalFloorboards

I shower every day with horses and it’s always practical so the winter baths feel decadent.

Please tell me I am not the only one seeing @OriginalFloorboards actually having a shower with his/her horse's 😂😂

Nope. Not just you. Had to read it twice!

I very rarely go to bed without cleansing and moisturising my face and a good clean of my teeth. Sounds very basic but waking up with smooth, clean skin and non-furry teeth is a positive way to start the day.
I've also discovered ASMR recently and listen to it a lot; give it a try. Moonlight Cottage is delightful.

Love these :) mine:

• Hot bath with Aldi’s dupe of the Champneys bath foam
• Hot chocolate using my Velvetiser
• A weekly swim
• As much time spent walking outside as I can possibly fit in my week

Great question!

I have a glass of sparkling water every morning first thing. That’s a new habit that’s lasted over a year. I’m very proud of that. I journal whilst having a cup of tea before everyone else is up.

I stopped using social media as a coping/disassociative tool and instead self sooth with music, cats and books.

I still struggle with doing things for myself like using moisturiser every day and being consistent with exercise.

Baby steps ☺️

Going for a run, making sure I get to the gym and have me time especially when I have a 20 month old

My last exercise session each week is “prizes for turning up day”, so if I want to take it easy, that’s fine- it’s my reward for completing another week.

Someone has already mentioned “Nothing much happens”. I’ve just discovered this, thanks to a MN recommendation, and it’s a lovely way to end the day. In the preamble each time she says there’s nothing else to do today, and I’ll be here now to watch over you while you sleep”. It’s such a comforting message, I’m totally hooked. And I’ve only made it to the end of one story.

Things I do -
always wash off make-up at the end of the day (or whenever I'm staying in for the evening)
Moisturise my face afterwards
Shower every morning, even if I'm not going anywhere.
Moisturise all over, after showering
Have clean bedding on once or twice every week.
Leave the house tidy every night before bed - washing-up done, things put away.
I have a bar of chocolate once a week, and really enjoy it.

What a lovely positive thread!

I have self care Sunday each sunday evening after the DC have gone to bed when I something just for me. Usually it's a bath with a g and t and read a book on my kindle. Or just watch something soothing on TV for an hour. Or do cross stitch with that netflix fire thing in the background

I need to stop the using TV or social media to disassociate when I'm tired and/or overwhelmed. It's really unhelpful and actively pushes my partner and children away, when their love is actually one of the most positive things in my life.

I like the idea of using the cat to help when I'm like this. I need more books that don't strain my brain too hard and to find some more good music. I really like relaxed African beats type stuff for a very gentle mood uplift. Anyone got any other recommendations for artists or genres?

Me and dd do affirmations in the mirror each morning. Makes a huge to her self confidence.

Me and ds have pedicures in the house.

This thread has made me realize I do actually do quite a lot of this sort of thing!
Cafetiere of nice coffee on weekend mornings, in bed or garden, chat to dh and do crossword etc.
Ten minutes in the garden on WFH days with a coffee to empty mind/notice nature
Early nights with sleep meditation as in investment in tomorrow not a waste of tonight
Body scrub, foot scrub, epilate, nails etc - mini spa session basically every couple of weeks
Always getting into lounge wear early, good facial cleanse routine so that at bed time I don't feel tempted to skip anything
When on period, give myself a break from things I don't want to do- basically be really kind to myself like you would to a friend who is struggling a bit
Podcasts and audiobooks always on when doing chores, it makes it much more enjoyable and can frame it as a positive time to be entertained or learn something new

@Cazzovuoi what an inspiration you are. After all you’ve been through, you’re looking towards the positive and reaching out to connect with other women (not easy when you’ve had a narc mum), for advice and guidance. You should be incredibly proud of your strength and resilience.

For me, as a PP said, those shower scrubby gloves are great. A good vigorous scrub down, followed by Aveeno moisturiser top to bottom and some clean jammies. Then into bed with something light and uplifting on TV.

I also treat myself to a new mug every now and again and I enjoy a big cup of tea and a whole pack 😆 of Choccy Fingers dipped in. Delicious!

Lots of luck to you for your recovery!

@CatMattress what about some cosy murder mysteries/cosy crime?

I'd take a recommendation if you have any? I am a bit of a book snob - I am picky about the writing so it needs to be written well, even if the storyline itself is slightly absurd. I'm a dreadful addict of those Montana romances - The cowboy finds a bride, The Rancher and his mail order bride. Crap like that, but quite a lot of it is not badly written and involves some level of mild threat/crime. It's my Kindle dirty secret!
Used to love Agatha Christie, Georgette Heyer and been revisiting Terry Pratchett lately, but I burn through them too fast!