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Nursery’s comments about 3 year old’s lunchbox

489 replies

Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 09:38

DS is 3 and he recently started at a new nursery. DH and I work FT so he attends 4 full days a week 8-6. He previously attended a different nursery who were great in ways but utterly useless in others so we decided to find a new one to cover this academic year.

The issue we have with this nursery is their attitude to food and fussy eating. DS has always been a fussy eater, even as a small infant when he first started weaning. I have no idea why, older DS is not fussy at all and will eat just about anything without complaint. We didn’t do anything differently when we weaned him, we still offer him all the same foods we eat on a daily basis but he often just won’t touch them. He won’t eat pieces of fruit at all, he actually never has. We followed BLW with both DC but DS2 just rejected any form of fruit or veg unless the veg was disguised within a meal. He’s still the same now, he will only eat vegetables if they’re very well disguised within a meal such as chilli, curry, pasta bake etc.

With regards to fruit intake, the only way we can get him to consume any fruit of any sort is within snacks such as innocent smoothie cartons, bear yo-yos and Nakd bars. I appreciate none of this is ideal, I obviously wish he’d just eat a bowl of berries or whatever like DC1 does but this is all we can get him to accept fruit wise.

The nursery offers one set meal a day with no other selection. Initially we thought we’d try DS with their hot meals and see if maybe it broadened his horizons, perhaps he’d try something new when he saw all of the other children there eating it. What actually happened was he went the full day between breakfast at 7am and dinner when he got home just after 6pm without eating anything at all. The nursery didn’t attempt to offer him anything outside of their set meal such as plain toast like his previous nursery would have, they just essentially let him starve.

Suffice to say, we switched him over to a lunchbox after this. The issue is, the nursery staff keep commenting on the contents within his lunchbox. When DH drops him off, they actually open the lunchbox and will remove certain items and pass them to DH saying DS can’t eat them. Examples are as I mentioned previously- innocent smoothie cartons, bear yo-yos and oat bars. These items are on a very small list of lunchbox style items DS will actually willingly eat. They have said they don’t mind if he brings more packets of crisps and extra sandwiches but they don’t want him to bring ‘high sugar’ foods. The weird thing is, they offer the children dessert with their meal every single day and it’s things such as profiteroles or cake and custard so to offer that but have an issue with something like an oat bar seems bonkers to me! He also often returns home with items like that uneaten and I know he would eat them so I’m gathering they’re intentionally not opening them for him.

I ended up sending a long ranting email yesterday because I was pretty furious that they keep restricting his already quite restrictive diet. When he’s there for 10 hours and there’s an 11 hour gap between the meals he has at home, we need to make sure he’s eating adequately and isn’t going hungry. I’ve already enquired at different nurseries, however I do know FT slots in the area we live in are rare so the chances of us sourcing alternative childcare are slim. I’m just looking for advice really, what’s the best course of action here? Also, if anyone has any tips regarding fussy eating, I’d fully appreciate those!

OP posts:
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TheShellBeach · 05/10/2023 14:02

I have a child like this - my four children are adults now, but one of them was just like this - worse, actually.

He eventually got a diagnosis of ARFID and nowadays survives on Huel (his choice) and sometimes a vegan burger and chips.

ARFID is often seen in people with ASD. DS was diagnosed with autism last year. His brother and one sister are also autistic and so am I, but out of all of us, only DS has issues with food textures.

At school his lunchbox never varied - peanut butter sandwich, two petits filou, a bag of crisps and a packet of raisins.
Oh, and a carton of Ribena.

I'm going back a few years, when such things were permitted.

OP, it might be worth your investigating ARFID.

Isitautumnyet23 · 05/10/2023 14:03

Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 13:58

It’s independent and private.

The previous nursery was good in some ways such as being understanding with DS’s diet and the staff were all really lovely people. The issue we had was, the management I’m guessing took on the maximum children legally allowed in the second term and it was only a small setting so it always felt extremely overcrowded.

They had taken on a number of children with SEN which is obviously not an issue but the staff just seemed unable to cope with them and on a number of occasions, my DS was attacked by two of the SEN children. By attacked I mean, he was napping and one jumped on him and punched him so hard it left a bruise plus he clawed his face open until he drew blood. They also had poor organisational skills so would often misplace DS’s items which were intentionally, shall we say, more obscure in the hope they’d know that was DS’s and wouldn’t give it to another child. He was also pushed to the ground by a child with SEN because he tried to play alongside him and this child didn’t like people entering his space which DS, only being 2 at the time didn’t understand.

So yeah, we haven’t had a great experience really with nurseries. I was hopeful this one would be far better after reading positive reviews online and having a visit before we signed him up. Interestingly, during the visit I did mention his fussy eater and the manager said they understand and are totally accommodating…

Both of mine went to a Pre-School linked to their school and never experienced anything negative at all. They both absolutely loved it and no ridiculous rules. Could you look into a local pre-school that has a very good reputation and then use a child minder to pick him up? Or one that offers an early/later club?

Crochetablanket · 05/10/2023 14:05

You have my sympathy OP. I have been here and I know how stressful this is.
My DS was the same and we often say he is alive today because of beans, cereals, Petit filous and bananas!

You have tried the ‘ nursery’ meals which I too thought it would solve the issue and most definitely didn’t.
The bento box sounds great and also the flask option ( because he will actually eat quite a lot of things and a variety which is great!)
As someone else says this issue isn’t the lunchbox it’s their refusal as a nursery to meet your sons needs - and they ought to be making sure they can accommodate this - so accommodating the options like this should be possible.

I am certain he won’t be the only one who is ‘fussy ‘ either it’s not unusual for toddlers so what is their policy on this ? How do they offer food for vegetarians or vegans or those with allergies - they cannot have only one thing for kids to eat? And even if they do - how long to make a simple sandwich or toast with beans?

On an emotional level I cannot imagine ( as a mum or a nursery worker ) that I’d be able to stand by and see a child basically not eating anything all day - it’s awful.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

GwendolenAbott · 05/10/2023 14:09

When fruit is processed, like in fruit snacks such as Yo-Yo, the sugar content becomes more concentrated because water is removed. This can lead to quicker digestion and a greater impact on blood sugar levels compared to whole fruits, which contain fiber to slow sugar absorption. Whole fruits are generally a healthier choice due to their natural sugars being accompanied by fiber and essential nutrients. A Yo-Yo fruit snack and a sweet have more in common when it comes to sugar content and processing than a whole piece of fruit.

Threeboysadogandacat · 05/10/2023 14:12

My older two were fussy eaters. Ds2 has issues with textures. He’s 26 now and still can’t eat broccoli or cauliflower, even in a cheese sauce. Both he and ds3 have autism but we didn’t know that when they were at nursery. Ds3 is the least fussy child I know. He’s really adventurous and will try anything.

Your ds actually sounds as if he has a healthy, varied diet and, with a bit of thought, hopefully you can come up with a lunchbox and snacks that he will enjoy. I would definitely speak to the manager and see what can be arranged for him. He shouldn’t be going hungry all day.

Seaweed42 · 05/10/2023 14:16

So why can't he have a cheese sandwich every day?
And crisps. Does he need two meals in there.

My son is a fussy eater. Less so now he's 20! But you are wasting your time trying to make a taste/texture sensitive person eat stuff they hate.

My son had the SAME ham sandwich at school for about 15 years.
Though, wait I lie. He'd sometimes have the ham in a small white pitta bread instead.

He could have a nutella sandwich for his other break?

Just give the kid stuff he'll eat, it doesn't have to be treats and cookies and bars.

Graciebobcat · 05/10/2023 14:16

Tell them to keep their beaks out of his lunch or you will withdraw him to a more suitable place where he is not starving all day long. Who do they think they are? It's not like you are sending him in with a cold Happy Meal!

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 05/10/2023 14:20

For the sweet type things have you tried batch making cakes with fruit in them like apple or date cake etc? And low sugar but fruit flapjacks? There’s a recipe somewhere for bun cakes with a tangerine/satsuma in the bottom (you pour the mixture on top).

Lots of savoury ideas too like celery and cheese loaf, savoury muffins, just tweak ingredients with what he likes. You could try things like pumpernickel (black bread) with cream (Philadelphia) or cottage cheese, stuffed olives, sun dried tomatoes in a jar etc. Try at home first to see if he likes them. At my slimming class one woman loves artichoke hearts (in a jar) after never having tried them before all her life.

aloris · 05/10/2023 14:20

Avoidance of fruit can occasionally signal a medical condition. It's not very likely as it sounds like he likes other sweet foods (does he like ice cream?) but you may want to just keep it in mind. If he won't eat fresh fruit or veg, he really needs a vitamin C supplement daily. If you have questions you can PM me.

Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 14:21

Seaweed42 · 05/10/2023 14:16

So why can't he have a cheese sandwich every day?
And crisps. Does he need two meals in there.

My son is a fussy eater. Less so now he's 20! But you are wasting your time trying to make a taste/texture sensitive person eat stuff they hate.

My son had the SAME ham sandwich at school for about 15 years.
Though, wait I lie. He'd sometimes have the ham in a small white pitta bread instead.

He could have a nutella sandwich for his other break?

Just give the kid stuff he'll eat, it doesn't have to be treats and cookies and bars.

He pretty much does have a cheese sandwich every day but just a sandwich and packet of crisps isn’t sufficient food to sustain anyone for 11 hours, especially when he’s active all day. Nutella isn’t allowed in any setting anymore due to nut allergies, DS doesn’t like it anyway.

I have taken all comments on board and have had some very useful tips. I’ve bought a flask and a bento box online so will be trying that out to see if it works.

I’m not sure how the staff could see him go hungry that day either, I couldn’t do that to a child personally.

OP posts:
Fink · 05/10/2023 14:23

Over what time period is he being offered the stuff from the lunchbox? I get that you don't want him to go hungry, but if the lunchbox items are only offered at lunchtime (and the nursery-provided snacks, which he doesn't eat, at official snack times) then 3-4 high sugar items is way too much. Remember he only has a stomach the size of his fist! He won't be able to eat a proper meal if there's 3-4 sugary things he really likes also on offer, he just won't have space for it.

If the items you're packing are also offered at different times, that changes the picture somewhat. But it's not clear from what you've posted that they are.

If he's only being offered this stuff at one meal, then one meal's worth of proper food that he will eat is sufficient, no need for all the snacks. You then can have a conversation with the nursery about what is provided at snack time, and whether he can bring his own snacks in.

In the meantime, you've had plenty of really good advice about varying the selection of main course foods that he might try. We have two nursery children in the house at the moment, they bring in a portion of last night's dinner in a tupperware. If they didn't like/didn't eat last night's dinner then we dig some other leftovers out.

Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 14:23

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 05/10/2023 14:20

For the sweet type things have you tried batch making cakes with fruit in them like apple or date cake etc? And low sugar but fruit flapjacks? There’s a recipe somewhere for bun cakes with a tangerine/satsuma in the bottom (you pour the mixture on top).

Lots of savoury ideas too like celery and cheese loaf, savoury muffins, just tweak ingredients with what he likes. You could try things like pumpernickel (black bread) with cream (Philadelphia) or cottage cheese, stuffed olives, sun dried tomatoes in a jar etc. Try at home first to see if he likes them. At my slimming class one woman loves artichoke hearts (in a jar) after never having tried them before all her life.

He doesn’t like cottage or cream cheese. The only sandwich fillers he will eat are cheese and pickle and cheese and onion sandwich filler. He will eat olives if they’re chopped very finely and added to a meal with sauce such as pesto pasta but he’d never willingly pick up an olive or have an olive in a cheese sandwich. Basically, if he realises the healthy stuff is in there he just rejects it and won’t eat anymore. He even goes as far as refusing to accept a fresh dish without the additional veg because he feels deceived in some way iykwim.

I will give fruit muffins a go though for sure and hope he doesn’t realise it actually contains any fruit.

OP posts:
GonnaGetGoingReturns · 05/10/2023 14:24

Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 14:21

He pretty much does have a cheese sandwich every day but just a sandwich and packet of crisps isn’t sufficient food to sustain anyone for 11 hours, especially when he’s active all day. Nutella isn’t allowed in any setting anymore due to nut allergies, DS doesn’t like it anyway.

I have taken all comments on board and have had some very useful tips. I’ve bought a flask and a bento box online so will be trying that out to see if it works.

I’m not sure how the staff could see him go hungry that day either, I couldn’t do that to a child personally.

Can you vary the crisps and have lentil crisps, Ryvita sun bites or pop chips?

Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 14:26

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 05/10/2023 14:24

Can you vary the crisps and have lentil crisps, Ryvita sun bites or pop chips?

Have tried. I love pop chips so always have some of those in the house but he doesn’t like them whatsoever. Also tried the organix baby/toddler crisps as a PP suggested, he enjoyed them as an infant but since he was probably around 18 months old has totally
rejected them.

The only crisps he will eat are Pom bears or ready salted/cheese and onion plain crisps such as walkers.

OP posts:
Ireallydontwantto · 05/10/2023 14:27

yeah that’s ridiculous if they give pudding after a hot lunch then surely you can have a pudding with your packed lunch??
what about the fruity bakes ect the kids snacks that are sweetened with fruit juice? I use them … there not cheap though.
I wouldn’t worry masses about the fruit situation if he’ll have smoothies at home? Fruit is so high in sugar now as it’s genetically modified to be so, fruit should be full of seeds and fibre not juice and sugar. (Look up what fruits used to look like) My ds was a bit hit and miss with fruit, loves it now.

These we’re handy for me when my ds started turning his nose up at veggies

(Google I’m sure you’ll find recipes)
spinach pancakes
sweet potato pancakes
banana and egg (only) pancakes
we have them with eggs/yogurt/nuts seeds that sort of thing
my ds prefers veggies raw
He got more interested when I had him up at the worktop with me he started helping himself.
good luck!

Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 14:27

aloris · 05/10/2023 14:20

Avoidance of fruit can occasionally signal a medical condition. It's not very likely as it sounds like he likes other sweet foods (does he like ice cream?) but you may want to just keep it in mind. If he won't eat fresh fruit or veg, he really needs a vitamin C supplement daily. If you have questions you can PM me.

He loves sweet foods including ice cream, yes so unsure what that medical condition is but if it’s an avoidance of sweet things- DS doesn’t have it! Almost wish he did, might stop him eating so many bear yo-yos which are obviously the devil!

OP posts:
Seaweed42 · 05/10/2023 14:30

My advice is don't deceive him. You'll only make him suspicious of homemade stuff.

A lot of people with food aversions end up only liking 'branded' things or McDonalds fries only, etc because they can rely on the fact that they taste EXACTLY the same all the time.

Those people aren't doing that by choice, they are doing what feels 'safe' to them.

Give him a vitamin tablet if you are worried about the no fruit thing.

If he eats things like bolognese with tomato sauce and the smoothies at home then he's getting enough fruit.

Dixiechickonhols · 05/10/2023 14:32

It definitely sounds like sensory issues or arfid. Mine is 17 and hasn’t grown out of it. I cook from scratch, she was weaned on homemade annabel karmel meals. Yet she is very rigid.
Mine will simply not eat v eat something unacceptable. To point of once fainting and making a hole in wall with her head.
I’d want a meeting with nursery to agree a plan to accommodate his needs.

Mumguilt23 · 05/10/2023 14:36

Could you send in pasta etc? We have one of the chilly bottle food pots and love it!!! Basically heat up your food ie pasta or soup, then boil the kettle, pour it in the pot and leave for a little while. Empty water and add food! Should stay warm until lunchtime. We love ours! ❤️ xxx

Wrongsideofpennines · 05/10/2023 14:36

Would he drink a homemade smoothie if he made it? Getting children involved in the kitchen and exposed to different textures, smells, etc is supposed to be helpful in them trying new foods. You could use the ingredient list on the side of one of the shop bought smoothies and he might enjoy the challenge of replicating it. Freshly made smoothies are supposed to be healthier before the sugars breakdown or something too.

Also making your own pasta sauce is good for getting veg into kids. Basically roast cherry tomatoes, peppers, courgettes, carrot, garlic and then blend it all. Use it for pizza topping too or putting in pastry pinwheels. If he likes egg too would he eat baked egg muffins with finely chopped veg? Or breaded vegetable burgers with you saying he would eat chicken nuggets?

Dixiechickonhols · 05/10/2023 14:37

If he will eat egg cold you could try egg muffins or Crustless quiche.
If he’ll do cold toast then hot beans in food flask and cold toast.

Dixiechickonhols · 05/10/2023 14:41

Those chillys pots are good.
If he eats all those dinners I’d just make extra so 6 not 4 portions and send him with a portion in food flask. Freeze portions so you always have an acceptable meal.

Seaweed42 · 05/10/2023 14:42

Take the oat bar out of the wrapper, break it up into chunks and put it in a little tub. For all the staff know it could be a homemade granola bar.

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