Nursery’s comments about 3 year old’s lunchbox

[Fussyeating]

DS is 3 and he recently started at a new nursery. DH and I work FT so he attends 4 full days a week 8-6. He previously attended a different nursery who were great in ways but utterly useless in others so we decided to find a new one to cover this academic year.

The issue we have with this nursery is their attitude to food and fussy eating. DS has always been a fussy eater, even as a small infant when he first started weaning. I have no idea why, older DS is not fussy at all and will eat just about anything without complaint. We didn’t do anything differently when we weaned him, we still offer him all the same foods we eat on a daily basis but he often just won’t touch them. He won’t eat pieces of fruit at all, he actually never has. We followed BLW with both DC but DS2 just rejected any form of fruit or veg unless the veg was disguised within a meal. He’s still the same now, he will only eat vegetables if they’re very well disguised within a meal such as chilli, curry, pasta bake etc.

With regards to fruit intake, the only way we can get him to consume any fruit of any sort is within snacks such as innocent smoothie cartons, bear yo-yos and Nakd bars. I appreciate none of this is ideal, I obviously wish he’d just eat a bowl of berries or whatever like DC1 does but this is all we can get him to accept fruit wise.

The nursery offers one set meal a day with no other selection. Initially we thought we’d try DS with their hot meals and see if maybe it broadened his horizons, perhaps he’d try something new when he saw all of the other children there eating it. What actually happened was he went the full day between breakfast at 7am and dinner when he got home just after 6pm without eating anything at all. The nursery didn’t attempt to offer him anything outside of their set meal such as plain toast like his previous nursery would have, they just essentially let him starve.

Suffice to say, we switched him over to a lunchbox after this. The issue is, the nursery staff keep commenting on the contents within his lunchbox. When DH drops him off, they actually open the lunchbox and will remove certain items and pass them to DH saying DS can’t eat them. Examples are as I mentioned previously- innocent smoothie cartons, bear yo-yos and oat bars. These items are on a very small list of lunchbox style items DS will actually willingly eat. They have said they don’t mind if he brings more packets of crisps and extra sandwiches but they don’t want him to bring ‘high sugar’ foods. The weird thing is, they offer the children dessert with their meal every single day and it’s things such as profiteroles or cake and custard so to offer that but have an issue with something like an oat bar seems bonkers to me! He also often returns home with items like that uneaten and I know he would eat them so I’m gathering they’re intentionally not opening them for him.

I ended up sending a long ranting email yesterday because I was pretty furious that they keep restricting his already quite restrictive diet. When he’s there for 10 hours and there’s an 11 hour gap between the meals he has at home, we need to make sure he’s eating adequately and isn’t going hungry. I’ve already enquired at different nurseries, however I do know FT slots in the area we live in are rare so the chances of us sourcing alternative childcare are slim. I’m just looking for advice really, what’s the best course of action here? Also, if anyone has any tips regarding fussy eating, I’d fully appreciate those!

Yo-yo’s have 42g sugar per 100g and Percy Pigs 59g so there’s not much in it. I’m not anti a yo-yo but you can’t pretend it’s fruit!

Not sure if anyone has cleared this up but Bear Yo-yos are high fibre real fruit rolls with no added sugar and actually count towards one of your 5 a day.
It’s quite a good alternative if your child won’t eat fruit and better than a bag of crisps.

Mine was fussy/had food issues particularly with texture and I did too - I suspect both of us are on the spectrum but generally we cope. What I did for lunches in school (not nursery she seemed OK with what they had for the most part) was a flask with beans or hoops, bread and butter or ham or cheese sandwiches, a few picky things so variety and only 2 or 3 of each, bread sticks, bits of cheese, raisins although she didn't like those much, fig rolls seemed to be acceptable snacks and not seen as sugary although they are, oak bakes/flapjack again still sugary but deemed acceptable. I also got away with cake baked in a square tin and cut into oblongs so long as it wasn't chocolate - I used to add choc chips, raspberries or blackberries etc. Honestly I wouldn't worry about putting too much fruity etc stuff in, as long as there is sufficient food and or calorie content then should be OK without milk/fruit/sugar you could always do a smoothie in the car before or after or fruit leather etc, although as others have said its super processed fruit which is basically sugars. Rice cakes were a hit as was plain popcorn too.

If its any consolation she later became a big fan of Masterchef and has gone to Uni with a herbs and spices collection to rival any chef and a handful of proper food recipes to make her own pasta, carbonara, the usual bolognaises and so on but also chinese dumplings and noodle soups. Give your child space to try different things, no one died from not having fruit in their diet - vegetables less so but they are more easily disguised. Mine still pretty much just eats broccoli at the moment and raw carrot. I do find the school food rules bizarre and especially as they have no issue with them having cakes and custard on school meals, or pizzas and burgers or chips etc

I think you could speak to your GP and get some advice. Regardless of the nursery, it sounds like you may need some help with his eating.

As pps said just give him the same lunch absolutely every day eg 2 sandwiches, crisps and a yogurt.
Also, ask the nursery to keep offering fruit snacks but if he doesn't want them then he doesn't need to take them.
He is literally still going through baby led weaning- the list of things you've tried is endless and he seems to be constantly rejecting them, yet there doesn't appear to be any pattern except for fruit and veg. He eats a variety of things he likes and doesn't just eat packets or crispy or beige food so I'm guessing it's not sensory. You and the nursery all need to relax and take the pressure off yourselves for a while, he won't let himself starve and in fact a cheese sandwich, crisps and a yogurt is perfectly enough if he has a decent evening meal.
Don't send any more pouches, yo yos, juice or bars in as they don't comply with the nursery guidance and the staff will just send them home.
Take the heat out of the situation- 3 and 4 year olds can easily engage you in power struggles and food is an easy battleground.
Go to your GP and ask for a paediatric dietician referral if you're worried.

Can you send in a hot meal in a warm flask?

Gosh, I remember this sort of thing being an issue when my son was little - did my head in when you're actually providing healthy items.

I think I'd use the following argument with them: An innocent smoothie is essentially a handful of blended fruit, and so could be treated as a food item not a drink. (You could also send some water so you are providing a drink). A yo-yo bar is a handful of mashed up dried fruit. Organix oat bars also do not have added sugar or sweetener, they are only sweetened with fruit.

All of these should all be acceptable items in a small child's lunchbox IMO and I'd be taking the ingredients lists in to the nursery to discuss with them.

Fussy eating can be a result of neuro-diversity - autism, ADHD etc. (sensitivity to textures/flavours) and so I'd point this out to them in terms of them needing to be open and inclusive to additional needs rather than trying to impose a one-size-fits-all policy.

Good luck!

Children do actually let themselves starve, and it isn’t just about a power struggle 🤦‍♀️.

@Audreysbaywindow the OPs child is not in this position at all and the only time she sent him for a nursery lunch he came home and ate ravenously.
I would be worried if he didn't eat at home but it's obviously not the case. Their entire existence is dominated by his food intake.

I haven’t read the whole thread… but if you have a blender / food processor and can bake them it’s easy to make sugar free muffins that are sweetened by banana or dates.

Grate/food process an apple, overripe banana, and a carrot blend with an egg. Mix with a cup of porridge oats and 1 of self raising flour and add a spoon of cinnamon. If the bananas and too ripe then blend in a date too (rehydrate with boiling water first if they’re dry). Cook in a muffin tin or tray and cut into pieces.

‘flapjack’ - mix oats with mushed banana and it cooks into bars or biscuits. You could blend in raisins or other fruit if you liked.

or there’s some good recipes online for date and Weetabix loaf which are very nutritionally dense and filling.

if you google ‘toddler recipe sweetened with banana’ there are lots of variations.

Sorry you are going through this. It sounds stressful.

I can’t recommend Solid Starts enough. They have a website and an instagram account. They are an American team of nutritionists, feeding specialists, etc. Their mission is to end picky eating and help children develop a good relationship with food.

The founder’s DD was a severe picky eater who only ate less than 10 foods in total.

They share lots of tips daily and they also have some more thorough guides with strategies that you have to pay for. I have learned a lot from them just by watching their stories on insta daily.

Also everything they publish is backed by peer reviewed evidence, you can see all the references in their articles

@AllHopeandRainbows
From Which?

Although the Yoyo is made entirely from fruit, it has been processed, blended and reconstituted into a shape so the sugar in it counts as free sugar.
A strawberry Yoyo contains 8g of free sugars per pack, or 42g of free sugars per 100g. An apple contains no free sugars and around 10g total sugar per 100g.
8g is 42% of the free sugars children aged four to six should eat in a day, or 25% of the free sugar maximum intake for children aged seven to 10.
Yoyo says that to make 100g of strawberry Yoyo it bakes 380g of apples, 205g of pears and 65g of strawberries, totalling 647g of fruit. This means 130g of fruit is concentrated into a 20g packet. While the Yoyo won't fill you up as much as 130g of fruit, it contains all the sugar that is in this much fruit

it also has the 1/3 fibre of an apple so defo not high

Well yeah but it’s rare and it definitely doesn’t apply to OP’s DS.

He just wouldn’t eat a nursery lunch or snacks so on the one day they tried he only had breakfast and dinner. Not ideal but hardly starving himself. And on packed lunches he’s ok to eat a cheese sandwich, crisps and a yoghurt - multiples of these are also ok, and it sounds like even the contentious yoyo might even be fine if it were just that and not x4 similar processed sugary snacks being sent. Plus he’s having eggs for breakfast and stuff like mushroom pasta for supper. Definitely not starving!! Not even close!

In what way is it dominated by his food intake?! She just asked for some opinions on if the nursery were being reasonable and what she could put in lunch boxes instead- it’s the kind of thing that comes up on here 100 times a week!

If anyone is being over the top it’s you.

While I appreciate that lots of sugar is not good - the options seem to be either he has not-ideal food he will eat, or ideal food he won't.

I'd always come down on the side of not-ideal he will.

As a kid, it was normal to have cornflakes with sugar on top for breakfast, jam sandwich, pack of crisps and a Penguin for lunch. As a kid, this was totally fine as we burned all that energy off walking to school and running around at break time. I imagine at 3 he's running around even more!

It's easy to sit behind a screen and say "well ackshally fruit roll ups are mostly sugar" when it's not your child going hungry on a daily basis.

@Fussyeating honestly I'd carry on what you're doing, keep on offering what you're offering and giving him his healthy dinners, and maybe refer to HV again as he is very rigid. I'd also recommend that you take a harder line with the nursery - this is what he'll eat, it is not acceptable for them to allow your child to be left hungry.

No, but the blanket statement that children don’t let themselves starve and to treat it as a power struggle is incorrect and unwise. That was the point I was making.

But he does eat. He eats sandwiches and yogurts and crisps. Sugar snacks don’t add to that in a positive way and he’s not going to starve on that?

What a tragic thread, I feel
for parents and children. Parents
both having to work FT , 3 years old - THREE years old , bless their little socks , spending more than 50% of their young lives in FT nursery and then off to FT reception/school. Childhood is so short, it's a tragedy most of us have to forsake being with them to make ends meet. Starving at
nursery as " fussy " eater, what
a life for a tiny
kid 4 days a week.

@Audreysbaywindow unless you've worked with young children in a nursery for years yourself I'm not sure you're in a position to judge.
@Fussyeating is absolutely knocking herself out to produce lovely food for her child and it's becoming a massive issue so I'm suggesting she just takes a step back before it becomes more important than anything else in her family's life.
Another suggestion is, maybe ask the child what he would like to eat in his lunchbox that week eg cheese or ham sandwiches. Obviously only things that are allowed! It's more important to spend time reading and playing with your child and enjoying them than letting food dominate your relationship.

A sandwich and any snacks the nursery offer is not starving. You could make double the sandwiches in case your DC wants an extra one.

Could you speak to the nursery in person instead of just email and say what you said to us at the beginning, which I thought was really clear & powerful - "you are further restricting his already restricted diet, please help me".
You're obviously trying lots of things, hopefully they will find a way to support you.

only nursery workers understand children’s nutritional needs and possible food issues? Not doctors/dieticians/physiotherapists/child psychologists/therapists etc? How the hell do you think the millions of parents who aren’t nursery workers manage to bring up children?!

What evidence do you have it’s becoming a massive issue? He doesn’t like the nursery food and the nursery doesn’t like her packed lunches- that isn’t at all unusual.

I remember the stunt apple. I used to move the sticker around to make it look like a fresh one. (If only in my head).

“Yo-yo’s have 42g sugar per 100g and Percy Pigs 59g so there’s not much in it. I’m not anti a yo-yo but you can’t pretend it’s fruit!”

in reply to the above - 1 portion of Yo-yo is 20g in which there’s 8.4g of sugar. Less than the 10g in an apple. The difference between the sugar in a packet of Percy Pigs is obviously very different to the natural sugar found in fruit.

@Boundoverbyacat ”it also has the 1/3 fibre of an apple so defo not high”

The description used by Bear Yo-yo themselves is “High fibre” and “1 of your 5 a day”

My point is not that it isn’t high in sugar (natural sugars) but that it is still a good alternative for a child who will categorically not eat fruit and is much better for them to be eating than a packet of crisps or a packet of Percy pigs as one poster suggested.