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Nursery’s comments about 3 year old’s lunchbox

489 replies

Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 09:38

DS is 3 and he recently started at a new nursery. DH and I work FT so he attends 4 full days a week 8-6. He previously attended a different nursery who were great in ways but utterly useless in others so we decided to find a new one to cover this academic year.

The issue we have with this nursery is their attitude to food and fussy eating. DS has always been a fussy eater, even as a small infant when he first started weaning. I have no idea why, older DS is not fussy at all and will eat just about anything without complaint. We didn’t do anything differently when we weaned him, we still offer him all the same foods we eat on a daily basis but he often just won’t touch them. He won’t eat pieces of fruit at all, he actually never has. We followed BLW with both DC but DS2 just rejected any form of fruit or veg unless the veg was disguised within a meal. He’s still the same now, he will only eat vegetables if they’re very well disguised within a meal such as chilli, curry, pasta bake etc.

With regards to fruit intake, the only way we can get him to consume any fruit of any sort is within snacks such as innocent smoothie cartons, bear yo-yos and Nakd bars. I appreciate none of this is ideal, I obviously wish he’d just eat a bowl of berries or whatever like DC1 does but this is all we can get him to accept fruit wise.

The nursery offers one set meal a day with no other selection. Initially we thought we’d try DS with their hot meals and see if maybe it broadened his horizons, perhaps he’d try something new when he saw all of the other children there eating it. What actually happened was he went the full day between breakfast at 7am and dinner when he got home just after 6pm without eating anything at all. The nursery didn’t attempt to offer him anything outside of their set meal such as plain toast like his previous nursery would have, they just essentially let him starve.

Suffice to say, we switched him over to a lunchbox after this. The issue is, the nursery staff keep commenting on the contents within his lunchbox. When DH drops him off, they actually open the lunchbox and will remove certain items and pass them to DH saying DS can’t eat them. Examples are as I mentioned previously- innocent smoothie cartons, bear yo-yos and oat bars. These items are on a very small list of lunchbox style items DS will actually willingly eat. They have said they don’t mind if he brings more packets of crisps and extra sandwiches but they don’t want him to bring ‘high sugar’ foods. The weird thing is, they offer the children dessert with their meal every single day and it’s things such as profiteroles or cake and custard so to offer that but have an issue with something like an oat bar seems bonkers to me! He also often returns home with items like that uneaten and I know he would eat them so I’m gathering they’re intentionally not opening them for him.

I ended up sending a long ranting email yesterday because I was pretty furious that they keep restricting his already quite restrictive diet. When he’s there for 10 hours and there’s an 11 hour gap between the meals he has at home, we need to make sure he’s eating adequately and isn’t going hungry. I’ve already enquired at different nurseries, however I do know FT slots in the area we live in are rare so the chances of us sourcing alternative childcare are slim. I’m just looking for advice really, what’s the best course of action here? Also, if anyone has any tips regarding fussy eating, I’d fully appreciate those!

OP posts:
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DuploTrain · 05/10/2023 13:21

caban · 05/10/2023 13:13

Your worry about his eating comes through in your posts though - rather than he just didn't want to try his lunch one day at a new nursery, he is starving, neglected, ravenous, you're distressed etc It's very high emotions.

I would be very distressed if my child was offered a single meal in the day at nursery and came home having not eaten anything since breakfast. It’s horrible to think that your child is hungry all day at nursery.

I think OP sounds very level headed.

GymboScaresMe · 05/10/2023 13:22

I have a pretty fussy eater - much worse than yours tbh! What is the problem with nursery’s suggestion of an extra sandwich? It sounds boring but it would fill him up - probably more than the packaged snacks! (Plus if his packed lunch isn’t quite so fun he might be more inclined to possibly maybe one day if you cross your fingers…try the nursery lunch)

Also, would they offer him the set pudding even if he doesn’t have the main? Mine would more often eat that, and you’d know he was getting some food in.

Audreysbaywindow · 05/10/2023 13:23

DuploTrain · 05/10/2023 13:21

I would be very distressed if my child was offered a single meal in the day at nursery and came home having not eaten anything since breakfast. It’s horrible to think that your child is hungry all day at nursery.

I think OP sounds very level headed.

I agree. He must have been in a right state by the time he got home.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

ColleenDonaghy · 05/10/2023 13:23

DuploTrain · 05/10/2023 13:21

I would be very distressed if my child was offered a single meal in the day at nursery and came home having not eaten anything since breakfast. It’s horrible to think that your child is hungry all day at nursery.

I think OP sounds very level headed.

But now we know he isn't offered a single meal, there's snacks OP just doesn't think he'll eat them. Agree he should be offered an alternative if the parents want, but he is offered more than one meal.

Oxfordfhaoiwfa · 05/10/2023 13:24

If DC is very restrictive it is worth looking at food groups with a medical professional. Get a list of what he can eat and a note for the nursery.

caban · 05/10/2023 13:27

DuploTrain · 05/10/2023 13:21

I would be very distressed if my child was offered a single meal in the day at nursery and came home having not eaten anything since breakfast. It’s horrible to think that your child is hungry all day at nursery.

I think OP sounds very level headed.

He was offered lunch, snacks and the OP thinks probably some kind of tea as well which is completely normal for nursery.

AardvarkUmbrella · 05/10/2023 13:32

What concerns me about this is that they either have not noticed or do not care that he is very hungry all day. That is not the sign of a caring, nurturing environment.

Can you go back to the previous provider?

Audreysbaywindow · 05/10/2023 13:36

QueenCamilla · 05/10/2023 10:40

Even though there are children with developmental problems that may cause problems with food intake... I just can't help but feel almost angry at what bollocks like Baby Lead Weaning does to nutritional intake of our children.

Why the feck stop with babies? I'll be all out contemporary earth mother and offer Child Lead Feeding to my 9 year old. Let's see (and be surprised) at how that ends.

I'd be very tempted as a nursery teacher to just let the kids eat&drink whatever shite comes in with the lunch boxes. It's not like ill-conceived parenting can be fixed by an apple slice at school.

@QueenCamilla What do you mean?

Surely blw is just giving children food?

Do you mean children shouldn’t be given choice over what they eat?

Isitautumnyet23 · 05/10/2023 13:38

Thats ridiculous and cruel…i’ve never experienced lunch boxes being looked at for either of our kids in nursery and the most important thing is that your son eats. He’s not going to be able to play and learn on an empty stomach. I have an older one who eats anything and a younger one who is fussy (but getting much better with age). What people don’t understand is that fussy child would rather starve than eat something different and he’s not going to be able to last the day at nursery.

Is the nursery independent or part of a group? Complain at the highest level and there is always Ofsted to go to aswell.

ItsNotRocketSalad · 05/10/2023 13:42

The nursery can't feed children junk food, even if the parents send it in. They still have to have healthy food standards. Ofsted would mark them down if they saw children eating high-sugar packed lunches or if the nursery wasn't adhering to its healthy eating policy.

How would it affect OFSTED marks if they saw a child sitting in front of a plate not eating and no alternative being offered?

Audreysbaywindow · 05/10/2023 13:43

Isitautumnyet23 · 05/10/2023 13:38

Thats ridiculous and cruel…i’ve never experienced lunch boxes being looked at for either of our kids in nursery and the most important thing is that your son eats. He’s not going to be able to play and learn on an empty stomach. I have an older one who eats anything and a younger one who is fussy (but getting much better with age). What people don’t understand is that fussy child would rather starve than eat something different and he’s not going to be able to last the day at nursery.

Is the nursery independent or part of a group? Complain at the highest level and there is always Ofsted to go to aswell.

People are a bit thick when it comes to food. “He’ll eat if he’s hungry”- no he won’t, he will starve.

”don’t give him sweet snacks and he will eat proper food”- no… he never ate a school pudding/cake/biscuit. He ate the steamed veg or raw veg sticks and not a single other thing. So, a week of a small portion of peas for lunch.

ClemFandango1 · 05/10/2023 13:43

Ableism is everywhere OP, and once you see it you can't unsee it.

InTheRainOnATrain · 05/10/2023 13:46

DuploTrain · 05/10/2023 13:21

I would be very distressed if my child was offered a single meal in the day at nursery and came home having not eaten anything since breakfast. It’s horrible to think that your child is hungry all day at nursery.

I think OP sounds very level headed.

There’s snacks and some sort of tea offered. OP just reckons he won’t eat them so that’s why she’s gone for packed lunch. She knows her child best so it’s probably the right call but it’s not accurate to say they’re only offering a single meal. That said, that wouldn’t be particularly unusual in a school nursery and kids would bring their own mid morning snack as well as something for later if they go to after school club.

Isitautumnyet23 · 05/10/2023 13:46

We once had policing with one head teacher at Primary school - no plastic and no crisps. She left and you can now put anything in. My kids have a 90’s lunch box 😀 A sandwich, crisps, a small chocolate bar, a piece of fruit, yoghurt and a pack of raisins. They eat it all, thrive at school and are barely ever ill. Our younger child is fussy (getting better over time as most do) and I know he will eat all of his lunch and have a full tummy for learning.

I did used to think it was bizarre you couldn’t send crisps in when the hot lunch option was fish and chipped potatoes with cake for pudding 🤷🏼‍♀️

caban · 05/10/2023 13:46

ItsNotRocketSalad · 05/10/2023 13:42

The nursery can't feed children junk food, even if the parents send it in. They still have to have healthy food standards. Ofsted would mark them down if they saw children eating high-sugar packed lunches or if the nursery wasn't adhering to its healthy eating policy.

How would it affect OFSTED marks if they saw a child sitting in front of a plate not eating and no alternative being offered?

I imagine Ofsted would be absolutely fine with a child being given a healthy, balanced meal and encouraged to eat with their friends.
It's not common for alternative meals to be offered in early years settings.

Scoutabouttoo · 05/10/2023 13:49

Make home made low sugar flapjack - apple and raisins instead of sugar - with your DC at the weekend. Big chunk in lunch box each day for pudding. If he’s involved in making them he’s much more likely to eat them. Experiment with ingredients till you find his favourite recipe. I’m sure a few choc chips would be ok.

ColleenDonaghy · 05/10/2023 13:49

ClemFandango1 · 05/10/2023 13:43

Ableism is everywhere OP, and once you see it you can't unsee it.

This isn't ableism though, the child actually eats a reasonably varied diet with enough lunchbox options.

Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 13:50

ColleenDonaghy · 05/10/2023 13:23

But now we know he isn't offered a single meal, there's snacks OP just doesn't think he'll eat them. Agree he should be offered an alternative if the parents want, but he is offered more than one meal.

He is offered snacks but the snacks are always things he won’t eat such as a piece of
fruit. I have said this in previous comments but just to clarify, it isn’t that I ‘don’t think he will eat it’, he actually just won’t eat it. That particular day, he ate nothing for the 11 hours between meals at home.

He won’t eat it if he doesn’t like it, he would rather starve. I’m not sure if some posters on here grasp that but it’s true.

OP posts:
ItsNotRocketSalad · 05/10/2023 13:50

caban · 05/10/2023 13:46

I imagine Ofsted would be absolutely fine with a child being given a healthy, balanced meal and encouraged to eat with their friends.
It's not common for alternative meals to be offered in early years settings.

Interesting rephrasing there.

Does anybody know the answer (not what they imagine but what actually would happen?)

ColleenDonaghy · 05/10/2023 13:52

Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 13:50

He is offered snacks but the snacks are always things he won’t eat such as a piece of
fruit. I have said this in previous comments but just to clarify, it isn’t that I ‘don’t think he will eat it’, he actually just won’t eat it. That particular day, he ate nothing for the 11 hours between meals at home.

He won’t eat it if he doesn’t like it, he would rather starve. I’m not sure if some posters on here grasp that but it’s true.

Fully believe you that he won't eat them, but your earlier posts implied it was lunch and nothing else.

But actually it's lunch which you provide and then snacks that he doesn't eat - so ask them to give an alternative. We all thought this was a nursery giving children one meal all day which would be awful but that's not the case. If they're decent they'll work with you the snacks.

Scoutabouttoo · 05/10/2023 13:54

Weetabix, raisins, Tupperware of milk. I told my kids weetabix was a pudding for years, until they discovered proper sugary puddings at school. They still talk about my deceit now.

Isitautumnyet23 · 05/10/2023 13:55

Audreysbaywindow · 05/10/2023 13:43

People are a bit thick when it comes to food. “He’ll eat if he’s hungry”- no he won’t, he will starve.

”don’t give him sweet snacks and he will eat proper food”- no… he never ate a school pudding/cake/biscuit. He ate the steamed veg or raw veg sticks and not a single other thing. So, a week of a small portion of peas for lunch.

Completely agree, my eldest was fussy but luckily had a great Reception teacher who said after a week to give him packed lunches. He picked at school dinners for the first week and I do feel bad for how he must have felt that first week. We gradually introduced the meals we knew he would absolutely eat (even if it was just the odd one here and there every term) and now he eats eats absolutely anything, loves every type of veg/fruit and will eat any new foods he can find on holiday.

Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 13:58

Isitautumnyet23 · 05/10/2023 13:38

Thats ridiculous and cruel…i’ve never experienced lunch boxes being looked at for either of our kids in nursery and the most important thing is that your son eats. He’s not going to be able to play and learn on an empty stomach. I have an older one who eats anything and a younger one who is fussy (but getting much better with age). What people don’t understand is that fussy child would rather starve than eat something different and he’s not going to be able to last the day at nursery.

Is the nursery independent or part of a group? Complain at the highest level and there is always Ofsted to go to aswell.

It’s independent and private.

The previous nursery was good in some ways such as being understanding with DS’s diet and the staff were all really lovely people. The issue we had was, the management I’m guessing took on the maximum children legally allowed in the second term and it was only a small setting so it always felt extremely overcrowded.

They had taken on a number of children with SEN which is obviously not an issue but the staff just seemed unable to cope with them and on a number of occasions, my DS was attacked by two of the SEN children. By attacked I mean, he was napping and one jumped on him and punched him so hard it left a bruise plus he clawed his face open until he drew blood. They also had poor organisational skills so would often misplace DS’s items which were intentionally, shall we say, more obscure in the hope they’d know that was DS’s and wouldn’t give it to another child. He was also pushed to the ground by a child with SEN because he tried to play alongside him and this child didn’t like people entering his space which DS, only being 2 at the time didn’t understand.

So yeah, we haven’t had a great experience really with nurseries. I was hopeful this one would be far better after reading positive reviews online and having a visit before we signed him up. Interestingly, during the visit I did mention his fussy eater and the manager said they understand and are totally accommodating…

OP posts:
InTheRainOnATrain · 05/10/2023 14:00

ItsNotRocketSalad · 05/10/2023 13:50

Interesting rephrasing there.

Does anybody know the answer (not what they imagine but what actually would happen?)

My DD’s nursery was inspected not long after she started and she was on lunch strike because we’d come from abroad and a lot of the food was unfamiliar- thankfully it resolved itself, she just didn’t know what gravy or spag bol was so needed to be persuaded to try! They still got outstanding. As I would hope. Surely there’s usually one kid in the class that doesn’t like that particular meal, or isn’t massively hungry that day?

caban · 05/10/2023 14:01

ItsNotRocketSalad · 05/10/2023 13:50

Interesting rephrasing there.

Does anybody know the answer (not what they imagine but what actually would happen?)

Well the inspection criteria is that "Practitioners provide a healthy diet" and "They give clear and consistent messages to children that support healthy choices around food".
If I was an inspector I would consider that providing the healthy meal and giving clear messages about what food is acceptable in lunch boxes is meeting the criteria.
I don't see that offering alternative meals comes into that.