Nursery’s comments about 3 year old’s lunchbox

[Fussyeating]

DS is 3 and he recently started at a new nursery. DH and I work FT so he attends 4 full days a week 8-6. He previously attended a different nursery who were great in ways but utterly useless in others so we decided to find a new one to cover this academic year.

The issue we have with this nursery is their attitude to food and fussy eating. DS has always been a fussy eater, even as a small infant when he first started weaning. I have no idea why, older DS is not fussy at all and will eat just about anything without complaint. We didn’t do anything differently when we weaned him, we still offer him all the same foods we eat on a daily basis but he often just won’t touch them. He won’t eat pieces of fruit at all, he actually never has. We followed BLW with both DC but DS2 just rejected any form of fruit or veg unless the veg was disguised within a meal. He’s still the same now, he will only eat vegetables if they’re very well disguised within a meal such as chilli, curry, pasta bake etc.

With regards to fruit intake, the only way we can get him to consume any fruit of any sort is within snacks such as innocent smoothie cartons, bear yo-yos and Nakd bars. I appreciate none of this is ideal, I obviously wish he’d just eat a bowl of berries or whatever like DC1 does but this is all we can get him to accept fruit wise.

The nursery offers one set meal a day with no other selection. Initially we thought we’d try DS with their hot meals and see if maybe it broadened his horizons, perhaps he’d try something new when he saw all of the other children there eating it. What actually happened was he went the full day between breakfast at 7am and dinner when he got home just after 6pm without eating anything at all. The nursery didn’t attempt to offer him anything outside of their set meal such as plain toast like his previous nursery would have, they just essentially let him starve.

Suffice to say, we switched him over to a lunchbox after this. The issue is, the nursery staff keep commenting on the contents within his lunchbox. When DH drops him off, they actually open the lunchbox and will remove certain items and pass them to DH saying DS can’t eat them. Examples are as I mentioned previously- innocent smoothie cartons, bear yo-yos and oat bars. These items are on a very small list of lunchbox style items DS will actually willingly eat. They have said they don’t mind if he brings more packets of crisps and extra sandwiches but they don’t want him to bring ‘high sugar’ foods. The weird thing is, they offer the children dessert with their meal every single day and it’s things such as profiteroles or cake and custard so to offer that but have an issue with something like an oat bar seems bonkers to me! He also often returns home with items like that uneaten and I know he would eat them so I’m gathering they’re intentionally not opening them for him.

I ended up sending a long ranting email yesterday because I was pretty furious that they keep restricting his already quite restrictive diet. When he’s there for 10 hours and there’s an 11 hour gap between the meals he has at home, we need to make sure he’s eating adequately and isn’t going hungry. I’ve already enquired at different nurseries, however I do know FT slots in the area we live in are rare so the chances of us sourcing alternative childcare are slim. I’m just looking for advice really, what’s the best course of action here? Also, if anyone has any tips regarding fussy eating, I’d fully appreciate those!

This isn’t unusual for schools and nurseries to have such healthy eating policies in place. Why can’t he eat the meal the nursery provide since you mention he is quite flexible with dinner? Maybe he just didn’t like it that one day and is worth trying again. Also the desserts they serve will be very low in sugar. My step mum is a chef in a nursery and she makes chocolate cake with beetroot etc. it definitely wouldn’t be the same as what you would buy in the supermarket.

Could he take some of the cereal he likes rather than the oat bar?

Haha not as long as you would think!
She won’t even eat sandwiches.
Long story but this week she got a bit annoyed with me as everyone else had sandwiches and she didn’t. I pointed out she doesn’t like sandwiches. We go to the shop, choose fillings for sandwiches, I make them to her request. When I pick her up from school asked if she had enjoyed the sandwich.
‘No Mummy I don’t like sandwiches, so I didn’t eat it’.
I wanted to scream!
So it’s basically chopping a bit of fruit and shoving the rest in the box 😊

OP isn't overly certain, but they do offer snacks - she's not sure he's eating them because he doesn't like fruit. Asking them to give him some crackers or whatever is an easy fix here.

OP isn't sure about a meal later in the day, she's paying for it but isn't sure what's given or if he's eating it.

I think the nursery are getting an unfairly harsh time on here.

All of this sounds easily sorted by a friendly conversation.

This is exactly the same as my DC. DC1 has never been a picky eater. He ate everything at nursery. When he went to school he’d only eat the sandwich option for the first year but since going into year 1 he’s often having the hot option

DC2 is a pain in my backside. He’s pretty much done a 2 week stint where he would only eat at nursery. When he does this I have an open plate and just put bits on it. Nursery are really good. If he doesn’t eat what’s in front of them they offer him toast or dry cereal but they never let him go hungry

id speak to nursery. It’s a long time for him to be there with very little to eat. DC2 has dry cereal before nursery, then breakfast and nursery and often a few portions of lunch and tea depending what it is. Then comes home and has whatever we’re eating and a pudding 😂 But when he has a day when he’s not eating they will make sure he eats. I wouldn’t put up with him not eating at all!

So it’s hard to tell from your posts whether it might be that your DS has ARFID but there are hints of what could be ARFID from what you say.

The nursery are being extremely difficult and not inclusive at all and I would use the words ‘reasonable adjustment’ and see how fast they change.

They obviously cannot force feed your child however, they can enable him to eat his own food from home and if that means a different food than they provide/accept, I’d be looking for a different nursery!

It’s pretty shocking that they’re going into his lunch box and removing some of the only items he will eat and telling you he isn’t allowed them.

My DS’s (18) primary school tried stipulating what he could /couldn’t take in for lunch but my assertively worded email telling them that he would only be eating nutella sandwiches and a kitkat every single day was understood and they never said anything again. DS has ARFID & is autistic.

I’m not implying your DS has ARFID but schools and nurseries know enough about ARFID to accept it when you go in and speak to them, explaining what your son will be having for his lunch. And say he will not be having adequate nutrition or calories if he doesn’t eat the items you pack.

I’m sorry what? 1 meal a day? I hope you pay them peanuts for this service.
my son who’s 18 months goes to nursery 5 days a week 8:30 to 4:30 and he eats breakfast lunch dinner and 2 snacks every single day.
they offer different meals for different kids based on dietary restrictions so why not on being fussy?
i am not sure our nursery does lunchbox haven’t asked but yesterday at an event they kept saying only if mum says it’s okay.
I can see your child bringing things that can appeal to other kids that other parents wouldn’t want them eating problematic but they need to work with you to make sure he’s eating well! It’s literally their job to look after him

Also - imagine if social services found out a parent wasn’t feeding their child for multiple days at a time….they would investigate!

I do wonder if a nursery refusing a child the only food they will eat is actually a safe guarding issue.

They are ridiculously high in refined sugar and apart from the health and dental implications they're going to be preventing him from accepting lower sugar foods. Nursery are right IMO. Look up how much sugar is actually in them compared with what is recommended for his age and start to wean him off the processed stuff before you end up with bigger health issues.

does he like pancakes? I used to make my fussy toddlers banana pancakes. They loved them.

Also pitta bread pizza with homemade pizza sauce with other veggies blitzed up & hidden with the tomato sauce. Cook it right down so it’s really concentrated & thick & packed with veggies. They still love it now for school packed lunches.

Fruit leather - as yo-yo’s are - are basically cooked down or puréed fruit pulp that’s spread thin then dehydrated.

I make them at home a lot there’s no added sugar to it.

however if they were tested they would be ‘high sugar’ because they are ripe fruit.

its the ingredients that should be the priority not the percentage of the macros.

yo yos are just fruit and vegetable extract for colouring no added sugars at all.

so by that logic all fruit regardless of how it arrives should be banned in the nursery.

If a bear yo-yo was 100% fruit you could make it at home. It's a highly refined product name of groceries which is a sugar b there is nothing healthy about these

Hi there,

I feel your pain with a little one not being fed. A very simple solution would be to send him in with a hot lunch - I do this for my 2yo.

I got a hot food flask from Amazon for £20 - you put boiling water in it for 10 minutes before emptying and then adding the hot food (you can reheat some of last nights left overs or cook something in the morning). It keeps the food hot for around 8hrs.
My daughter is served her lunch 4hrs after I’ve put it in the flask and staff plate hers first as it’s always so hot still. I also send in a dessert for her.
This will resolve both of your issues in one.

**just to note I worked in the school kitchen during covid, cooking for the 100-odd kids we still had in, I did this alone after training - the cakes and desserts served are in fact low sugar and low fat.
They have to be in order to pass the government guidelines and relieve a good review from ofsted.

I don't have any suggestions on the nursery, but I did notice you said he has eggs for breakfast and eggs for lunch - just be a little careful here, I loved eggs when I was a kid but I developed an intolerance to them because I ate them so much. Had lots of tummy aches at school before it was worked out what it was and now I still have to be a little bit careful as an adult

My sons always been fussy with food and has asd but when he was younger he would eat f all and he’s in secondary now and still doesn’t.
He alternates between chicken nuggets, breadsticks, crackers, a pizza on a bagel or a buttered bagel with crisps and Oreo.

could you freeze leftovers and alternate them for lunch with snacks?

Give the smoothie on route or just before you leave

When you have a child who won’t eat, you should look at the list of health professionals who tell you at every appointment “give your child whatever they will eat - no matter what”. That’s paediatricians, psychologists, dieticians, ED nurses and GP’s. That’s because they understand how hard it is having a child who won’t eat/has food refusal, and how dangerous it is if a child isn’t getting enough calories every day….and that means in ANY form of calories.

Schools and nurseries should never be using terms like ‘healthy’ and ‘unhealthy’ foods. It’s dangerous and encourages disordered eating.

The child IS eating though, the original post says that , kidding yourself that high sugar refined, processed foods can be given because they are 'fruit' is like giving cola because the child won't drink water.

What makes fruit good for our bodies is the fibre and the vitamins, these simply don't exist in refined fruit products.

This is right

@Fussyeating you’re obviously a lovely and conscientious mum but I think you’ve been misled by the yo-yo marketing! It is a highly processed sugary treat - even if they say it’s ‘100% fruit’!

https://www.which.co.uk/news/article/healthy-fruit-snacks-that-contain-as-much-sugar-as-sweets-aZzFr8S5Bflv

People on here defending yo-yos is no surprise when it's so difficult to get registered with a dentist. These kinds of sticky high sugar foods or acid smoothies are the absolute worst for decay as they are so hard to remove from teeth. If you've ever seen a child with all their baby teeth removed under anaesthetic at 4, you would never give them again. ( purely because the family didn't know any better and took marketing at face value )

@Duechristmas your missing my point. He’s going from 7am - 6pm without any food! He’ll only be having enough food if Nursery better understand his needs…which they currently don’t.

Your hyper focussing on sugar - it’s fine compared to zero calories in the 11 hours he’s at nursery!

@Verbena17 he's actually eating a sandwich, yogurt and crisps and is offered fruit snacks, if you read the posts it is just the quantity of sweet snacks they've sent back.

@Fussyeating simply write a letter to nursery stating that they are NOT to remove any of the food from his lunchbox.
Tell them your child has to eat something and currently (because he’s only 3 and extremely neophobic still), he will only eat certain foods.

If they refuse, report to ofsted.

There are some fab suggestions on here for things to try, the thermos the entire box, homemade muffins pinwheels etc etc. but you also seriously need to be firm with nursery, I would insist on an exact run down of what he had eaten, as you say it’s many hours and a 3 year old should eat more than once in that time period- their tummy empty’s much faster than an adult so snacks he will accept are essential. Yes the smoothie and yo-yo isn’t ideal but here and there no issue, the organix bars are low sugar as bars go so I would be insistent he was served one that you provided and make a huge stink about the absolute junk desserts they are providing the school meal children. The lack of choice is also baffling! veggie kids, vegan kids, allergy kids?? What do they feed those children?? I do understand nurseries don’t want kids bringing in half a happy meal and 2litres of red bull but it’s gone far to far imo when they are serving cake and angel delight!

Except for the times he eats nothing during the entire day.